Anika's Point Of View ~

My eyes look all around the room. It's the room where grandmother will be living. Susan, the aged care worker shows us everything - the joined bathroom, shower and even a double sink. I know grandmother won't be having many guests but it's good to have. The double bed . . it's soft and very comfortable. A large window that sits opposite it. 

It intrigues me. 

It makes me walk over, looking out. Such a lovely view. It's a sight that makes me smile as it feels that the entire grounds of this institution are right before me. The colours of this room - bright and inviting. The pastel pinks with dashes of white. The use of flowers but not overly done. 

Grandmother will love it here. 

She was so supportive, so understanding in my struggles. The fact that I need help . . she didn't object. She just got it. The sprint of relief I have as it rushes through me from time to time, still. The nurses at the hospital have my contact information in case they desperately need me but right now, I'm here. At this nursing home . . with Michael. I told him I was coming here and he insisted that he come along with me for support, he calls it. But it's so sweet of him. He really didn't have to. My eyes continue to scan everywhere. And I'm left very happy, very pleased with this place. Lisa did a fantastic job in finding it, coming to have a look herself before filling me in. And I think we found it. We found the right one now and it's a great feeling. 

"Your grandmother will be happy here, I'm sure of it . . " 

Susan says happily. The reassurance in her voice makes me mentally calm down. I nod my head, smiling back at her. I snap my head to the side to look around at things I have already cast a gaze at. But I feel her still looking at me . . at Michael and I. 

"How long have you been together? . . " 

Susan asks the both of us as her eyes shift from me to Michael. My eyes on Michael, his eyes on me. The pair of us wanting to set the record straight but neither of us are able to even speak. I feel myself want to lie. To state to Susan that we are together. I know. Horrible. But I can't help how I feel towards Michael . . how I have always felt about him, even after I left. Well, leaving was what was necessary at the time to help me to move on . . after he hurt me. Let me lie - can I? Please. I shouldn't. No, I won't. But I wish to do more, like take hold of Michael's hand. Kiss his cheek . . his lips once again. Those are something I can't seem to get enough of and yet it's a line I should never have crossed. But when I look at Michael, it's all I think about. So wrong . . but I'm so lovesick. I am waiting for someone to wake me up. To pull me away from Michael. For them to then tell me . . it's all just a dream. Once again, my mind has got the best of me. 

But no, please. 

This is real. It has to be. 

It is real, all of it. I have never felt about a man the way I do with Michael. Does it make sense? No. I am a married women . . to another man. Yes, I love my husband. But I'm in love with Michael. Totally and completely. We have many memories . . such history. The way Michael touches me, kisses me. It's different. I love it. Michael's kiss the other night . . his midnight kiss, I like to call it. Oh wow. He draws me in. It's so powerful. Our love is still there. For me, it never truly left as I instead would bury it all away. And as for Michael, well I can't speak for him but it seems he feels the same too. I want to ask him though. And I want to speak about . . that time. A time that I never forgot. It's not something you do forget but something that stays with you forever. No amount of time can erase that. But I was hurt too. My head hangs down in my mind, knowing all too well that I hurt Michael . . so much more than he did me. Michael answers Susan's question. 

"Oh. We are just friends . . " Michael says to her. 

Michael isn't wrong. We say we love each other but no relationship is there. Not yet, I hope. I do still have unfinished business. His shoulders raised. He looks at me. I flash him a weak smile. I had to stay silent because I wanted to lie. I wanted to do all those things. Things I know are so wrong. Susan brings her hands together, keeping them up and by her chest. Speaking with a smile. 

"I'll let you two have some time alone. Anika keep looking around, please . . " 

"I'll be right down the hall at the front desk if you need me . . " 

She walks out of the room. It's just Michael and I now. I look away from Michael straight away, a deep breath is taken as I walk around the room slowly. 

"It is really nice. Grandmother will be happy here . . " 

I say to Michael. He nods, agreeing with me. 

"You okay? . . " Michael asks me sweetly. 

I hate that it has come to this. Placing grandmother in a nursing home but I know it must be done. He walks over to me slowly. His face soft. He knows this is so hard for me to have to do. I look down at my fingers as Michael is standing right in front of me now. 

"I know . . " 

It's a whisper. I know that Michael sees me extremely fragile in this moment and that's okay. I feel that way myself. He wraps his arms around me, gently pulling me closer to his body. I accept it, of course as I wrap mine around him. I can hear his heart as my ear rests against his chest. It calms me completely . . it's really that easy. Michael looks down at me. His soft lips peck my forehead. Hmm. God. He is so sweet, so beautiful. I really love him . . so much. I look into his eyes. 

"Know that you're not alone in all this . . " 

"You have me . . " 

I don't know how he does it. The only thing I can think of is . . that is just Michael. He has always done that, always had that power. To have the ability to make me feel restful in my times of panic. I have constantly been unable to pin point exactly what it is about him that helps me in this way - the sound of his voice, his smell, his touch. I can only think of one conclusion. It's him. All of him . . it's just Michael himself. 

Michael leans down. 

Kissing me softly. My heart pulsating, many butterflies . . too many to even count. How much I have missed this man in my absence. In an absence of my choice, but one that was needed. I must find the courage to speak to him about that. But when? I don't know. I'm so afraid to bring it all back to the surface again. But I don't want to talk about it now. I will. Because Michael deserves that . . but not now. My arms come up and wrap around his neck, on my tippy toes. The kiss is broken but our lips hover over one another's . . our eyes locked on each others. My arms leave his neck, the palms of my hands coast down his chest, his stomach to stop at his pants. My eyes return immediately back to his, once my fingers sit on the waistband of his black pants. His stare is intense, intoxicating as his brown eyes burn into mine. Wow. It's a stare that has remained the same after 10 years. The look of his hair. It's short, neat but there is also a hint of messy to it.

It's the way his hair sits - parted on either side of his face so I can easily see his eyes as he continues to look at me. Ugh, so beautiful. His skin. To feel it against mine again. Our lips still hovering over one another's. I want to have him . . but I don't want to make that move. I feel if I do, I may upset Michael. He may be reminded of our past. It's something that lead me to do what I did in the first place. My persona completely changes and so suddenly from that thought alone. It causes my fingers to leave his pants and my head to hang down. Michael's finger is gently placed under my chin now . . making me look back into his eyes. 

"Please just kiss me, Anika . . " 

He whispers to me. 

to be continued.