a/n it's been almost 40 chapters time to step it up a notch

[private chat with tooru.]

[tooru is online.]

[hajime is online.]

tooru:
morningggg

my sweet berry pie

how are u doing?

i know ur awake

don't test me

hajime:
yes yes i am awake

cant even sit on the toilet in peace

tooru:
yeah you can't

what you watching

what could possibly be more interesting than me?

hajime:
im watching tiktoks on instagram

recently been into this one show so im getting a lot of recommended vids

tooru:
is it the drama u told me about

uhhh the one with thai gay men

hajime:
damn right

anyways

i wont be able to text much today

himbo sleepover and everything

tooru:
its finnnnneeeeee

:>>>>>

i have insider information anyway

hajime:
' :/ ?

tooru:
:>>>> dont worry about it

anywayyyyy

soooo

ok idk how to approach this topic

hajime:
i have a suspicion

tooru:
why did u say no

hajime:
because... it's only been a few months i feel like

im still very busy with everything in my life

and i dont want to create some fake illusions and shit

tooru:
yeah but none of this tells me how you really feel

hajime:
do we really have to discuss this right now?

tooru:
if not now

then when?

hajime:
at any other time

listen

i think it all boils down to the fact that i may be a handsome guy

and you might be a bit confused about your feelings towards me

thats all

tooru:
does this come form some sort of relationship issue u had

where a person you liked was confused

because i am not that person

hajime:
my past relationships have nothing to do with this

i just dont think you should focus on someone like me

thats all

tooru:
so i should leave all behind?

ur good actions and ur nice words and everything that you did for me?

are u even reading what ur writing

hajime:
tooru i really dont want to get into an argument this early in the morning

i just want whats good for you

tooru:
yeah yeah sure you want what's good for me

just like everyone else

but no one ever listens to what i say

no one wants to hear that i know whats good for me

i know myself better than anyone knows me

and i can decide for myself whether something is bad for me or good for me

hajime:
alright alright no need to get so upset

im sorry

tooru:
you can apologize by agreeing to go on a date with me

for real

hajime:
you know i cannot do that

and you're very adamant about this

tooru:
so what

hajime:
do you like me?

genuinely.

do you have feelings for me?

because i see no other reason why you would be like this.

tooru:
not everything centres around feelings you know

hajime:
that's not an answer to my question

do you like me

tooru:
and what if i said that i do

what would you do then

hajime:
i would tell you how awful of a choice i am in a man

i would tell you that liking me would only bring you misfortune

that others would ridicule you for being with someone like me

and that i am not someone who is worthy of someone like you

not to mention one's a sadist, the other is a masochist

tooru:
so what im getting is that

you would never outright refuse me

hajime:
i just told you

tooru:
you never said you don't have feelings for me

instead you gave me bullshit reasons as to why i shouldn't pursue you further

hajime:
they're not bad reasons

tooru:
i like you

and i will not deny any further.

now tell me

how do you feel

truly.

[hajime is typing...]