BLURRED LINES
EPILOGUE
❝FALLING FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND IS WORSE THAN FALLING FOR THE WRONG ONE. I KNOW THAT IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND, BUT IT ISN'T. YOU CAN'T FALL FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND BECAUSE HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND. AND WHAT MAKES THE THINGS WORSE IS THAT YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT SOMEDAY YOU WOULD HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP AND FEELINGS.❞
— except from tumblr

♔♔♔

      Time was difficult and slow. In the span of the last few months he's realized the importance of it all. He realized how important time is or how precious it can be if you just put in a little effort. Because you see, you can't change time no matter how much you want it to. And sure there's that whole bullshit mumbo-jumbo that you're not supposed to rewind or fast forward time or else you'd miss this big lesson that's supposed to shape your life.

      Sure, let's just say that exists and happens all the time. Let's say that every moment in your life holds some sort of bullshit lesson that's supposed to turn your life upside down — either for the better or worse, it was never specified. But sometimes that's not true whatsoever. Sometimes things just happen for the fuck of it and you have literally no choice but to watch as the decisions you make fall into place. It's almost torturous to watch it happen really.

      We can lie and say that everything happens for a fucking reason, but we're wrong. See, as humans we'd like to find excuses for everything we do, blame the aftermath on something we claim is out of our reach. But in reality we're the ones to blame for our consequences. It's something all humans are good, justifying themselves for a problem they don't want blame for.

      Returning back to London was something he craved. He missed his mum's tea, playing with Tessa and having late afternoon walks with her, and spending time with his brothers. As the days of filming for Captain America: Civil War came to an end, Tom found himself anticipating his return. Maybe it was because before he'd expect something or someone to be waiting for him. But now as he returned to his city there's nothing waiting for him, or at least, not what he wanted anyways.

      Was it strange that returning to London did not feel like he was returning home?

      For months he deluded himself into thinking that it was because he hasn't adjusted back to his lifestyle in England, that he was still fixated on this American way of life. But Tom knew how wrong he really is, that the excuses he were making were only ways to hide the actual truth that everyone around him knew.

      Because home is no longer this physical place where he can go to, not as easily in his case. Home isn't a structure or a place he can return to and leave for it to still be there. No, home was a traveling thing that never returns to one place in particular, for she was walking and leaving without hesitation in her steps. Home wasn't a place anymore, it was a person, someone who left Tom wanting more and this feeling of homesickness swimming in the pit of his stomach.

      Home has these beautiful brown eyes that appear dark and scary, but in reality that wasn't the case. Home has eyes that are filled with such compassion and love that sometimes it terrified him to see such intensity in things he often overlooked.

      You've never appreciated home until you left and returned to nothing, his subconscious spat towards him hatefully.

      He knows that.

      Home had this cute little laughter that sounded like those bells at the doors whenever you'd enter a place. It was short, precise, and addictive. He'd always hear it whenever he'd say something stupid or whenever she'd hear something that would make her laugh for no apparent reason. How crazy is it that years ago he thought of that as something weird and unnatural?

      You never paid enough attention anyways, he told himself.

      He knows that.

      Home is the fresh smell of lavender that swallows you hold. It was intoxicating, entrancing, but also suffocating. It brought back waves of memories you thought you had forgotten, it brought feelings you thought were nonexistent, something that was make believe. Home smells like lavender, but as of lately the lavender air freshener smelled fake and artificial. It wasn't the real deal. Maybe it's because it didn't hold the slight tinge of honey or how strong it was. Because lavender wasn't meant to suffocate you, but soothe you.

      You weren't worth waiting for, was all that resonated inside his thoughts.

      He knows that.

      She waited too long for him, he knows that.

      But it's not his fault that he found his home so late, it's not his fault that home became less of a physical building but a feeling. It wasn't his fault that home became a person with two brown eyes with specks of the sun hidden in them. It wasn't his fault that home had the sweet smell of lavender that was engraved into his mind. It wasn't his fault that a hostel seemed better than a home at the time.

      But now he was homesick for a home that no longer exists.

      Tom could still remember it all. He remembers the touch of her soft lips and how it seemed that her lips fit his own. She tasted like sweet hot chocolate, but he could taste the bittersweet peppermint gum that still lingered in her mouth.

      It was almost this torturous game, the pain was really something he wasn't prepared for. Because there was no pamphlet that was given that explained how heartbreak was going to work or how to get past it. There was no way to prepare yourself for pain, you can only really prepare after going through it.

      "She's not dating him," Harrison claims interrupting Tom from his thoughts. His best friend scowled as he shook his head before he stabbed at his pasta. Tom sighed at his action, but Harrison refused to back down. "No, I'm serious. Okay sure I may seem like I hate Rosé, but it's not true. She likes you, completely head over heels for you, I mean I would know. But she wouldn't do this to you, she couldn't get over you that quickly. And not to mention that DJ guy's agency didn't confirm it and neither did Rosé's."

      Tom threw his head back and groaned, his hands over his face. "I'd rather have them not say anything. Why isn't she texting me back?"

      "She's a busy girl now, Tom," Harrison said out of amusement as he picked at his side salad. His friend shrugged before he pointed his fork at the actor who seemed distraught that he wasn't getting a text back. "And there's time zones to consider as well. Not to mention she's probably jumping right into work and maybe she's still settling into her new flat. You can't blame her for being busy."

      He really can't. Tom couldn't afford being selfish, not now, not ever. Rosé has been nothing but patient with him for the last few years. She wasn't like him who was impatient and clingy and needed affection almost all the time. Rosé managed to sit back and restrain herself, shouldn't he be able to do the same?

      The only thing that was keeping him from going absolutely mental was their last day together. Yes, kissing her may seemed like the most important thing to him, but it wasn't. It was holding her in an embrace, sharing warmth with a person he now knows he loves, it was being able to spend time with her. They brought the barrier of their friendship and have now entered an unexplored territory, but they would find each other once again.

      Because in those twenty minutes he was someone other than Tommy Boy, someone other than Rosé's best friend. Maybe in that span of time they became something more than they had hoped, something that they had written together.

      Tom sighed as he set his empty cup down, a smile just as bitter as the coffee he had drank slowly grew on his face. He shook his head as his left hand settled over his right, the ghost touch of her remaining and leaving him numb. "If she's happy with him, I'll accept it," he whispered softly, his eyes tracing the white plate as he remembered her porcelain face. "I can't force her to be with me. He's not bad looking and with him she'd be able to have a clean story, something she doesn't have to write."

      Harrison pulled a face at the mention of Falling Dimensions. He understood why everyone loved the book, but he wasn't comfortable with reading Rosé's inner emotions in a way that made her persona raw and personal.

      "That book isn't you or Rosie, it doesn't define you guys," Harrison argued. "It's not you guys, Reyna and Theo aren't you two. It's Rosé's persona of you, characters she had created based off of you, but they're not you. Theo allowed Reyna to leave, but you wouldn't dare, not when she means this much to you!"

      "It's because she means this much to me that I have to be happy for whatever comes my way — "

      "I love Rosé and all, but her idea of you isn't real, Tom. Don't you think that in a way she painted Reyna to be a victim and created Theo as this oblivious villain? You can't believe that you're Theo, you're nothing like him. You said it yourself, you aren't him."

      "I know, but I can't help that I'm slowly becoming oblivious like him."

♔♔♔

      It was officially four in the afternoon when he arrived back home. The sky was gray and murky, almost as if the weather itself hasn't decided on what it wanted to be. But he didn't mind the depressing weather, it gave him an excuse to wrap him and Tessa in his blankets and to sleep for a few hours before supper.

      He remembers this because he had just changed into a more comfortable attire, but before he could dive for his blankets Paddy had called for him to help him out. His younger brother was struggling with a round for one of their favorite video games. Normally Tom would be ecstatic to play, but with Rosé heavy on his mind it proved difficult.

      But Harry refused to allow his older brother to drown himself in self pity. Tom wasn't sure what they did, it was more of a time for them to experiment different tricks on the trampoline, but he was pretty sure he almost flew into the neighbor's yard more than twice. His plans of napping flew right out the window thanks to his brothers.

      They were right. Sitting around and feeling bad for himself wasn't going to change anything. It wasn't going to change Rosé's feelings for him or the lack of communication between the two. That was something they had to work between them both, not a one sided job that should overrule each other's self worth or hold the title of one another's pride.

      It was exactly 8:34 PM when he checked his phone.

      He had just finished supper and excused himself early as the day's exhaustion finally caught up to him.

      Maybe Tom was lucky that he went to Twitter, maybe it was that exact moment's curiosity that he should thank.

      Because #FallingFantasies was trending on Twitter.

      You're dreaming, was the first thing he told himself.

      The actor checked WebToon to make sure he wasn't hallucinating or that the trend wasn't related to softtofu. He wasn't prepared to click on Rosé's profile once again, her old profile picture of her dog replaced with a self picture of herself. A small smile bloomed on his lips as his eyes traced her lasting features.

      New Story!

      Loading . . .

      Loading . . .

      He was like the war itself with his darkened eyes and the look of hesitance written across his handsome face. I don't know how long it's been since I last saw that look of betrayal on his face, the look of uncertainty that created a home on the face I once knew.

      Time has this ability to change things we never thought would be possible. For example, Reyna never thought that time would change the kindness in Theo's eyes or replace the shroud of happiness with one of darkness.

      Reyna was the first to step out, hesitance seen with each step she took. But she couldn't be afraid, she couldn't afford it, not when he wasn't scared. He took the step forward, he jumped at the chance. But for Reyna all she's done is taken a step back when all he ever wanted was to close the distance between them.

      His eyes lit up as he stared at her in awe. His hair had gotten longer, his curls messier than she remembered, and his posture straightened the minute he laid eyes on her. He was almost exactly how she remembers him to be. Nothing has changed, nothing drastic. But the distance has gotten wider from when they last left off.

      But she closed it.

      "Reyna," Theo breathed out. It was as if her name was something stuck in the back of his throat, something he had trouble saying.

      "Hi, Theo."

      She takes it back.

      Nothing has changed.

      She erased all the blurred lines to save them both.

♔♔♔

twitter
direct messages

softtofu:
hi
delivered 5:32 PM

♔♔♔

A/N;

WHOOO OKAY THIS WAS AN ADVENTURE. I'M SO HAPPY WITH THIS BOOK? I DON'T THINK AT THIS MOMENT I WOULD WANT TO CHANGE ANYTHING. THIS TURNED OUT EXACTLY HOW I WANTED IT TO. I'M SO PROUD OF THIS BOOK, I'M SO SATISFIED WITH ROSÉ AND NOAH AND KELSEY AND SETH AND ALL OF THEM. THEY'RE GREAT.

THANK YOU ALL ONCE AGAIN FOR THE SUPPORT. IT TRULY MEANS A LOT TO ME.

BUT NEVER FEAR, THE ADVENTURE ISN'T OVER YET!

THE SEQUEL IS NOW UP AS WE SPEAK! IT'S UP ON MY PROFILE SO GO CHECK IT OUT!

I'd like to thank a few people who has helped and motivated me along the way. The first being wendigos who ended up becoming my biggest supporter when it came to Blurred Lines and what not. Thank you Sof for believing in me and this book, thank you and I love you!

And finally thank you to chen-le who has listened to me rant about this book, gave me genuine feedback, and honestly is my best friend. Thank you so much Lee for everything!

Thank you to all of those who has stuck by me and this book, it truly means a lot!

Much Love Guys.

( written: october 4, 2017 )
( published: october 6, 2017 )