IT HAD ONLY BEEN 48 HOURS SINCE SHAY had gotten back from Tacoma, and yet the dread that filled the pit of her stomach made it feel as though she had never left Charming at all.

She needed to talk to Ben, that much was certain. Shay knew what had happened between her and Jax wasn't fair to him at all. He was a good guy and he deserved much better. Honestly, he deserved someone who was in love with him.

If her small vacation to Tacoma had taught her anything it was that while she loved Ben, she wasn't in love with him. Ben was safe, and at the time she needed — no craved safe, but it was unfair. Unfair to string him along while she was truly in love with Jax.

The Jax situation was a whole other mess that Shay couldn't even begin to think of. She had heard from Gemma that Jax was current back with Tara, playing house while Tara wore a shit eating grin on her face after Jax announced the doctor's pregnancy to the club.

Everything was a fucking mess and Shay wasn't sure how to fix it.

A knock on the door pulled Shay from her thoughts. A deep sigh left her mouth as she walked towards the door, running a hand through her dark hair.

She knew Ben would be standing on the other side of it. She had asked him to come over today so they could finally talk, they hadn't seen each other since she left for Tacoma.

"Hey." Ben's smile didn't reach his eyes as he stood in front of Shay.

Ben wasn't a fool. He knew ever since Tara told him about Jax and Shay that it was only a matter of time before she ended things between them. Everyone could see how they looked at each other — even if they couldn't themselves.

"Hey, come in." Shay smiled softly as she stepped aside to let Ben in. "Sorry it's been a few days. It's just been hectic since I got back." The Miller woman explained as she scratched at her forehead.

It wasn't a complete lie. Leela had been overly cranky with teething and the ten month old's sleeping pattern had started to resemble her mother's.

Ben nodded as he took a seat on the couch. "It's okay. Did Lee have fun in Tacoma?" He questioned, a genuine smile forming on his face as he thought about the ten month old he had grown so attached to.

A frown formed on Shay's face at Ben's question. It hurt because she know how attached they had grown of each other and she was about to shatter that with her own selfishness and stupidity.

"Yeah. She had a lot of fun at the aquarium." Shay said as she sat across from Ben. "Her teething has been really bad since we got back, it's been hard getting her to sleep, but thankfully I got her to sleep right now." The brunette explained as her leg bounced up and down.

Her anxiety was getting the best of her. She didn't even know how to begin this conversation with him. Did she just blurt out what had happened between Jax and herself? Or did she just break up with him? It was fucked it either way.

"I know about you and Jax." Ben suddenly blurted out after a second of silence between them.

Shay's blue eyes widen in shock as she stared at him, mouth opening and closing a few times trying to find the right words to say.

"I'm so sorry." She quickly decided on. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I never ever wanted to hurt you, Ben. You've been the most amazing and understanding person. You've been so amazing to Leela and me, and I completely fucked you over."

Tears quickly formed in Shay's eyes as she apologized to the hurt man sitting across from her. Her words were sincere and she truly was sorry for hurting him, yet she felt relief that he knew. The guilt had been eating her alive.

"I don't think you meant for it to happen. I don't think you're a horrible person, Shay." Ben stated matter of factly as he moved closer towards her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Even though he was hurting he still loved Shay and didn't want to see her cry. Ben could still be a decent human even though his heart was broken.

"I know you've always been in love with Teller. Hell, everyone can see it. Maybe you can't and you deny it, but it's there. I just fell in love with you and thought maybe you could fall in love with me too over time." Ben's voice was low as he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.

"I love you, but I see that look you get whenever Jax comes around, and I'm having a time trying to remember if you've ever once looked at me like that." A small laugh leaving his mouth as he placed a large hand on Shay's bouncing leg.

Shay wiped the tears from her eyes. She tried remembering herself if she had ever looked at Ben with pure love in her eyes. If she ever was so happy to hear his vehicle pull into her driveway or was it always Jax's motorcycle she was hoping to hear?

"I'm sorry. I love you, Ben. I'm just not in love with you. You deserve someone who can love you like you deserve and need. It can't be me though." The Miller woman explained.

Ben nodded. "I know. I'm gonna miss you and Lee. I hope one day we can look back on this and laugh."

Shay smiled. "Me too."

Ben patted her knee before standing up. "You know when Tara came to my house and told me about you and Jax, I wanted revenge. I wanted to beat his ass, but now I just feel bad for him." The cop said as he walked towards the door.

It didn't shock Shay to hear that Tara had been the one to tell Ben about Jax and her. She knew the doctor would tell. Tara had always been a vindictive bitch.

"Why's that?" Shay questioned with a curiosity as she watched him standing at the door with a hand on the doorknob.

"Because now he's stuck with someone like her." Ben stated matter of factly before exiting the house.

Shay watched Ben leave, sitting there feeling exhausted from their conversation. She wanted to call up Jax and tell him, tell him she loved him, but Tara Knowles smug face popped into her mind.

Jax was Tara's again. Shay would have to accept that. Maybe she wasn't meant to be with Jax Teller.

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AN ——

Sorry it took me forever to update this! Ben is gone, but not forgotten! Next chapter we'll finally meet Shay's mom! I'm also working on a new sons fic. It's gonna be a slight SOA/the shield crossover. You don't have to have seen the shield to read it though. Btw, the shield was suchhh a good show and so many actors from SOA/Mayans were on it.