NICKY DIDN'T EXPECT TO GET A CALL FROM KIMBERLY TRAINOR. He had been hiding out in his room for the past few days, talking to Hank and writing new codes, all while avoiding Rhett at all costs, barely even coming out to eat, much to the older man's distress.

So the call from Kim had come as quite as a surprise, his old high school friend demanding that he meet her out in the city and catch her up about all she had missed in his life. 

That was how he ended up in a coffee shop sitting across from the woman who, even after all this time, hadn't changed much. 

Of course, she was now a household name, already having made it big before her thirtieth birthday, starring in the TV sitcom 'All or Nothing' and playing the lead in three different franchises. But her personality stayed the same, just as well-spoken, just as extroverted and slightly demanding as always. Very upfront, always forward, and it was nice to see that some things never changed, even if her personality had pushed him against a wall many times during their friendship.

"How are you?" was the first thing she asked as she pulled him into a fierce hug, still towering over him like she had when they were younger, "Aw, you're not wearing that purple shirt you wore last time, I wore what I wore last time."

He rubbed the back of his neck, laughing, taking his seat at the table. "I'm sorry, I had lent them to Sam and I keep forgetting to ask for them back, I think he forgot."

Kim immediately fell into her own seat, slamming her hands down onto the table. "I'm sorry, you're seeing someone and you didn't tell me? What kind of friend are you, I thought we were closer than that, I called you after all of my dates, I can't believe that you—"

"We're not dating!" he cried, face red as he noticed all the people staring at them, "Lower your voice, people'll are gonna think we're dating."

Kim scoffed, crossing her arms. "Relax, I got it covered. But more about this Sam, how'd you meet, what're their pronouns, why do they have your clothes?"

Nicky laughed lightly, shaking his head. "You're not gonna believe this, but...I'm talking about Sam Wilson."

Kim shrieked for a near minute, almost pausing multiple times before continuing to shriek as she realized more and more about the implications of what he had just said, Nicky just hitting his head repeatedly on the table, regretting all his decisions leading up to that very moment; he shouldn't have missed her as much as he did, she had the bad habit of getting him into trouble.

"But wait, I thought he was a war criminal," was the first thing Kim said, because she was nothing if not rational, "But that might be a lie because people saw him in D.C., but you know what that doesn't matter, you'd never do anything illegal, you're too pure for that."

He snorted, but said nothing, figuring it was smarter to just let her believe what she wanted; she was like Harry, the less she knew about his moonlighting, the better.

"But he's back in your life?" she continued with renewed vigor, "Are you gonna make it work now? We're all adults now, age isn't that big of a factor, three years isn't that bad."

"It's only three years," he mumbled, but she held up a hand, shaking her head.

"It's practically four, he had to be held back since he was born just after when he could have gone to kindergarten as the youngest in his grade, you're the youngest in your age group as it already is, I did the math a long time ago," she explained with a wave of her hand, and his ears burned as he realized just how young he was in comparison to everyone else; it had always been a point of tension, but realizing that he was practically four years younger than Sam had him fidgeting.

"But my parents are six years apart in age, and that didn't stop them, there's nothing wrong with it," she added quickly, realizing she had just made an already uncomfortable topic worse.

He nodded earnestly, wanting her to know that he understood she didn't mean any harm by it, silently cheering as the waitress came over to take their orders, shyly asking for an autograph from Kim, who did one better and took a selfie with her, quickly composing herself before a crowd formed.

"Okay," she continued, turning her attention back to Nicky, "Let's just forget about the age conversation. How's Rhett? Is he doing alright, is he seeing anyone, I miss him."

Nicky grinned, still remembering the first time she had met Rhett, both of them rather put out at the other, Kim at the fact that she was no longer his favorite, and Rhett at the fact that she was trying to reclaim her title. But over time the animosity faded away, leaving the two rather good friends, though Rhett always did mention his and Nicky's closeness much more whenever she became the topic of conversation.

"He's doing well, he's seeing someone now," he started, smiling when he remembered Rhett telling him to apologize to Kim about not being able to see her, as he and Steve were going to Westchester to visit the cemetery.

"Ooh, what's his name?" Kim asked, gasping in delight, "Do you have pictures, is it, like, a serious thing, should I start planning the wedding?"

Nicky laughed, pulling out his phone. "His name's..." he trailed off, thinking for a moment; he had told Kim about Sam, she knew that they were in touch, but he couldn't tell her about Steve, that was something she couldn't know; at least Sam had been seen out and about in D.C., Steve had no way to keep himself safe if he were found out.

"Grant," he finally said, deciding to use Steve's alias, "He's just Rhett's type. Big enough to hold him, but soft enough to be held."

Kim cooed at the picture of Steve and Rhett, both of them wearing their glasses, Steve's having been modified by Tony to adjust his face ever so slightly, so he couldn't be recognized. She gasped when she saw the picture Rhett had sent to Nicky, the one of Steve drawing, wearing his glasses and sketching, button up shirt opened partly, biting the end of his pencil.

"Um...what's his, uh, occupation?" Kim stuttered, handing the phone back, cheeks red.

Nicky laughed. "He's a security at a bar. I know what you're thinking, he's not an film star like you."

She raised an eyebrow. "I'm not that kind of film star. Though that's a pretty hard area of film, I have to give those people credit, I could never do that."

Nicky coughed, laughing, albeit rather uncomfortably; he didn't mind any conversations about sex, so long as they weren't crude or graphic—though that was the case for most people—but Kim was always about making sure he was comfortable, even if the one she made sure he was was rather uncomfortable in itself.

"Shit, I'm sorry," she hurried to say, covering her mouth, "I forgot that—"

"No, it's fine," he said, waving her off, "Trust me, it's fine, I don't mind. Seriously, Rhett and I've talked about his sex life in very, uh, explicit detail? And he's offered sex a few times, never seriously, but, you know, to remind me that I'm attractive..." he trailed off, feeling his entire body grow warm in a mix of shame and embarrassment; he wished he hadn't said anything, now he was just upset.

Kim gave him a sympathetic look, reaching for his hand over the table, just holding it. She didn't say anything at first, the two just sitting there, Nicky staring down at his empty hand, sighing every few moments.

Finally, she spoke. "Does he know?"

He bit his lip, shaking his head, taking a shuddering breath. "He can't know."

She frowned, pausing to smile up at the waitress who brought them their coffee and their pastries, neither of them touching them just yet, Nicky too embarrassed to recover and Kim now concerned. 

"Why not?" she pressed, "I don't know him as well as you do, but he would understand."

"Would he, though?" Nicky demanded, raising his head, "That's the thing. I don't know. I don't-I don't know, and I can't risk that, Kim, I can't-I can't risk him leaving me."

"Why would he leave you for something like that?" she scoffed, letting go of his hand and leaning back in her seat, "He loves you, Nicholas. Like, a lot. You let him call you Nicky, you hate that nickname."

"Not when he says it," he mumbled, glancing down at his hands.

"Exactly!" she cried, "And he understands why you hate it. He gets everything about you, and he loves you, why would he leave you if you just tell him that you don't like having sex?"

"Because I don't even know!" he shouted, and he never raised his voice at Kim, never, but he wasn't raising his voice at her, he was raising his voice at himself, because he was confused and upset and scared.

"I don't even know," he breathed, "I don't think I do, but what if it turns out that it's not actually like that, what am I supposed to tell him then, he'll never trust me! And-and I do want to have sex, at least with certain people I did. When I was younger, I thought he'd fixed me, because I liked him a lot, but it's not like that, I don't—I don't know, Kim."

She walked around the table and crouched down, pulling him into a hug, and it was uncomfortable and his body was turned a wrong way and her legs were aching from her squat, but she hugged him, because that was who she was, ever since they were young. Kimberly Trainor always gave hugs.

"Hey," she whispered, pulling away to look him in the eye, "Remember what I always said back in high school?"

"Even if we have to pretend this piece of cardboard is a cake, the show must go on?" he offered, laughing weakly, and she scoffed, shoving his face lightly.

"No, genius," she continued, "I always told you to just go for it. You never went out for any of the solos in choir, you had to be forced to be in one of the productions, you never just went for anything. You need to just look at what you're afraid of and dive headfirst, because you're never gonna know if it went right."

He took a deep breath. "But what if it goes wrong?"

She gripped his shoulders. "But what if it doesn't? If there's even a part of you that wants to, it can't be all that bad, right?"

He sighed, dropping his head forward. "I'm scared, Kim. I'm fine where I am, I don't want it to change."

She cupped his head in her hands, forcing him to look at her, not caring that people were staring, not caring about anything else. "But wouldn't you give up everything to be truly happy?"

His stomach lurched, but he forced himself to push away all the thoughts that rose up at the mention of being 'truly happy.' "I'm already happy where I am, I'm fine."

She shook her head. "I don't want you to be fine. I want you to be great. Nicholas, you can't keep hiding all these secrets. I know you won't tell me where you used to go after school in senior year, or how you actually met Rhett, or why Sam Wilson is even back in your life, but I need you to just stop lying to yourself. This isn't healthy."

"I'm fine, Kim," he pressed, but he didn't pull away, he just held onto her hands, because she had cared for him when no one else did; before Terran or Rhett, there was Kim.

"But you could be great," she argued, "Just take a chance. Stop thinking with that big brain of yours so much, just do what you feel. Do what you want."

"But what if I do something that makes it worse?" he whispered, "What then?"

She shrugged. "If it ends up being terrible, chances are it already was. Nothing can ever really hide itself. Trust me, where I work, everyone's got something to hide, and no one ever hides it well."

He took a deep breath. "Nothing was ever terrible with him. He's never done anything wrong...to me." He wasn't quite sure who he was talking about.

"But you've done something wrong to him?" she asked, frowning.

"You have no idea what secrets I keep," he whispered, "You have no idea how easy it is to lie."

"Then stop," she pressed, "Just tell him the truth. If he cared about you, he'd understand. You know he'd be angry, but he wouldn't leave."

He thought for the longest time. He thought about himself, though about Rhett, about Sam, about Terran. He thought about his family. He thought about everyone who ever left him and the very few who stayed. He thought long and hard, because he didn't know. He didn't really know anything, really; not anything that really mattered.

"I'm not making you do anything," Kim whispered, "But that doesn't mean I won't give you a push."

He laughed, raising his head. "You always were pushy."

She shoved his head and they laughed, laughed despite all the people staring, laughed despite Nicky's heart aching and his head throbbing, because Kim always could make him laugh. She couldn't always make him laugh, but she always had the power to. And even though she left, she always did come back.

Kim wasn't his best friend. Not anymore. But she was the best friend. The best friend any person could ever ask for. Because no matter how terrified he was, he listened to her. Because a good friend says what you want to hear. But a great friends says what you need to hear.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I guess this bit is going to be cut up into two parts, but I'm glad because basically the rest of the story is the aftermath of what Kim told Nicky to do, this is a catalyst scene, the pushing off point, we're finally gonna be getting somewhere! It only took, what 20 chapters. Sigh.

Anyways, her speech can actually work for Rhett and Sam, and maybe even Terran. It just works with the people that Nicky just really cares about, and that kinda plays into the whole idea that Nicky's character is portrayed slightly differently in every book I write him in because he's perceived differently, and he doesn't even know how to perceive himself, it's a time, you'll see.

Anyways! That's all I have to say so...thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!