005 Parth Prabhodika: Pristine Hues of his peace

by dwarkartana 

TITLE- 4.5/5 

I like the title quite a bit, and after reading the story it made the title even better because it was so cute! However I have one small critique; in titles, you capitalize almost every word except for words except for words such as 'and', 'or', etc.

BLURB- 3/5

The poem/blurb at the beginning was very cute and it drew me in. However the word 'penance' was used way too often - at most you want to use it twice. Additionally, I'd suggest combining the 3rd paragraph with one of the others because it's just there right now.

BEGINNING- 3/5

The first paragraph was great, loved it very much. But, I'd suggest stopping referring to the book in 3rd person as much ( this goes for the whole book, not just the beginning ) because books are supposed to make you forget what you're reading. The actual content is fine though.

GRAMMAR- 11/15 

There are some missing articles here and there and I notice that you use multiple tenses ( past, future, and present ) so I'd suggest choosing one. Otherwise, it was good.

WRITING STYLE- 6/10 

As I stated earlier, do not refer to the story in the third person or break the 4th wall unless it's for some sort of dramatic or comedic effect, it draws the readers out of the story. Also show and don't tell, let us learn another the characters from their actions and scenarios they go through, there is no need to tell a character's backstory in the first chapter they're introduced. I'd suggest showing us their background through smaller details such as conversations.

PLOT- 17/20 

It's a relatively common plot and at first, I couldn't see where it was going, but eventuall,y I figured it out. I'd suggest starting the plot a little bit earlier.

SURROUNDINGS- 10/10 

Beautiful descriptions, I want to live there.

CONTENT INSIDE- 8/10 

The chapters were a good length, not too short and not too long. I didn't like the characters, but it might have just been their personality. I'd suggest giving them some quirks or something that makes them unique because currently, they're a bit bland.

PACE- 4/5 

It was a little show at the beginning but it picked up a consistent pace pretty quickly.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT- 4/5 

I liked it enough but I might not be re-reading though.

TOTAL- 68.5/90

006 Alchemy of Souls: The Lost Relic 

by strawberry1d 

TITLE- 4.5/5 

 It's a unique title, but make sure to capitalize 'lost'.

BLURB- 3/5

I'd suggest instead of introducing the characters separately introduce them in one paragraph since both do them paragraphs were short and could easily be combined into one. Additionally, combine the last 2 paragraphs and get rid of the dash. Otherwise, it was a good blurb.

BEGINNING-1.5/5 

 I'd suggest starting with what the character was saying instead of what action they were performing since what she said would've been a better way to start the book off. I also suggest showing and not telling, because there was a lot of information on characters who aren't too important and could've been shown instead through actions or dialogue. Also after commas make sure to include a space.

GRAMMAR- 8/15 

Mostly punctuation errors. When ending a dialogue, a period is not needed. If the dialogue is at the beginning or middle of the sentence always end with a comma. Even though when writing in 2nd person's present tense isn't necessary, it is more effective. Also many run-on sentences, a sentence should not be half a paragraph.

WRITING STYLE- 6/10 

The characters are described too much, and then there's some random info dumping of details of the surroundings. I'd suggest spreading out the details. Also break down your paragraphs, if there's a dialogue there doesn't need to be a paragraph before and after it.

PLOT- 15/20 

 So far from what I've read of the plot it seems interesting and relatively unique. If it had gone on a little longer I would've been able to give more details, but it seems to be pretty good so far.

SURROUNDINGS- 8/10

 As I said before, spread out the details of the surroundings. What is there is good, but I need more of it and more often.

CONTENT INSIDE- 5/10 

 I didn't get much character development due to it being so recent. The characters need to be introduced better, and by that I mean don't dump a lot of their details in one paragraph. The chapters were good length, but the paragraphs were so long that the chapters felt longer.

PACE- 4/5 

Not much to judge off of, but the pacing so far is fine.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT-2/5

TOTAL- 57/90

007 Love at Dawn 

by LiebeKlara

TITLE- 4/5 

 It's a little generic, but it fits the book well.

BLURB- 2/5 

 Way too long, I understand that both of the parts were important but it still was too long. Instead of separating the blurb into two parts, I suggest trying to combine them together.

BEGINNING-5/5 

I absolutely ADORE the prologue. It doesn't reveal too much about the story but at the same time, it is a perfect opening for the rest of the book.

GRAMMAR- 15/15 

 Everything was good.

WRITING STYLE- 9/10 

 At the beginning, it felt like there were a lot of details and not much dialogue but it got better. But overall I would've liked to see some more dialogue.

PLOT- 20/20 

I liked the plot, I thought it was pretty unique. In the beginning, it was a little bit slow, but as the book progressed the plot picked up. The characters were also very crucial to the book and their personalities were what made me want to continue even more.

SURROUNDINGS- 10/10 

 The surroundings were described nicely. I could vividly imagine what they were going through, and how they interacted with their surroundings also made sense.

CONTENT INSIDE- 10/10 

The chapters were a little on the longer side, but I think it worked for them. I loved all of the characters and their development, especially Edith! She isn't the type of character I usually enjoy but I loved her development and story overall. I liked Fiona and Andre as well, but not as much as Edith.

PACE- 4/5 

 The ending felt a bit rushed and the beginning a little show, but most of the book flowed at a consistent pace.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT- 4/5

TOTAL- 83/90