I woke slowly, the sound of birdsong outside my window chasing the last remnants of vaguely dark and desperate dreams from the deepest recesses of my mind. I sat up, feeling disoriented and shaky, and looked around. Then I saw Mikhail in a chair next to the bed, watching me with a slightly puzzled look . "What... what happened?" I asked, rubbing my forehead, trying to remember.

He reached out a hand to my shoulder and gently pushed me back down. "Take it easy, Alice. You fainted. You should lie down and rest for a bit." He rose and began to pace the room. "I apologize for surprising you in that manner. It was not my intent to spy on you, nor to startle you. I was just about to leave as you had asked, when I decided that I... I simply couldn't. I needed to hear from you why... why you walked away all those years ago. I lied to you, when I said I haven't thought of you in years. The truth, Alice, is that I think of you every day, nearly constantly. At times... I admit that I've hated you. Yet even then, I couldn't stop loving you. I love you still... whether I want to or not. But I've never understood why... why you were so cold to me in the end. And so, instead of leaving, I closed the door again and turned around... but before I could confront you, you collapsed in tears. It was clear you didn't know I was still there, so I watched and waited, torn between leaving and staying. I admit I was taken by surprise. It wasn't what I expected from you, although I'm not sure just what I did expect."

He turned and looked at me pensively, and I sat up again, staring at him with unshed tears in my eyes and my throat throbbing with suppressed emotion. I hugged my legs and leaned my forehead against my knees, letting my hair fall around my face, hiding me from sight like a veil. "All right, Mikhail. I'll tell you everything. But... I don't know if you will believe me. And I don't think you'll enjoy hearing it. But I promise you, I will tell you the truth." I heard him sit again in the chair by my bed, though he didn't say a word as he waited for me to continue.

"To go back to the very beginning, when I was young, my parents wanted my brother and me to take music lessons. They felt that it was important that we learn to appreciate music, and what better way than to learn to play an instrument? After some thought, I chose the violin, so they set about finding an instructor for me. It was around that time that Master Emil arrived in our small town and began to accept students, and my parents sent me to him for lessons. I remember arriving at his home that first time, feeling nervous and not knowing what to expect. I was twelve at the time—as you might remember. When I arrived, he welcomed me into his home very kindly. He quickly put me at ease with his charming demeanor, and after determining that I knew nothing at all of music, he began to instruct me on how to use my instrument properly. He didn't seem at all put off by my complete and utter ignorance.

"Partway through my first lesson, as I was attempting to hold the instrument and bow correctly, I looked up and saw a thin, pale, beautiful boy standing in the doorway, staring with disdain at my clumsiness. I saw that he held a violin in his hands, but then he turned and slipped away without so much as a word. I asked Master Emil who he was, and he said that he was his ward—a talented boy named Mikhail. You. We continued my lesson, but my concentration was broken. I couldn't get that scornful look you gave me out of my mind. Suddenly I felt a burning desire to earn your approval, to turn that look of disdain into one of admiration. So I threw myself into my lessons, and I worked hard to improve as quickly as possible. My parents were astounded to see the effort I put into my daily practice, as well as how rapidly I improved. Master Emil likewise seemed pleased by my progress. But you... you still hardly even so much as glanced at me. So I kept working, determined to earn your admiration.

"I remember it was a beautiful summer evening when everything changed. Do you remember that night as clearly as I do? I'd been taking lessons from Master Emil for close to a year, and he had decided that I was ready to give my first student recital. I remember how terrified I was, but standing there waiting to go on stage, shaking like a leaf in the wind, I looked out into the audience and saw you. You looked so patronizing, like you were sure I would fail and you couldn't wait for me to make a fool of myself and have done with it. Well, that steeled me like nothing else could, let me tell you. I glided out there like a seasoned virtuoso, and I played as I'd never played before. I heard the thunderous applause when I was done, but I refused to look at you... because I couldn't bear it if I saw the same condescension in your eyes.

"Later that night, back at my parents' farm, I took my violin and wandered down to the little creek that ran along the edge of our property—do you remember the place? I liked to sit and play there in quiet solitude. So I sat on a log, and by the light of the full moon, I began to play some old love songs that I'd found and memorized. I liked the sweet, slightly melancholic sound of the music, and I often played them when I was alone. Partway into one of those songs, I was startled when another violin joined in. I jumped up and looked around, and I saw... you. Leaning against the fence, watching me, and playing the same song I had been playing a moment before. I was speechless, I was so surprised. Then you walked over to me, and finally... finally you looked at me without that haughtiness I so hated. Suddenly, as I returned your gaze, I found myself falling in love. And right in that moment, as you stood there looking into my eyes, I realized that... that you were in love with me, too. I was so happy right then, I felt like I could sprout wings and fly with the angels. And when we began to play our first duet, I thought maybe I had.

"In the months that followed that incredible night of discovery, I loved getting to spend time with you whenever we could manage it. It wasn't easy, as you know—between school and lessons and practice and chores, neither of us had much time to call our own. But at least we often managed to practice together. That was just about the only way I could persuade my parents to let me see you, you know. They were very protective of me and didn't want me spending a lot of time with a boy, let alone dating one... but if you were practicing with me, that was another story. I don't think that they noticed anything different, or picked up on our growing attraction. But... Master Emil did. Maybe being an artist made him more sensitive? Or perhaps he noticed some slight difference in you or your music. But somehow he noticed. And... he didn't approve. I don't know if he ever said anything to you... " I looked over at Mikhail. He shook his head slowly, looking both skeptical and surprised. I sighed and rested my cheek against my knees again as I closed my eyes and continued.

"Anyway, it was about two years after that, when I was fifteen and you were sixteen, and we were so much in love.... One afternoon I arrived for my lesson, looking forward to practicing with you afterwards. But when I walked in, there was no sign of you. Master Emil watched as I searched for you, then he took me by my shoulders and looked me in the eyes with a frown as he said 'My dear Alice, I fear you have become very attached to young Mikhail. This is so, yes?' I blushed, embarrassed by the frankness of his question, but I acknowledged that was the case and that it was mutual. He scowled for a moment, deep in thought, then said 'This is not well. You are young and in love, and so you may not see it. But Mikhail is too young for love. It will be the ruin of him. Please understand, child, he is very talented. I have never before seen one so skilled as he. And to make the most of this talent, he must work very hard. He cannot afford distractions....'

"'And I'm a distraction. Is that what you are trying to tell me?' I retorted, offended and hurt.

"'Ah, now you are angry. Please, be calm and hear me out. His parents died when he was still so small a boy. His father had been my dearest friend, and his mother had also been dear to me, so I took him in to raise as my own. Even at such a tender age, though, he showed so much promise. I taught him all I knew, and already he has surpassed me in skill, though not in experience. This now is a critical time for him. If he works hard and focuses, he will surely achieve greatness. But if he fails to put all of his heart and his soul into his music, he will slip away into obscurity, all his talent wasted. If you love him... '

"'I do love him. I love him with all my heart!' I interrupted, not even trying to hide my tears.

"'... then please, my dear girl, let him go. Let him do what he needs to do at this time. Perhaps later there will be time for love, but for now.... Please, I am asking you to give him back to his music.' I stared at him, angry, yet torn.

"Finally I said, 'What about Mikhail? What about what he wants? Doesn't he get a say in this?'

"'Ah, but you see, I am certain Mikhail is so in love with you, he can no longer see clearly. Soon he will lose sight of his music all together. So, I am taking a risk. Yes, it will hurt him. But soon he will lose himself in his music again. And perhaps a little tragedy will even improve him. Sorrow will give him a sympathy, a tenderness that he now lacks.' Master Emil straightened up and led me to the door, saying 'I will do my part to help him reach his utmost. There will be no more violin lessons. Tonight we will leave this town. We will travel, Mikhail and I, and he will focus on his music instead of his heart. Now I ask you to do your part. Let him go. Do not try to find him; do not even come to bid him farewell tonight. If he writes, do not reply. Give him his wings, and he will rise to play the music of angels. This I promise. Will you do it?'

"I couldn't answer, couldn't even speak. I knew that he was right—you couldn't soar to new heights if I was weighing you down. So I had to let you go. But oh, it was so hard to let you go like that. You have no idea. Finally I nodded agreement before fleeing back home, sobbing all the way. I spent the rest of the day by the creek, hoping that maybe, just maybe, you'd sneak away and find me there to say goodbye. But you didn't. And I knew that I had lost the first love of my life."

By the time I'd finished my story, I had tears streaming down my face. I looked at Mikhail again, and saw tears in his eyes, too. After a few minutes, he said in his soft voice, "I see. So that's how it happened. I do believe you—I can see the truth of it in your eyes. I never learned what happened that day from him, you know. He'd sent me on an errand right before your lesson, but I still expected to return in time to practice with you afterwards. I hurried, eager to finish up so I could see you. But when I came home, Emil was packing, and there was no sign of you. He said that you would not be back for lessons, that he'd decided it was time to move on. I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world.... I asked if you'd said anything, left some message for me. He looked sharply at me, and he said no, you'd said nothing, why would you? I didn't know what to say. I felt as though everything I'd thought was true was suddenly proven false. I was devastated.

"We left that very night and traveled from town to town for some time, staying long enough to give a few performances before moving on again. We finally stopped at a city far from your hometown, where a famous violinist resided. Emil took me to see him, and he convinced him to take me on as his protégé.

"Not too long afterwards, Emil died. He'd always looked so forlorn after the night we left, but he would never talk about it or about you, and I never learned what made him so sad. Now I think it must have been guilt from the pain he caused me. But he was right—your rejection, or what I saw as your rejection, spurred me on to greater heights than I could ever have achieved had I instead lived a happy, contented life with you by my side. Still... as much as music is an integral part of me, I would still have chosen you to it. I expect that is precisely why he didn't offer me the choice. Thank you for telling me the truth. And... for doing what you thought was best so long ago, even though it was not easy for you. I apologize, too, for doubting you all those years."

He stroked my hair as he spoke, then he kissed my hand and rose. "Now I had better go. I have a lot to think about, to absorb. And you must have work to do. Please don't overdo it; it's been quite a morning for us both. I hope to see you very soon, Alice." And with that, he left.