••••

AS THEY LAID ON THE BED, the moonlight shining through the window, Buck was just scrolling on his phone while Eddie was fast asleep and Victoria was just on her side looking in his direction. Buck could feel her eyes on him but she wasn't saying much. His gaze flickered go her momentarily and he could see she was thinking about saying something.

Letting out a sigh, he puts down his phone and turns so they were now facing each other. "Whats on your mind?" He asks her curiously, lifting his hand to brush some of the strands of hair out of her face. Victoria bites her bottom lip as she debates saying it. Taking a breath, her eyes move down to the bed.

"Did you talk to your parents?" Victoria questions. She had heard from Eddie that his parents had stopped by the station while her and Hen were on a grocery run. Victoria didn't want to pry about it but she was curious.

"Yeah, just about Daniel... about growing up and stuff." Buck admits, his hands fiddling with the fabric of the sheets over top of them. Victoria nods her head a bit.

"And what did they say?"

"They apologized. Said they never meant for me to feel neglected." Buck states and Victoria had to hold herself back from rolling her eyes. They most likely didnt mean it, or else they would have said it years ago. Buck could see the slight distaste on Victorias face so he just grabs a hold of her hand. "I didn't accept it." He denies which catches her attention. "Their apology." Buck elaborated. Victoria wasn't truthfully shocked but she did have a nagging fear that he may go back to them.

"You didn't?" She smiled gently but she still knew they were his parents and she did feel bad that he felt like he never truly had any.

"Of course I didn't." Buck denies, furrowing his eyebrows a little. "They show up here after years, purely because Maddie invited them when they never once checked up on me when I was in the hospital, didn't care about my life, what i was doing." He explains to her with a small scoff before squeezing her hand a bit more. "About you." He adds.

If they truly felt sorry and wanted to apologize, they would've shown up when he was injured, they would've been here when Maddie was almost killed but they didn't. Because they don't care unless there's something in it for them. Hence why they only showed up now when they were getting a grandchild.

"They're only pretending now because they want some sort of control, not because they want to finally love me." Buck says and he could see her smile growing even more which just makes him laugh. "Hide your disappointment." He teases, his hands moving to her hips and pulling her gently toward him.

"I'm glad you stood up to them, Buck." Victoria admits as she places her hands on his chest. He leans in closer to her.

"The moment they said a word about you, they were never getting my forgiveness." Buck denies and she blushes lightly, her heart fluttering as she gazes at the man.

"I love you." Victoria says.

"I love you more." He responds before connecting their lips in a kiss. Victoria kisses him back, her hand moving up to his cheek as she nudges herself closer to him.

His hand moves down her back as he deepens the kiss, his body adjusting to hover over her own. Victoria sighs into it as her knees press against his hips. Buck grinds against her, pulling away from her lips momentarily to plant kisses down her neck. Victoria let's out a soft moan as his hand rubs her thigh, his lips leaving hot marks along her skin.

He continues to grind against her, making her hips jolt up just a little bit as her moans her more consistent. But she knew it was already late and she knew how early they had to be up. And that mixed with sex with buck never went well because once he started, he didn't stop for at least three hours.

So, she reluctantly puts her hands on his chest to make some distance between them. "We should sleep. Long day tomorrow, hm?" She tells him and Buck scrunches his nose up a bit.

"Thats tomorrow?"

"Well, it's three days from now but we have to drive so." Victoria explains to him which was unfortunate because it would be so much quicker to take a plane.

"Why can't they just pay to fly us there?" Buck complains, deepening his kisses as he moves down to her collarbone, pulling down the collar of her shirt a bit. Victoria sighs as she tilts her head.

"Cause they love to torture us." Victoria mumbles back before going to pull away in order to get into a comfortable position and sleep. "Come on, close your eyes." She tells him but he only turns her body back to him, lifting her leg to rest upon his hip and pulling her flush against him.

"Mm, I don't want to." He denies, continuing to pamper her skin with kisses. Victoria smiles, running her hand through his hair, before lifting him away from her neck.

"Fine, don't try and use me as a pillow when we're in the truck." Victoria warns him and Buck playfully rolls his eyes before his gaze shifts over to Eddie.

"Is he sleeping?" He asks in a not so quiet voice. Victoria opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted.

"Trying to." Eddie grumbles and Victoria covers her mouth as the man stirs a bit.

"You know, we were having a sweet moment and you didn't even chime in." Buck teases the man who didn't seem to be in the mood to have a conversation.

"Can we never have sweet moments during the day? Why does it have to be in the dead of the night?" He asks in annoyance.

"I have never met such an angry sleeper." Victoria jokes as she leans back against Buck.

"And I've never met such annoying ones." He retorts making Victoria snort a bit as she smirks toward Buck. Eddie just turns his head so he was finally looking at them. "I'll kick you both to the couch." Eddie tells them and he could hear the snickers between them thinking it was pretty funny. "I'm not kidding." He adds with a deadpan stare.

This causes them both to stop, clamping their mouths shut. Eddie only turns back, resting his head against the pillow again. Victoria shakes her head, still smiling as she laid back down, resting her head on eddies shoulder. Buck wraps his arms around her, extending them to Eddie as well as they land just shy of his stomach.

Buck nuzzles his head into the crook of Victoria's neck, closing his eyes as a sigh leaves his lips. Victoria feels the warmth, instantly letting it overcome her as her vision turns dark and she falls into a deep slumber.

••••

THE TRUCK DRIVES DOWN THE STREETS OF CHICAGO, the eerily familiarity of it all hitting Victoria as she looked out the window. "So, why did we have to drive again?" Buck asks with a groan, having been complaining almost the entire time. He still didn't understand why they couldn't just fly to Chicago, especially since his back was killing him from being in this truck for over a day.

"In case they need us to jump on any calls." Bobby responds which only earned an eye roll from Buck.

"They don't have firetrucks in Chicago?" Chimney chimes in, his head rested against the seats as he had his eyes closed.

"Apparently not." Hen mutters.

Eddie glances toward Victoria, seeing how she was just peering out the window. He nudges her a bit to get her attention. "You nervous?" He asks her and she fiddles with her fingers as she nods her head a bit.

"A little."

"We're gonna be with you the whole time." Buck admits as he places a hand on her knee from in front of her. Victoria puts hers on top, resting her head back a bit.

"Good thing about LA, is we got first pick at the station we'd be housing in for the next few days." Bobby says from the front.

"Really? Which one?" Hen asks curiously and Bobby glances back at them with a small smile.

"I think someone might be familiar with it." He states as they pull into the driveway. Victoria looks out the window and her heart almost stops as she sees her old firehouse.

The biggest smile forms on her face as she couldn't believe they were really here. "Bobby, are you serious?" She asks him as the truck comes to a stop.

"Go say hi to your family, Vic." Bobby tells her and Victoria was quick to jump out of the truck, her eyes taking in the station which was just the same as when she had left.

"It really has not changed at all." She mutters with a soft smile as she walks inside. Victoria notices Gabby bent next to truck 81, scrubbing it with a cloth in her hand. She places her hands on her hips, tilting her head. "I thought the candidate would be able to wash a truck better than this." Victoria teases with a laugh.

"I swear if one more person--" Gabby stops herself as she turns around and sees the person in front of her. "Vic!" She gasps, her eyes going wide as she was quick to stand up.

"Trying to threaten me, Dawson?"

"Always." Gabby says with a smile as she practically jumps into her arms. "I can't believe you're really here." She admits. She knew the conference was coming up but truthfully she wasn't sure if Victoria would back out or not.

"Neither can I." Victoria admits with a soft sigh. She had finally made it back home, truly home. They pull away from each other and Gabby looks toward the others with a bright smile.

"Its really good to see you guys." She tells them and there was a chorus of answers as she shared a hug with them as well. Gabby then takes Victoria's hand and practically yanks her toward the door. "Hey, guess who's back?" Gabby announces and everyone looks over, seeing Victoria beside her.

Everyone jumps up, cheers erupting as Victoria covers her face a bit. Casey was the first one to get to her, immediately hugging her. "How have you been?" He asks her as he rubs her back a bit before pulling away.

"Good." Victoria admits with a smile, nodding her head and Casey returns it.

"I'm glad to hear." Casey admits, squeezing her shoulder before letting the others see her as well.

"How much trouble you causing in LA?" Herman teases her with a smirk as he crosses his arms against her chest. Victoria laughs as she shrugs her shoulders.

"You know me, Herman."

"So, a lot?" Otis chimes in and Victoria hits him playfully causing the man to smile. She then sees Boden behind them all, a soft smile on his face.

"Vic, it's good to see you." Boden tells her, nodding his head and Victoria felt her eyes trickle with tears for a split second.

"Thanks, Chief." She responds, still remembering everything that he had done for her throughout the years. "Truly." Victoria says and Boden just waves his hand a bit. Her eyes flicker to Kelly who had been waiting nearer the table, maybe a bit reluctant to approach her.

"Hey." Kelly says and they stare at each other for a moment. She just shakes her head with a roll of her eyes before stepping forward.

"Come here." Victoria says as she pulls the man in for a hug. Kelly reciprocates it, holding her close. "Youre an idiot, you know that?" She mutters in his ear and he couldn't help but smile and let out a small laugh.

"Youre saying that to me?" He asks as he pulls away from the girl. Kelly then moves his eyes to Buck, hesitation in his eyes but Buck just takes a step forward, holding his hand out.

"No hard feelings, man." Buck tells him and Kelly was wary as he glanced at his hand and then back at Victoria.

"Really?"

"Yeah, we're cool." He admits and Kelly was relieved as he shook his hand. Victoria was slightly surprised, given how she was half expecting some sort of comment or punch from Buck. But it just showed how much they had all matured within the past year.

"Damn, there goes my twenty bucks." Chimney mutters as he gives it to Hen. Buck narrows his eyes as he looks over at the man.

"I hope your baby's first words are mommy."

"You take that back." Chimney snaps and Buck just smirks toward him.

"Make yourselves comfortable, this is your house too for the time being." Boden tells them as he steps closer to the 118 group. Bobby nods his head as he sends the man a smile.

"Appreciate it, Chief." Bobby says as he shakes the man's hand.

••••

STANDING IN THE HALLWAY THAT WAS LINED WITH AN ARRAY OF PICTURES AND PLAQUES, Victoria couldn't help the wash of sadness that came over her as she stared at them. Memories flooding through her brain of her time at fifty one, seeing how happy she was, how close the house seemed.... how everyone was still here. It was hard to look back it it, knowing Shay and Darden were no longer with them. It was even harder when she wasn't even in Chicago when both of their deaths happened.

But she knew she had to allow herself to let that guilt go. That it wasn't her fault and that they most likely would still have passed even if she had still been at fifty one. She hears footsteps beside her but her eyes don't move from the one picture that had the whole house in a group, standing in front of one of the firetrucks. Victoria was on Kelly's back, Gabby on Shays, the rest of the team gathered around them.

"They're looking over you." Hen tells her, placing her hand on Victoria's shoulder. Victoria nods, knowing that she was right. She knew their presence was still in this house, that they would always be a part of 51.

"I just wish they were still here." Victoria  responds and Hen sighs a little bit, dropping her head as she squeezed her shoulder before moving her hands to rub the womans back a bit.

"I know." Hen tells her and Victoria finally glances at her, seeing the soft smile Hen was giving her.

"I remember when that photo was taken, you put purple dye in Darden's shampoo." Gabbys voice pipes up as she walks over to them, a small laugh leaving her lips. Victoria shakes her head, rolling her eyes playfully as she looks back at the picture.

"And he retaliated by chopping a huge section of my hair off." She states, recalling how she had to wear a hat for a week straight before she could actually go to the hairdresser and try to get it fixed.

"That prank war was epic." Gabby admits with a smirk on her face.

"Until the chief had to stop us before we got a lawsuit from the fire department." Victoria retorts, pressing her lips together tightly and Gabby shakes her head.

"Probably shouldn't have done most of it at the station."

"You really haven't changed." Hen states as she raises an eyebrow and Victoria points her finger at the woman.

"I definitely have because I'm with Buck." She points out, making the others laugh.

"No, that's purely because he changed." Hen corrects her. She really doubted that Victoria would've gotten with Buck if he hadn't changed his behaviour.

"Has he though?" Gabby asks making them all burst into laughter again. Buck and Eddie come walking down the hall toward the women.

"What are we laughing at?" Buck asks curiously and Victoria just smiles at the man, shaking her head as she places her hand in his own.

"Nothing." She denies and Buck didn't seem to buy it as he narrowed his gaze a bit.

"Mhm."

"Hey, how about after shift, you guys come to Molly's and we can all catch up. First rounds on me." Gabby suggests as she looks at the group.

"Right. I totally forgot you guys bought a bar." Victoria admits, raising her eyebrows. She had remembered when Gabby had first told her and she called her stupid, but it had actually turned out pretty great.

"You would've definitely joined in." Gabby teases her and Victoria scoffs as she shrugs her shoulders.

"Oh, a hundred percent."

"That sounds fun, we'll be there." Hen says with a smile on her face.

"And I can tell you everything thats gone on with Kelly these past few months." Gabby adds which makes Victoria furrow her eyebrows as she looks toward the woman.

"Uh, don't I already know?" She asks. Gabby had kept her up to date and she was back to speaking with Kelly, what would she not know about him?

"Babe, you don't even know the half of it." Gabby snorts with a smirk on her face. Victoria blinks, placing a hand on her hip.

"Like what?" She retorts, really not expecting much since she was sure she knew all of the big things that had happened. Boy was she wrong.

"Like how he went to Vegas and got married to a stripper." Gabby states before turning to walk away from her. Victoria's mouth drops as she felt like time had come to a halt.

"He what?"

••••

AS THE GROUP SAT IN ONE OF THE BOOTHS IN MOLLY'S, Herman places a orange looking drink on the table. Victoria stares at it momentarily before taking a hold of the glass. "What is this?" She asks, a bit cautiously as she never really tried anything like this before, not even when she drank alcohol. She mainly drank wine or hard liquor.

"Gabby told us you're not drinking anymore so I made a... fruity -- it doesn't have any alcohol in it." Herman just cuts himself off, explaining it simply because he didn't feel like saying what was actually in it. Victoria couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks Herman." She tells him and Herman just pats her on the shoulder.

"No problem, kid." He responds before turning and heading back to the bar. Victoria brings the glass to her lips, taking a sip but as soon as the liquid touches her tongue, she pauses.

They all watch her and Otis raises an eyebrow. "Is it bad?" He asks while Gabby takes it from her in order to try it herself. Victoria's nose scrunches up a bit and as Kelly walks up to them, she grabs his glass, spitting the liquid into it before coughing a bit.

Kelly stares at her blankly. "Okay, thanks for that." He says bluntly and Victoria gives him a sheepish smile. Otis takes the glass from Gabby

"Yeah, I'm gonna make you something better." He tells her and Victoria looks at him thankfully before he walks away. Victoria looks toward Kelly who had taken the seat beside Gabby.

"So, Kelly." She says, leaning her arms on the table and Kelly looks over at her.

"So, Vic." He responds, doing the same tone as her.

"Gabby told me you went to Vegas." Victoria admits and Kelly's jaw clenches a bit as he already knew where this was going.

"Oh did she now?" He questions, carefully looking toward the woman who was beside him.

"You weren't going to tell me you got married?" Victoria asks, tilting her head and Kelly rolls his eyes playfully.

"Right, ha ha, make fun of me all you like." He responds, crossing his arms against his chest. Victoria just smirks toward him.

"Was it love at first sight or--"

"She has no right to say anything." Kelly denies as he gestures toward Gabby who only laughs as she shrugs her shoulders.

"When you disappear for weeks, I'm gonna say something." Gabby retorts and Kelly seemed to hesitate about something before saying it.

"Did she tell you that her and Casey broke up?" He asks, his eyes moving to Victoria. At first she thought he was kidding before she saw the was Gabbys face dropped.

"What?"

"Youre an asshole." Gabby mutters toward Kelly who only shrugged his shoulders. Victoria frowns as she furrows her eyebrows.

"Why didn't you tell me this?" Victoria asks her and Gabby sighs as she looks over at the woman.

"I was going to, you were just so happy and I didn't want to ruin that." She denies.

"Gabby, you're one of my closest friends, I'm always going to be here for you." Victoria tells her. It didnt matter what she was or wasnt going through, Gabby should always feel comfortable coming to her with anything.

Her eyes catch someone at the var momentarily, someone who was eerily familar to her. The mans eyes staring back at her, his dark hair falling over them slightly. But she just looks away, her gaze going back to gabby. "I thought you guys were going strong." She admits. She thought they were perfect for each other, she didn't understand what had happened.

"Yeah, i thought so too. I guess not." Gabby retorts, her eyes dropping to the table. She didn't really want to talk about it, at least in front of everybody. She'd rather talk with Victoria privately.

"Okay, i think we need to cheer up this mood." Buck says, sitting up a bit. Victoria glances toward the bar, noticing once again the same man glancing over at her.

"Right. How about we all say our favourite embarrassing story about vic?" Chimney suggests with a smirk on his face and Hen narrows her eyes.

"This is not gonna make us forget you falling over a balcony." She denies and Chimney glares at her before flipping her off.

But Victoria wasn't paying attention, her eyes still on the man who had seemingly now disappeared from her sight. She felt a nudge on her arm making her glance over and see Buck and Eddie both looking at her with concern. "Everything okay?" Eddie asks her curiously and she nods, putting on a smile.

"Yeah." Her eyes move over to the bar once more but the seat was empty. She sighs but decides to just let it go.

"Look who's back in town." Victoria hears and as she looks to the side, she notices Antonio walking up to the group. She instantly beams as she jumps up from the booth.

"Antonio!" She hugs the man who stops in front of her.

"You doing okay, kid?" Antonio asks her as they pull away from each other.

"Yeah, better." She answers him with a smile before turning to her friends. "Guys, this is gabbys brother Antonio." Victoria introduces him and they all smile toward the man.

"Nice to meet you." Eddie says with a nod of his head.

"What do you do?" Hen asks curiously.

"I'm a detective with the Chicago Pd."

"Athena would love him." Victoria says with a small laugh. "How are Eva and Diego?" She asks him, wondering how his kids were doing. She hasn't seem them since they were very young but she talked to them on FaceTime when Gabby looked after them.

"Mmm, you know, typical teenagers." Antonio tells her and Victoria presses her lips together tightly.

"I know the feeling."

"I'm gonna get a drink, anyone else want anything?" Antonio asks them but they all shake their heads.

Victoria turns her head toward Buck, resting her chin on his arm as he gazes at the two men. Eddie smiles over at her, reaching his hand over to grab her own while as Buck just rests his head against hers.

••••

VICTORIA LET OUT A HUFF AS SHE SEARCHED HER BAG, realizing she had left her phone in Gabbys car. She rubs her face a bit as she scoots to stand up from the booth. She leans toward Buck a little who had been sitting beside her.
"I'm just gonna grab something from the car." She tells him over the loud chatter. Buck glances toward her.

"Want me to come with you?" Buck asks a bit cautiously, not sure if he wanted her to go outside by herself this late. Even though she had grown up in this city, it still wasn't safe.

"No, I'll just be a minute." Victoria says with a soft smile, kissing him quickly before turning and heading to the door. Walking outside, she wraps her arms around herself as the cool breeze hits her. Glancing around, she jogs across the street and over to the car as she pulls the keys from her bag.

Letting out a sigh, she unlocks the door, leaning in to get her phone. She notices it on the seat, glad that no one broke in and stole it. Grabbing it, she puts it in her pocket before standing back up, closing the door. As she goes to turn around, she is met with the same man who had been staring at her in the bar.

But this time she had a clear view of who he was and the spike in her heartbeat slowed down significantly. "Gavin." The name sounded foreign coming out of her mouth. She hadn't heard or said it in a long time.

"I'm surprised you remembered my name." He responds with a small scoff. Victoria couldn't help but frown a bit but simply crosses her arms against her chest.

"So, it was you watching me." Victoria knew that coming back to Chicago, there was a chance she would run into him. Run into any of them. After all, Anthony's family and stayed in the city while she had taken off to another state.

"Just wanted to see if the rumors were true. Vic Hughes, back in the windy city." Gavin tells her in a sarcastic voice, his eyes glancing down her momentarily. Victoria closes her eyes, bringing her hand up to rub her forehead.

"I would've called, I just--"

"Oh, don't worry. I stopped expecting anything from you a long time ago." He snaps at her. Victoria knew he would be hostile. Why wouldn't he be?

"Can we just go inside? Talk?" She suggests, mainly just not wanting to have this conversation outside in the dark while the cold wind hit their skin.

"Talk? Now you want to talk after almost eight years?"

"I know you're angry that I left, okay? But I just couldn't stay here anymore." Victoria denies. She didn't know what else to say other than that. She really didn't owe anybody an explanation.

"I'm not angry that you left, Vic. That's actually something that I can understand." He admits with a scoff. "I'm angry because you left without saying goodbye, without telling any of us where you were going. You never tried to reach out to us, not once since you left." Gavin explains to her. Maybe if she had even kept in touch once a year, things would be different.

"I wanted to. But it was just too hard."

"I understand that we are Anthony's family, but we were yours too, Vic. You and Rosie were our family." Gavin tells her and Victoria did know that, but he didnt understand. "My mom still asks about you, prays that you're doing okay. She doesn't hold one single ounce of resentment inside of her even when she should. Anna was two when you left and you may not think that's old enough to remember a lot but she cried for weeks, calling out for her auntie vic." He explains to her and Victoria felt her chest tighten a bit.

"And jesse-- he felt abandoned not only by his brother but by someone he thought was becoming like a sister to him. He was ten-- Rosie's age and now I don't even recognize my own brother." His voice was full of hatred and frustration as he glared at the woman who was supposed to have been their family. "You know he's in a gang? Ran away from home two years ago and we haven't seen him since?" Gavin asks her and Victorias eyes widen, her jaw going slack as she hears him.

"W-what?"

"My baby brother might be dead for all I know because he closed himself off to everybody after what happened." Gavin tells her and Victoria couldn't believe that the boy had gone and disappeared. But that didn't give Gavin any right to blame her for it. "Barely paid attention in school, started hanging with the wrong people-- my mom didn't just lose her oldest, she didn't just lose you, she lost her baby." He states and Victoria had had enough of it, of the accusations, of the tone, of the blatant misunderstanding of why she left.

"Do you think I'm not ashamed of leaving? Do you believe i don't think about them every single day? Of course I do!" She snaps back at him, fed up with him acting like he knew what she was thinking. Like he knew the reasoning behind why she left. "Don't you think I thought of your parents as my own? That I wasnt grateful when they treated me and Rosie like we were part of your family after our dad passed?" That i wasn't grateful when she would come with me to visit my own mother who, in case you care, doesn't even remember Anthony is dead." Victoria could see his face fall a bit, his eyes flickering to the ground.

"I will forever hold love and appreciation for what your family gave me, for what you helped me through. But I know you lost your brother, your mother lost her son-- and I believed that I couldn't show my own grief because well, what was it in comparison to his own family?" Victoria felt like she had no right to show how she was feeling. To feel the grief of not only losing him but their child. Because well, they had lost a son, a brother, an uncle-- but most people just didn't understand that she had lost her soul mate.

"I couldn't be here, Gavin. I couldn't walk these streets, I couldn't live in that house, I couldn't see your family because everytime I did, I saw him. I saw the man I loved, the man I was gonna marry- the man who was going to come home to me so we could start a family!" Victoria explains as tears streamed down her cheeks. She stops herself as she stares at Gavin who was just staring at her with shock on his face.

"He was done. After he was discharged, he was done. And then he died."

"I-i didn't know that." He admits, never knowing that his brother had planned to be done with the army.

"Because i spared you all the grief of knowing that if it had just been one less week, if he had just not even gotten on that helicopter, that he would've been home for good." Victoria explains to him. It wouldve killed his mother to find that out. To know that her son wouldve been with her if only he didnt stay the extra week. "I carried that burden so you didn't have to." She states. If she had to be hated, she didn't care, as long as the pain she felt, they would never have to feel.

"You can be angry at me that I left, you can be angry that I haven't spoken to you in years, you can be angry that I seemingly moved on with my life-- but what you cannot do is accuse me of not caring about your family." Victoria tried to keep her voice from being harsh but she was frustrated that he believed she just never cared about what his family did for her.

"That i just moved on without blinking and started a new life because it took me years to finally let somebody in, to let myself feel an ounce of love after what happened." Victoria has seen it happen, people moving on quite quickly after their partners passing. Whether it be a few months or a year. But everyone had a way of dealing with their grief, everyone had different methods, everyone had a different time line for when they continued with their life.

So even if she had moved on as quickly as he thought, that would've been her own business. "And even then I sabotaged it because I didn't feel like I deserved it." But she didn't. She could barely even think of loving anybody else. Of growing old and bearing someone else's children. So much that she continuously sabotaged the happiness and love that she had been given.

"I needed to rediscover myself, to understand and let go of the grief and guilt I burdened myself with." Victoria explains to him. It had took her a long time to understand that what happened, she had no control over. That it was impossible to allow herself to be happy when she was pushing herself down for things she didn't do.

"I couldn't do that here." She denies as she shakes her head, her eyes boring into the man's in front of hers who so much looked like Anthony's. "And I couldn't do that with you reminding me of him every single day." Gavin wasn't talking about Anthony to her, but he didn't have to. Just being in front of her was a reminder of Anthony, and the fact that Anthony was no longer here.

"I'm not gonna apologize for falling in love with somebody else." Victoria tells him. She knew that was what Anthony wouldve wanted. She realized that now. They had a conversation about it. It wasnt an easy task, she didnt just jump straight into another relationship and she hated when people implied that they believed she had. "Cause that was the hardest thing I have ever gone through." Falling for someone was something she couldn't control. Which is why she spent so long trying to fight it, trying to make it seem like she didnt want it when truthfully, it's because she felt like she didn't deserve it.

"But that isn't ever gonna change the love i felt for your brother." Victoria never wanted his family to believe that she just replaced him. That the love she felt was just something she could push away that easily. "He will always be my first love, the man who i loved with my whole entire heart." She could hear her voice crack but she pushed past it, pushed past the emotions hurdling together in her chest. "I still love him, a piece of me always will."  She assures the man who was only listening to her, tears in his eyes.

"But I need to let go." Victoria felt a wave of relief rush across her body as she said it out loud. She never allowed herself to truly let Anthony go because she never really got to put him to rest. But she knew it wasn't healthy, dragging him along with her. Even though she would still think about him, even though she would still love him, she had to look to the future versus dwell on the past.

"I need to finally let him go."

It was silent as the words lingered between them. Gavin seemed to understand what she was saying and it didn't seem like he resented her for any of the words that came out of her mouth. If anything, it was just allowing him to see the reasoning behind the decisions she had made, no matter the pain that had come with them.

"No matter what, you will always have a spot in our family." Gavin states, his eyes meeting hers again. He was honestly just glad that she was truly okay. That's all he ever wanted to know. Even if it had been by a simple text. She was still a part of his family in his eyes and he never wanted to leave any of his family behind.

"I know." Victoria responds with a small nod and a gentle smile forming on her puffy face, tear stains on her cheeks. "And I promise you, I will help you find Jesse." She assures him. Gavin seemed to look a bit sad, Victoria didn't know if it was the mention of Jesse or if he may truly believe they wouldn't be able to get in touch with him.

"Come visit us, before you leave." Gavin tells her and Victoria is silent for a moment. "Thats all I ask." His voice was fragile as he looked down at the ground. Victoria chewed the inside of her cheek. "At least just show them that you're okay." He pleads and Victoria knew he was right. She couldn't keep running from her past, not when she was finally facing it.

So she gave him another nod. Gavin returns it softly, rubbing his eye as he just brushes past her, heading down the street. Victoria watches him momentarily, blinking away the last few tears that she felt, sniffling as she brought her hands up to wipe her face a bit.

She heard the door to the bar open and as she glances over, she sees Buck and Eddie walking out. Her eyes move down to the ground as she tries to compose herself while they come over to her. "Hey, you okay?" Buck asks with concern in his voice as he sees the obvious tears that she had been trying to wipe away.

"What happened?" Eddie questions, placing his hand on her shoulder as he tilts his head down slightly. Victoria takes a shaky breath as she barely looks up at them.

"I saw Anthony's brother." She tells them and it was silent for a moment. Anthony hadn't come up in quite some time and it was a shock to both of them. Buck glances toward Eddie momentarily before he takes a step forward.

"Lets head back to the hotel, okay?" Buck suggests and Victoria couldn't help but frown a little bit as she looks back toward the bar.

"But what about--"

"I'll let Gabby know you're just feeling under the weather." Eddie assures her. They both knew she was in no state to go back inside and act like she was having fun. She needed to just go back to the hotel and have a moment to herself. They didn't know what the two talked about but seeing Victoria's face, they knew she would need a bit of time before she talked about it.

Victoria was grateful as Eddie turned to head back into Molly's while Buck wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to him and rubbing her back as he motions for a cab to stop beside them.

••••

Authors note; aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I've been waiting to write this scene for a long time. I think this is really coming full circle for Vic and after a very long time she is finally allowing herself to let go of Anthony and the guilt she feels.

Kwak Dong-Yeon as Gavin