PLEASE DON'T
CHAPTER FIFTY
❝LETTING YOU GO IS NOT AS EASY AS IT SOUNDS. I TURN AWAY, NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE YOU LEAVE ME. TEARS EVENTUALLY DROP AND I NEED TO WIPE THEM AWAY NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD USE THE HANDKERCHIEF YOU GAVE ME OR THROW IT AWAY. WHY WON'T THIS TREMBLING GO AWAY?❞

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      Being friends with someone who speaks another language has its perks. Especially if you grew up with them. You get this different feeling rolled off your tongue as each word leaves your mouth. You pick up their habits, their tastes, their loves, their culture, all from their language. A majority of the people Tom grew up with only spoke one language, the language he grew up speaking.

      But not the twins. Well, technically yes, they did indeed speak English. He knew that they were different unlike the other kids with their naturally pale skin, their dark hair, almond shaped eyes, and the slight accent that differed from the usual British one - an obvious sign of another language present.

      He was exposed to a new culture just by being friends with the Cha twins. He understood and learned basic expressions like hello, how are you, how to say your name, and to ask where the bathroom is. Tom was addicted and loved the Cha's differences, their lifestyle that differed from theirs, and how some of the things they do in their day to day lives shaped them into the people they are now.

      For example, the Cha family have two different fridges, a regular fridge and a kimchi fridge. Rosé has to speak to her brother in a formal tone with formal language or else it is deemed disrespectful. But if they're speaking in English it's not as looked down upon. Another thing would be for whenever he came over to their house he has to take off his shoes before stepping indoors.

      It were little things like that that separated them, but in the end they were still best friends. Skin color, religion, gender didn't determine the fate of their friendship. It never has.

      In fact Korean was almost a second language for Tom. He practically grew up with the language surrounded by him. The music would engulf him whenever he'd stay over at the Cha household where David Cha would be playing the music loudly and in the kitchen you'd see Noah and Annie dancing. The food would make his eyes widen in a good way, Mr. Cha always was an excellent cook. And the entertainment would capture his attention immediately, especially the dramas he'd be forced to watch with Rosé.

      He had the basics down.

      Meaning he knew what 사랑해 meant.

      I mean, how could he not? It was a word used in a lot of songs, a lot of dramas, and something Annie Shin would whisper to Rosé and Noah before she left.

      Love.

      She loves him.

      Maybe he could lie to himself and say that she meant in a friendly way, like she loves him as a friend. But he knew he couldn't fuck with himself and spew that lie out. He knew what she meant, he could feel her emotions practically intertwined with her words. Her raw pain poured with every venomous syllable that spilled past her full lips.

      And Tom didn't know how to feel about that.

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      Rosé woke up to a gentle shake to her shoulder. She murmured in annoyance as she tried to bring the blankets over her head to block out the blinding sunlight that poured from the windows. But Tom whispered her name quietly before he tugged the blankets away. If it was any other day he would've yanked the sheets off her body and hit her repeatedly with his pillow before she'd complain and fight back.

      But he didn't.

      The actor stared at his best friend before he shook his head disapprovingly. He shook her shoulder once more, before she complained. "We have work, Rosie," he said softly, careful not to worsen her hangover. After all, from how she act last night and how fast Noah was to drop her off at his room, he knew she probably drank more than her body weight. He wouldn't be surprised if she got alcohol poisoning because of it. "We're gonna be late. Your mum needs you to help her and I have to shoot."

      The Korean girl huffed out a breath of irritation as she fully sat up. Her eyes were still closed, but he knew that there was nothing a splash of cold water wouldn't help. Her face was surprisingly still dewy and fresh looking despite the fact that she got shit faced last night and he's pretty sure he didn't do a good job at wiping away her makeup. Rosé has always been prideful of her clear skin. And he knew why as he looked at her bare face, yet she still managed to look young and happy.

      "How much did I even drink?" Rosé questioned, forcing Tom to snap out of his thoughts. He cleared his throats and shrugged as he walked over to the dresser in front of her. He pulled out his jumper and threw it at her, to which she successfully catch. "I'm hungover as fuck. I'm so screwed - "

      Tom interrupted her by handing her a cup of coffee and placed a plate on the nightstand next to her. There was a single slice of toast with a honey packet on the side. The actor shrugged after his friend murmured a thanks before sipped the black coffee. "Noah told me that you always eat honey toast when you're hungover," he explained quietly as he sat on the edge of the other bed. "Do you want me to get you anything? Water? Tea?"

      Rosé shook her head as she gave him a small, weak smile. Her hands covered the cup and soaked the warmth it provided her. "No thank you. You should head out first, I'll close the door on my way out," she told him softly as her eyes darted at the sight of the slight bags underneath his eyes. Was she that much of a hassle last night?

      The actor nodded his head as he got up. He grabbed his backpack off the top of the dresser and began heading out. But before he left he hesitantly stopped around the corner and turned around, he faced her with nervous eyes. "Rosie, do you remember anything about last night?"

      "No, why? Did I do something bad?"

      "No, no, it's fine. Um, but if you remember anything, like any details, talk to me about it, yeah?"

      There is a ripple, something that had changed the course of their friendship. Rosé couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly, but she knew that it must've caused a drastic shift in their dynamics. She read him like an open book, it was far too easy to know what he's thinking or how he felt. And with that in mind she knew that he didn't like her back. His actions showed it, his words proved so, and the glimmer of thankfulness in his eyes confirmed it.

      You don't look at your best friend like you're in love with her.

      And Tom never looked at her with such intensity in his eyes. Not the way he would look at Camille at least. He looked at Rosé as if she placed the stars in the skies, and whilst you think that may be cute and all, he was thankful for the light the stars illuminated it. Because it gave light for the girl he loves.

      She knew what she had done wrong. She knew. And the tightness of her chest slowly suffocated her, taking her breath away little by little.

      She ruined them.

      "Of course, Tommy Boy," she replied before she smiled. But the knot in her chest said otherwise, the shaking of her hands not shown as she forced her grip around the cup to hide it. Rosé was hurting, so close to crying, but she didn't want to cry. She cried so much ever since reuniting with him. There were tears of happiness, tears of sadness, and tears of confirmation.

      This was the final push that she needed, to help her move on from him.

      Rosé had to forget about him if she wanted to be happy. And whilst he did make her happy at times, he also made her doubt herself and she hated that. She hated that a boy made her doubt her self-worth when she knew that she deserved so much more, that she was a goddess in the eyes of many.

      So this is the end of their story.

      And a new story shall rise from the ashes of the last.

♔ ♔ ♔

      There was an itch that bothered Tom. He couldn't concentrate as much as he usually does. He couldn't bask in the excitement of shooting. He couldn't even bring himself to get excited over the scene he was supposed to shoot with Sebastian at the airport.

      Rosé knew, she knew what she had said, what had happened last night. But she was blatantly ignoring it and that bothered him. Tom knew he had no right to bring it up because he knew that if he did it'd change the course of their friendship once and for all. That this was the one thing that could make or break them.

      He's an asshole, he's very much aware of that. But he couldn't tell her himself, he couldn't fuck up the one friendship that meant the absolute world to him. He wasn't ready to have years of friendship go down the drain because of this. He refused to let her go, but he knew that if this came out into the open, if this reaches the surfaces, they have no choice but to let one another go.

      The way she said that she loves him, the pain laced in her voice, it spoke wonders to him. It told him how long she was in love with him, how much pain he put her through, and the bitterness that remained in her body for years and years. It was all because of him that she has been crying for the last few weeks, that she found comfort in Seth because he wasn't able to give her what she needed.

      Whether or not he liked it, he was the one who pushed her away.

      It wasn't his fault that he didn't like her back. Or maybe it is. Maybe it's because he forced himself to look at Rosé with the thought of a best friend rather than a woman. Maybe because all he sees when he looks at her is his best friend, not a potential girlfriend.

      Because girlfriends aren't permanent. Relationships aren't permanent.

      But Rosé, she's . . . she's supposed to be permanent.

      The storm has been brewing for a long time. He knew that now as he looked up at the skies and saw waves of gray torment the once blue sky. He knew that thunder was to come and bring the Earth to its knees.

      But Tom was scared of the rain for the first time.

      "Tom? Can we talk?" he heard behind his trailer door. He stood right in front of the door, his hand hovering over the door knob, ready to open the door and let her in. But something held him back, fear and hesitance held him captive.

      If you let her in, if you do this, you'll lose her forever, his mind hissed viciously at him, its claws making his skin bleed. There's no going back, Tom, you know that. You're going to lose her, she'll leave. You're going to lose her. Don't do it.

      She deserves this much. Give her the closure. Stop hurting her, Tom told himself forcefully. He knew he couldn't be selfish any longer, not at the expense of her own happiness. Because all Rosé has ever done was risk her own happiness for him. He had to sacrifice his own happiness for once, he couldn't be selfish, not anymore.

      So he opened the door and let her in.

      "I love you," was what she said.

      "I know," is what he replied back.

      "I'm sorry."

      "Me too."

      "Can we . . . can we move past this?"

      "I — I don't know. I can't stop looking at you as this girl I keep on hurting."

      "I — I see."

      "I'm so sorry, for hurting you. For everything. I didn't mean to hurt you, Roseanne. You have to believe me."

      "I know. I believe you, Thomas. It's okay."

      "No, it's not."

      "You love someone else, I understand that. I can't hate you for loving someone else."

      "I — I don't want you to leave me," his voice betrayed him and cracked. And for the first time he was the one with tears in his eyes, with acidic pain running down his cheeks. Was this what he put her through all along? Is this the pain she felt? The thought of losing each other? Was it this strong?

      "But I know that if I force you to stay for my own benefit, if I have you stay and force you to suffer again because of me, I won't be able to live with myself," Tom finished. He shook his head as a bitter chuckle left his lips, "But I know that I need to let you go, not forever, but for now. And even the idea of that is painful for me." 

      "You won't be alone, Tom," Rosé promised him. She cupped his chin and lifted his head so their eyes met. She shook her head as she wiped his tears with her other hand. "You'll have Harrison and Noah and more. I'm just one person."

      "You're so important to me."

      "You're important to me too. But you're right, I haven't been taking care of myself. I'm sorry I have to leave you like this, but I've been hurting for too long now. I'm going to break."

      "I know. And I don't want that."

      "I'll always be here."

      "Is this a goodbye? Because if it is it fucking sucks."

      "It's a see you later."

      "I . . . I like that."

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A/N;

*me, pulls out a messy update and writes 1000 words in twenty minutes.* Okay question y'all. Will you guys actually read the Harrison fic? I know he's not as popular or as loved as Tom, but it'd mean the world to me if you guys did. Or should I just incorporate their story into Rosé and Tom's sequel? Like have it be a side story. Because I'm honestly scared that as I'm writing the spin off and I finish y'all might not read the sequel.

Or should I do sequel first and then spin off?

We have nine chapters left and then the epilogue! Whooo!

So I want to prewrite all the chapters first so updates won't come as frequent. But to make up for it here are some alternatives that I've come up with!

Vote in the inline comments with a +1 for what you guys want! I'll conclude the votes on September 14!

- Bonus chapters that include Reyna and Theo only?

- Or childhood bonus chapters of Tosé?

Dedicated to irritaeble who binged this whole book in less than an hour I believe? Thank you so so much for the support lovely. I'm sorry I can't reply back to all of your comments, but I hope this makes up for it!

Much Love Guys.

( written: september 12, 2017 )
( published: september 12, 2017 )