THE REVENGE AND RAGE THAT SHAY FELT still boiled fiercely inside her even with two months passing by. She knew without a doubt that Farrah had something to do with her father's death— whether she caused his death indirectly or not was irrelevant to her.

The last two months had Shay on autopilot ever since Caleb's funeral. Her days consisted of waking up, taking care of Leela and Abel while putting a fake smile on her face for the sake of the children, and then laying in bed a night trying to sleep while Jax held her —- comforting her.

Shay could tell the depression that she was currently carrying around was getting to Jax. He was trying to be patient, but she knew by the way he looked at her or the small sighs that left his lips when she laid in their bed with her back towards him that he was almost at his own breaking point.

A sigh left Shay's lips as a knock on the door pulled her attention away from cleaning up the living room floor that was cluttered with baby toys. She didnt want to interact with anyone, but lately Gemma had been stopping unannounced by to check up on her.

Of course Gemma wasn't one to sugarcoat her words and made sure everyday to tell Shay to snap the hell out of it. The matriarch could understand and sympathize with Shay of course, but letting the all of that grief and rage consume her when she had two babies to take care of was where Gemma's sympathy ran out.

Shay quickly tossed a few of the toys into the toy box before walking towards the door with no emotion on her pale face. "You know Gem, you can just walk in." The brunette stated in a small annoyance as she pulled the door open. Her blue eyes widen a bit as she stared at Ben standing on her porch, rubbing a hand over his beard.

"Well, you're definitely not Gemma." Shay stated. It had been months since she last saw Ben. Charming was a small town and she hadn't even run into him at the store or anything. Which was probably done on purpose on his part.

"Unfortunately not." Ben smiled softly as he took in Shay's face. He had heard about her father and wanted to see her months ago, but Hale had advised him against it, and looking at the Miller woman he once loved so much right now he could see why.

Shay looked like a shell of herself and Ben wanted nothing more than to hug her until she felt better — even for just a moment.

"Is it alright if I come in?"

"Yeah." Shay nodded after allowing the shock to wear off. She was certain he was here to tell her how terrible of a person she was. It wouldn't surprise her honestly. When she broke up with Ben he had been civil—-nice even when he didn't need to be. Shay sure as hell didn't deserve him to be nice to her after what she did.

Maybe after all these months Ben had been holding onto his own anger and was ready to unleash it on her, and she'd take it because it was what she had deserved.

"Uh, do you want anything to drink?" Shay scratched at her forehead as the former couple walked into the house with an awkward silence between them.

"No. I'm alright." Ben shook his head. "I'm only gonna bother you for a minute." A small smile forming on his face.

"I heard what happened with your dad." He began softly noticing the way Shay's face hardened at his words. "I'm so sorry, Shay. I should have at least offered my condolences months ago, but I didn't think it would be appropriate."

Of course Ben wanted to be there for Shay, but it was complicated — their history was complicated.

"It's okay, Ben. I didn't expect you to come after everything I did to you. I'm surprised you're here now." Shay felt a frown form on her face as she spoke. She had done Ben so dirty and it would always stay with her how terrible she had been to him. He had treated her and Leela amazing and she replayed him by cheating on him.

"I'm surprised myself that I'm here, but I wanted to offer my condolences finally and also let you know that I'm leaving Charming."

"Because of me?" Shay quickly asked.

A small laugh fell from his lips. "No not because of you. I realized I can't stay in this backwards town anymore. I'm wasting my life here — there's nothing here for me anymore." Ben stated matter of factly.

"I'm sorry, Ben." Shay apologized. "What I did to you was fucking terrible." Shay would forever live with the regret of what she did to him. She would apologize to him everyday until she died and even then that still wouldn't be enough.

Ben took a step closer towards Shay and pulled her into a tight hug. "You don't need to apologize. I forgive you, Shay. You need to stop thinking you're some horrible monster because you're not." His voice was firm as he held the Miller woman tighter. This was most likely the last time he would see her and he wanted her to know how much he had cared for her — no matter what happened between them.

A silent sob left Shay's lips as she relaxed in his arms. "Thank you. You deserve to meet someone who will love you with their whole heart. You're a good man Benjamin Costello." She stated with a smile as she looked up at him.

"I hope you and Leela have a good life. I hope Jax treats you right." He smiled, placing a kiss on top of her head not saying another word as he made his way out of the house.

Shay stood there in the silence, watching Ben leave with tears in her blue eyes. She hadn't realized it, but this goodbye from Ben was much needed. She needed to hear his nice words and know she wasn't a fucking monster.

JAX QUIETLY CLOSED THE DOOR BEHIND HIM as he walked softly into his home with the weight of the world heavy on his shoulders. It was clear the blonde biker was exhausted you could see the dark bags under his eyes as though he hadn't slept in months, which was partly true. It was nearly impossible for Jax to get any kind of sleep with he was so focused on keeping an eye on Shay.

His girlfriend was no longer who she once was. Jax didn't blame her though, with everything she had gone through in the last year. Jax wanted to help Shay, but nothing he said or did was helping. He felt hopeless and useless. He loved Shay so fucking much but yet he couldn't help her.

A small smile formed on Jax's tired face as he check in on Leela and Abel, both of them sleeping peacefully in their rooms before he made his way towards his room.

"Hey." Jax spoke softly as he entered the room not at all shocked to see Shay still wide awake. "Sorry I'm so late." He apologized before taking off his kutte and sneakers. He was exhausted with all the shit going on at home and the Irish piling their bullshit on too, it was becoming almost too much for him.

"It's okay." Shay said with a small smile. "I love you, Jax." She stated randomly while standing up from the bed and walking towards him. "I know these last few months have been hard on you too, and I'm sorry."

Jax quickly pulled her into a hug as her words sank in. He needed to hear that — Especially from her. "You don't need to be sorry, darlin'. You've been through a lot of shit lately. I love you so fuckin much Shay. I just want to help you and I don't know how." The blonde admitted as tears filled his blue eyes.

"You are helping me, Jax." She assured him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She knew Jax needed to hear those words just as much as she needed to say them.

A small relief filled Jax's body as he softly pulled Shay towards their bed, wrapping his arms tightly around her body. "I love you." He said, pressing a kiss on top of her head.

"I love you, too." Shay mumbled softly as her eyes closed allowing the brunette to finally get some sleep.

AN :
yay an update!