"JUST LET ME KNOW,
I'LL BE AT THE DOOR,
AT THE DOOR."
- harry styles, meet me in the hallway

Avery was laid out on her couch, the vibration of the air conditioner like white noise as the Decker scrolled through her Instagram feed, not even paying attention to the episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians that was playing on the TV. Her phone vibrated in her hand, and the brunette lazily directed her eyes to the top of the screen, expecting a text from JJ or John B regarding dinner that night or from Kiara regarding borrowing a tube top, but her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

Unknown:
Give up before it kills you. John B isn't worth it.

What the fuck?

What the fuck.

"What the fuck?" Avery mumbled to herself, the three words on a constant echo in her head.

Who are you? How'd you get my number?

The Decker was holding her breath, now turned to be sitting properly on the couch while her foot drummed on the hardwood anxiously. Her hand that wasn't holding her phone was over her mouth. What were they talking about? What was going to kill her? Why was John B not worth it?

Unknown:
Your little Scooby-Doo heists are going to get you killed. Stay out of the Crain house.

Avery's breath was caught in her throat.

They knew about the Crain house.

They knew she had been in there.

They knew what she was doing.

Whoever was texting Avery right now knew every single detail about the Pogues' treasure hunt. Which would mean they would have had to have been... watching her? And if that was the case, it would have been close to a week.

Who the fuck are you?

Avery held her breath again. She was currently fighting the urge to exit out of her messages and call JJ. Or John B, or Pope, or- hell, even Kiara- anyone knowing about this would be better than no one. But she thought about JJ- the restitution and all the stress he was currently under anyway, knowing someone was stalking his girlfriend definitely wouldn't help.

John B- he was busy fulfilling his dad's legacy and living in his big shiny mansion on Figure Eight with Sarah Cameron- maybe Avery should call Sarah? Though the thought didn't last long before she recalled that she didn't have the girl's phone number.

Then for Pope, he was so strung up between debating going to the cops every day and making them aware of the fact that he and JJ had lied and he was the one who actually sunk Topper's boat because of what he had done to the Heyward and Avery, but knowing that doing so would result in him losing his merit scholarship- no questions asked. Or, he lets JJ take the blame, crippling restitution, and an insane barrage of verbal and physical abuse at the hands of his father- but Pope gets off and gets to have his picket-fenced, coroner dream.

Yeah, Pope was off the list to call too.

Avery knew for a fact Kiara would probably watch the call ring given how Avery reacted to Sarah being involved in the treasure hunt, so she didn't consider that for too long. But as she stared at her phone, she knew she couldn't stay silent about this. Someone needed to know someone was stalking her. Was she in danger?

Unknown:
Stop while you can. And tell your friends too. You are all way in over your head and you're going to start finding things you'll be better off not seeing. Everyone has skeletons in their closet, some should stay there.

Avery practically jumps out of her skin as the sound of the balcony door opening behind where she's sitting on the couch makes her spin around frantically, a sigh of relief leaving her as JJ stands in the doorway, looking the Decker over with a smirk, which falls into a look of concern when he sees the look in her eyes.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He asked softly, walking over to the couch and sitting next to her. "Sorry if I scared you."

"No- no, no, no, you didn't scare me." Avery rushed. "Just haven't taken my meds yet... so I'm on edge..." She mumbled, JJ looking at her questionably.

"Are you sure? There's nothing else going on?" JJ questioned further, to which the Decker just nodded.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm gonna go do that now, actually." She said, a little too bluntly, but at this point, she didn't care. Avery walked over to the kitchen, opening the drawer she always kept her anxiety medication in.

Her Lexapro and her hydrocodone were exactly where she left them.

The hydrocodone was a weight that had been sitting on her shoulders since she bought them a month ago. She'd been clean for seven months, and technically had never opened the bottle, but they were just there as a sort of security blanket.

She thought about JJ, sitting on the living room couch just thirty feet away. What would he think if he knew about the pills in Avery's kitchen? She couldn't help but beat herself up thinking about how awful of a person she was, knowing she had drugs in her kitchen when JJ's own father struggled with addiction- why was she being so selfish? She didn't need the pills, she had no reason to have them, but she did.

"Ave?" JJ called, pulling the Decker from her thoughts.

"Hm?" She asked.

"You taken your meds?" JJ asked.

"Yeah- yeah, I'm about to, just misplaced the bottle." She assured, grabbing the Lexapro and a bottle of water from the fridge, taking the pills before putting them and the water in their respective places.

The blackout curtains the two had put in the living room had been pulled open, casting the Carolina summer sunlight across the hardwood floor. JJ looked around- it appeared it hadn't been swept in days. That wasn't normal- Avery was a clean freak, the girl who yelped at him and John B for coming in after a day of fishing soaking wet with mud on their shoes because she had just mopped.

He looked over where Avery was drumming her fingers on the counter, staring out the balcony door with a blank look in her eyes. He hadn't seen her usual smile in days, the one that made her eyes and nose crinkle, the one she always tried to cover with her hand but was so contagious the Pogues always saw it anyways. He hadn't seen any life to her eyes since Midsummers, since that day at the hospital.

"Something's wrong." JJ deadpanned. "With you. There's something wrong with you. I know you have off days and I know this is a really bad time of year for you- I get that. But this is different, there is something going on, and I know it."

Avery's hands stilled as she stopped drumming on the countertop, and JJ could practically see the way her breath caught in her throat as she heard his words and let them sink into her head.

"It's just been a lot lately, JJ." Avery said, her voice a little too calm for the blonde's liking. "Between my parents, this whole treasure hunt and the search for John B's dad... Isaac's birthday was last week... I just haven't been having that much time to really process anything and recoup."

"See, I know you're bullshitting me- you get all quiet when you lie." JJ told her. "I haven't seen you have a proper meal since we went to Heyward's after that day in the salvage yard, and when you do eat, it looks like you're gagging yourself to try and choke the food down. I can see the bags under your eyes and I know you haven't been swimming lately because you don't want the concealer to wash off in the water- I'm worried about you, Ave. I feel like you're a shell, and it happened way too quick."

"I said I'm fine." Avery told him shortly, her voice more defensive, her lips pressed thinly into a line.

"Ave... I just want to help you- please let me help you." JJ practically pleaded. "Whatever is going on, I will listen, I promise. I just need you to tel me what it is so I can make it better."

Avery looked over towards where JJ was standing in the living room, and he stepped closer, just inside the kitchen, about five feet away from his girlfriend.

She made eye contact with him for a second- was that fear he saw? Or was it guilt? Maybe both? He didn't get the chance to dwell on it too much before she focused her gaze on the balcony window once more, but he noticed the slight shake to her voice, despite her obviously desperate attempts to keep it steady.

"You're overthinking again. Don't make this a thing." She told him shortly, suddenly interested in the couple of dirty plates in the sink as she turned the water on, but JJ reached over and shut it off.

"No- you're not gonna turn this back on me, because it is a thing. You barely hang out with us anymore- you ditched today to go to a greenhouse. You hate plants." JJ told her firmly.

"Oh, my God- why do you have to be so pushy?" Avery snapped. "I told you that I'm fine, JJ. Why can't you just believe me?"

"Because I know you aren't!" JJ retorted, his voice coming off a lot more harsh than he wanted, but he would deal with apologies later. All he knew right now was that Avery was lying. What he didn't know was why.

He seemed to have silenced her, however, as Avery had stopped talking, her gaze still fixated on the window, turned at an angle where JJ couldn't see her face. They sat in that sickening silence for what felt like an eternity before the Decker finally turned back around. When she did, her eyes were glossy with tears.

"I didn't want you to know- I didn't want you to find out-" Avery choked out. "I knew you'd be disappointed so I didn't want to tell you-"

"Hey- hey, hey, hey." JJ cut her off abruptly, his voice softening at the tone of Avery's voice. "What're you talking about, Ave?"

"I... I started buying again. A couple weeks ago- I bought a bottle of percocets just to have, I haven't taken any- I swear on my life I haven't taken any. But I wanted them as a safety net. I wanted to have them just in case- I wanted them if I needed them-"

JJ felt his breath catch in his throat. He felt awful for not noticing, he felt like the worst boyfriend in the world for making Avery go through that by herself.

"I didn't want to go back to buying, I didn't." Avery told JJ firmly. "I've been clean for six months, I've been clean, I haven't even thought about it- but I've been so stressed with my parents and the treasure hunt and Isaac's birthday was last Tuesday and I know that it's been two years and I should be moved on because I'm with you now- but I can't just forget that, JJ, and I'm sorry-"

JJ didn't let her finish, pulling Avery into his arms and holding her close.

"I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd leave- I thought you'd hate me and then I'd be right back where I started- and it gets so bad sometimes, JJ, sometimes I don't even want to be here-"

The facade Avery had kept up for weeks was gone. She had completely crumbled in JJ's arms, reduced to nothing more than incoherent sobs. JJ was holding her up practically, with another hand gently running his fingers through her hair while he shushed her.

"I didn't want to lie- but I didn't want you to hate me either-" Avery sobbed, her arms tight around JJ's waist.

"Hey, hey- I do not hate you, Avery." JJ said bluntly. Tears had began to well in his own eyes, but he refused to let them fall, not when Avery needed him to be there for her. "I could never hate you, Avery, especially not for this."

"What if I relapse? I don't want to relapse, I hate it- it's the worst feeling in the world-" Avery sobbed.

"Then we're gonna work through it together." JJ told her gently, grabbing the sides of her face and wiping the area under her eyes with his thumbs. "Trust me, I know that recovery isn't easy. This was never going to be a straight line journey. But y'know what? You have been there every step of the way for the last year, Ave. You've given me a place to stay when I needed it and haven't given up. And I'm not giving up on you either."

Avery felt her breath catch in her throat again. She felt a weight come off her shoulders. As she leaned her head against JJ's chest once more and wrapped her arms around his waist once more, she realized that she had someone to help her, someone who wanted her to get better, someone who was going to help her find her way forward.

Avery's house was now entirely silent with the exception of the occasional rattle of the ceiling fan and the distant sound of the air conditioner kicking on. She and JJ were lying in her bed, her head on his chest tracing little patterns on his bicep while he played with her hair.

"You think I'm crazy for keeping pills, don't you?" She asked softly, glancing up at JJ.

"No, I don't." JJ told her with a shake of his head. "I think you're someone who's been through more than anyone our age should have to go through, and that you found something to make that better, and now you don't want to let go of it. You know it isn't good for you, but it's the best method of coping you've found."

The brunette exhaled shakily at her boyfriend's observation. He wasn't wrong, not in the slightest.

"It's not that I want to take them, because I don't." Avery explained. "They just make it so much easier.  It feels like I have control of at least one thing in my life. Having them in that drawer just feels like... if I want to, I can have that control again."

"Safety net, right?" JJ confirmed. Avery nodded.

"I'm scared to not have the safety net." She explained. "And I feel weak for it. I've been clean for six months- Isaac's been dead for two years. I should be better than this by now. I feel like I should have moved on, I should be over this."

"Avery, listen to me." JJ mumbled, cupping the side of the brunette's face, ocean eyes meeting cocoa ones as he gently ran his thumb over her tanned cheek. "You told me something tonight even though you thought I'd hate you. You haven't relapsed yet, even though you've had the means to do so. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You watched your boyfriend die in front of you when you were fourteen, love, that isn't normal. And I'm sorry I haven't been here for you, I'm sorry I haven't noticed. But you have done so amazing, Avery. It's okay to be scared and it's okay to be overwhelmed- you taught me that."

Avery looked away from JJ, her eyes filling with tears once more at the blonde's words. "But what if I never let them go?"

"We're gonna take this slow, 'kay?" JJ assured. "One step at a time. And you'll get there, I know you will. I know you, Ave. I know you can do this. And I'm gonna help."

She looked back up at him, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she blinked her tears away. "I love you..." She mumbled, resting her arm around JJ's waist lazily.

"I love you, too." JJ replied, gently kissing Avery's hairline as the dark haired girl nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck. As she laid there, JJs arms around her tightly, and his steady breathing like a lullaby to her, she felt like, for the first time, she might be okay.

"Hey, why did you come over earlier anyway?" Avery asked suddenly.

"Oh, John B and Pope locked Kie and Sarah on a boat in the middle of the marsh and took the plugs off the alternator. I was supposed to bring you to get on there with them to make sure they didn't kill each other." JJ explained bluntly.

— || 🎀 || KENSIE'S YAP !!

woah.

hey guys.

come here often?

anywho that being said i am SO SORRY for constantly abandoning wattpad. i've had ACT prep on top of starting to make college decisions and wrapping up credits for highschool (im a junior so i still technically have a year but i need to prep in advance or ill go crazy)

anywho season four left me absolutely gutted and all i will say is i have an ending planned. season four will be written. i'm going to try and hopefully become more consistent with updating tourniquet as im forcing myself to at least finish writing season one before i allow myself to start writing another fic i have planned

with all that being said onto the actual chapter- i feel like now is a good time to throw out the importance of the fact that avery is not just jj's girlfriend. she obviously has her own traumas and issues, and they are going to be more of a focus in this story while also having the obx plotline and how certain events impact her and her character.

i have a whole future planned for avery (strap in) and hope you guys can acknowledge that she isn't here to just be a jj's love interest and that she has her own traumas and problems she is trying to deal with.

anywho, all that being said, i have a lot of writing to do and i will see you in chapter sixteen!!