Through Mattheo's name, we could get ourselves a decent-looking but small apartment. Our stay would be temporary.

Throughout the summer Jalen and I exchanged constant letters, depending on them. After all, it was our only way of communication. I replied so eminently on scarps of parchment paper, a mountain of letters had piled up on my desk.

It was difficult balancing everyday activities and writing to Jalen. He seemed always to be free, and I wasn't.

But, I left my activities to write to him.

Because I loved him.

                                                                - - - - - - - - - -

JULY 17

Exactly three months had gone by since Jalen and I had begun dating. 

No letter, no word, no communication. 

Jalen was like my medication to my life, and not having that medication began tackling fatal consequences. I felt as though I was being ignored but if I thought it that way, I sensed myself as selfish.

Perhaps he was busy.

I should do something else with my life.

Just then I heard voices from a distance, they were slowly growing louder and more violent by the second. With a mixture of slight concern and intrigue, I stood up and began walking closer to inspect the voices.

It was Tom and Mattheo.

"Mattheo, I saved that money up for Serena!" Tom exclaimed. "She was already saying she didn't want second-hand used books."

Mattheo shot a glance at Tom, with a guilty bottle in his hand. "Oh, if that's the case, I'll get them from Diagon Alley next month."

Tom didn't bother responding. 

                                                                       - - - - - - - - - -  - 

"You shouldn't be carelessly spending your money like that, Mattheo." 

It wasn't a threat, it was advice. 

He slowly pulled away the quill in my hand placing it back in its original place, and placed himself beside me on the tiny couch I was sitting on. 

"I heard about your breakup..."

The corrupted spark in his eyes dropped, and he placed his head on my shoulder. 

There was silence among our mouths. 

Our lips zipped. 

I wondered if Mattheo could hear the pounding heart beating powerfully in my chest. Mattheo had dated his now ex-girlfriend for a solid eight months, I could understand his pain of loss to an extent. 

"You don't have to stay silent, you can talk about it," I stated, breaking the weird silence. "Bottling up your emotions  isn't gonna help."

I had also said that to distract myself, from my fluttering heart. It felt like a sin. 

I had shut down my feelings for Mattheo, it was forceful but it had worked.

However, nothing would ever take away from the fact he was my first love.

                                                             - - - - - - - 

"They say that love is blind..." Mattheo spoke defeated and cracked. "I wish the people we loved, were also blind."

"That would've been wonderful.." He continued as I felt a cold teardrop on my naked shoulder.

If I had my way, I would carve everyone's eyes out, so they could see the Mattheo I had loved.

 "But, you have to stop spending, I get it Mattheo; grief and addiction are hard. It's a type of sorrow no one can describe.."

"I'll try...I'll really try, I don't want to be that horrible brother, that horrible sibling, but I want to escape this loneliness...this world...my heart feels as though it's been stabbed a thousand times..." A cry escaped his mouth. 

Tears threatened to leave my eyes. "You know, my prayers don't ever work, but you'll always be in my prayers.."

"You're an incredible friend.."

Friend.

                                                                                  - - - - - - - - - - 

Dear, Emerlyn. 

I apologize for not lettering you for more than a week, my mum found our letters and it's been hard.

                                                                                                  Your love,  

                                                                                                                       Jalen.

A part of me felt as though he was purposefully acting as though he didn't have a choice at all.

It felt fallacious, I was overthinking.

However, my gut was screaming a different story. 

  SEPTEMBER 1                                                               - - - - - - - -

I entered the Slytherin common room, only to see it filled with celebrations and music. Many of the older students were cheering and the person being cheered for was none other than that blonde guy.

A different type of irritation scratched my heart, a type of emotion more passionate than others. More irresistible. 

I didn't know his name, but I knew he didn't deserve this position. 

"You don't deserve it." I snarled capturing the attention of many. Silencing many mouths.

Silence fell among us.

He walked closer to me and studied my Slytherin attire. "You were saying?" he murmured against my ear. I didn't want to be close to him.

If Jalen found out, calamity would approach.

Intimated, I resisted my temptation to speak.

His solid hand reached for my chin forcefully turning my face around, whilst bringing his face closer. I could feel the scent of hot steamy peppermint reach my nostrils. "Look at me, when I'm talking to you."

 The crowd noticed the strange tension letting out a few cheeky whistles and quiet cheers which seemed to bother his girlfriend.

"Draco, why are you even wasting your time on that prat!" she squealed shutting down the noises.

Draco was his name.

"Says you- who couldn't even do her Prefect duties correctly." he finished harshly letting free of my chin.

                                                                       - - - - - - - -

SEPTEMBER 15.

It wasn't the embarrassment I was afraid of but rather Jalen's realization of the fact Draco had approached me.

"What were you doing with Malfoy!"

"Nothing--!"

"Just promise me one thing Emerlyn." He cut me off. "Promise me to never speak to him again."  

It wasn't going to help the fact both of them were playing seeker for their house.                                                               

                                                                 -  -  - - - - - - - - 

JANUARY 25.

Jalen and I had our arguments quite often, every 3 weeks a new, useless, petty argument would be born. However, even after all the harsh rocks, and phases we still made it.           

Our honeymoon phase had ended a long long time ago, and I had realized some of his flaws. He tended to be jealous easily. Treating me with silent treatment was a requirement for him.

Despite, his flaws, his mistakes; despite everything. I loved Jalen.

He had carved himself a valuable, precious place in my heart. Some moments would never be replaceable. 

                                                                                - - - - -

"Gosh, it felt amazing." A roommate of mine exclaimed about a night with a guy. 

A few chuckles aligned with the other girls as they shared about their time, I swallowed a nervous gulp down my throat. I hadn't had any experience.

"Emerlyn, what about you?" One of them inquired.

"I haven't...done...anything like that.."

They are circled around me. "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

"I do, but we've--"

"Don't you wanna feel what heaven is like?"

                                                                      - - - - - - - 

"Are you sure you're ready?"

I wanted to experience what my roommates had, I wanted to desperately know what it felt like. We're their words really true? Did it really feel like heaven? 

"Are you?"

"I've been actually waiting for this...didn't wanna make it seem weird though.."

                                                                            - - - - -

It was the worst three minutes of my life. 

Jalen had told me he didn't want to share the bed, and as I walked back to my dorm. I practically felt myself bleed. 

I lay flatly on my bed, trying to adjust to the unexplainable pain pounding. It was sore. 

My thick eyelashes picked up the warm tears filling my eyes, I felt betrayed, I felt lied to.

I didn't know if I was crying myself to the illusional words shared by my roommates or crying myself to sleep because of my horrible experience. 

I was never going to have sex again. 

A/N: Real ones know the scene with Emerlyn and Draco was previously written as a flashback.