ZOEY AKILA bennet !
sugarhill, her crib
featuring; @itszoeyb .

THE DARKSKIN GIRL stood hunched over the toilet, her body trembling with a mixture of exhaustion and desperation. after days of enduring self-imposed starvation, her body had reached a breaking point. as she leaned forward, her weakened muscles strained, barely able to support her fragile frame.

the acidic taste of bile rose in her throat, and she clenched her eyes shut, desperately trying to prevent the onslaught of another wave of nausea.

beads of perspiration formed on her forehead, a testament to her body's struggle to keep up with the physical torment she had subjected it to.

her head felt heavy, weighed down by the relentless hunger that had now transformed into a gnawing emptiness. with each heave and retch, her ribs became more prominent, her body a mere shell of its former self. the sight of her protruding collarbones and jutting hipbones reflected the toll that malnutrition had taken on her once vibrant and healthy physique.

her breathing quickened, becoming shallow and erratic, mirroring her escalating panic. each inhale was a struggle, as her starving lungs tried to compensate for the lack of sustenance they craved. fear welled up within her as she realized she had lost control over her own body, that the very act of nourishing herself had become an insurmountable challenge.

caught in the throes of her disordered thoughts, she couldn't bring herself to comprehend the gravity of her deteriorating condition. the desperation to regain control mingled with a haunting sense of self-loathing, as she grappled with the devastating consequences of her actions.

the echoes of her torment reverberated off the walls, amplifying the overwhelming sense of isolation she felt. the world outside continued to spin, oblivious to her silent struggle, unaware of the battle she fought every moment of every day.

zoey's tears mixed with the remnants of her expelled stomach contents as she finally collapsed onto the cold bathroom floor, her body frail and spent.

she feels like she deserves this, she deserved everything wrong thing that happened to her because all that she sees when she looks in the mirror is a monster. she doesn't see zoey, she doesn't see the girl who smiled and laughed at everything, she didn't see herself anymore.

it felt like as every day passes by she looses a piece of herself, and it isn't just a piece anymore it felt like a big chunk.

everyday it felt like her body was slowly just breaking. and she didn't wanna bother her parents about it because it would just make them worry about it more than she does.

zoey, struggling to regain her composure, hastily brushed away the tears streaming down her face. with a trembling hand she reached for a crumpled paper towel on the sink, using it to wipe the remnants of her anguish from her cheeks and damp lips.

zoey then sank down onto the cool bathroom floor. each breath was a struggle, her exhausted body yearning for something to eat, anything. the tiled surface offered a temporary respite, a space to gather her thoughts and find a momentary escape from the overwhelming emotions that consumed her.

sitting there, her posture slouched, zoey felt like the laziest person at this point because she didn't wanna get up snd eat even though if she knew that if she didn't do exactly that, she doesn't even know what would happen to her. 

zoey tightened her grip on the damp paper towel, her mind searched for a substitute, a way to satisfy her hunger without actually consuming anything. a flicker of realization flashed through her thoughts, reminding her of the items tucked away in a purse.

she remembered the small trove of gum and water bottles that she had stashed away for moments like these. the day that she had found eating hard was when she decided a piece of gum and water was good enough for lunch.

zoey lifted herself up from the bathroom tiles, took in a few deep breaths so she could be calmed down before she did anything else.

she started searching her room with a sense of urgency, her eyes darted from corner to corner, seeking the familiar bag that held the key to her unorthodox sustenance. seconds turned into minutes as she scoured her surroundings, her anxiety growing with each passing moment.

she knew she probably looked like a psycho but it was so bad she didn't know what to do anymore.

finally, her gaze landed on the bag, still sitting in the depths of her closet, seemingly untouched since its last use. holding her breath, she carefully retrieved the bag and opened it, knowing that these unconventional choices served as a temporary reprieve from the complexity of her relationship with food.

these simple substances would provide her, if only temporarily, with the sensation of chewing and the illusion of nourishment, momentarily quieting the rumblings of hunger that plagued her.

as she carefully arranged her newly discovered resources, the act of selecting a piece of gum became more than just a trivial decision. it was a deliberate choice, a delicate balance between finding a semblance of control and suppressing the gnawing emptiness that resided within.

before zoey placed the piece of gum in her mouth, her eyes gravitated towards the mirror positioned in front of her closet. slowly, she lifted her head, the reflection staring back at her with a mixture of familiarity and anguish.

in that moment, a wave of self-critique washed over her, intensifying the complexity of her struggle with her eating disorder.

she observed her disheveled appearance, the marks of her inward battles etched upon her face. the dark shadows beneath her eyes spoke volumes about the nights spent restlessly, the constant torment that plagued her thoughts and disrupted her slumber.

caught off guard by her own reflection, she realized that the passage of time had blurred her perception of reality. fall break had barricaded her within the confines of her house—her isolation fueling the fire of her eating disorder. the absence of external influences and changing environments had magnified the intensity of her internal struggles, imprisoning her in a seemingly never-ending cycle.

as she stared at her pale complexion, confusion crept into zoey's mind. she had always possessed a rich and warm complexion.

yet in that moment, the mirror revealed a pallor that clashed starkly with her self-perception. her body's depletion of vital nutrients had manifested itself in her physical appearance, leaving her questioning her own reflection.

the disconnect between her internal self-image and the external reality only deepened her confusion and inner turmoil. she didn't look like herself, she didn't feel like herself.

zoey noticed how much tear stains around her face from nights before. she didn't sleep at all—she just cried and cried and cried. it felt helpless but she didn't have anybody else to do it to.

she didn't even want to talk to her parents because that would make them more worried.

zoey's attention was drawn to the telltale signs of tear stains that adorned her face from the previous nights. the evidence of her crying was etched upon her skin as a testament to the sleepless nights spent immersed in a torrent of tears. the weight of her emotional pain felt insurmountable, leaving her feeling helpless and overwhelmed.

the thought of approaching her parents, the brought about conflicting emotions. on one hand, she longed for their understanding and comfort, but on the other hand, the mere idea of burdening them with her pain, amplifying their worries about her well-being, filled her with guilt and resistance.

she felt like she deserved it. and sometimes zoey would just sit there and wonder if she was a good person.

it didn't feel like it—she didn't notice that behind everything she had tried to be sweet to everybody and nice to anyone it ended with her being alone.

with no one.

the isolation she felt was self-imposed, driven by the fear of causing her loved ones additional worry. zoey wants to talk to someone but her knows nobody would hear her our anymore. she lost everything over one person.

zoey ended up pulling her eyes away from her reflection cause she couldn't look at herself anymore. she slips a piece of gum in her mouth before crawling on her bed, laying flat onto it as she stared at her ceiling.

she didn't have anything to do—nobody to talk to, she was truly alone at this point. the house was full of silence due to the fact that both of her parents were at work.

the weight of her emotions made it difficult for zoey to even muster the courage to pick up her phone. recent days had seen her avoid using it altogether, as the memories stored within this device had become a painful reminder of the people who treated her as if she were invisible.

it was a source of immense heartache, a constant reminder of the isolation she felt from those around her.

adding to her distress, she couldn't help but notice the uncanny occurrence of her TikTok feed reflecting the struggles she faced in her own life. it seemed that whenever she found herself in a difficult situation, the content that surfaced on her feed echoed her exact problems

it was as though the universe conspired to remind her of her pain, amplifying her sense of isolation and despair.

after minutes of contemplative silence, zoey's longing for connection overpowered her hesitations. she picked up her phone, slowly navigating to her photo app. the album she had named "DARRIAN MY LOVE 💞💞' was the first thing she looked for as soon as she got the grip of her phone.

she went all away down to the first photo they had which made her want to just burst in tears.

scrolling through the album, she journeyed back in time, revisiting the moments they shared together. each picture was a brushstroke of love, happiness, and vulnerability. but as she delved deeper into the album, she arrived at the first photo they had taken together.

the image tugged at her heartstrings, threatening to unleash a torrent of tears.it was a picture of ddot comfortably lying on her—the first time that he had ever been vulnerable enough to sleep on the girl.

the most crazy thing was that she remembered that day like it was yesterday. it didn't take long until she found herself going through each of every one of them.

𝑜𝑐𝑡𝑜𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡ℎ 𝑜𝑓 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦-𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦 𝑡𝑤𝑜 .

"dot you tired?" zoey gently tilted her head—observing the reddish eyes of the boy, most likely from the prolonged hours of smoking. ddot responded with a simple nod, his silence enough for her like it always was.

zoey extended her hands towards ddot, inviting him into a comforting embrace. thugh he regarded her with a questioning look, he ultimately shrugged off any reservations and allowed her to guide him.

zoey pulled ddot close to her body and ddot took it upon himself to nestle himself against zoey's chest, seeking solace and respite from the weariness that weighed heavily upon him. without uttering a single word, they found comfort in one another's presence, silently offering support and understanding in the face of their individual struggles.

zoey's fingers delicately danced through ddot's soft, worn out twists, bringing a sense of peace and comfort to both of them. as she continued to caress his hair, she felt the gentle fluttering of ddot's eyelashes as they slowly closed—meaning that he was finally get to sleep.

it wasn't hard to notice that ddot never for enough hour of sleep as he should be getting, that's why she feels to take it upon herself to make him get those extra hours he had missed.

it didn't matter how little it was worth, zoey was gonna make sure that ddot felt safe and comfortable around her.

zoey softly scratched ddot's scalp, eliciting a contented sigh from his lips. the sound of his sigh intertwined with her own breath, which made a deep and genuine smile graced zoey's lips, capturing the overwhelming warmth and joy that radiated from within her.

the exchange of touch spoke volumes, transcending language and allowing their unspoken emotions to intermingle. it was a simple act of intimacy, a gesture of tenderness that displayed the depth of their bond.

it was crazy how much she was attached to the boy whom everybody knows doesn't even try to get close to new people like that.

and zoey was the first one to break that mentality.

the darskin girl looked down at the boy before leaving a soft, feathery kiss on his forehead so he didn't even feel it. zoey smiles when she sees he didn't notice or do anything so in her mind he didn't even realize.

but under her the boy was smiling his ass of just like she was.

♥.

zoey's tear-streaked cheeks were testament to the depth of her longing as she dwelled on the absence of darrian. the ache in her heart intensified with each passing moment, for every day spent apart felt like an eternity.

the memories of their intimate embraces, the way his strong arms wrapped around her, provided a sense of security and warmth that now seemed distant.

the sound of darrian's laughter echoed in zoey's mind, a symphony of mirth and happiness that she yearned to hear again. his laughter had a way of lighting up every corner of her world, bringing a radiant glow to even the darkest of days.

zoey's mind filled with images of ddot's smile, a smile that could effortlessly melt away her worries and envelop her in a blanket of comfort. it was a smile that revealed the genuine happiness and affection he felt.

even if he didn't even smile a lot, but when he did—it was always because of her.

every gesture, every touch, and every moment spent with darrian held an irreplaceable significance. the way he held her hand when they walked, intertwining their fingers with an unspoken promise of support.

zoey wanted to feel sensation of his arms around her, wanted to hear his laughter resonating through the room, and his smile illuminating their shared world. rack detail of their connected existence, from the way he brushed the hair away from her face to the tenderness in his fingertips as they traced patterns on her skin, were etched deep within her soul.

at this point she didn't think there was a way to make anything better for herself, but she wanted to apologize—she wanted to apologize so bad.

but she didn't have any type of communication with anyone of that phone—he had blocked her on everything. even roblox.

zoey turned off her phone and sat up slightly on her bed, extending her hands to fish through her nightstand. her eyes landed on the scrapbook that the two shared. she didn't smile—no she frowned.

because everywhere she went she gets reminded of him — and it wasn't like she could stop it because just thinking about the boy makes her feel like she was stuck in the ocean, like she was drowning.

and she didn't know how to swim.

that's how it was between the two. zoey so badly wanted to tell him everything she's been thinking—how much she missed him, how much she's sorry. she wanted to tell him how much she cares and even loves him. and it isn't even in a romantic way.

zoey loves ddot so much, she really wouldn't want to have bumped into someone else that day.

clutching the cherished scrapbook close to her chest, zoey!s resisted the urge to open it from the front. she knew all too well that flipping through its pages would only reopen the floodgates of emotions, causing tears to stream down her face once more.

in her current state of vulnerability, she couldn't bear to let her emotions overwhelm her any further.

zoey carefully tore a piece of paper from the scrapbook, holding it delicately in her hands. eith a pencil gripped firmly, she yearned to translate her pent-up emotions onto the blank canvas before her.

if she couldn't tell him in words, maybe she could tell him on paper.

dear darrian,

i know that you've made it clear you don't want to have any contact with me, and i
understand why. what i did was beyond weird, and it didn't make any sense. but i felt like i owe you some type of explanation before we never see each other again.

first i want you to know that i never intended to make you feel betrayed or hurt in any way. all i ever wanted was to be your friend, someone you could count on and share moments with. but my judgment was clouded, and i made a terrible mistake. i took your chain without thinking through the consequences, and for that, i am truly sorry.

when i realized the significance that chain held for you, panic set in. i desperately wanted to give it back, to right my wrong, but i couldn't loose you.

how could i return it without admitting that i had taken it in the first place? it was a difficult situation, and i made the wrong choice by staying silent.

looking back, i can see how childish, stupid, and weird my actions were. i fully understand if you hate me right now, or even hate me forever. i would probably feel the same way if i were in your shoes. but please know that deep down, i still care about you. i love you, and losing your friendship and trust makes me realize that i can't just do anything without consequences.

i miss you, darrian. i miss our conversations, our laughter, and the bond we shared. but i also understand that you need time and space to heal, to move on from this chapter of our lives. i genuinely hope that you find happiness and fulfillment in all that you do, even if it means doing so without me.

i understand that i had disrespected your family and grandma since i had stolen the chain and acted like it was just a piece of jewelry when it was something you loved a lot. and even you had told me that.

it's crazy because i know you would never do something like that to me. you trusted me and i broke that trust. i'm sorry.

i love you a lot. i don't know if you're ever even gonna get to see this letter but i hope one day you will, whenever i'm not there.

this letter is not an attempt to change your mind or persuade you to forgive me. it's simply a way for me to express my remorse and let you know that i'm aware of the pain i've caused.

again i love you lots darrian. thank you for being apart of my love, i love you forever <3.

xoxo, zoey

immediately after setting down her pencil, a wave of exhaustion washed over soey, sapping away her energy in the blink of an eye. it was as if the mere act of releasing the pencil had triggered a sudden relapse, reopening the wounds of her ongoing battle with herself.

her previously hopeful demeanor gave way to a heavy weight of despair, suffocating her spirit. a relentless grip gripped her stomach, constricting her breath and further exacerbating her distress.

zoey doubled over, clutching her stomach in an attempt to suppress the physical and emotional it. It felt as though her own body had turned against her, with her stomach engaging in a relentless battle.

the consequences of starving herself for weeks on end now manifested in a painful and unbarring struggle.

silently, zoey fought to contain her agony, gritting her teeth to stifle any vocal expressions of pain. while her stomach roared like a turbulent storm, her body ached with fatigue and weakness, no longer able to bear the burden she had placed upon it. in moments like these, she couldn't help but question the choices she had made, wondering if the path of self-deprivation had led her astray.

regret seeped into her thoughts as she contemplated the consequences of her actions. maybe she should have heeded the warning signs, refrained from subjecting herself to an extended period of self-imposed starvation.

as zoey continued to grapple with the unbearable pain in her stomach, a flicker of realization began to illuminate her consciousness. a sense of dread and urgency washed over her, as if a voice within whispered a warning that she was on the brink of relapse.

the growing weakness in her body, coupled with the persistent anguish of her stomach, painted a grim picture. it was a dire reflection of the toll her eating disorder had taken on her physical and mental well-being.

her vision blurred and her limbs felt heavy, as if reality itself was slipping through her trembling fingers. the possibility of losing consciousness loomed ominously above her, a haunting realization that her body was crying out for nourishment and care.

a surge of panic surged through zoey's veins, jolting her into action. ehe grasped onto the clear understanding that she needed help, that she couldn't continue down this alone.

but it wasn't like she could do anything about it anymore—she was the only in her house. it was silent, nobody was there.

expect her.

as zoey found herself caught within the agonizing grip of her eating disorder, the pain in her stomach intensified, radiating throughout her body like a relentless inferno. nausea, an unwelcome companion began to surge within her, twisting her insides in a queasy dance. each wave of discomfort grew more pronounced, intensifying her desire to purge the tormenting sensations from her body.

with trembling hands pressed against her churning stomach, zoey fought against the urge to vomit. fhe excruciating battle between her instinctual revulsion and her disorder's persistent hold left her teetering on the precipice of desperation.

she longed for the release of purging, a fleeting illusion of control that could temporarily alleviate the overwhelming distress, yet the realization of the toxic nature of these urges flickered somewhere deep within her consciousness.

but as the intensity of her symptoms mounted, a surge of lightheadedness overcame zey, clouding her thoughts and blurring her vision. the combination of physical weakness, emotional turmoil, and the relentless grip of her disorder pushed her to the brink. reality began to fade into obscurity as she teetered on the edge of consciousness.

in one cruel and defining moment, her body succumbed to the relentless assault. zoey's world turned black as she lost all sense of awareness, collapsing under the weight of her relapse. the respite she had sought in her disorder's clutches had only served to push her further away from the light of recovery.

as zoey lay unconscious, her body bruised both physically and mentally, the resounding truth reverberated through the emptiness of her existence: the path she had sought solace in was an illusion, a treacherous labyrinth leading to further despair.

now she was truly all alone.

F SPEAKS 😔

NOTE— HEY YALLLLL IM BACKKKK. YALL MISSED ME? uhmm what y'all think, y'all forgive zoey yet cause shii i do. ugh school start next week watch me die 💔💔. anyways byeeeeee fia loves u 🤗💞💞.