NICKY HAD MANY SECRETS. Growing up as the son of a murderer and the step-son of a robber, it was safe to say that he had gotten very good at knowing how to dodge prying questions. And a boy without much adult supervision, but a knack for building things, it was safe to say he knew how to cover his tracks and hide his things.

Even from his roommate.

"You alone?"

Nicky nodded as he locked the door to his room, making his way towards his computer screens where Hank McCoy was displayed on one monitor, files and tabs open on others. To an onlooker, the scene seemed to be straight out of a hacker movie, complete with a dark room and supposedly cold air.

"Yeah, Rhett's still at the school, but I have a patient in an hour, so we're gonna have to make this quick," he replied, taking a seat and scanning over all of the open files and tabs, "You found something?"

Hank made a face. "I don't want you to get your hopes up, okay? I don't know what I found."

Nicky sighed and nodded, listening as Hank explained how he had found the information and what he thought it could be. He carefully stored away all the information for later, eyes scanning the screens as Hank controlled his side of them, motioning towards certain documents and video surveillance.

"I think it might be a start, but I wouldn't get my hopes up," Hank finished, slumping back in his seat, "I'm sorry, I just thought maybe this would help, but considering your expression, it didn't."

Nicky gave him a rueful smile. While he appreciated Hank's efforts, he had already gone through this exact process over a hundred times in just the past few months alone, though it was nice to add this to his growing list of patterns. But in terms of what he was looking for, there was nothing new to be found.

"I appreciate your help, Hank," he said finally, "I really do. I just...I don't know. I just wish I could actually find something useful now."

Hank nodded, pursing his lips. "I know how that feels. Trust me, I'm surrounded by people who tend to disappear for ten years, only to show up again when the next major turn of events happens."

Nicky laughed at that, tilting his head back slightly before shaking his head. "Sounds like a fun time. Thanks again, Hank, it means a lot."

"Sure thing," the man replied, "Though, I have to ask, why don't you ask your roommate. You both knew him, don't you think it'd be better to have someone helping who also knew him? Gain different perspective?"

Nicky pursed his lips and shook his head, sighing heavily as he glanced back towards his door, like Rhett was going to materialize out of thin air and catch him; it could happen, now that he was in more control of his powers, he could, theoretically, pop in.

"He wouldn't be happy," he said, shrugging, "In case you're not aware, this isn't exactly what most people categorize as 'healthy.'"

Hank raised an eyebrow. "If you, a professional, know that, then why are you, a professional, still doing this?"

The young man swallowed the growing lump in his throat. "Because I need to."

Because no matter how many years it had been, no matter how futile an effort, a waste of time and money, of resources and sleep and sanity, Nicky was never going to stop searching to Terran Sweets.

○ ○ ○

Nicky was dreaming again. This time, he was watching, and that was almost worse than usual. If anything, he would rather be experiencing it, if only to trick himself into remembering the feeling of Terran hugging him again, as the man always did. To think there had been a time when he had wished the man didn't do that.

"What's this?" Terran's voice rang out, and Nicky turned to see his young self sitting on a park bench. His young, summer before senior year self that had just passed puberty, not smiling or raising his head from where he was hunched over some papers in his hands.

He wasn't sure if he even knew Terran during that time, or if his mind was confusing himself, but he just accepted what he saw and thought as fact and moved on. This was a dream, not a rewindable movie.

"Sheet music," he mumbled softly, "Kim gave it to me a bit ago, we went to get lunch."

"Well, that's fun, you sing?" Terran asked, and Nicky watched as his younger self winced and sighing, nodding reluctantly; he could still remember the fear and dread of Terran finding out that he sang, because he already knew what the man would say.

"Why don't you sing around the complex for me or the others, we'd love to hear you," the older man said, just like he had planned, because Terran Sweets was, more than anything else, an overrated camp counselor.

Nicky snorted softly as he remembered the thoughts he had when he was younger, the bitter thoughts of how overly enthusiastic the man was at the prospect of Nicky being a part of them and smiling. It wasn't to say that younger Nicky disliked Terran—on the contrary, he had loved him since the moment they met—but he hadn't wanted the man to know that he could do something unrelated to being quiet or working on machines.

"I heard something happened a few days ago," he said, and Nicky watched as his younger self scowled and sighed, not just because of what happened, but because Terran had only just returned from wherever it was he went off to this time.

"You wanna tell me what it was?" Terran asked, using that same suggestive voice he always did; it wasn't a command, nor was it patronizing, more of a light nudging suggestion that one couldn't say no to, but wasn't degraded by.

Younger Nicky could do nothing but sigh and shake his head, then speak anyways. "Just the football team. I dunno what happened, they just started bothering me or whatever, but then Sam Wilson came over and helped."

Nicky tilted his head, trying to remember what had happened on that day. It must have been important, as he didn't remember it; he only forgot the most important things or the most insignificant, and if it were insignificant, it wouldn't have been referenced in a dream memory.

Terran nodded carefully analyzing all his words. "So the football team roughed you up. I'm sorry. But, hey, at least one of them stood up for you and helped out. I'm glad you're okay."

Nicky's heart ached as he watched his younger self lean to the side, falling against Terran's arm. The older man laughed softly before throwing an arm around him, just holding him in place. Nicky forgot how touch starved he was.

"It's so cliche," his younger self grumbled, turning to press his face against Terran's side, "I hate it. I mean, oh, the nerdy kid gets beat up by the football team, but there's the protagonist character who's nice even though he's super popular and sticks up for him and the nerdy kid is pathetic and the football player is so nice, oh wow!"

Terran laughed softly and Nicky couldn't help but roll his eyes, because of course his younger self was the moody teenager who hated cliches for the sole reason that they were. It wasn't that he liked cliches now, but he did know to search for the twists that could be found in them; it was those that always grabbed his attention.

"You know," Terran said, his deep voice catching both of the younger men's attention, "I don't understand why you hate cliches so much. Sure, you see them all the time, but there's a reason why they're appealing."

Nicky's younger self scoffed. "Yeah, name one."

Terran shook his head, still smiling, looking off towards something neither Nicky could see. "I would give anything to have the white picket fence and the two point five kids. A normal high school life would've been nice. I just want to die a normal guy."

Nicky watched as he frowned. "That sounds boring."

Terran laughed again. "To you, maybe. To me, it sounds peaceful."

"So you'd rather be cliche and boring than interesting?"  his younger self asked, finally looking up at him.

The older man's smile dropped and he sighed. "I'd rather have peace than die alone."

○ ○ ○

Nicky sighed as he woke up from his dream. It had slipped his mind, but Terran had always been the type to watch romcoms and other cliche movies that had everyone in the complex running for the hills, coming up with every excuse not to watch them with the man, himself included.

He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, feeling the familiar pang of hurt and longing as he thought about the man. No matter how long it's been, the pain never did get any easier. He missed him so much.

His brooding was interrupted by a loud laugh and the sound of footsteps bursting into the loft. He had forgotten that he had taken away most of their locks in the loft now that they were, for the most part, safe, so it was an odd thing to hear.

"Nicky!" Rhett called, right outside his door, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, what's up?" Nicky asked, already starting to smile at just the sound of his roommate alone.

The blond burst into the room before he could even finish his sentence, his hair windswept and his grin so wide it rivaled Nicky's own. He jumped onto the bed, pulling him towards him, thrusting his phone into his face.

Nicky's jaw immediately dropped as he stared at the photo. "Is-is this what I think it is?"

Rhett nodded earnestly, grinning with pure joy. "He doesn't know what they are. Tony and Sam haven't explained it to him yet. He still thinks they're okay."

Nicky shook his head slowly, turning to look Rhett in the eye. "Oh Lord, don't do it. Please, he's been so nice to us, you can't use him like that, what kind of boyfriend are you?"

Rhett scoffed, clearly appalled at the lack of support he was receiving. "The kind that uses his hard earned money to buy his boyfriend Captain America crocs."

Nicky just groaned. Groaned, because this was the life that Terran wanted. The calm, everyday life where he and his roommate could argue about the morals of buying crocs. Sure, they were for a national icon, but they weren't buying a weapon, they were buying shoes, if they could even be called that. 

It was disgustingly mundane and regular, and even he could be happy about it.

"I'm gonna convince him to wear them around," Rhett said, practically shaking with joy, "Not in public, of course, I'd have to cut all ties, but around his apartment, over here? Definitely. I will risk his safety and hiding to post it on the Internet."

If Terran could see him now, he'd tell him to hold onto this life and never let go. Tell him to forget about him, to live his life because he was young. Young and successful and finally out of the life he had always been trying to leave. He would have wanted him to just stop looking for him and  embrace the cliche.

But, at the end of the day, Nicky would rather have Terran over peace.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Man, that ending just fell so flat, and this chapter was filler at best, but actually, no it wasn't, because you just learned something crucial about Nicky. Super crucial. As in, this is the main plot besides the romance crucial. Also, the title is interesting because Terran wants peace and to have a normal life, but for Nicky, he has no peace even with the normal-ish life, so that's cool.

I don't even want to do the math as to how old Hank McCoy would at this age if we're mixing the most recent X-Men movies into the MCU (even though they've just been bought back by Marvel, but whatever) but I did incorporate that idea people have where mutants age differently because the X-gene could affect that, and I like the sound of it, so I'm having it so that Nicky could be in contact with him.

That's all I have to say so thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!