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SEULGI knew something was wrong the moment she woke up to find their apartment silent and empty. you could practically hear it echoing when it was absolutely nothing – and it was bothering her.

jimin always counted himself as having a very unforgiving temper, even though the guy could barely hurt a mosquito buzzing around the house, so naturally, avoiding seulgi was his only response to this whole situation;  he would lock himself up in his room before she even got home, and gone the next morning before she could even wake up, like he had somewhere else to be. she was home a few minutes past midnight, and his door was always locked by then, and empty the next day.

the first time it happened, she actually felt the guilt seeping through her skull. she felt bad for doing it to him, and without any other thought in the way, she wanted to explain, only to be met by his closed door each time. she'd talk to him if he let her, and he wasn't. he'd return to routinely locking himself in his room and blasting his music, like any human contact - especially seulgi's - would damage him. they were back to square one.

seulgi didn't think she would forget the look of constant disappointment in his face.

every day, for the past few days, she never felt his presence when she was actually conscious; she'd actually forgotten the sound of his voice, or what he looked like, or what his presence felt like. he constantly looked like an image that haunted her in her head, even if he was an angel.

she tried to shake it off of her, too, and even that wouldn't work.

not when she'd wake up half past eight, jimin gone by then because his job at the kindergarten required him to be around by seven-thirty, and she'd still be waking up to a cold breakfast meal for one, which looked like it had been set up hours ago, and coffee still brewing in the machine. he still made breakfast by himself, like he usually did, and seulgi didn't know if he'd gotten so used to making some for her too that he forgot, or if he still really genuinely cares. he'd done his own dishes by then, and his running shoes were tucked neatly under the coat rack by the door.

it would break her heart even more to know that being mad at her didn't stop him from being so sweet. god, i definitely do not deserve this guy.

he'd always leave a bite or two of something he'd whip up or buy out for her, because he still knows she gets lost easily, and still needs a little help, for all she could reason out. it made her even guiltier than she was before - that not even rejection, or the doubt he has with her was enough to shut himself out from her life completely. even though he was mad, he still knew everything he had to do for her.

and even when he came home in the dead of night, tired out of his mind or tipsy from a few bar visits, he knew better than to disturb her, even if she was dying to talk to him.

and this went on for a few days, at the very least.

that was the sole reason why she tried doing some things to improve herself; she didn't want to bother him as much as this whole situation was bothering her, so she tried going for small stuff: getting him dinner was one, hoping he'd discreetly accept the takeout bulgogi or kimbap she'd buy him, because she sure as hell couldn't cook. she would also constantly strain herself to pay her bills on time, if not advanced, to let a bit of steam off of his shoulders a little bit; she knew he wasn't rich, nor was he shitting money. she would feel a little sense of accomplishment whenever she could do something a little necessary.

during the first days, he would try to ignore it; and that was a few days worth of takeout she'd had to eat by herself, along with the wallowing disappointment that came with them. she didn't mind though, because if this was what was going to take to get him to talk to her, she'd do a damn good job at it if she could.

that was when she started noticing him taking bites of the kimbap during times he'd be too tired out of his mind, some nights when she'd come home to him resting by the dining table. seulgi was always the one who constantly convinced him to ignore his diet for a bit, make himself healthy for a bit. the thought of him relaxing for a bit, definitely gave her some fulfillment inside, and that was enough for a while, even if she was still getting the silent treatment.

she even caught him examining the bills, and how he noticed the receipt she'd posted for her advanced rent payment by the fridge, and she swore to god, she thought she saw him smile. and that was the first time in almost two weeks.

but he still refused to talk to her. she knew so, and she got it; with the way he breaks off eye contact every single encounter in the kitchen or the way he audibly shuts his door when he enters his room, it was clear.

and then it hit her that she wasn't really getting anywhere. 

"unnie," joy said, leaning on the counter across her, where she was behind the cash register. "seulgi unnie."

"yeah?" seulgi replied, turning to her, her expression still blank.

"sana was asking you if wanted to go shopping later," joy replied. "you seemed...distant."

"sorry, i was-" seulgi shook her head, "-i was thinking of something."

"you've been having a lot of thoughts recently," sana said beside joy, as she was adjusting her apron. "it's scary."

"you think thinking is scary, sana?" joy asked.

"that's not what i meant, joy, duh," sana replied. "i only meant unnie's been zoning out recently. it's weird, i guess. one minute, i'm talking to you, the next, you look so serious, like something's bothering you."

"you look like that every second of the day, unnie," momo, another waitress who stood beside joy as well, said. "it's kind of hard not to notice when you're behind the register. at the front of the cafe."

"sorry," seulgi said, closing her eyes. "i just have a lot on my mind these days."

"oh, you don't have to apologize, unnie." sana smiled at her. "we're just worried about you, is all."

"you really shouldn't." 

sana nodded. "it's fine, really. we're here if you need anything."

"although an extended break is probably all we can provide," momo said, scanning the deck of receipts by the register.

"she's just going through some boyfriend stuff." joy snickered at her. "she'll be fine."

"shut up, sooyoung-ah." seulgi glared at her. 

"don't worry, i will."

momo was confused. "you have a boyfriend?"

"she used to."

"joy!"

"sorry."

"yeah, we should drop it."

momo and sana were right, seulgi had realized, one day as she was walking home from work on a friday night; she seemed so lost out of her mind these days, she was just thankful none of her thoughts were getting in the way of her work. what surprised her the most was the fact that her hectic work schedule as a waitress - wait, no, cashier now - wasn't even enough to distract her from jimin. he was always constantly in her head, and she wondered if she was also constantly in his.

 she figured if nothing was going to get jimin to talk to her while it was still so early, she needed to keep herself distracted in the meantime. and to keep herself distracted, she just decided to practice for her callback. she had so much on her mind recently, she forgot it was actually going to happen.

the callback was in three days; seulgi had already told joy to cover for her, and was constantly reciting lines to herself as she worked or practiced facial expressions at the mirrors during her breaks - all the other staff thought she was crazy, even momo was getting weirded out. sunny, the agent who had confirmed her callback, had called again to ask her if she was still going, and she said yes almost immediately.

to seulgi, all of it meant one thing: proving herself worthy. this was the first time she was being cast in a drama. that meant higher chances of getting noticed, higher chances of getting an agent, higher chances of removing herself from her career as a waitress before it all turned permanent.

it also meant higher chances of moving away from jimin. she dismissed the thought quickly. she had no time to think about that.

and that all led to that night, home at two in the morning on a on a friday, up by the kitchen. she wanted to practice in a clear environment, and her room wasn't exactly the best place to do that; it was the stuffiest place in the planet.

the small light by the sink was on, making it her only source of light in the dark apartment. she was trying to scan through the booklet containing her lines, and although it wasn't the role she was going for - it was from a previous audition, which had gone horribly wrong, so they let her keep the script - it was probably the best practice she had. sunny hadn't emailed her script yet, but that doesn't mean she didn't need to at least rehearse herself.

"'he let you hurt him?'," she read. "wow, that's a dramatic line." she spoke to herself. "'he loves you that much, doesn't he? enough to let you treat him like that.'"

she continued to speak, reciting the lines as if someone was speaking to her, and someone was listening to her, with the emptiness of the apartment as her second person. she wanted to feel the scene like it was happening to her, and it was closer to her situation than she had realized earlier - a girl telling a friend that was treating a boy who liked her painfully.

it was like she was speaking to herself.

line after line went out her mouth, and she kept acting scene over scene. "'you know, i don't get why you realize he doesn't deserve you. he deserves someone who can love him for who he is and for everything that he does, not by someone who treats him lowly. he deserves happiness, you know? he-'"

she was ready to pour her heart out when she the beeping of the password keys, and the slow creaking of the front door. she temporarily halted her crazy speech to be met with jimin's familiar build, in a white dress shirt and jeans, with his familiar dark hair and pale face looking down. 

she gulped, and he looked up, his eyes meeting hers. he had a paper bag on one hand and his keys in the other, and his bag was slung over his shoulder. the expression he had on his face was terribly unreadable; although seulgi figured a blank expression was better than a hurt one.

she tried to offer him a small smile. "s-sorry," she began, in a hushed voice. "i-i was practicing my lines-"

"it's alright," jimin replied, in a voice just as hushed, not budging an inch. seulgi blinked at him, and nodded, gulping again.

he stepped forward to lay his paper bag on the table, letting his keys clank against the surface as he ruffled through it. the sound mostly contained ruffling sounds of plastic packaging, but he managed to pull out a small styrofoam box, placing it on the table.

seulgi stared at the box for a moment, looking up to see his neutral expression as his hand retracted away. 

she stared at him for a while. "w-wha-"

"mochis," he said, lifting the bag and his keys again, "i got some mochis on my way home from work."

seulgi caught a small whiff of his breath as he spoke; it smelled like soju.

"thanks, jimin," she said. "you didn't really have to."

he placed his lips in a thin line before sighing, and turning away to walk towards his room, as silent as before.

seulgi closed her eyes. it was the first time she had had a conversation of any sort with him ever since what had happened between the two of them.

she never thought mochis would have such an effect on her.

"and seulgi?" she snapped her head up to be met by jimin's face, dark and blurred, by his doorframe. "good luck with your audition."

and that was honestly all she needed.

····· • ·····

SEULGI had read the card on the door almost a million times by then. the truth untold, kbs. h. lau and b. kwon. agent: sunny lee. those twelve words made her feel elated - and terrified. 

she had arrived by the building, which was in downtown seoul, almost an hour before her auditon began. why she did so, even she didn't know; none of the other auditionees who were called back were even there yet. she must've been out of her mind.

but this was her first drama audition. this was everything she had been waiting for. considering she was mediocre at this feat (according to joy, anyway), this was already a big thing for her. to be in line for consideration in a drama.

this was her chance, and she couldn't mess this up.

the heels of her boots clicked, and she started to sweat under her dark sweater. this was the first time she got nervous for an audition. there was something eerily different about going to audition for something legitimate and something that was going to air during soccer game commercial breaks.

her heart almost stopped when sunny, a petite woman with a chesire cat smile, opened the door. "they're ready for you, seulgi-ssi," she said in her high-pitched voice, and seulgi was too worked up to hint at the boredom in her tone.

there were three seats by the table inside the room, one of which was unoccupied, but was soon occupied by sunny. at the far left was a guy with foreign features, with brown hair curled upwards. a graceful looking woman sat beside him in the center, with sleek black hair falling towards her back, revealing her white button-up shirt. a camera was set up facing front at the far end of the room.

"everyone, this is kang seulgi," sunny said, settling herself on the seat. "we've contacted her almost a month ago, after she'd auditioned for the part of han chaeyeon." both the man and the woman nodded. the man kept his gaze on her fixed. "seulgi-ssi, this is kwon boa, our agency's main casting director." the woman greeted her with a cold smile. "that over there is henry lau. he's going to serve as the truth untold's director." the man smiled at him.

seulgi bowed to them. "hello."

"i believe you've received the script i had emailed a few days ago?" seulgi nodded at sunny. "alright. look at the camera when reciting lines, okay?" she nodded again.

"do your best, darling," boa said, looking up, looking unimpressed. "portray your character the way you best think she be portrayed."

"han chaeyeon is the best friend of the lead, im yoojung," henry added. "in this scene, they're fighting about a boy named park jungdae. chaeyeon here is convinced that she no longer loves him, but is constantly confused. you think you're okay with that?" she nodded enthusiastically at him. "great. sunny here will be reading yoojung's lines for you."

she noted the way chaeyeon was conflicted, like her, and took that in mind.

she pulled out the script from her bag and set it down by her feet, turning a few pages to get to the scene she had to portray. 

"this is kang seulgi, 23, playing han chaeyeon for the truth untold. casting director, kwon boa, agent, sunny lee. directed by henry lau." sunny looked up after speaking. "whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

"you can't tell me what to do, yoojung-ah," seulgi began, doing her best by looking at them. she figured that she had to build up her emotions for it to work.

"i'm not telling you what to do," sunny said. no, wait, screw that, she wasn't sunny - she was yoojung. "i'm just laying out what's best for you-"

"no, you're not," seulgi replied. "can't you see? this was supposed to be over - years ago. i don't even know why i'm still sticking around."

"what are you talking about? chaeyeon-ah-"

"i'm saying that both of us are stupid enough not to let go, and when it's clearly killing the both of us because we're holding on to something painful, but something we can't let go! get a hint, yoojung!" she unexpectedly raised her voice. she couldn't help it; an image of jimin just popped inside her head.

"that's insane."

"it's not. this is reality. we both need to wake up."

"he loves you. that's the reason you both can't let go, you're not being stupid! you need to stop this."

"i should've ended it long ago," seulgi continued. she closed her eyes; suddenly, jimin was in the room with her; maybe not physically, but she felt him. "i'm hurting him, yoojung. i'm only making his pain worse."

"you're not causing his pain!"

"i am his pain! don't be stupid!" seulgi's voice cracked. "he doesn't deserve someone like me. he deserves someone who'll be there for him, someone who'll give him everything that he deserves." she stopped. "someone who can give him everything i never gave him."

all three were speechless in front of her. seulgi bowed as she wiped away a tear as she snapped her head up again.

"that was," henry began, blinking rapidly. "intense."

"it was," sunny said. "a good kind of intense, i hope."

both of them looked at boa, who was eyeing seulgi from head to toe. "wasn't it, a little bit too intense?"

seulgi gulped and stared at her blankly. "excuse me?"

"you seemed like you were releasing those lines from your heart. it was obvious." boa looked at her again. "did you experience something similar to the situation you just acted out?"

seulgi hesitated, but gave a small nod.

"i figured," boa replied, fixing her papers. "look, seulgi, dear. you were great, i'll give you that. but you forgot one tiny detail." seulgi waited for her to continue. "han chaeyeon is a supporting character. she's not supposed to steal the spotlight away from the lead, which was im yoojung."

seulgi couldn't believe what she was hearing. "what?"

"i'm sure you heard me," boa said. "your acting was great. it could pass of as real, to be honest. but it was a bit too overbearing. you're making yourself the female lead here."

"but the spotlight was centered on chaeyeon's relationship with jungdae," seulgi replied. "how was she supposed to tone down?"

"that's not how it works around dramas, seulgi-ssi." boa shrugged her shoulders. "a lead is a lead, and a supporting role is a supporting role."

her mouth hung open. "i just poured out my whole heart for this audition. didn't you say it seemed real? is overpowering the lead more important than a movie being realistic?"

boa only shook her head, and henry only gave her a disappointed look before looking down. sunny's expression was still unreadable. "maybe next time, miss."

seulgi couldn't say anything as of the moment. her heart was breaking into pieces, and she felt tears threatening to fall down.

"i'm sorry for wasting your time," she said, her voice cracking. "i'll be on my way."

"seulgi-" sunny began, but she wasn't able to hear her after grabbing her bag and rushing out the door, letting everything out: her tears, her sobs, her emotions.

her feelings for jimin.

she took out her phone from her back pocket and dialed every number she could: wendy, joy, irene, yeri, even yoongi. she felt alone and disappointed. she needed someone.

she let out a few sobs as more tears threatened to come out. she didn't know what to do; she wasn't thinking straight.

she definitely wasn't thinking straight when she decided to dial the first number that popped in her head.

"hello?"

"j-jimin," she sobbed, "i need you."

silence. then, "where are you?"

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lmao this was supposed to be posted yesterday, but anyway, please support 'the millenium', everyone!!

- nayeonsbunny -