So i guess i was wrong about what my true fear really is. I thought it was something like losing the people you love or failure or being forgotten or the Future when you don't know what's gonna happen. But then now, I've realized that i've been spending my whole life, giving my soul to the past, clinging onto it, stuck. This is not just about you, not anymore. The past, it's just so glory, it is pure and stained at the same time, my past, to be exact, and then so I cannot let it go, i keep it inside me like it's a part of me and worst, let it take away every single bit of my present, my future, my heart, my soul. I've let it get the best out of me. I believe that people can change the future, but out of space and time, the past will always, always be your worst enemy, your fear, your weakness. I'm not religious, i'm the opposite of it. I don't believe in god or whatever people try to make me believe in. Well i used to believe in myself, before this, I don't know, the period of time when i make a whole lot of realizations, i used to believe that i could really do it, i could make myself happy, but apparently i could not. I could not save myself, not then, not now, not ever. The past hits you day by day, second by second, creeps into your pretty little mind at the most unexpected times, and you let it in, let it play that cruel game with your head. I fought it sometimes when i felt strong enough, but it always comes back and beat the hell out of me.
And the most painful truth now is that i don't know what to do with it anymore, I don't know how to deal with it, live with it even though i'm the only one to face it.