It's as if I'm watching a scene in slow motion.

But all I'm doing is wishing for it to speed up.

Marvel drags the knife roughly across Rue's neck, drawing blood instantly. I waste no time, drawing a knife from my belt and throwing it at him.

It hits its target instantly, right to the heart. Marvel falls, without even having time to scream. Far off, a cannon booms.

And I am too distracted to process the fact that I just killed someone. That I just ended a life. The constant replays, the torture, the PTSD, it will all come in time. Right now, my priorities are with Rue.

She's on the ground now, beside where Marvel's body lies. I run over to her, not registering my aching legs anymore, and throw myself down next to her. Her neck is bleeding badly, and I am not stupid. Neither is she.

We both know she will never meet Cato and become part of our alliance.

We both know she will never eat the squirrel I caught yesterday.

We both know she is not leaving this place alive.

Tears flow through my eyes and down my face as I say. "Hey, hey, it's okay." My lip wobbles hard as I gently pull her into my arms, wrapping them around her.

For a second, neither of us speak. I stare at those brown eyes, stroking her hair and breathing hard, the occasional sob wracking my body.

Then I brave saying. "It's okay, you're okay," more tears run down my face and I shake my head slowly. I've only known this girl a week, and I've only spoken to her for about an hour, and still, I feel so emotionally attached to her.

As her neck bleeds out even more and her face goes pale, I know I don't have much time, so I just start to talk, to ramble.

"Y-y'know my sister, Prim? The one I volunteered for?" I speak, and she moves her lips in a way I take to mean 'yes'. "Well, you remind me of her so, so much," I close my eyes, tears unstoppable now. "And I love it. Y-you don't know this but... you're one of the reasons I've been kept going in this place."

She gives me a slight smile, despite the fact she's about to die from blood loss.

"Y-you have to win," Rue says, her eyes wide and glassy. "F-for Prim."

I sob silently at the sound of her name.

"And for you," I tell the girl, clasping her hand tightly. "I'll do it for you, as well now."

Rue's lips twitch and her neck loses even more blood. I am just about to speak to her again when she speaks to me, her eyes forever burning into me, but in a good way.

"S... sing."

I only sing for Prim and Katniss. And I do it rarely. A lot more rarely since my father died.

But he could. He could sing so well the birds would stop and listen to him, because that's just the kind of man he was.

So maybe singing for Rue in the middle of the arena as she dies isn't a bad thing. Maybe it's a way to honour her. And him.

So I do. I begin to sing. It's the same song I sing for Prim to send her off to sleep. And it'll maybe even work for sending... Rue off, as well.

Deep in the meadow

Under the willow

A bed of grass

A soft green pillow

Tears blind me as I break off into sobs,

Lay down your head

And close your sleepy eyes

My voice is almost incoherent as I finish.

And when again they open

The sun will rise

My heart, my head, my everything hurts as I lift my hand down and slowly close Rue's eyes. Her body's gone limp and she's paler than ever.

The cannon going off only confirms it.

I sit back, still holding her hand, as I sob hard. It's been years since I've felt the searing, shocking pain that losing a loved one is. It's been years since I became this overcome with emotion.

"I'm sorry," I sob to her, kissing her forehead. "I'm so, so sorry..."

And what makes everything so much worse is that Rue won't be celebrated. Won't be remembered. No, she'll be an unidentifiable body shipped back to Eleven in a wooden box, a funeral where no one can properly show their feelings, and a monotone, insincere victory tour speech.

And then, a little voice in my head says no.

No, Rue will not be all those things. She'll be someone everyone can remember. Someone everyone can love.

And I'm weak, and broken, and Cato is probably waiting for me at the cave, and the Capitol will probably blow me to smithereens for this, but I'm going to do it anyway.

I get up slowly, not to abandon Rue, but to help her.

I can't clean up her neck, so I decide to leave it. However, what I do do is even better.

Whilst collecting the branches for the fires this morning, I came across a patch of white flowers. I go back to them now, and begin to pick them in bunches, bringing them back to Rue.

I lay the flowers out around her, placing them there carefully and embedding them below her. There's probably going to be riots in the Capitol, but I don't care. They can kill me if they like, because they didn't do anything to spare her.

As a finishing touch, I move Rue's arms so they're resting on her stomach, and place a small bouquet of flowers into the one that was holding mine when she... left.

After I finish I try to control my tears, placing a small kiss on her forehead and getting up. I have to admire my work. It's beautiful, and pretty, and doesn't look at all like it could start a whole fucking rebellion.

But in that moment I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

So, as a final act, I pull my hand into three fingers, and lift them to my lips. Then I raise them high in the air, looking angrily up to the sky at the camera I know will be there.

I hope that somewhere, in District Eleven, Rue's loved ones will see. See that I'm with her. See that I'm angry at the ones who killed her. See that I care about her, despite only knowing her for a short time.

I just want her death to mean something.

And, as I turn away, murmuring a silent goodbye to the young girl, I hope that it does.

Sleep well, Rue.

☦︎☦︎☦︎

I run back to the cave, wanting nothing more than to eat something and cry myself to sleep whilst Cato keeps watch outside the cave.

But when I get there, I find nothing.

It only takes two minutes to get to the cave, but I'm already dissolving into tears by the time I get there. I stumble towards it when I see it, sobbing. "Cato! C-Cato-"

I don't know why but I want to see him. I want to see him and to tell him everything, and to feel safe again, my back being watched by him.

But when I get inside the cave, Cato isn't there.

He isn't there. His stuff isn't there. Not even a trace of him is there.

"C... Cato?" I ask again, because I'm afraid and I don't know why. Only one person can win these games, and our alliance would've ended eventually, but I didn't think it would be this soon.

And a part of me wanted to keep it going.

I sob the loudest I ever have, and collapse to my knees, my back pressing hard into the cave wall. I pull my knees up to my chest, collapsing my head onto them as I try to heave air into my lungs. My whole body is shaking and my heart rate is increasing exponentially, but I can't help it.

I can't help but think of her family in Eleven, who will perhaps blame me for not being able to save her. Can't help but think of Haymitch and Andrew, who are probably rolling their eyes into the back of their heads at me for being this wrapped up in a single girl. Of the hovercraft that will be coming into the arena soon, to lift Rue's body from those flowers. And M-

And then, in that cold, numbing, earth shattering, moment, I realise.

Rue's body won't be the only one being collected.

Marvel.

The boy who killed her. The boy who I killed.

I start to sob even harder, lying on the ground of the cave as I realise the extent of what I have done. Sure, the tracker jackers killed Clove, but that was them, not me. Whereas, I actively threw a knife at Marvel's heart. I actively killed him.

I actively killed an innocent boy. A boy who had a life ahead of him. A boy who I disliked, but would never dream of killing, no matter how many lives he cost.

What will his family think? What will my family think?

I stop crying after a while. I think I've used up all my tears. I lie down on the cave floor, not really caring whether Glimmer or someone else finds me anymore. I don't eat the squirrel I was promising- her, earlier. I don't eat anything at all.

I fall asleep with my hands curled into fists, wishing I was still holding her's.

☦︎☦︎☦︎

Cato isn't coming back.

That much I've accepted. I'll see him again, probably, if I'm not killed by someone else, but all that stuff about caring about me and wanting to protect me was bullshit.

It's the next morning. Contrary to what I believed, I wasn't killed last night, but I am not feeling any better now. My throat feels dry and raw, my head is still slightly sore, and my whole body is hurting in different ways.

"Attention, tributes, attention."

I only hear Claudius Templesmith's voice vaguely, through the cave walls. An announcement is clearly being made. I frown, because I know this will be a rule change, or something similar, but I don't know if I have the heart to listen to it.

However, I hear it anyway, whether I want to or not.

"The regulations requiring a single victor have been... suspended. From now on, the remaining two tributes left at the end of the games will be crowned as victors. This will be the only announcement."

I didn't think anything could make me more shell-shocked than the loss of Rue.

But that announcement took the cake.

And all I can think is one thing.

I have to find Cato.

☦︎☦︎☦︎

I don't know where Cato is. I don't know where he went, I don't know why he abandoned our plan, and I don't know if he wants to see me.

But two people can win the games now.

And I'm determined to make Cato one of them.

I leave the cave with all my stuff that morning, when the sky is just lightening. My plan is unclear, but I just need to find Cato, before my picture's in the sky. Or his.

I search down by the river first, looking in every hiding spot he could be and calling his name as loud as I dare. I circle back to the woods near the Cornucopia, which is the route I took from the cave to blow up the supplies.

I search for hours and hours, because I'm desperate. I haven't cried today, but that's because I've been keeping busy enough to not think about the fact that Rue was killed. Or that I killed someone yesterday.

The hour is unknown when I hear it, but the sky is still shining bright, no cannons having been boomed today.

But regardless of that, I'm not really paying attention when it happens. I'm not scared, or sad, or feeling anything. I'm simply numb, walking with a purpose but not with any conviction whatsoever.

"I thought I'd never find you."

I turn, my head snapping upwards as I see him and all the muscles in my body locking up.

Jasper Mellark. Stood there with no weapons, no form of defence, nothing. He looks a mess, with a clear, untreated tracker jacker sting on his right cheekbone and eyes sunk far into his skull. His clothes are dirty, his hair matted and his hands are twitching, as if eager to do something.

I don't want to think about what that entails.

Instinctively, I back up, because this boy has caused me too much trouble, and I'm not falling for anymore of his bullshit.

"Wh-what?" My voice, which I intended to sound threatening, sounds broken and timid. A perfect reflection of me at the moment, really, but not what I want.

"I thought I'd never find you," Jasper says, taking a step forward. "I mean, I had to, cause we're going to win but... I didn't think I would."

I frown, shaking my head. "Jasper, what th-"

"We're going to win this, Sage," Jasper smiles at me. "Together. And then we're going to go home."

Then he catches me completely off guard, striding forward and grabbing my hands, lifting them up between us.

"Hey, don't be scared," he says. "I'm here now, okay? I'm here."

I'm frozen in fear, my eyes wide and my heart beating at an unhealthy rate. I would throw his hands off, but I seriously can't move.

"You're okay, Sage."

And maybe it's the sound of my name on his lips, or the sound of his fucking fake reassurances, but something about it puts my brain into gear.

I know he's pretending to love me, and playing into the whole 'star-crossed lovers' act. He doesn't want the audience to know what a fucking prick he is, and I don't blame him.

But I'm not letting him off that easy.

Because we are not friends, we are not allies, and we are definitely not star-crossed lovers.

"Get off me," I say, throwing my hands from his.

"Wh-?" Jasper frowns heavily at me, confused. I just look at him in pure and utter anger.

"I said get the fuck off me," I snap. "And get away from me as well, I'm going to find Cato."

"Cato?" Jasper looks at me, face flashing with anger, confusion and jealousy.

"Yeah, because he's my ally, and he's actually worth winning the games with, unlike you," I snap, my anger fueling me and numbing my fears about the fact that Jasper could kill me right now.

"You've gone mad," Jasper chuckles, and it makes me feel sick. "Sage, I'm the one you want to go home with. Cato's the guy who insulted you, remember? He's the guy who told you that you were worthless, that you didn't deserve anything. He's the one-"

"Yeah, and you're the guy who RAPED me, so you're pretty even, then, AREN'T you?!"

I scream it out, letting out my anger at him, at the Capitol, and at Rue's death. My throat is burning and my eyes are open wide, but it's worth it for the look on his face.

Well, for a second.

Because when the facade drops, it drops far.

"You know what? I was right. You have gone mad," he snaps, his jaw locking and his eyes flaring. "I never raped you, Sage, you asked for it."

"No I fucking didn't!" I yell. "I was THIRTEEN!"

I am so angry I don't even care that I'm sharing my secret on national broadcast. How fucking dare he? How dare he show up, pretending to be in love with me? How dare he make Cato out to be some sort of terrible person? How dare he.

I hate him.

Then he smirks, and I want to punch him.

"Oh, Sage," he grins. "You poor, poor girl."

"What are you talking abou-"

His lips on mine interrupt me.

He kisses me roughly, his arms wrapping around me to hold me in place. It takes about five seconds for me to register what's happening, but when I do, I start to struggle. I feel his arms tighten around me, pulling me in further so his body touches mine. At this point, I'm trying desperately to escape. And when his tongue slides into my mouth, I scream.

Then he's pulling away and slapping me.

Hard.

I scream again, this time in pain. My cheek stings where he struck me, and I stumble back with the pain of it, wincing hard and biting down on the inside of my cheek to keep myself from crying.

"Shut the fuck up," Jasper is back on me again, striding forwards and grabbing me again. "You know you want this."

My heart rate increases tenfold at the feeling of his arms around my waist, and I am already crying by the time his lips slam onto mine.

And then his hands start to wander, grazing the underside of my jacket before touching bare skin, his fingers feeling disgusting, his touch repulsive.

"Get-" I try shoving him, being granted a small reprieve until his lips smash back onto me. "Get off-"

"Shut up and take it," Jasper mutters venemously, kissing me once more. "Wait until you see what I have planned for after we w-"

"WHAT. THE. FUCK?"

Jasper jumps violently and lets go of me. I stumble backwards, my legs about to give way. In my haze of emotions, and my racing heart rate, I almost don't recognise him. The one who shouted.

Until I do.

Because the boy who shouted was Cato Hadley, standing not two metres away, a vein pulsing in his temple, his face showing nothing but anger.

But for once, it's not for me.