I woke up sitting in a small, dimly-lit room. The first thing I saw was a familiar face, the face of a man wearing a beanie, who had a long scar trailing down his face.

Shit...I thought. I didn't bother trying to stand, cause I could feel ropes around my wrists and ankles, binding me to the chair. God damn it.

"Hello, Glitch." the man greeted, grinning.

"I'm Wonder." I corrected. "You've got the wrong guy."

"Oh, sorry about that," he laughed at his own mistake. "Glitch sounds like a main protagonist's name. I wanted to talk with the leader of the group that had been following me."

"Oh, then you do have the right guy! That's me!" I said.

"Alright, good. Let me try this again. Hello, Wonder. My name is-"

"Quackity, I know." I told him.

"Oh for God's sake- can you please let me do my evil introduction?!" he half-shouted.

"I know this book is supposed to be a crackfic, and it's supposed to be cliché, but no."

Quackity sighed. "Fine. I know you were following me ever since I stole your Fre Shavoca Do. And I bet you're wondering why. You see, Wonder, I am a villain. And like all villains, I have to have a reason for my evil deeds. I stole your Fre Shavoca Do in order to feed my army."

"Your army?" I asked. "You mean, like Ballora and Comet?"

"Very good, Wonder." Quackity smiled. "You're not as dumb as you look."

"Hey!" I protested. "I simped for Ballora! She's the one who made me realize that I'm bi!"

"Too bad," Quackity cackled. "She's busy...well...taking care of one of your friends."

"Oh dear..." I exclaimed softly. "My friends, where are they?"

"They're in other rooms, each with a member of my army, who, as I was saying, I am using to create the best casino in the world. Ojisan was one of many victims who fell under the might of Las Nevadas."

"Your might, you say?" I said slowly. "Well you're forgetting one thing. Never underestimate the might of Fre Shavoca Do...or me, for that matter."

Before Quackity could say anything, I stood up as best as I could, and spun around quickly, whacking him with the chair I was attached to. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious, as the chair shattered upon impact, freeing me. I pulled the ropes off of my hands and ankles, and grabbed a broken chair leg.

I say some sort of heroic punchline that is also a pun, before running out of the room to find my friends.

—

Meanwhile, in another room, Glitch was just starting to wake up. They, like me, were tied to a chair as well. They looked up, and saw an unfamiliar man staring at them entranced.

"Hello, Wonder." he greeted. "You look cute when you sleep."

"Dude, my name is Glitch- wait what?" Glitch asked, confused. "Who are you?"

"My name is Squidward," he said. "I was watching you for quite a while, and I didn't want to wake you up because you look adorable sleeping."

"What the hell-"

"And also," Squidward continued. "I killed that bartender slut, Comet, cause she was flirting with you against your wishes. I'm a yandere, by the way." he finished casually.

Glitch was startled. "You WHAT-"

Before Squidward could say anything, the door burst open and I rushed in, brandishing a chair leg. I smacked him over the head with it, causing him to crumple to the ground. Summoning my brute force, I kicked the chair Glitch was on, breaking it and freeing them from their bonds.

"Thanks for that," Glitch said relieved.

"Don't mention it." I told them. "Come on, let's find Techno, Ennard, and Spongebob."

—

Techno woke up abruptly, in a slightly smaller room than mine and Glitch. In front of him was a small, adolescent girl.

"Hi-"

In one fluid motion, Techno pulled out a pocket knife he had for occasions such as this, cut himself free, and jumped towards the girl, pinning her to the ground.

"Where the hell is Wonder?!" he demanded.

"I don't-"

That was as far as she got. Techno drove his knife deep into the girl's chest, then stood up, running for the door. As he opened it, he found himself face-to-face with me and Glitch.

"Jesus, Techno, you scared us!" I exclaimed.

"Wonder, thank God you're safe..." Techno said, relieved. "Where are the others?"

"I don't know, but we're looking for them now." I told him. "Come on!"

—

Ennard slowly came to his senses, in a room just like the others. Unlike us, however, he wasn't tied up. He was just sitting in a chair, opposite a man in a purple suit.

"Who the hell are you?" Ennard asked.

"Ennard..." the purple suit guy said slowly. "Is your name Ennard?"

Ennard tilted his head, confused.

"Do you know who I am?"

"I do," Purple Suit Guy said.

"No...I mean, do you really know who I really am?" Ennard asked.

"They told me you were dead."

Ennard froze. "What?"

"I knew it was a lie, the moment I heard it, obviously...but it was intriguing, nonetheless." Purple Suit Guy told him. "Of course I know you, Ennard. I've known you since you were born."

Ennard's eyes widened, and he gasped softly. "...Father?"

"Son..." Purple Guy smiled. "I haven't seen you in-"

The door was almost knocked off its hinges as me, Glitch, and Techno burst into the room. I raised my chair leg high, bringing it down on Purple Guy's head. He fell to the ground in front of a distraught Ennard.

"Come on, Ennard, we have to go!" Glitch urged.

"But he's my-"

"COME ON!" I shouted. "I don't know where Spongebob is, and the sooner we find him the sooner we can get out of here."

Ennard stood up and ran out of the room with us, giving Purple Guy a final, sad glance, before leaving him again.

—

Spongebob slowly arose from the floor of a large, pitch-black room, and looked around. The only light he could see illuminated a door, which was pretty far away. FNAF: Sister Location players, does this situation look familiar? It should, you uncultured fools.

Spongebob began to walk towards the door, but only got as far as one step could take him before he heard a voice.

"I can hear you...breathing."

He froze. The voice was that of a woman's, and it sounded very familiar to him. He quietly slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his breathing, which wasn't that loud to begin with. He couldn't even hear it himself. How the hell could this mysterious unnamed stranger hear it?! It makes absolutely no sense!

Spongebob began to quietly make his way towards the door, trying his hardest to not make a sound and disturb the person he was in the room with.

"Why do you hide inside these walls?"

Spongebob noted to himself that he wasn't inside any wall he knew of. It was rather strange, but it didn't matter. He continued to sneak towards the door, hoping that when he was close enough, he could make a run for it.

"I can hear you creeping through my room."

Spongebob began to shake. The voice was much closer than it had been before. Suddenly, he felt a hand grip his shoulder, none too gently, and yank him backwards, and he screamed in terror. The sound traveled out of the room and into our ears.

"Did y'all hear that?!" I asked.

"Yeah, it sounded like someone screaming!" Glitch noted, to no one's surprise.

A few seconds later, we heard a muffled screech coming from the same direction we had heard the scream. We all ran towards the sound, finding a door. Techno, gathering his strength, kicked down the door, letting light flood into the pitch-black room. I took a moment to admire his strength with wonder, before turning to face the room.

The blood drained from my face as my eyes beheld the terrifying scene before me.

It was Ballora, glaring at us, fresh blood staining her ballet outfit. And she was smiling, a sick, demented smile. On the ground next to her, dead, was-

"NO! SPONGEBOB!" I shrieked.

"Holy shit..." Glitch looked like they were about to faint.

"Run." Techno ordered.

I didn't hesitate to do what he asked, and broke out into a sprint down the hallway. When I looked behind me I saw Techno, Glitch, and Ennard following closely. Fear filled my soul as I saw Ballora chasing after us.

"Shit- SHE'S NARUTO RUNNING, GUYS!" I shouted in terror.

I knew that we couldn't outrun the famed Naruto run for long. I turned a corner and saw that our path was blocked by an open door that lead to a lift. There were two buttons beside the door. Oh, if only we could press the 'close door' button, and get onto that lift, then we could get away!

I then remembered the chair leg in my hand. Remembering the animated music video to one of my favorite songs, Dance to Forget by TryHardNinja, I realized that this scene was exactly like that of the ending, and two things burst into my mind. First, I thanked the Lord above that Ballora still looked like herself, and hadn't become whatever she had been in the AMV, otherwise I probably would have died of terror on the spot. God that thing gave me nightmares. The second thing I realized was that I could use the chair leg to our advantage.

Summoning back all the times I had played baseball at school, which was only once, and I didn't even pitch, I threw my chair leg at the buttons beside the lift doors. It sailed through the air, hitting the button perfectly. The doors began to close.

"YES!" I cheered, and could hear the joyful exclamations of my friends behind me.

We weren't safe yet. The doors were closing quickly, and we had to get onto the lift before they shut. And it was at that moment that all of the speedrun videos that Dream had created seeped into me, and speed like I had never before possessed washed over me. I leapt forward, between the doors of the lift, and fell to the ground. My friends did the same, reaching safety just in time, but Techno tripped as well and fell on top of me.

We looked at each other for a moment before Ennard cleared his throat, reminding us that there was still a deranged psychopath chasing us, and that the doors still haven't closed completely. Techno got off of me, and I jumped up just in time to see the doors shut and hear a loud thud from the other side. Ballora had ran face-first into the doors. The image of it made me laugh as Glitch pressed the button for the lift to go up. My laughter turned to crying as I remembered the fact that Spongebob was dead. That really sucked, and it was a shame, but he was a side character that needed improving, and he had to die in order for the story to progress.

The lift began to ascend, carrying us to safety. As we rose, I looked out to see Ballora fall back, staring up at us, no longer smiling. She looked rather sad as she watched us escape, and I had to feel bad for her. Hopefully Quackity wouldn't be too upset over it. The ending of a familiar song blared in my head (if you know this scene's parallel you are my best friend forever) as I watched her beautiful form move farther and farther away from us as we ascended to freedom.