✧𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕖𝕖𝕥 𝕒𝕘𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕖𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤✧

What is this bullcrap all about?

Well, as all of you know, the current case of coronavirus has been spreading really quickly. And I wanna talk about it.

If you guys want to just skip, I don't mind. But I'll appreciate if you guys can follow me through. It's like angsty but it's not really emotionally angsty.

✧𝕀 𝕣𝕖𝕘𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕪 𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕤𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕖✧

The government has been trying their best to contain the coronavirus from spreading even more. I just gotten news about the fact that the EU had just abandoned Italy to suffer, USA wanting to buy the cure from Germany, my country's 3rd death, Iran not getting the help they need and alot more

Corona death rate is growing at a scary rate. Countries are on lockdown and people are panicking again. Many of the users and my readers in general are in countries which has already been in lockdown.

✧𝔼𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕖𝕩𝕙𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕤 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕧𝕒𝕝𝕦𝕒𝕓𝕝𝕖✧

Our poor medical workers are working 24/7 out there with those who got the virus. But there are still people out there being inconsiderate and rude to the workers. Still going in large crowds, and avoiding healthcare workers.

I appreciate those who is making an effort in conserving the virus and not stressing our workers out. I really think that if everyone does their part and listen to WHO and stay safe

✧𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕟𝕠𝕨✧

I thought about it for quite sometime already and I also wanna talk about it. Its about mental health. The coronavirus has been affecting many people, and it has also be affecting me quite alot lately.

Ever since the first 500 contracted and all, I haven't been feeling the best at all. I have been procrastinating on my homework even worse than usual. Most of the time, I would make an effort to do, but since then, I never had the feeling or motivation to even do anything.

I've been the biggest K-pop fan out there since 2012 and all but then, I always used it as an enjoyment and my source of happiness. But lately, I've been thinking that it's just a shield to hide my pain. I always have thoughts of just torturing myself by straining my body or just hide in one corner and not do anything. K-pop still gives me comfort and all but I feel like, it's not the same anymore.

✧𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕨𝕖 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜𝕖𝕕 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕣✧

My good friends in school honestly hasn't been treating me quite okay. My own best friend doesn't even acknowledge me until I call her or go to her. It has been a month since she came up to me just to start a conversation. There's this bitch who acts likes she so great and all, flexing her A grades to all of us and like my friend got hurt because she was an artist (but mostly leans on animation), she got a B grade which was worse, and that bitch went over to my friend and said, " I thought you were an artist, but I can't believe I got better than you" she just hurt all of our pride but comparing

Then there is another bitch in my class. Super selfish and all, she is also very spoiled and vain. All and all, she always spray this thing outside my classroom but since it was so strong, when she walks in, the room just smells like an entire packet of candy just farted, and especially after our physical education class. Once, a guy set her as his wallpaper and it was evidently sure that he likes her. But you know what her dumbass did, she asked me, "Should I just avoid him. I feel so uncomfortable. And some more I don't even like him that way, should I just reject him?" Like, I get it but you don't just avoid someone just because you're really uncomfortable, especially if he's your good friend. And he didn't even say he liked you, he just set you as a wallpaper, he didn't even confess.

And the worst part about school is the boys. Oh god, they are the worse...they are often disturbing the girls especially my friends because why the fuck not they say. There is always this guy in my class who acts like a total moron, thinking that just because he's rich, he can go around triggering people. He brought up my best friend's dark past in front of the whole Chinese class and he wasn't guilty for any shit, he even still dares to disturb us outside of school. And my Primary school enemy, he doesn't care what people say, he thinks that every little shit that comes out from his mouth is correct. He always says things that end up hurting people but he doesn't know, especially to me. Years I have gone through his words hurting me and destroying my self-esteem. And even up till today, he is still hurting it and destroying it.

✧ 𝕁𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕟 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 ✧

I really hate it when people just look down and think I'm an easy target just because honestly, I don't have the best patience out there and they just play around with it, thinking that it is fun as fuck. No, it's fucking not. You think you can just go around calling me fat and get away with it? Calling my friend by her full name, disrespecting it, and asking her to eat lesser is funny? This will be ironic but I really need to mention it, I'm always so triggered by all of them go around saying things to people just because they are popular?

They are lucky that my patience has grown so much better over the years and the fact that I'm going for monthly counselling cause if not, I might have broke the second they called me fat again. I always had slight anorexia ever since P4 when my puberty started. I went on for purging for about 6 months. I tortured my legs and danced for 6 hours. I stopped purging after I went counselling and I stopped dance I knew I didn't have the time to do that anymore. But there's always one part that it hurts.

The girls....my best friend....that bitch who flexes her grades....they have been treating her better than they are treating me. I could evidently see that, they are more than willing to talk to her in the morning before lessons start but, no one ever comes over to me unless I'm evidently hurting, no one bothers until I go up to them. They just ignore my existence already, they don't bother waiting for me just to go for recess or physical education anymore. They leave me, and I always have to call out for them. Everytime I call, they always said they were waiting, and if I don't call, they are always already going down to report to the teacher.

✧ 𝕀 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣 𝕞𝕖 ✧

My Auntie Tony: Stop being so sensitive and everything is our fault when something for you goes wrong. Even if your parents don't treat you properly, it's not our responsibility to take care of you. You are not fucking glass, learn to deal with problems by yourself and don't fucking throw a tantrum when you don't get what you want. We want to say our opinions and make our own choices too, the world doesn't just revolve around you.

My precious Dior: Stop lying to me. I don't know if you are or not but maybe it's just how I'm feeling right now but please stop lying, it's either your life story that you're lying or that you actually love me. You would choose him over me anytime, so stop lying to me. I'm look like I'm nothing now, where has our almost a year of friendship went to...I want to trust you but I cant

My nutty Nutella: Could you take notice on me for once, you could lie to me that you don't like her and all, you could speak to my precious all you want, but at least acknowledge that I'm going through alot also. I feel bad for whatever you are going through but please make an effort to see that I need company for a reason. I go as much as i can to help you, but have you? Have you ever been through as much as I can to help you, even when I know i will get into trouble?

✧𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣✧

I'm sorry that this just became a rant and making you guys read this bullcrap. But I really kinda need to let this off somewhere that none (at least 2) of my current classmates know. Cause I really  hate the fact that I feel like a second choice. I hate it when people only come to me when they have no one to go to. I have a feeling that i may be going on hiatus soon but I want all to stay safe from the current Covid-19 situation.

Happy late international friendship Day.
I appreciate all of you and everyone out there.
Thank you.

- Joey 2020