┍━━━━━━━━━━┑
chapter twenty-one.
heavy lies the crown
┕━━━━━━━━━━┙

        The rain felt perfectly fitting that day. One day, they find out the worst news in the world of - well, the world ending, and within the next few, it's pouring. They've been working endlessly. June and Raven had put their heads together with as much spare time as they had while their friends returned home. They barely got a night's rest before gathering together. It's hard to sleep when radiation is coming to sweep over them all. The leaders, Bellamy and Clarke, and the ones hard at the work they do best, Raven, June, and Monty, that is. June's head was pounding, leaving an ache in her temples that she can't ignore even when she rubs at them.

Bellamy is equally exasperated. "We've been at this for two days. There must be something we're not thinking of." June wants to cry in mostly frustration because that's just it. They've covered every possible corner. "What if we could reach the nearest nuclear reactor?"

"I told you, the meltdown started months ago." Raven shakes her head. "There's no magic button to turn them off." She pushes herself into a more stable position from where she had been leaning bent over a chest to point at the window. "Today, this isn't black rain but it will be soon. That's why we have to focus on riding out the radiation, finding someplace safe and big enough to hold all five hundred of us."

Clarke has been a little quieter since June saw her. She guessed why but wondered if there was something more to it. However, this time, she speaks up. "This isn't just about saving us. I made a promise to Roan. It's about saving everyone."

There's nothing June wanted more than to save everyone. It was who she was. It was what her instincts always told her to do. But she also has to be realistic. They should have talked about it before Clarke made such an important promise to an entire nation of people. "Maybe we can't," she admitted quietly. June ignores the way Clarke's face fell as if she relied on her best friend's belief, but there was a weight crushing her shoulders. She can't hold onto that hope any longer if she wanted to breathe.

"But maybe we can," Raven argued. "That's why we need to tell everyone. Crowdsource it. If there's a Mount Weather out there, the grounders will know about it."

"You think they're just gonna tell us? Just like that?" Bellamy questioned. "If you tell everybody they're going to die, the Coalition is over, Roan falls, and the grounders will be at our gate."

"You could give them the benefit of the doubt, you know," June pointed out. There's a hint of anger in her tone instead of tiredness now. "You have to think about the consequences if we don't tell them."

Raven doesn't want to stand and listen to any of them buttheads. She knows they don't have time for it. "Then just tell our people. We need more minds on this problem," she declared. She can see how exhausted June is becoming, how tirelessly she has been working from the minute she found out. June's wearing herself out to put everyone first and she hates that Raven noticed. "On The Ark, people volunteered for the Culling because they were told the truth and given a choice." Her eyes narrow to Clarke with blame before her voice hardened. "A choice your dad died for."

The accusation made Clarke stop suddenly as if Raven's word had struck her physically. She even seems surprised by it. "Raven," June whispered in a scolding tone. She can't believe those words left Raven's mouth. It was cruel, and so unlike her.

"You think I've forgotten that?" Clarke asked. Her voice cracked a bit.

"Okay," Bellamy cut in, treading carefully with his decision. "We'll tell everybody the truth as soon as we have a viable solution. Without one, it'll start a panic."

June shakes her head. "You don't know that," she tried again before her lecture. "Listen, when our people heard about the Culling, they offered their lives to keep their loved ones breathing. They were afraid, but they didn't panic. They were brave. They didn't tear apart The Ark because it's our home. And we have to honor that sacrifice."

The rain's patter picks up onto their home as there's a clap which June thought was thunder, but turned out to only be Monty's hands. He burst out of his seat. "That's it!" He exclaimed. He had been wordless every minute they were in the room so his shout caught June by surprise. It was like an electric bolt coursed through him.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked him in confusion.

"Think," Monty urged. "Alpha Station survived ninety-seven years in space through elevated radiation levels and extreme temperature fluctuations. Sound familiar?" June's heartbeat sped up as if there was a hint of relief that Monty was supplying them. "All we have to do is patch up the ship." Monty's eyes are wide with seriousness. "We're standing in our viable solution."

And with that, Monty grinned so widely that it causes dimples to crate deeply in his cheeks before his head tilted back to smile at the ceiling as if the sun had shone on them once again because they were lucky enough to know a genius like Monty Green.

━━━━━━━━

The trip they plan to take, courtesy of Monty's amazing brain, is for a hydro-generator that should be powerful enough to keep Alpha Station standing through the radiation. When The Ark fell from the sky and landed in a crash on Earth, one of the pieces from Farm Station may have survived. But it's in Ice Nation territory. So, June, who is endlessly graceful for her friend Monty, helps a few of the other guards carry bags of supplies to the rover. She's colored surprised when she's helping Harper who is sat in the back as she organizes the firearms when Raven appears in the open backdoor.

"Raven?" June straightened in surprise and hopped off the ledge. "What are you - "

"You're not going." It's not a question. It's a firm demand if by the way her arms are crossed over her chest says anything. "June, you're out of your mind if you think you can cross Ice Nation territory."

June stops in her tracks. Roan was their ally, wasn't he? It couldn't be too dangerous. "Raven, this is important to me." She looked over her shoulder to the guards who offered to take the risk. Harper, Bellamy, Monty, Miller, and Bryan. Her friends, people she cared about. "I can't ask them to go and take a risk that I wouldn't take myself."

It seemed Raven had all the answers. "June, you're too important." June's eyebrows furrowed.

Me? She thinks in disbelief.

Raven and Monty were important. They were smarter than anyone she ever knew. Bellamy and Clarke were important. They were leaders, the best they had. And Harper, Miller, and Bryan were ranked highly on the guard because of their amazing shooting skills. Raven's expression turns grave as if she could read what June was thinking. "You're kidding me, right? You're smart. You're brave. You're one hell of a shot, and all that is why we need you to stay here. You don't realize it, but you're dangerous."

Dangerous? June wouldn't agree with that. She never thought of herself as someone dangerous and a threat, or at least she tried not to be. "You're dangerous because you're special," Raven continued. "You're so special and the only one who doesn't see that... Is you." She paused to take a breath after the intensity without letting June process it. "Please, just stay."

"Okay." The agreement is a whisper but is released without any more hesitation. Raven is pleading with her, telling June she is all these things she refuses to believe, but when she stares at her with such desperation in her brown eyes, she can't tell her no. Raven needs her here, so here is where June belonged as of now. "I'll stay. I'll help here and do whatever I can."

A relieved, faint smile tugs on Raven's lips. She at least gives June space to say a good-bye to her friends and give a few of them a tight embrace, watching them drive off with a sad look in her gaze before she's led to a more private setting near the mess hall with Clarke where the three girls can go over their notes of the work that needed to be done until they could go public. The few volunteers Clarke gathered are uninterested as they listen and wait for instructions. Raven's relief only lasted seconds because as soon as she has the information which is very little. June would give anything to bring her solace.

"... We've got a lot of work to do to get the ship ready for winter. Sector Four - the crack in the outer wall, we need to patch it up. Start by repairing the damaged panels. Sector Five - we need to get that tree out of the hole and seal it up." Raven looked up to the small group. "Any questions?" No one speaks. "Okay." There's a beat of silence, and the mechanic's gaze turns darker. "Go."

This time, their feet shuffle towards the exit. Raven lets out an exhale she must have been holding once they're alone. Clarke's eyes turned worried. "You okay?" She asked carefully.

"There was so much to do and I get a total of five volunteers to help me fix the ship?" Raven says although it sounds much more like a harsh demand to know.

Clarke presses her lips together to hold back her tongue before she lets out, "It's a start."

"I can't run this repair alone, Clarke!" Raven exclaimed. "Even if I had complete mobility. Even if Sinclair was still alive." A pang is sent to June's heart. Raven's words become more frantic. "Who the hell am I giving orders? I'm - I'm not the chief."

"No," June agreed. "But you're the smartest person in this room. We need you to lead them, Raven."

This brings Clarke to nod. "Neither of us is the Chancellor, but here we are. And for what it's worth, there's nobody we'd trust to do this more than you." Raven's gaze faltered to the ground. "As soon as Bellamy gets back with the machine, we go public with everything and get you the help that you need," she promised.

There are sudden footsteps into the room that brings the girls to a sudden halt in fear that someone from the public has heard them. June turned, prepared to come up with the worst possible lie she could think of, but it's no one from the crowd who would leave to tell the rest. It's only the past Chancellor Jaha. She's stunned to see him. Jaha's hair was gone, leaving the top of his head bald, and his beard has grown, hanging close to his collarbones. There's more guilt in his eyes than June has ever seen someone hold and she has a hunch it has to do with ALIE.

"Am I interrupting?" He questioned them politely.

Raven refuses to return the favor. "What do you want?" She says sharply.

There's no hint of offense in Jaha's voice. He doesn't take it personally. "I was an engineer before I was Chancellor. I supervised the redesign of Sector Five," he explained in a calm, deep voice.

"And how many people died from Sector Five in the Culling when you sucked the air out of their lungs?" Raven spat with a cock of her head.

June expects Jaha to snap back or at least make an attempt to defend his actions. But he doesn't. He only clasps his hands together in front of him and answers. "Forty-two. Would you like to know their names?"

A flash of anger sparks in Raven's eyes. June can see her muscles tense as she whirled around, prepared to storm off, but Clarke stops her. "Raven, wait. We could use the help."

Steam could have blown from Raven's ears. "You do know he made me cut my wrists to force your mom to take the chip, right?" She reminded Clarke harshly.

"He was chipped, too," Clarke defended quietly.

"He searched for the City of Light!" Raven snarled. Not even June could calm her at this point. "He brought ALIE here. He showed her how to overcome free will - "

Before Raven could finish, Jaha confesses. "Yes. Those are my sins and I have to live with them."

He's right. There isn't one person here that hasn't done something they've later regretted. There were things June has done that she would give anything to take back, to wash the crimson stains off her hands. But she can't. She has to live with them. "Raven," she said quietly. Raven's rageful eyes flicker to June as if she already knows what she's planning to say. "He's right. He can help."

Raven's expression flickers through too many emotions for June to keep up with. Anger, confusion, hurt, betrayal... All before it's wiped clean and turns darker than any glare she has ever seen Raven wear. She's seriously furious, and she shoots the threatening scowl to Jaha. "You wanna help?" She spits before giving her order. She points to one of the tables with buckets of metal lined up. "Go sort the scrap."

Considering Jaha's knowledge, it isn't exactly the best demand, but he accepts it anyway. It's a start. "Whatever you need," he agrees as Raven passes him to leave, flames following the trail of her footsteps.

June's barely able to follow before Clarke holds her arm out. "She needs to cool down," she reminded June gently as if she didn't know the girl she loved more than anyone. "And you need to let her."

Her best friend is right, and June knows it. She messed up when she took Jaha's side and asked Raven to let him help. But hey, the world is ending. She figured taking a chance on their past leader couldn't hurt. Maybe it could help more than they thought. "I know," June whispered with a quiet sigh, her shoulders drooping. "I'm worried about her, Clarke." Raven was snapping at everyone, including Clarke. She was ready to blow at any time. The steam was just an early sign, and June didn't want to be in the path when she does.

"I know." Clarke is being as sympathetic as she can with her friend. "Hey, if you need anything, I'll never be too far." She doesn't care that Jaha is standing less than a foot away. "I know things between us haven't been the best since..." Clarke paused to swallow. "Mount Weather, but you and me? We'll always stand together. These people are ours to lead." June feels her squeeze her hand. "You, me, and Bellamy. It's what we're meant to do."

That never sounded so bad to June. To spend her life with the people who meant everything to her. But here's the thing - she's never felt like a leader. She's never felt as if she had the power to guide people in the right direction. She's only seventeen years old. June shouldn't be guiding crowds of people and spending how many days they have left figuring out a solution to save them all. She can feel her nose burn, a signal she's close to crying, but luckily, Clarke excuses herself after that when she notices June's too overcome with emotions to talk. That only leaves her and Jaha.

"For what it's worth," Jaha spoke up after a beat of silence. "I'd like to make amends with you."

God, June knows she's only seconds away from bursting into tears. She feels pathetic as she wipes the sleeve of her jacket across her nose and mutters with a crack of her voice, "For what?"

"I think you know." Yeah, June does know. She just doesn't want to say it. Jaha feels awful for sending one-hundred delinquents down to Earth, including his son and herself, and pities her for losing him. He's sorry but June is tired. She can't carry his guilt too. "June," Jaha continues. "What you've done... I can't thank you enough. Not just for Wells, but for my people too... No one should bear what you have. And I can't apologize enough for it."

The tears June had spent the last few minutes fighting back burn as they brim her eyelids and she suddenly can't fight them off anymore. Her heart aches, it burns, for her lost friend. There's nothing she wouldn't give to have him back. She can feel the tears rolling down her cheeks like small buds until she tastes them on her lips. Someone is standing in front of her who carries the flesh and blood of the person she missed the most and June is as close as she'll ever get to them ever again. And he's apologizing to her. For everything she's been through. For everything she never should have gone through.

"I'm no leader," June mumbles. Her hands clasp together and press over her face before she can see Jaha delivering her anymore pity. "All I wanted was to keep them safe. I wanted to believe I could, but I... I can't anymore." The breakdown was a long time coming. June has been pushed further and further into the ground and now she's suffocating as if she's buried underneath it.

The cries turned into sobs which led to hiccups and she feels Jaha's warm hands rest on her upper shoulders. He's not guiding her into an embrace. He only hopes that she'll listen and understand his words. "You're a leader, whether you believe it or not, June. No throne or crown is needed. A leader protects their people. My son saw that in you."

And Wells trusted June. She wants to scream at the thought. Wells trusted that she'd be there to keep him safe, but she was too tired that night to help him bury Atom. He could have still been alive today if only June was the leader everyone thought she was and could have kept him safe too. June's lower lips wobbled as she choked out, "And it got him killed." She avoids Jaha's eyes this time as she cried. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what happened to him."

"And now you understand." Jaha's voice is deep, unphased while June is crumbling. "A leader mourns those they couldn't protect. And then they honor their memory by keeping the rest of their people alive."

Those people outside of Arkadia were June's responsibility, shared between herself, Clarke, and Bellamy. She can see it now.

Jaha finishes by dragging his hands down her arms until they grasp her shaking ones. "Heavy lies the head that wears the crown."

June has to compose herself by taking a few deep breaths. Her hands grip Jaha's tightly until they stop the trembling as her mind races, pleading words even she couldn't make sense of. She doesn't realize she's begging for a break from all of this.

June doesn't think she can handle wearing this heavy crown.

━━━━━━━━

They don't return for another several hours. June is racing out of Alpha Station the second she hears the rumble of the rover passing through the gates that echoes through the entire camp. She had time to calm herself after the talk with Jaha and realized he, and everyone else who ever spoke to her was right. June was someone important. She was a leader and her people, the ones she owed her life to protect, were here. They were alive. And they meant everything to her, even her life.

The first thing that meets June's eyes is the embrace shared between Clarke and a boy she faintly recognized. It took a few seconds to click before she whispered the name as she takes off across the lawn. "Riley?" June only saw his face a few times back when The Ark was still in the sky. She's truly shocked to see he's alive and wonders how he got here.

Then June sees it. The people emerging from the rover. Bellamy is helping a little girl on her feet who was covered in bruises. Behind him are more people in the same state, staring at the station in wonder. They're Sky People, but how...? She's so lost but not in a way that makes her stray off her path. June's grateful they have more people, alive, but they're missing something. She can already feel it prickle across her skin and burrow its way under like a warning.

A few guards guide the wounded into Arkadia, most likely to take them to medical. June's eyes meet Bellamy's for only a second because he breaks the gaze almost immediately. He's ashamed about something and she's about to find out when Raven comes as fast as her legs will carry her to the group. "Where is it?" Are the first words out of her mouth instead of a greeting hello.

"We didn't get the machine," Bellamy says cautiously.

June feels Clarke's shoulder bump into hers. "It didn't survive landing?" She questioned as if that would be the end of his sentence.

"No, it did." The words send a chill that June can feel creep up her arms and spread through her body, even to her toes. "But I had a choice - bring the machine home, or use it to save them."

Oh. June only had to take one look at the injured he brought home to see they must have been through something terrible. She gets it now. Ice Nation must have kept them enslaved since they crashed in the station. She can only guess what they must have done to innocent women, men, and children that were from the sky. This shouldn't have been their first experience on Earth, not when June's landing was one of her best memories.

But Bellamy made the biggest decision and saved them. The generator they needed to live in the station was gone. "Oh, we are so screwed," Raven hisses out loud between clenched teeth.

"We have time," Bellamy defended. "But I am not sacrificing any more innocent lives."

"You just did," Clarke tells him with disappointment in her tone.

"I made the call," Bellamy declared. "And I'll live with it."

Then he looks at June. His brown eyes are pleading, needing the person he stuck with since they've left Mount Weather when Clarke took off. They had one another when she wasn't there. And June truthfully doesn't know. She can't admit that what Bellamy did was the best choice because he used his heart over his head. She's never been one to sacrifice the few to save the many, but then again, she knows there was no good choice in this.

So she voices it. "There wasn't a good choice," June admits. "We do what we think is best. The right call wasn't to leave them there, but..."

Raven angrily crosses her arms over her chest. "Yeah, well, he's not the only one who has to live with his call." Her eyes darken towards Bellamy. "As usual."

Bellamy stands his ground now that he has the support he needed. "Go tell them. Go tell Riley I should've left him to die." His voice carries a twinge of anger that June can't blame him for. He felt as if he did the right thing, but maybe he didn't.

"Okay," Clarke interrupted before the tension can worsen. She looks to Raven. "How many of us will the ship sustain without a hydro-generator?"

There's a heavy pause as Raven mulls it over. Then she gives a shake of her head that brings her ponytail swinging. "No more then a hundred."

And the crown on June's head tips as it bears a ton more than the gold could handle.

She hates how she starts to reconsider if it was worth it. If the lives of their people being held against their will were worth the risk of the human race. And June hates how the thought appeared in her mind. She's been chained before. She's been held against her will. She's been locked in a cage. And June wonders if that fear can overpower keeping the human race alive.

"What am I supposed to tell the people now?" Clarke wondered out loud desperately. She's requesting for guidance.

"You already know," June tries to assure her.

Raven lets out a breath she may have been holding. "The truth." Raven uncrossed her arms. "Crowdsource it like we talked about."

And Clarke knows the truth may be the hardest thing to tell their people. But June was right before. They were smart enough to not panic over it, like they had with the Culling. "Call for a general meeting," Clarke instructed. Raven hesitated as if she hated being given the order before she faintly nods in compliance with a jerk of her chin and leaves the three leaders.

"What are you gonna do?" Bellamy questions Clarke even if they already know the answer.

Clarke's eyes droop and start to turn glossy. She hates that she has to do this, and June would offer to take the bearing off of her if she could. "Hope that there's a forgiving God," Clarke admitted softly.

And maybe there isn't, June thinks as she watches Clarke tread away to the stage where a few people have already started gathering. Not for people like us. Because there's no more asking for guidance. The survival of the human race was in their hands and every decision they make strays them further from a God who could forgive them.

━━━━━━━━

author's note:

already updated this again bc no regrets.

june finally accepting she's a leader makes my heart grow warm. ❤️

i'm not personally the biggest fan of jaha but i see a lot of his reasoning and because he's wells's father, june still feels a connection to him that brings her to leadership.

anyway i think that's it so thank you sm for reading my second chapter this month!!!

- koda