i don't think you even understand 

how badly,

how tormenting,

how horrifying,

how traumatic,

how,

god damn mad i get when i'm thinking of you

but,

i like to think that you are dead

 that your breath is no longer circulating, that your heart just stopped beating and that your body is no longer moving. 

that your hands,

your freaking hands,

are just no longer filthy