🌸ڿڰۣ-P̠O̠V̠ P̠a̠t̠r̠i̠c̠e̠

"Hey, Pat yuh cook?"

Mama's familiar voice calling out from the living room signalling her and the girls' arrival brought me out of my brooding. I let the shower beat down on my body a few minutes more before I slide the glass door to the shower open and step into the crocs on the bathroom mat.

My wet feet made squeaky sounds inside the rubber slip-on as I walk to the towel rack and pull the towel off to dry my wet body. I went through the motions of moisturising my body and adding deodorant my movements automatically going through the routine actions.

I pulled the oversize t-shirt I had taken with me over my head and put my underwear on before placing the damp towel over the edge of the shower stall. I look in the bathroom mirror at my reflection and quickly look away from the sad eyes that stared back at me from the bathroom mirror.

"Aunty Pat?" I heard my niece calling as her little slippers-clad feet made resounding echoes off the tiled floor in the quiet house in her search for me.

I emerge from the bathroom just as she made her way to my room door. Her small round face the colour of rich dark chocolate glowed with delight as her lips spread into a broad smile.

"Hey pumpkin," I smiled back and scooped her into my arms as she rushed to me.

I could hear Mama in the kitchen and the sound of the evening news filling the living room as I cradled her to me. I walk with my niece held to my side as I look for Odenia but the living room was empty.

"Weh Deenie deh?" I ask as I continue towards the kitchen only to see her coming out with two dishes containing cornflakes and two fingers of ripe banana.

She look at me and grinned as I shook my head and continue into the kitchen.

"Mama evening," I said as I watch her bring a steaming mug to her thin lips.

The scent of coffee, ackee and red herring along with the pot of dumplings, yellow yam, green bananas and sweet potatoes I cooked earlier assailed my nostrils.

She nod her greeting as she leaned her short frame against the counter. She took another sip of her brew as I felt my niece settle closer to my body, a sign that she was getting sleepy.

"Yuh eat already?" she asks after reaching to turn off the burner under the pot with the ackee and red herring.

"No," I answered and she look at me with a frown.

"Weh yuh did a duh?" she question and not waiting for an answer she started to speak against my behaviour being the reason Deenie did not like eating anything substantial.

I let her speak as this was another overly approached issue in our daily lives. Whatever Mama decided was up, was up there was no use arguing. I however simply told her I was going to let Jae eat before I get her ready for bed as she was sleepy.

"Mmhmm," she replied reaching for a plate. "Mi a guh watch e news suh once yuh done put ar inna mi room as mi nuh like the idea of she and Deenie one downstairs until Pet come."

"Ok," I responded and as I turn to walk away I heard her ask.

"Yuh ere seh OD deh yah?"

My feet faltered in their attempt to leave the kitchen as my mind battled once again with the reason for me, though very much hungry, not able to eat. I could not even bring myself to have a slice of sweet potato which I love.

I could only nod as I listened to Jae's soft snores radiating to my ears as her breath tickled my neck. I knew Mama was staring at me but I just couldn't let her know that deep down I was an emotional mess. When I could lay my all out to Petrice I could not afford to do so with Mama, I could never bear to notice any form of disappointment from her.

I mumbled that I was going to put Jae to bed and leave the kitchen as if the devil had manifested himself there. I told Odenia that Jae had fallen asleep and if she so desired she could have her cornflakes but I knew that was going to go in the dog's pan as it was no banana porridge.

I had returned from Pet's solon with a thousand feelings surging through me and my frame of mind was not where I wanted it to be. I had almost burned dinner that was how distracted I was. I was still trying to shake my melancholy so having Mama bringing the reason for the matter up, I was not in the least prepared to act indifferent to the matter.

To ease the weight of seeing OD again from off my shoulders I had decided to return the message I had received on messenger earlier from one particular chat but it seems that the sender was now occupied with other matters because hours later my message was still on unseen.

I was really looking forward to the distraction that a conversation with my admirer, as that was what he referred himself to would bring. For the past six months, since Medz and I have become social media friends I found myself drifting to the wild freakish things he brought along to the light-hearted conversations we occasionally have and that right now would have eased my mind a bit.

All the emotional bombardment of the day's sudden change in event needed something with a driving force to knock me back on track and having a raunchy conversation with a stranger was a flipping start.

Only my admirer was offline and I was all alone with my hands trembling from all the pent-up emotions as prepared my niece for bed. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself as I fought against my disappointment at not having even this bit of respite from my total wreck of a day.

I look down at Jae's little body now freshly cleaned and wearing her favourite PJs. I touch the smiling face of Dora and look at Boots my mind going back to Odenia as a baby and the many nights I fantasise about the day the one person that was missing from our lives would be by my side to put our little angel to bed and sighed before I placed a blanket over her curled up frame and left the room.

I really needed to get my mind off OD. I can not let him take this much control over my emotions. It was clear I was not the least bit worth his peace of mind. Wherever he was or whatever he was doing I am sure he was not letting me spoil it.

He is only a few houses away, in the very same district and was even in the same car as me and he did not even make to acknowledge my presence. I am being a fool for being carried away over something that is just a part of my history.

When people don't rate you it's their own choice, and it does not mean because of their behaviour towards you that you're nothing.

Odenia and I are doing fine and whatever is coming we are going to pull through it as we have always done.

The high and mighty Davis dem cyaah kiss mi wen mi dead, according to Pet.

Cooh paah dem to, cause dem uppa a Davis Town inna dem three-story house a live off them foreign benefits dem tink dem all that!

I was about to hyped up the pep talk some more and pulled myself further out of my pit of despondency. I was just beginning to get down in it when I heard my phone ringing.

I pulled up Mama's room door and went to hurriedly answer my phone but I saw Odenia coming with it already answered.

"Who?" I mouthed

"A man," she replied as I took it from her.

"Hello?"

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Please👇

Nuff love 🇯🇲