🌸ڿڰۣ-P̠O̠V̠ P̠a͟t̠r̠i̠c̠e̠

There was no use in trying to sleep, tossing and turning was all I was doing. With an audible sigh, I pushed the twisted sheet from my body got out of bed, and walk to the dresser. I stood there staring at my reflection in the dim light of my bedside lamp.

I looked like a mess, strands of my hair were spilling from a lopsided silk hair bonnet to stick against a slightly puffy cheek. I look like I am suffering from sleep deprivation. My eyes are slightly red and tired looking, I was a clear representation of my troubled thoughts.

I sigh again and pull the haphazard bonnet off and reach for my hairbrush, I brush my hair and fasten it in a low ponytail before walking back to my bed. I did not need to be staring at myself because all I saw was someone totally lost and equally confused as to why life likes fucking them over.

I was hoping that somehow staring at myself could provide me with clarity but I got nothing. I did not get answers to any of the many questions that plagued my mind.

"Dammit man, cho!" I whispered then let out an agitated groan.

I close my eyes but quickly open them again as the image of Medz's attractively appealing face took over my subconscious and with it my earlier encounter with him in his car surface.

I gasped and shivered because it filled me with a desire that I have been trying to suppress since I rushed from his car like a thief in the night.

"A waa hapn to mi?" I question myself softly.

Seem like somebody dan yuh baby father a get under yuh skin gyal.

"Shut up!" I snapped as my inner voice took it upon itself to provide unwarranted input.

To be honest it was right. Medz had gotten under me, no pun intended, and now I was a complete mess. With my added frustrations that entail a certain blast from the past, I was now finding myself way over my head in a situation I told myself I was going to be the one holding the reins and chartering its course.

I was going to be in charge of how and where things went with Medz and I pretty much had it going that way until OD entered the scene again and my so call control went flying out of hand in ways that were now rendering me wanting things that were not in the bargain I made with myself.

It was simple and easy my agenda. All I was going to do was keep Medz close enough to provide the excitement of illicit phone sex and textual intercourse. There would be no emotional attachment and definitely no creating a relationship outside of the confines of the phone affair I had somewhat instigated after realizing that he was very much interested in me to manipulate the direction of his attraction.

I made a promise to myself that I was going to reconcile with OD and make things right for Deenie and me but now that the opportunity arises I found myself practically using Medz to drive the man I claim I will forever love out of my mind.

Images of what went down between Medz and I filled my mind's eye again and with it a surge of excitement that had my body tingling with feelings that constituted my now-present dilemma.

"How the hell mi mek dis happn?" I groaned before plopping into the bed and covering my face with a pillow to stifle another groan of frustration.

Yuh simply mek Medz get weh e want cause deep down a long time yuh a look a man fi replace OD.

Such a declaration had me sitting up and staring with wide eye apprehension. I was surely doing no such thing. I was simply caught up in my emotions and thus my feelings got out of control.

I was very much capable of replacing OD if I had wanted to. My relationship with Lennox proves that.

Rass hear yah! Nuh kill mi ooiiee

Her raucous laughter had me wishing I could smother my inner voice.

Yuh mean d dolly house weh yuh invest five years inna. Yuh hardly see d man because him practically lives overseas and every time him comes out yah yuh an him kip up paah gimmicks...eediat white bwoy only ting e did good fah a fi nyaam e pussy.

"Moof!" was all I could manage to snap.

Deep down I knew this to be true
I could by no means lie to or fool myself. I have never once allowed myself to let go and completely give in to the few men that I allowed into my life in the sparse affairs that I permit myself.

They were never going to replace OD anyways so there was no use building up bridges that were in the end going to lead to nowhere. I had needs that I wanted them to fulfill and they never had to be there in person to provide them. That's why Lennox had been compatible with my no strings attached plan.

He was very good at role-play and was able to use that to bridge the long distance between us and was very contented to do so. On the three occasions, --once overseas and twice here in Jamaica, --we had met up in person it had only proven to us that we shared fun-filled vacations and more theory than we did in practice. It hadn't taken long before things just phased out and five years had ended.

Matthew and Cory were just stands in and the one sexual encounter with the two proves that all I really wanted was to be with OD. No one was ever able to let me lose control or once saw it fit to want to put a wedge between the man who has my heart, body, and soul.

Until Medz.

"No enuh mi just did caught up inna mi feelings." I feebly replied.

Mmhmm, wateva yuh seh.

"Medz is a very attractive man its easy to fall under him---"

No Goody it was pan tap a him.

I sighed very much tired of the back and forth with my annoyingly precise conscience. All I needed to do was distance myself from Medz because it was clear to see that I misjudged him. He unlike the others was not prepared to play by the rules I set out.

He was truly intent on having more with me than I plan to give. It was no use pushing aside the fact that he wanted me and it seem that his wanting me was not going to give me what I wanted but only add to the downfall of the barriers that I placed around me.

I close my eyes and in my ear, I could hear Medz's deep husky voice making declarations I so wanted to hear but it was the beguiling eyes of a now fully grown and very much manly Odean Davis staring daggers at me that had me now shivering.

Storms were brewing and I was no longer sure which one I could survive as they take full effect.

Odean Davis or Maleek Fenton.

In whose favor will the scale be tipped? That's the question. My inner voice chimed.

I cut my eye and hiss my teeth and mumbled that it was a pity I could not stifle it. As I rolled over in the bed the early morning broke free from the dark dusk.

This a one conscience yuh cyaah stifle.

I rolled my eyes and listen to the quietness of the house make way for Mama's Sunday morning ritual, the blaring sounds of her favorite Radio Pastor, and her punctuated mumbling and shuffling as the new day approached.

For a minute I just lay there and smiled as I basked in the comfort of her routine, but my smile quickly disappeared after I reached for my phone that had chimed with the notification of a new message.

I was relieved I had not opened the chat but viewed it from the popup notification on my now unlocked screen. I knew who it was from even though I was not familiar with the number from which it came.

Mi need fi c u.

With trembling fingers, after a brief moment of hesitancy, I type my reply my heart racing and a goofy grin now on my lips.

Ok, meet me at Mama's shop 10 o'clock.

In less than a second, a single reply came.

Kl.

My eyes traveled to Medz's jacket that was laying across the clothes basket where I had rested it. It seem Medz and I was going to have to call it quits after all.

Love Triangles were not going to be my thing but a few minutes later when I drifted back to sleep it was Medz, his jacket, and a seriously erotic scenario that filled my dreams.

✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
Please👇

Nuff love 🇯🇲