I wish I could forgive myself for everything that I've done to me and other people, especially to him, but I can't because I can't turn around and change a thing. I can change nothing. No decision I made or feelings which I keep in my heart.
I can't change the way a person thinks about me or if this person actually thinks about me but although this person left me after I had to leave him two times, and leave me behind a little bit broken I still have feelings for this person. Sometimes I hate myself for this. I can't wipe my feelings away.
I know that, as this person says " you are looking for a car that will never come again" and it hurts.
I think this line should show me, that he lives his life happy without me... and that's okay? I don't know... I don't know anything at this moment
Maybe I can be okay with all that he done to me and all this other shit next year in January when I go back to the place where it all started.
I know that I will cry but it's okay, because I know I must go trough this. I know that he will be there too. I don't know if it's good or bad, but we will see what these days will bring.
I will try to accept the situation that we are no longer together and maybe never be it again, before I go there so that maybe it won't hurt me when I see him there.
But on the other hand I think I wish...
No, it's not that important because I'm nearly a 100 percent sure that it will never happen again.
It's stupid that I wish that it will, I know.

If he or someone who knows this story ever reads this: please forget the last lines. They're stupid and I haven't think about them before I wrote them down. Just leave them out of the text.

From a girl who is stupidly in love with a boy who maybe don't think about her anymore.