act i

pg. vii

𝐔𝐏 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐑

( 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 )

'𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐮𝐧 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲,
& 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 '

         JUNE REJOICED SILENTLY to herself as she stood on the elevator counting its way down from the tenth floor. she was trying her hardest not to get her hopes up, but dammit it was hard not too.
          from her point of view, if she were to actually get the job; she'd be set for the next few years she was in highschool— and hopefully after she graduated, she be able to actually move up and climb the ethical ladder of business. she would actually have something going for herself.

            once june saw lorenzo  sleeping peacefully in the waiting , she couldn't help but feel a little happier. she'd spent atleast two hours speaking with liza; drinking and laughing as liza asked a series of questions.
           he could've left her — even she would've left if she were in his shoes.

"you ready to go home?" she asked, tapping him lighlty. his eye open slowly, almost forgetting where he was, before looking at her.

"yeah, but i'm hungry." he began, sitting up and stretching his long arms. "you tryna eat?"

          june hesitated, knowing she didn't bring an extra money; but she was hungry. by the time she got home tonight she'd be starving, and she knew for a fact iris didn't cook.

"on me." he added before she could reject it.

"you sure?" she furrowed her eyebrows & folded her arms. "you've already been kind enough.."

"i'm starving and i know you gotta be too." he stood up, towering over her. "so let's go." his smile was charming, and it made her smile too. june stood for a bit , watching him, slightly fascinated.

         june was curious as to why he was being as sweet as he was. no boy she ever knew, with the exception of her closest companions, was just nice for no reason.
           whatever it was, june was definitely keeping her eyes open, no matter what.

          after they grabbed the fast food, the both of them sat in his roofless vehicle, viewing the bronx on the other side of the river. the radio played softly as the pair ate their burger & fries in silence, until she broke it.

"okay, i got a question." she began, turning her attention to him. lorenzo turned the volume down so he could understand her better, before turning his attention to her. "what you being so nice to me for?" she blurts out , letting her curiosity get the best of her.

"what?" he laughed, lost.

"i mean — i can't pay you back for the ride or the food, anytime soon. i'm definitely not getting into bed with you, and i'm definitely not the easiest person to put up with. so why you being all kind and shit?"

"yo, i don't even want none of that. i'm just trying to get to know you, that's all." he shrugged, but it didn't end there. she still needed to get to the bottom of things, she still had questions.

"why?" she asked once again. he grinned, looking at her for a moment before continuing.

"because you cute. that's why." he clarified, taking her by surprise. she took her eyes off him, facing foward in attempts to disguise her blushing.

now why does he have to be so charming?

"thankyou."

"now i got a question." he began. she raised an eyebrow, prepared for anything.

"shoot."

"you and that ezel kid — what is he to you?"

              she thought. june tried to think who he could possibly talking about, knowing she didn't know anybody who went by the name of ezel; until it hit her. june let out a long ugly laugh, making him laugh also because it was so contagious.

"okay , for one his name is ezekiel." she says through chuckles. "and, he's practically my brother. why you ask?"

"just wondering if i had any competition."

"competi — boy.." she broke out in laughter.
"you're worried about what i got goin on? meanwhile i should be worried about you. you got a girl?"

"nah." he sheepishly grins, taking a fry from her bag. she smiles, smacking her lips.

"a wife? babymother? hoe on the side?" june joked, yet she really wanted to know. everybody came with a little something.

" none of that, well .. maybe on that last part." june gasped as he began to laugh. she was about to reply with something smart , but her attention was taken when a familiar tune began to play on the radio. immediately, she gasped and reached to turn it up.

"now this right here is my song!" she dramatically shouted as i do love you to g.q began to play. "you don't know nothin' bout this here."

              june began to sing each lyric in perfect harmony, loud enough for him to hear even over the other voices. he watched her, as she put on a full performance as if she wrote the damn song.

"i do love you, i love you i love you." she sang in her imaginary microphone, even smiling at the imaginary crowd as he watched in amusement.

"girl ... you can sing." lorenzo comments , astonished. june stops, smiling.

"a little, but it's not my thing. i like to write more than anything."

"write? like stories?"

"somethin' like that." she shrugs taking a  fry. "oh this is my part!" she shouted. "my baby , i love you so ooh, and i—"

"don't want you to go no no!" he cuts her off, belting the words out off key, making her laugh.

"you know this?" she was surprised cause it was such an old song. the type of songs her mom would play, as she danced around with carter.

"gq is the shit. my pops always listened to billy stewart." he shrugged. june smiled before looking up at the completely dark sky.

"think we should head back? it's getting late." june yawned.

"probably. im sure your mom doesn't want you to miss curfew." he teased, starting up the car. june rolled her eyes , playfully , ready to say something sarcastic but before she could there was a sudden blackness.

      both of them sat up, confused as to what was happening around them. all the lights of the city went out, on both sides, leaving nothing but pitch black.

"what the hell?" june looked around. it were as if the entire city disappeared & all they could see was the silhouette of the buildings in the bronx.

"must be a blackout." lorenzo states , keeping calm. june huffed, leaning back.

how the hell was she gonna find her way home now?

"i think i got a flashlight in the trunk if you want it." he offers as they were on their way back to the bronx. june laid her head against her forearm, thinking back on the night she'd had.

        aside from the thought of ezekiel somewhere with mylene in the city; she actually had a good time. lorenzo was good company, and actually proved himself as decent to her.
           june definitely wanted to hand out with him again, soon. he got to her, he made her want to rethink some things. lorenzo was the first decent guy she's met in a long time.

"yeah i'll take it. thanks." she continued looking at the dark road ahead.

          it didn't take a genius to recognize when they'd entered the bronx. street fires illuminated the sidewalks as they drove past. people carrying items doubted to belong to them, while broken glass from businesses where shattered all around.

          once they'd arrived at the kipling residence, june sighed, breathing deeply. she'd be lying if she said she wanted for this night to end — but at that point, she was so ready to see ezekiel and tell him all about liza and manhattan.

"i can't say it enough, thankyou for everything." she says after getting the flashlight & standing outside his door on the drivers side.

"want me to walk you in?"

"nah i got it from here. drive safe though." she says before backing away. "and imma call you later , you know, if I'm not sleep." june smirks , walking away soon after. lorenzo just smiled, realizing he actually got somewhere with her tonight.

            june slowly crept into the dark home, hoping ezekiel would be there like he said , and wasn't still roaming the city with mylene.
           peering into the livingroom, the first thing she sees is shaolin, rara & boo all spread out sleeping. june turns the flashlight off once she catches a glimpse of a candle light coming from the dinning room.
           ezekiel sat alone, quickly writing things in his notepad. june grinned a little, glad to see him back. she for sure could actually speak to him without any interruptions from mylene or anybody else:

"heh." she greets in a whisper, pulling out the seat beside him to sit. ezekiel glanced at her once, returning his attention to the notepad right after.

"hey." he drones lowly.  june hadn't been there for barely ten seconds and she already sensed something was wrong. his vibe was off.

"you okay?"

"yep." he murmured.

            june placed the flashlight on top on the table, scooting herself a little closer to the light so she could see him better. the candle light radiated on his face, allowing her to see his demeanor.

"you don't look okay.." she pointed out, furrowing her eyebrows.

"yeah? well it's dark." he remarked in a sarcastic tone. june sighed, sitting back.

"what did y'all do tonight?" june changes the subject, looking down at his writing. she couldn't really tell what it said, but she saw a few words , that didn't seem to make sense.

"nothing. chilled." he murmured, almost as if he were brushing her off. he showed zero interest in the conversation, that's how she knew something was wrong.

"you went with mylene?" she asks only cause she automatically assumed she had something to do with it, but he shook his head.

"nah."

           june scoffed lightly. not only was he acting odd, he was being incredibly distant.

"why won't you look at me?"

"look at you for what?" he was hiding something, and she knew it. she knew him a little too well.

"look at me." she declared, only to see his eyes — they told her everything from sadness to anger.
          he slams his pencil down and looks at her with an annoyed expression. she was able to study him for no more than three seconds , before he looked away & began writing again.

"how was the interview? " he asks before she could say anything else. she looked at the side of his face, before looking down at the table.

"it was .. great. i think i got it." she foretold, almost wanting to smile, but it was hard with him acting the way he was.

"really?" he looks up at her. june nods slowly.
"you and your friend do anything else?" ezekiel was still looking at her, making her feel tingles in her stomach.

"no."

"no?" he inquired, turning back to his writing. she shook her head.

"no." she repeats.

"cool." he croaked , taking a deep breath. june sat up, hearing the sudden creak in his voice — it sounded as if he were about to crack at any given moment. his writing pace began to fasten, making june nervous & worried.

"e.." she began, looking down at his paper. "i tell you all my secrets, and you listen.. now it's my turn to listen."

"listen to what?" he asks still not letting up, continuing his writing as he'd been doing the entire time to distract him from the truth. realizing this, june places her hand on his arm, slightly rubbing it with her thumb.

"zeke?" her  voice softened, wanting desperately for him to get whatever it was off his chest.

      he finally stopped writing and began to tremble uncontrollably as if he were going to break down in tears any moment. june bit her bottom lip, praying she didn't have to see him cry again. she hated it — seeing him in any type of pain shattered her insides and made her heart stop.

"something bad happened tonight." his voice began to crack & she knew it was coming.

"but you're okay?" the fear was present in her voice, and so was the tight nervous feeling in her stomach.

"yeah ..." he began as multiple tears started to fall out each of his eyes at once. "..nah." he finally admitted though his cries.

          junes heart sank seeing him like that. she embraces him, feeling his pain as if it were her own as he cried onto her bare shoulder. as the tears began to fall from her own eyes, she lets him go, wiping his tears before her own.

"come with me." was all she said before she took his hand, & lead him up the fire escape and onto the roof where they could really be alone.

          the two of them stood, overlooking the burnt out city full of night prowlers still lurking around, taking things they knew didn't belong to them due to the blackout. june rested her head on his shoulder, listening as he told her his story ; she didn't miss a word. from how the boys robbed les inferno to the dead body in the trunk, not once did she judge him or criticize him.

"i'm sorry e." she sympathized, as a stray tear rolled down her cheek. "it should've have went down like that, and i should've been there." she continued, feeling an unnecessary amount of guilt.

             ezekiel looked in her eyes for more than a moment, a swirl of emotions wanting come out at once. here they were, finally alone, despite the circumstances he still had somethings he had to get off his chest when it came to her. there she was, glowing in the night like a star, listening to every word of his broken heart.

           without a moment more to waste, he kissed her. once, twice, maybe three times. he didn't want to stop. the kiss was so deep and profound , and long overdue. the last time his lips ever went near hers was in the sixth grade off a dare; it was their first kiss.
now they were sixteen, intertwined in a different level of intimacy. she's be lying if she said she hasn't been waiting on the day she got to feel his lips against hers.

          however , soon enough, reality hits & june pulls away; refraining from making eye contact.

"what... what was that?" she asks, more to herself than anyone, quickly walking over to the couch the boys had somehow managed to get on the roof. ezekiel inhaled deeply, following behind her.

"shao told me the other night, if i don't get my girl, someone else will. i don't want that to happen."

"zeke.." june pinched the bridge of her nose , closing her eyes. "what?"

"j, i knew i liked you when i realized you made me nervous , and my heart would beat faster when i saw you. i knew i loved you when i felt calmer with you than without you." ezekiel confessed. june stared off into space , wondering what to say.

         she knew she felt the exact same way, maybe even more. however, june also knew that they couldn't possibly be together. not only did she still think his heart still resided with mylene, but she thought it'd mess up the incredible bond they had.

"you don't mean that."

"i do though." he began once locking eyes with her. "you're this beautiful , sweet tasting , breath taking , soul shaking piece of art. so divine , fine like wine — damm , can i just make you mine?" he poetically rhymed causing her to laugh in a bashful way along with him. (I AM SO SORRY FOR THE CORNINESS LMAO I WAS TRYING TO BE DIFFERENT 😂😭) "and i know you feel it too. so be my girl? forreal this time."

          junes smile remained, but faded once she realized the reality of the whole situation. it was all happening so fast — one minute they're crying together , and now, he's telling her he's in love with her. it wasn't making sense to her and she was afraid he was acting on impulse.

"stop man. you're like in love with mylene." ezekiel sucks his teeth, he knew she'd find a way to bring her up.

"i ain't in love with her."

"how do you know that zeke? we're sixteen, we don't know what we got goin."

"because i know what love is. when you're in love someone, you only see them; nobody else would matter." he spoke. " it's not like that for me with her." june narrowed her eyes, sort of feeling a weight being lifted off her chest.

"what are you saying."

"i'd drop anything just to get the chance to be with you. it's always been that way. yeah i got love for mylene, but june, my god you have my heart and i swear."

           hearing him say that, for some reason, made her willing to risk it all. she believed every word, and really wish she could take the chance and just jump to be with him, but she couldn't.

"zeke." her voice creaked a little, signaling she might cry, but she refused to let anymore tears fall.

"and i know you love me too. i hear it when you speak to me. how you look at me — i ain't ever seen you look at someone like that."

"you can't — we can't do this and you know that."

"says who?" he interrogates, finally sitting next to her. she didn't have an answer.

"who's to say i love you?" she sniffles, trying to keep her guard up, but ezekiel saw right through that.

"j, i know you like the back of my hand." he began, grinning. "you play it cool. pretending that you ain't phased by nothing, like can't nobody ever get to you. you got these high ass walls guarding your feelings and shit."

          she was quiet for a second, knowing every word he said was true , but it didn't mean anything.

"so."

"see you're doing it now." he laughed a little, knowing exactly what she was doing before she did it.

"if you love me so much zeke, then why now?why here on the top of a roof while the fuckin power is out & after you just experienced the most traumatic shit you could possibly imagine?" she was honestly so confused. her emotions were a disaster and she didn't know how to react at the time. it was all too fast.

"because, i couldn't wait any longer." he professes, looking foward. "when i saw that body, i saw my mother. lying there, lifeless, that shit shook me to the point where for a minute i actually thought i was okay."

         she watched him , listening closely to every word coming out, worrying she might miss something.

"then my mind went to you. how you been there for me, and how i don't want to ever take that for granted — i don't want to let you slip away because i wasn't ready. meanwhile you out with this unknown ass nigga." he continues, bringing a small smile on her face.

"oh zeke."

"you always tell me be a man bout mines, go out get that shit. i'm doing that."

"but myle—" he cuts her off.

"you were first, and you know that. nobody's around us. we ain't gotta pretend no more. i'm tired of playing like everytime i see you i ain't dying inside — like a hurricane ain't filling my head with all these memories and emotions & shit." he confessed. june scratches her arm, looking for the words to say. "i waited for you. i waited for so long."

           then it came to her. everything; from their first to him telling her he loved her for the first time. lord knows she's wanted him for the longest, but the timing was never right. she knew for awhile she was first, deep down she still knew ; but times were different, and feelings change.

"so all that shit after les inferno what was that?" she referred to the tears and the anger and the sadness after dealing with mylene. june never forgot.

"yeah, that hurt, cause for a second i swore i had something - for a minute i thought i was over you." he looks to her , but she remained looking away. "i can't ever get over you. i've learned that by now."

"i don't know why zeke. i'm a fucking mess." she finally professes. zeke huffs; it's like a broken record — he knew how she subconsciously felt about herself , but he refused to let her inner demos ruin his chances with her. he wanted her despite it all. "and she's so pretty, and got her shit down pact and — i have nothing."

"yo don't talk like that."

"it's true!" she finally gathered the courage to look him in the eye.

"the only thing that's true as that i been waitin' on you since the seventh grade & you're actin like you don't care right now when i know a fact that you do. you know you don't give a fuck about no other girl." his voice was nonchalant , but atleast he was being honest. june was oddly quiet, she had nothing else left to say. she couldn't even believe it was happening. "i'm not asking you to just drop everything and be with me, i'm just telling you how i feel.. how you feel?"

"you know i love you too —"

"then what's the problem?"

"i don't know zeke. i'm just .. tryna figure stuff out."

"do that then." he shrugged, he wasn't in a rush. as long as he knew at the end of the day, she'd be his. " — and when you ready, i'll be here."

          june smiled briefly.  everything he said , how he said it — he meant every word and she felt that. he always done right by her, even though she felt she'd never be ready to receive his love, because she never had that. she ain't know anything about being a girlfriend, especially to him , because if she were to mess up  — she felt she'd really lose him. she couldn't do that.

"ok." she placed her hand on top of his, giving him a sense of comfort.

"ok?"

"ok." she repeats, giggling. he looked at her smiling, wanting badly to just kiss her over and over again, and to feel that feeling that only she could give him, forever. " i gotta get home though. iris might get suspicious."

"i'll walk you down." he stood up, grabbing her hand. without saying anything, she followed him down the fire escape, holding his hand every step of the way.

              the two entered the quiet apartment once again, hearing on the sound of the boys snoring. he let go of her, watching as she grabbed the flashlight lorenzo let her borrow. shortly after, he tore out a page in his old flimsy notepad & folded it, handing it over to her.

"what's this?" she inquired before intercepting it.

"it's yours." she took it from his fingers, about to open it up, until he stopped her. "read it when you get home."

"okay." she mumbled, smiling slightly, preparing to leave. "i'll see you.. soon." june tried her best to make things seem normal even though they were far from it.

         he just poured his heart out to her, and she tried her best not to do the same, but he knew. he knew everything,

"i love you girl." he spoke up, his childish smile growing. even in the dark, she could see him.

"i love you too." she grins too, when the sound of the door opening sounded in the quiet room. both heads look to see mylene , flicking her flashlight off. rolling her eyes, june spoke to him for the last time that night. "bye."

          once she had finally gotten home, june wasted no time hurrying and taking her shower so she could finally sleep the night away.  thoughts of  ezekiel kept flashing through her mind, over and over again. it was a nonstop loop of him telling her how he felt and her — pushing him away.

why am I like this ?

             june constantly wondered, taking a deep breath & reaching over to turn up her commodores record that played on a loop ever since she got it — just to get the thoughts out her head. everytime a love song would come playing, june would turn it in an instant; yet she wasn't in the mood for anything upbeat at all.

"okay." she eased back as zoom began to play. it wasn't a love song , and it wasn't fast paced ; it was somewhere stuck in the middle like her mood.
               she closed her eyes, listening to the lyrics & enjoying the melody. june almost wanted to fall asleep, until someone making a beat on her bedroom door startled her into quickly opening her eyes.

"what now!?" she shouted, irritated that they'd scare her the way they did. she thought it was maya or iris coming to bother her about something; but it wasn't.

"it's me." carter sang, laughing. he was high, but she didn't mind that — he always was.  she rolled her eyes, wondering if it were too late to pretend she was sleep, only because she felt like being alone in her thoughts.

"come in."

          her brother opened the door, one hand placed behind his back. june didn't pay him any attention, staring at the ceiling as her music played through the room.

"for you." carters hidden hand was revealed, holding a bouquet of pink azaleas; her favorite flowers. she looked over at him, surprised, before sitting up to take the flowers. "sorry i couldn't go with you tonight."

"its all good. thanks for the flowers." she smiled lighlty, placing them on her nightstand beside her.

"how was it?" he sat next to her, leaning his back against the wall on the other side of the bed. june shrugged.

"it was cool. she asked hella questions but , i think i did good."

"was you scared?" she narrowed her eyes, giggling for a second then stopping.

"never that." she mumbled. it wouldn't be evident if you didn't know her, but her energy was off. she was smiling, and speaking, but carter knew something was off. even if he was higher than a kite.

"you good?" he inquires. june nodded; not as if there were anything specifically wrong with her. technically she wasn't lying.

"i think i'm losing my shit." she blurts out, looking to him for answers. whether or not he was under influence didn't matter; he was so wise and smart to her. she went to him for everything.
           carter looked lost. he didn't know if he should be concerned or laugh at her dramatics, due to him not knowing the circumstances.

"what?"

"carter; do you know what love is?" she was genuinely asking cause she truly didn't know. his eyes widened.

"uh — yeah..?"

"you ever been in love before?" she continues to ask. carter scratches his head , unprepared for the trivia.

"you mind if i smoke?" he laughs, pulling out a paper rolled joint from his jacket pocket. june shrugs smiling.

"if i can smoke too." she folds her arms. carter looks at her, kind of surprised, but not really.

             june opened her bedroom window so the smell wouldn't stay, as the two sat on the fire escape outside her bedroom, smoking.

"you never answered my question." she began, passing the joint to him. carter took it, smilin a little.

"have i ever been in love." he restated, thinking. never did he ever speak with june about any females, but she knew he messed around. he'd been bringing girls around for as long as she could remember. "nah. but i've loved someone before."

            june scrunched up her face, now confused.

"what's the difference?"

"you can love someone , but not be in love with them. why do you think so many people get divorced?" he shrugged, looking out at the city. "love is universal. we love things, people, places; we can love several things at once cause it's easy. however, when you're in love, that's when you're fucked." he laughed.

"how?" she felt like a kid receiving a lesson of life by an old teacher who's experienced it all, but she didn't mind. she felt their talks were interesting.

"because when you're in love; true, pure love — you can't fall out. loving someone is like, being infatuated you know? there's an expiration if there's no equal feeling on both sides."

          june thought. all his words began to make sense. he extended the joint over to her, but she declined, wanting to be able to understand every word he was saying. he held so much knowledge within him, she had no clue that he knew — and why she hadn't asked him sooner.

"what about being in love? how do you know?"

"you know you're in love when, you still find yourself loving them even when it isn't reciprocated. you ever heard that line — uh
love is beautiful when it's true or something .." he drifted off. june thought for a second, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

"love is beautiful when it's mutual, but when it's not it's true. the test is are you able to love when the other doesn't seem to love you." she whispered, as he nodded.

"yeah that shit." he laughed. " and it's not your choice either, it just happens."

"for someone who ain't ever been in love, you sure know a lot." she smirked. carter inhaled the smoke, before continuing.

"once." he finally admits, taking her by surprise.

"how did it end?" june asks, curious as to who it could've possibly been.

"i don't know." his mind went back to the girl; remembering her smile, how she graced a room with her presence — how he never even spoke to her. "i never told her." he looked at june. "that's my only regret in life."

          june looked at him, feeling an immense amount of guilt and emotions. it were as if he knew her every thought, and how she reacted tonight.

"you been in love june?" he asks, not even looking at her, he already knew the answer. nobody who's not in love just asks questions the way she did. she hesitates, thinking of the difference between being in, and just basics of love. she knew what she felt.

"once." she smiled, thinking of ezekiel. he was the only one. her first everything, and she prayed her last. carter looked at her, astonished at the fact that she answered truthfully.

"oh yeah? and how did that end?"

"it hasn't." she looked away, trying to cover her face from smiling.

"with that poet kid right." he knew. junes eyes widened in his direction, but his expression was nonchalant. "i already know."

"it ain't even him."

"then who?"

             june remained silent, her mind not even moving fast enough to think of a comeback. carter laughed.

"yeah ok." he huffed, smoke coming from his mouth. "no matter what though, i advise your tell whoever it is how you feel. no matter what. you'll regret it forever if you don't."

              she needed that talk. she didn't realize how much until after it was over. june didn't know what the future held, all she ever asked for was clarity, and her brother gave her that. it were as if a weight was lifted off of her. if only of the toughest guys june knew was willing to tell her to open up about her feelings, then she'd consider it atleast.
              feeling an odd sense of discomfort, june scratches her boob , feeling something poking. she reached in her nightgown & into her bra, collecting a piece of paper she placed in there after her shower.

𝓉𝑜 𝒿𝓊𝓃𝑒

          with a heart was scribbled across the front , and immediately she remembered the note from ezekiel she never opened. unfolding it carefully, she read it aloud.

" if i could give you one thing in life , i would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. only then would you realize how special you are to me." she whispered amongst herself. a wide smile formed on her face, holding the note close to her heart.

"you sure it's not the poet ?" carter asks again, overhearing what she just read. june just smiles, folding it back up and placing it where she got it. it was like an epiphany, and she knew she had to do what she had to do.

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