James and Kim walked past him. "Hey, Dauphiné. We'll see you soon."

François was stitching a soldier's arm. "Where are you going?"

"The battle. It's today."

"Shit, I completely forgot. Be safe."

"Thanks." James slapped his calf as they walked outside. "God, my fucking leg. It's been hurting for a week straight."

---------------------

François fell asleep before they came back. Suddenly, someone slapped him across the face so hard he fell off the chair he was on. Before he could yell, the person shoved medical tools in his hands and ordered him into a room. Fuzzy, the chaos of the injured and the bitter loss of the battle woke him up. He ran in and closed the door.

"François, man, you need to help me. I can't...I can't feel my leg anymore..." He jumped when he heard James' quivering voice.

He looked at him, then he looked down. He only had one hand. He only had half his left leg. He was covered in blood. He looked so pale.

The door slammed and screaming deafen him. Lloyd rushed past him to comfort James and tried to clean up the blood with his fingers. François snapped out of it and sprung into action. Kim ran in shortly after, shouting something in Korean, holding the rest of James' leg in his shaking hands. He threw up and passed out when he saw Kim slip in blood, his blood, and drop his leg.

Lloyd tried in a desperate attempt to shove the leg back. "IT'S NOT GOING BACK! FRANÇOIS, DO SOMETHING!" He jammed it so hard a splatter of blood painted his face.

His blue eyes widen. "STOP THAT!" He grabbed the leg. "LET GO!"

"NO! WE CAN FIX IT!"

They played tug-of-war. François knew it was a lost cause, Lloyd didn't. The foot of the leg was hanging on by a vein and two toes were missing. Kim had to grab it from both of them and throw it somewhere neither of them could see. A lady screamed when it landed in her room.

"YOU STUPID PRICK!" They both turned to Lloyd. He never spoke to Kim in English nor yelled at him. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

François shouted at him to calm down and give him a blood transfusion as he told Lloyd to stitch up the wound on his arm. He was the verge of fainting. Kim had to shake him so he would stay awake.

-------------------------------

The following evening, James was awake. Lloyd didn't leave him for that night, constantly making the nurses check if he were still breathing. White told him that James was going home. He couldn't fight anymore, let alone walk. He didn't even get the chance to say goodbye. The minute he turned his back, they took him away. James, his head full of delusions, silently wept when he brought on the plane back to Vagu.

Kim and François were there when he left. They both held their breath before turning to face Lloyd. They expected tears and screaming. He was stone-faced.

"Lloyd...?" François touched his shoulder. There was no life in his face. "Lloyd..."

They both stared at him, then each other. The fear in their eyes confirmed what the other was thinking. This was worse than any other reaction he could've had. Lloyd walked away. Kim almost followed him but stopped himself. Maybe he needed a minute.

One minute. Two minutes. One hour. Two hours. Three hours. Six hours.

---

It was dark by the time Kim and François decided to drive around to look for him. They were in silent panic, driving so recklessly that they almost crashed into a tree.

The blood was everywhere. Body parts were on the ground. A tan hand still grasping its gun was ran over by the wheels of the car.

They found him after a few minutes. Face down in the water with scars on his legs turning the river a hideous shade of red. Kim rushed out to grab him and throw him in the back as François became hysterical, crying in his hands and constantly turning back to see him, who was still unconscious and facing away from them.

"Look, he's drunk." The redhead turned to Kim, who was speaking in clumsy and shaking French. It was first time that he actually sounded scared. "He got sad, drank too much, and somehow got there. He fell somewhere, maybe in a bush."

They knew Lloyd well. The blank look in his eyes from before, the knife in his pocket, no way he didn't do that on purpose. But if they said anything, Lloyd would have to be sent to some kind of crazy house. Such a disgrace he would be to his family.

"Yeah, yeah he did! The bar is so close from here!" The bar closed a month ago. "Besides, he hasn't slept in two days. He must've been walking around and just fell asleep in the water!"

Kim chuckled and hit his shoulder. "Yeah! Exactly!"

François smiled shakingly and nodded, then started sobbing again. Kim kept driving in silence.

------------------------------

When they got back to base, while hiding Lloyd from everyone, they put him in his room. François felt like a monster. He knew, he fucking knew. He had to act like he knew it was an accident. He gave him medicine to wake him up. Kim smiled at him as the shorter coughed and vomited up whatever he took.

"Hi, Lloyd!" Kim sounded cheery, way too cheery. "You got drunk, and we found you at the bar, silly!"

Lloyd, shocked and pale, turned to François. His eyes spoke for him, he knew. He agreed with Kim and said that he shouldn't drink too much next time.

They know everything. They know he's crazy. "Can you leave me alone for a while?"

François didn't want to. He wanted to be glued to Lloyd's hip so he could never do anything like this again, but Kim basically pushed him and himself out of the room. The French one was crying again.

Kim covered his mouth and looked down. "He knows."

---

"Those bastards!" Jo was fuming. They all witness the action. The grandparents, defeated and broken, locked themselves in the house. "They're liars! They're fucking liars!"

The nameless one wept, blood spilling from its face. Lily was speechless, looking down. Jo flew around, ranting with a bright red face.

"Jo?" Da nervously touched his shoulder. "..Maybe we should forgive them."

"WHAT?!"

"We-we should forgive them! They don't know any better than we do!"

Jo, without a word, slapped her in the face. Lily rushed up to her, shielding her crying and sore face as he flew off, yelling about how stupid she was.

"God, I hate when he hits us! He could be such an asshole!"

The nameless one hushed her. "Shh, little sister. He could hear you."

"I don't care!"

Da hugged her, still shaky. "Please be forgiving, Lilith! Don't be like Jo!"

Having nothing to say, she rubbed her back.

----

François came back a few minutes after and offered stupid stuff like tea or something to eat. Lloyd didn't dare look at him. For once, in their six months of knowing each other, he was angry with him. He didn't care about him. He lied to him. But he let him hold to sleep. He needed someone there.

Once Lloyd was asleep, François wept as he hugged his head. All he wants to do is comfort him. Kim didn't let him. In fact, he was whispering from the other side of the room to shut up so he could sleep. That shocked him. All this time, Kim has been so nice. But he's no better. They're assholes. They're terrible people. Horrible friends.

----------------------

The next day, Lloyd was called on stage to be promoted to general along with White. The tall one was so excited, all smiles as they put the ranks on his collars. The other just stared into space.

The clapping didn't mean anything. Nothing meant anything. François and Kim were there, smiling and clapping. How could they be happy? They must want him dead.

Everyone must want him dead. That's why they're so happy. Nobody in this room liked him. They only liked his potential. His parents must hate him for what he did. Everyone in the world hates him.

Kim and François left as Lloyd was given a paper and handshakes. He didn't feel anything.

He walked outside. He saw Kim blankly staring at the sky.

"Kimmy." Lloyd spoke to him in Korean. "Kimmy, I'm a general now. What should I do?"

"You're acting like it's a bad thing. Shouldn't you be happy?"

"I'm not really happy anymore."

Before Kim could answer, someone called for Lloyd.

"Tubby!"

God, did he hate that name. He wasn't even chubby. Sure, he had baby fat, but he wasn't even overweight. It's a shame that everyone used that name for him. He groaned and went over to whoever was calling him.

Kim, without anyone around, froze. He's robotic if there's nobody to talk to, just staring at the sky with the straightest face you'll ever see. And as quickly as it began, it ended when someone came up to him.

"Hey, Kim." François smiled at him. "They said we're going to the next mission in Vagu together today."

"Oh, ok. How long is it?"

"They said not more than a week."

"Awww, I like the long ones."

"Haha! Start getting ready."

Kim went to the room that he shared with another soldier. He never feels anything, yet the times he does are very intense. It's mostly anger, so it's better if he doesn't have any emotion. If he had to have a conversation, he would just strung words together that would hopefully make sense.

-----------------------

At night, Kim and François went to say goodbye to the general. François felt so guilty for leaving Lloyd alone.

"Please don't be sad." François squeezed him so tight. Lloyd didn't bother pretending to do it back.

"I'll miss you." Seeing the worry in the eyes that were shamefully becoming his favorite, he gave a cheesy grin.

Kim patted his shoulder. "We'll see you soon, Lloyd." He cringed when the taller added, "Stay alive."

"I will. Don't sweat it."

Once they left, Lloyd was upset. He's always upset these days. He didn't have time to self-pity. He had meetings and paperwork. So much damn paperwork.

"So, Tubby," White was still playing with his ranks. "What do you think of the whole general thing?"

"Okay, I guess."

"I guess??!" He flung himself onto his desk. "It's the best thing ever! They're raising my pay, and my mother gets my benefits!

Lloyd felt himself smile. "That's awesome!"

"It is, it is." Suddenly, he looked Lloyd up and down. "My my, you're aren't so tubby anymore!"

He looked at himself. He did lose a lot of weight. He wasn't even trying to. He just didn't want to eat. He suddenly felt very small, physically and mentally.

"Don't worry too much, you look fine!" White patted his shoulder, which made Lloyd only feel sadder.

The other left him alone to do something. Tears in his eyes, he went to his room that he used to share with James. What a time to be alone. He looked around for a bit, smoked, and wrote a few letters. How could he be so numb despite all the happiness around him?

He thought of the bloodshed he had seen. The little girl whose face looked so disfigured after a blast that her own mother asked him to end her misery, then paid him when he did so. The other mother who cursed at him and wished him dead because he accidentally shot her son. The time he saw one of his fellow cadets' arms be shot clean off. The time he saw an old man running around on fire before a soldier shot him dead.

He had to leave the room. It was drowning him.

"Kill yourself, you selfish prick!"

"It's all your fault!"

He walked into the synagogue. The rabbi was more than happy to see him.

"General Sauveterre, pleasure to see you!"

"Thank you, Rav. I know it's late, but may I play the piano? Just for a while?"

"Certainly."

The rabbi showed him the black piano. Lloyd sat down and played Save Your People as he sung along. His voice was quite unique, being a soft and gentle Countertenor. The rabbi loved his voice. It was able to put any baby to sleep during service.

Once he stopped, the rabbi clapped his hands. "Beautiful as always!"

Lloyd gave him a shaky smile. "Thank you, Rav."

"Maybe after this war, you'll become a singer!"

They spoke, Lloyd desperately trying to grasp the happiness the rabbi shined. He needed happiness. He couldn't stand this darkness that's picking at him. Then the urge appeared. He quickly said goodbye to the rabbi and ran back to his room.

He needed something, anything. He was hungry for pain. He sneakily stepped into the kitchen. Nobody was there, thank goodness. He turned on the gas oven. The fire started off blue, slowly fading into orange. It was so beautiful.

He rolled up his sleeve. He put his skin to the fire. He didn't let himself cry no matter how much it hurt.

He could've done it all day, but he heard footsteps approaching. He turned off the stove and darted out, the pink burn on his skin aching in the breeze.

----

"Oh, my poor grandson." His grandmother shook her head when she saw him cringing in pain. "What are you doing to yourself?"

🎂🎂🎂🎂

☆June 21st, François' birthday☆

"Happy birthday to you!"

What a marvelous nineteenth birthday. François got a delicious chocolate cake, gifts, and even some money. Kim was hugging him as he laughed at the present he gave him.

"A hat?!"

"You always said you liked Marie Antoinette!"

It was a great day, and they were going home tomorrow. He won't be able to see Lloyd again until mid-September. He was sent on a mission with White to fight. But that's okay, he sent him a box full of presents and two letters. Him and Kim went to their room to open it.

"Ok, this letter is yours." He handed Kim a pink envelope, which was quickly ripped open. He read it and laughed before telling François;

"Dear Kimmel,

How's my country, do you like all the flowers? Say hi to that angry lady with the black hair. She's mad because her dog always pees on her shoes.

Can't wait to see you in September, don't grow up too much or mommy can't recognize you, alright, my dear son? :)

Your loving mother,
Lloydie.

PS: Steal a piece of cake for me! :)"

Still laughing, François opened his. He tried not to blush, especially when Kim started teasing him about it.

"Dear Flan,

Happy birthday, Grandpa!

I'm so proud of you, you're doing a good job and I really really REALLY can't wait to see you again!! I've been so lonely without you and Kim bumping into things, nothing to laugh at! :)

I hope you're having such a great day. You deserve it! In the box there's five or six presents, I can't really remember. I wrote a letter with each one. They're kinda crappy, but you get what you get, and you don't get upset! :)

Happy birthday, Franny.

Yours,

Lloydie!"

Kim, burning with jealousy, laughed. "Woo, he likes you!!!"

Controlling his blushing and butterflies, he giggled. "Hey, knock it off! He has that boyfriend!"

With a now heavy silence, François opened the box. He smiled. He could feel the warmth of love with each thing inside.

"Aww, look at this. He sent you something, too!" François passed him a big squishy cat with a note from Lloyd.

"Look at this cat, squishmallow, I think. His name is Cam the Cat!"

"Aww!!" He hugged it, smelling Lloyd's scent. "He's so sweet!"

François got one too, and of course, in his favorite color with a note.

"I know you like red! Her name is Fifi the Fox!"

God, he was too cute. François picked up a pack of pink fuzzy socks with hearts that both made them laugh.

"Remember, you get what you get and you don't get upset! ;)"

Next, he pulled out a cream colored handkerchief. Kim thought that was the weirdest thing until he read the note, although he struggled because it was written in French.

"Aww, don't cry! You'll see me again! :)"

"So romantic." They both laughed, although Kim's was a bit forced.

Next was his favorite, a softcover of The Great Gatsby. He didn't see a note with this one.

"OHMYGODTHISMYFAVORITEBOOKBECAUSE-" and for the next five minutes, Kim's ears almost ran away.

The next was two packets of chapstick and a note saying how all the ladies he kisses will be grateful. That note didn't sit right with him. He didn't want to kiss anyone else but-

"JESUS CHRIST, CANDLES!!!" François was a slut for flower scented candles, which Lloyd knew too well.

Kim never saw François so happy. He was actually happy too, and all thanks to Lloyd. Someone came in their room to say it's lights out. Kim wished him goodnight before going to bed, hugging that stupid squishmallow to his chest with the biggest smile on his face.

François sat by the window, the warm June breeze creeping in. He prayed with the whisper of the happiest voice he could make.

"Thank you, God, for bringing me such happiness. Thank you, God, for giving me such wonderful friends."

----------------------

Finally, on September 14th, Lloyd came back. Kim ran to see him first. Who was this skeleton?

"Kim, I'm so happy to see you again!" Kim went into his robotic personality. The shock was too much. "Was it boring without me?"

"Oh, yeah, it was!" His voice was a strange type of dull.

"Where's Franny?"

"He's taking a nap right now. Last night's battle was pretty rough." He couldn't stop staring. "Would you like something to eat?"

He was much too quick to answer. "I already ate on the way here." He hugged him, Kim blushed. Although still shocked, he liked how snuggly he fit into his arms. "I missed you."

"M-missed you too."

Holding hands, they walked back to his and François' room. His hands were so boney, but he was too lovestruck to really worry about that.

Kim was called into the kitchen. Lloyd could be alone with François. He walked into his room, slightly lightheaded. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. Tangled in his blanket with his curls all about. He chuckled a bit when he saw the squishmallow next to him, tucked in next to him.

He sat on the bed and stroked the soft red hair. So thick and clean, it was something to envy. He was blushing. He got the urge. He shouldn't blush. He pinched his inner thigh, tearing up a bit, but he needed the punishment. Every time he thought such a way of François, he had to hurt himself. One night, he cut himself maybe a hundred times just by those thoughts alone.

To stop himself, he thought about the worst thing François did. He stopped touching his hair and got off the bed.

"Franny, can we get married?"

"Of course, my love! We'll be married and-"

François woke up and groaned, then moved his legs to cover the afternoon wood. He tossed until he woke up. He saw Lloyd's high boots in the door frame.

"Lloyd, I was dreaming of seeing you again!"

"Miracles do exist, don't they?"

He noticed that his tone was sour. He didn't question why.

"I'll see you at dinner." He walked off, fighting the urge to look back.

"Okay."

---------

Ophelia
Friedrich Wilhelm Theodor Heyser