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دلبرو! دل کی بھلے کتنی حفاظت کر لو
لگ ہی جاتے ہیں اسے روگ نا جانے والے

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graphics credit: minahilx

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THE VOICES AROUND her had dimmed to almost nothingness; the words a mere slur on her tongue and yet, yet there was only name her lips could pronounce, one sound that triggered any cell in her ears. The name that had haunted her for years; had been the source of so many of her sleepless nights; a name she never thought she'd ever hear again in her lifetime.

Dameer.

"What...how?" Slur was the only thing Mahin Arsalan could manage at the moment, her throat suddenly parched, forming words a feat of its own.

"What do you mean how? Come on!"

Before a word of protest could leave Mahin's lips, Alara was already dragging her lifeless form with her, shuffling through the small crowd into the inner circle and that's when Mahin's wretched gaze landed on him – standing in the middle of the crowd with the softest smile on his face that her heart physically ached was her Dameer.

Memories, so many of them she almost cried out, crashed against her as the side of his face came into view. Every curve of his face held so many recollections; every indentation a memoir. And that smile, the smile that used to undid the threads holding her sanity in place.

"Dameer Bey, pardon." Alara demanded his attention with a smile and the stars held its breath in anticipation.

Dameer slowly turned to Alara, the professional smile planted on his face doing so many things to Mahin Arsalan, as she hid her face in the blanket of her hair, hoping against all hopes for a miracle. But, even then, she knew, there wouldn't be any. It was all a matter of seconds now and she'd once again face the man she'd spent so many years trying to forget.

"This is my friend, Mahin Arsalan." Alara placed a hand on Mahin's elbow and tugged her forward.

At that, Dameer's eyes fluttered to Mahin and when those two gazes met, the whole wide world came to a stumbling halt, all the stars of the midnight sky retreating into their shells in fear, in hurt. His black eyes ran across her face, widening just infinitesimally as his lips parted, before shutter fell across his features just as quickly and a polite smile tugged at the sides of his pressed lips.

He had recognized her.

Unsure whether to breathe a sigh of relief that he at least recognized her or cry out in pain at his demonstration of professionalism, Mahin felt a ghost of a smile filling her features just as Alara piped in, dimming the electricity shocking the air.

"She's from your country, Salahdir, so I thought I should introduce you to her."

"A pleasure, Mahin Hanım," He purred, eyes fixed on her with the voice low and calm.

That voice, that damn voice that had haunted her dreams for such long years. The number of times Mahin Arsalan had heard Dameer Esfendyar al-Badr use this particular tone on her were uncountable and yet every single time her heart had picked beat under the breastbone; every time she'd been left speechless – including this one.

Beyond her capacity to form coherent words, Mahin only managed a nod and she could swear she saw hurt flashing in his eyes which was just as easily killed. A second too long he stared into her eyes, his black coals sharp and intimidating, before he averted his gaze to her friend, leaving Mahin absolutely bare and vulnerable in the wake.

"You should come see me, Alara Hanım. We can go over your proposals," Dameer added, all the world of professionalism in his voice. "My assistant will be in touch."

With those his final words and without another glance in Mahin's direction, he turned to face other people waiting for his attention, and Mahin was left to stare at the back of the man's lean built clad in a three-piece dark suit tightening around all the right muscles.

She was seeing him well after a decade but like a classic red wine, the man had only aged better. Piercing black gaze that saw into your soul, thin lips that closed formidably, shock of black hair that skirted the line between propriety and popstar, angular structure of the face as if cut from antique marbles – he looked every inch a man used to the world revolving around him, a man not easily thwarted.

With Alara practically squealing by her side, Mahin landed back on earth and with the world suddenly numbing around her, she freed herself from her best friend's clutch and hurried outside the room, panting for fresh air as tears stung the back of her eye. All but throwing open the glass door, she shuffled outside and inhaled a heavy gulp of cold air, sensitizing her bewildered senses.

Sadly, with sense came memories, and with them came tears and not a second later was when a strangled cry escaped past Mahin Arsalan's throat and she all but fell on the sidewalk. Gasping, she placed a palm right above her chest and heaved heavily, rubbing the spot to ease the ache swallowing her at the instant but there was no escape.

With heart practically grinding against the breastbone and mind sore, she choked the sound of her cries with a hand firmly planted against the mouth, eyes wide in astonishment. Without a warning, without a hint, she'd been thrown into the ocean and Khodaya, she didn't know how to swim.

"Mahin!" Alara's terrified voice reached her and despite all the control, another bout of fresh tears escaped her eyes, ruining her lovingly applied make-up in its wake. "What the fuck! What happened?"

"Al. Khodaya, Al." Mahin attempted to breathe but at that moment, felt her throat closing, choking on her words as her tears froze altogether.

"Fuck, fuck," Alara cursed as she sat beside Mahin on the pavement, gently lowering her friend's head into her knees. "Breathe, Aşkım, breathe. It's just an anxiety attack, breathe."

Blanking her mind and focusing on her breathing, Mahin attempted to reign in her labored breaths as she pushed her head between her knees with the shutters of the eyes dropped. After a few heavy seconds, she felt the first gush of air invade her lungs and clear her senses, and a small sigh escaped past her, Alara rubbing her back gently all the while.

"I'm fine." Mahin breathed, pulling back and inhaling a heavy bout of air as she looked up at the starry sky.

Even the stars had dimmed seeing the woman of her caliber completely break down on the side of the road, the moon had drawn its secures as an apology note to the woman who still felt pain clawing at her heart.

"Are you?" Alara asked, horror lacing her voice and Mahin nodded.

"I'm fine, it was just an anxiety attack."

Mahin turned her head to look at her best friend whose blue eyes were fearfully wide, worry striking her face and Mahin sighed. A few seconds later and Alara's questioning will begin and Khodaya, she had no energy left in her. Miraculously, Alara didn't press and just stood up, taking Mahin slowly along with her.

A few seconds later, Mahin found herself lying on the back-leather seats of their drive with her head resting in Alara's lap. Curled into a fetal position, she had her eyes wide awake as she saw the cars driving past them with absolutely no knowledge that a woman had just felt her entire childhood flash before her eyes.

Running her fingers through Mahin's hair, Alara murmured. "Are you okay? Should we go to the hospital?"

"No, just home." Mahin answered, dropping her lids and Alara only nodded.

There was no registration in her brain of how she'd managed to reach her room, only Alara's gently spoken words of encouragement every now and then ringing in her ears. Slowly, she felt her best friend stripping her clothes and handing her a silk robe to wear.

Drained to a level that she could barely keep her eyes open, Mahin did what was told and the next second, felt Alara gently pushing her to the bed, adjusting her covers not a second later. Closing her eyes, Mahin sighed and snuggled deeper into the plush duvet as another wave of memories threatened to crash against her. This time, Alara hugging her from behind and coming to lie behind her was what kept the tears at bay.

Soon, she felt slumber engulfing her and the last image that went through her head was a memory of Dameer smiling at her as they stood under the pouring clouds with all the love of the world resting in his eyes.

Meer.

MAHIN ARSALAN WOKE with a startle.

Gasping as she felt sweat trickling down her neck, horror still fluttering in her chest at the vivid images from the nightmare she'd just had, she blindly reached for the water on the bedside table but her wandering eyes only met with a succulent and table lamp.

Sighing, she pushed the comforter away and stepped into her fur slippers, heading outside the room while tightening the robe around her. Without much thoughts other than the nightmare repeating in her head, she walked towards the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of ice-cold water to soothe the burning nerves.

What she'd just seen wasn't a nightmare, in all honesty, just some beautiful memories from her past, but they managed to have just the same effect on the woman – leaving her breathless, panting for air as pain latched at her heart. Just as another wave of tears began to hit her, she hurriedly shook her head and stood up, running to the washroom.

Few seconds later, the sky outside saw the woman wrapped up in a white shawl going down in sujood, all the peace of the world resting on her face as she read the verses of namaz. Prayer mat rolled in the living room just beside the floor-to-ceiling window, she gazed mindlessly outside at the sleeping city of Istanbul and Bosphorus waves rolling by after ending her prayers.

And that is when the tears trickled.

"Allah, don't bring him back in my life if you don't intend to give him to me," Mahin cried at the break of the dawn, spilling all her secrets in front of the only one who had seen her go through it all. "And don't give him to me unless you plan to make him stay. I survived once; I won't survive again."

For half-an-hour she sat there, talking to her Rab, opening her whole heart out because she knew that if there was one cure to her pain, it was in Him; if anyone can help her, it's only Him. When the first streaks of lights broke across the city, adding hustle to the yawning city, Mahin folded her mat and placed it on the coffee table, heading inside her room once again.

Lowering herself on the bed in the dark room, Mahin shot Alara – still sleeping peacefully on the other side – a gaze that spoke of gratitude and love before crawling back under the covers and this time when she closed her eyes, it wasn't Dameer who flashed behind her lids, it was peace.

THE SOUND OF her alarm going off was what woke Mahin Arsalan this time.

Yawning while turning in her bed, she slid the alarm shut and closed her eyes again. Exhaustion like never before engulfed her, rendering her too tired to even move a limb, and it wasn't long before she was sliding into a deep sleep again before a thought registered and her eyes flashed open.

Blindly reaching for her phone, she checked the time and that's when a colorful set of curses flew out of her mouth as she dashed outside the bed. Tightening the robe, she hurried outside the room, eyes wide in fanaticism, as she searched for one particular individual.

"ALARA! ALARA!" Mahin shouted, knowing her best friend had to be behind this somehow and evidently, she wasn't wrong.

"I'm here, M," Alara's peaceful voice chirped from the kitchen and Mahin followed the voice, fuming. "It's bloody time you woke up."

Alara, shuffling with the packaging shot Mahin a grin before transferring the food onto the plates. "I ordered some breakfast, go freshen up."

"What the fuck!" Mahin seethed. "You turned off my alarm?"

Merely nodding, Alara shrugged as she walked past Mahin into the living room with two plates in hand. Comfortably taking a seat on the couch without a care that a woman was glaring daggers at her, Alara Demircan sipped her orange juice.

"Why would you do that? I had an important meeting today." Mahin said, unbelievable that her best friend was capable of such tricks.

"The meeting can go on without you, Aşkım," Alara shrugged her shoulders, eyeing Mahin carefully and that's when realization finally dawned upon her. "I called in for you, so thank me, freshen up and have some breakfast."

Alara was worried about her.

"You bitch." Mahin murmured before turning back, anger leaving her to be replaced by exhaustion.

"Your bitch." Alara shouted from behind just as Mahin closed the door and sighed.

Work, she had thought, would distract her from the aches in her current life, serve as a balm to her open wounds but with that door closed, all she could do was prepare herself for a confrontation that was sure to be leaving her with nothing but pain and fatigue.

"You called in too?" Mahin asked fifteen minutes later, cutting the pancakes while freshly showered and dressed in white, silk pajamas – bracing herself for a conversation that was due any second.

"I have to go in late," Alara replied, pushing back her plate and looking at her best friend clear in the eye, and just like that, Mahin lost her appetite. "You know, I have to go over the proposals we're to present to Dameer Bey."

At that name, Mahin visibly flinched and that minor action was all Alara needed to dive into the conversation. Cursing, Mahin pushed back the chair and went into the balcony, heaving heavily, with Alara close on her steps.

"Allah, Allah," Alara said, stunned. "Do you guys know – no, stupid question. How do you guys know each other?"

Sighing, Mahin closed her eyes for a brief second before deciding that she'd have to give Alara the truth today. Keeping it inside herself for ten years had drained her, having no one to share it with an ache.

"We went to high school together."

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till next time,
salam!