05:22 p.m

to: kenma♡
i was about to leave the library for the day

but i wanted to write to you first

i finally...

finished the list of things that make me smile.

it took me a while but i got here.

i had to think hard and... honestly it was stressful

but

let me tell you what they are

10. the letters from my childhood

i told you about them, i wanted to be a hero...

a hero, huh...

i always wanted to be the hero that fights evil

punches the bad guys and saves the day!

child me was very imaginative

there are many heroes today too.

doctors, firefighters, people working at emergency services, good moms and dads

my parents, for example, are like heroes to me.

they love and trust me no matter what.

just the other day my mom came into the room with sliced fruit and juice while i was working hard on assignments...

it helped a lot

or my therapist.

she really... her help has been great and i dont know where i would be without her

9. the lunch lady

she still gives me extra, she even slipped in a cookie for me today

she calls me "sweetie" and that makes me smile

8. old books that haven't been opened in a while

i find many of those here in the library and they are a treasure, like opening a time capsule.

sometimes they contain old bookmarks or notes

one i found was a cute haiku poem

when ice melts away

and blossoms smile at the sun

my heart heals slowly

...

speaking of blossoms

7. my cactus blossom

its still there, now wilting a bit but

it's still holding on

6. the  sunrise.

i... found that waking up each day to a sunrise

and realizing i survived yet another day

makes me smile

it took me a while to accept this

5. my volley ball

reminds me of all things i experienced while playing, many great memories...

many great friends and enemies

4. my book of doodles

sometimes i would doodle in the evenings.

many of them are related to you and things you've said.

i wont be able to keep the notebook forever

so once i can i will tattoo the most meaningful ones on me

3. the stray we picked up.

i picked up a cat.

he's cute.

sleepy all the time.

haven't named him yet, but he already makes me happy.

he's cute. a colorful tabby

he purrs and purrs and purrs and never stops

he cuddles up to me everytime he can and it makes me feel warm, he's...quite healing

reminds me of you

2. my friends.

my closest people. i love them.

1. you.

my therapist told me to keep you off the list

but the moments we shared make me smile so how can i not.

i chose the positive memories.

i took time to think more about who i want to be

and i think i know what i want to do in the future

once i put it to words

i will tell you.

i will always put you first.

i will always tell you first

for you are part of my soul

delivered.