quote: "life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself, " — george bernard shaw

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I SNUGGLE INTO MY into my pillow until, I jolt awake, looking around. My alarm makes a beeping sound, that is repeatedly ringing through my ears and alike every day that I had to attend school. School, ugh. I look over to my nightstand to look at the photo of my father and I see the photo of Casper and his parents next to the photo of my father, then the family picture of me, Mum and Dad. "You little rascal!" I mutter to myself, "You're so ." He was a ghost, after all, when he moved it was soundless. I wear dark black faded jeans and a random top I found in my drawer. I pull a knitted jumper over my head. I tie my hair in a rather sloppy ponytail. I smile and pull on my white low-cut converse. I walk over to the bathroom to do my business and brush my teeth.

I smile and pull my book-bag over my shoulder. I was about to walk out the door, Kat's number. I race back and grab it, then breaking into a run towards the stairs following the route towards the kitchen. Over the three weeks that we had been here, my mum had managed to clean the kitchen and repair most of the damage that the poor kitchen has endured for many many decades. A few things we would need a professional to do, just it is sort of hard when you live with four ghosts. I will admit not many even the brave and adventurous souls would risk coming here. I walk over to the kitchen to see Casper making breakfast, pancakes. "Good Morning," I say and I take a seat next to my Mum who is reading the local paper. Of course, and as always Casper would have gotten if for her. "Morning," Casper says, placing pancakes in front of me. "Thanks," I say smiling to see Casper smiling back, then I dashing some maple syrup over my very delicious looking pancakes.

"Did you sleep well?" My Mum asks, her eyes bright, finally shifting her gaze from the paper. "Yeah," I say. "Good, Now I'll be at the shop today, working later shifts. So I'll come back later than usual tonight. Don't cause trouble..." She starts, the only people that cause trouble are the ghostly trio. "Okay," I mutter with a mouth full of food. I think deeply thinking about how I'm going to make this call. I want it to be a surprise for Casper. I knew he would start to suspect things if I asked mum now, he was smart. Very smart. Just so many questions kept flooding my head.

Just how am I gonna do this? They would notice if I used the phone here, or even my stupid one that never does what I want to it do, as it freezes and does stupid things. Mum would suspect something if I asked to use her as she would ask, "Who are you calling? None of your business!" I just let my mind try to settle the raging questions in my head. Just would I be okay with this? How would Casper go with this? How would he feel? Is this wrong what I am doing? How Casper's Uncles begged for him to let her go... I shivered at their reaction when I first came here, how they were protective over him, cruel and cold towards me. But in the deep depths of there heart, they were only trying to protect him. Would I help him or make things worse?

I chew down my pancakes, hurrying, I came to the conclusion that; I could go to the shop after school! Mum has a phone there! Then I would ask Kat to come over for the day, tomorrow even. I knew what I could be leaving behind. I knew this was wrong, me not being there the whole time, only for my selfish desires. Or was it that I couldn't stand to not be her?  The one he needed. I knew what I was gonna do, I had made up my mind. "Okay, I'm off to school." I play cooly, trying not to be depressed about it. Luckily Mum had no idea about the notes or anything. But Casper did. He would tell her eventually, right?

"I can walk you," Casper asks, seeing the distress in my eyes. The tears threatening to fall. "If you want, I don't mind," I say, looking towards the tips of my shoes. Then while walking slinging my book-bag over my shoulder and rushing as quick as I could, out of the room. I look over to my mum who just smiles, saying nothing. I knew she wasn't dumb but how come she didn't notice anything... "Okay bye." I hear my mother call in the distance, sighing. "No, I love you mum or even a kiss goodbye?!" I walk out of the Manor, then I see my blazing red bike, that had a chipped paint job. I remember doing one hundred and seventy-one lawn jobs so I had enough money to by the bike I begged my father to get me. I smile wildly like a crazy old lady, proud of the idea that came to her mind.

"I have an idea." I smile cheekily, almost mumbling the words. Casper floats at my eye level, "What is this 'Idea'?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. He watched me walk over to the bike that was awaiting me at the steps. "You'll see." After two minutes of explaining and trying to make the stubborn friendly ghost whose name is Casper do something, don't ask how many times I had to beg him. I sit on my bike, my feet balancing the bike and the weightless Casper on the handlebar. "Ready?" I ask, "Yeah." Casper says his head around to face me. We follow the familiar the dirt path, the wind in my light brown hair. "I told you, I had an idea," I say smiling,

He just smiles, laughter filling the air. It was rather childish, light and airy at most. I felt the sudden warmth that quickly spread throughout my body all the way to my heart. I felt warmer in a way, safe and happy. I had missed the feeling of being happy, feeling free... I decide to take the long way to school. Even though Casper was with me, he went invisible, so no one could see him. We don't exactly want another experience like last time. I end up behind the school, waiting for the coast was clear. "See you at home Casper, We have to come up with a handshake." He nods in agreement although he seemed hesitant because he was a ghost, then saying "Bye." I watched him float away, I watched him fade away. I watched my safety net fade. My best friend leaves me.

Then I knew that I really hated school. I used to love it. I had friends and I had my dad. But without any of these events, I would never have met Casper... I would have been too scared to adventure in Whipstaff, some kids though often went there on dares and things. I used to have a friend called Abby and she told me that her father saw a ghost who offered to take a photo of them. I'm guessing it was Casper, he is the only one who would offer. I pull on his old ray-ban shades and I ride my bike the rest of the way to school. Honestly just around the corner. "So you decide to actually ride your bike?" Jason asks, his girlfriend Amy who looked like a teen model stands next to him. "Well yeah, why not?" I state. "I can ride my bike whenever I want to."

"Yeah. She can ride her bike whenever she wants. Jason leaves the girl alone. You're not the boss of her." A rather familiar voice growls, annoyed. Only one person I knew that moved away just after my dad died was my best friend, well female one. Abby? "Abby?" I ask, smiling. "You're back!" I exclaim, jumping off my bike than racing to hug my childhood friend. "I'm back for good." She whispers hugging me, I saw teary eyes in her chocolate ones and I knew it would be a reflection of my own. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too, May. You've always been my best friend. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, it's been hard on my Mum too." Poor Abby, these last two years have been hard on her too. We've both faced challenges that have changed our lives forever. "Thank God. I have to tell you a lot." I say putting my bike in the bike rack, forgetting Jason and Amy. "And I'm afraid you'd think I'm delusional."

"Yeah same, but not in the sense of being delusional."

"Okay, but what's with the hair?" I smile at her new hairstyle, not her natural caramel hair colour that was so naturally beautiful girls would gush over it. Now, It was still her colour but it had a very blond highlight's. It was simple, shorter than it used to be cut to just above her shoulders and it suited her, still natural, it just wasn't what I was used too. I wasn't going to dye my hair it wouldn't be the same. I'd miss my brown wavy locks. "I needed a change, I wanted my coming back to be a new start for mum and me." I smile from ear to ear. Then we both troll into school laughing our heads off. It was just a moment that made me smile.

— — —

I ride my bike after school towards Mum's Antique shop in town. I had more important things to do so I didn't say goodbye to Abby. I did feel a little guilty but in the long run, she'd do the same in my position. She knew there would be an important reason. Although the smile hasn't left my face since I had seen Abby. She asked me if we could meet up after school, I couldn't. I had to do this for Casper. He needed me, more than she would ever possibly know. She knew the story the whole town knew the story, everyone knew about him. It was a horrible day, that day. I read old newspapers in the attic and everything.

"Mum I need to use the phone," I say, opening the door. I literally run to the desk. As she shouts from the storeroom probably sorting out things. She was probably going through her second children polishing and un-dusting them. "Okay." I pull the CD out of my bag. I smile at the old and new familiar objects placed around my Mum's shop. I had read all the books in this shop and when Mum gets new shipments and she always let me pick out a couple that I like. I type the numbers on the phone placed on my mother's front desk. Thank god there haven't been any customers. I wait for an answer, "Hello?" A feminine voice answers, "This is Kathleen Wilmot."

"Hi, I'm May Clarence and I'm calling for a person called Kathleen Harvey. Perhaps you might know her..."

"That's me, well Harvey was my maiden name."

"That's good because you managed to have the same number for years. I know you're wondering why I'm calling you just it's rather important for a friend of yours and he is a friend of mine too. I was wondering if you could visit him, you know at Whipstaff?"

"You're talking about— Casper?" She asks, full of joy and surprise. But I noticed something too, a sense of love. "Well Nah, I'm talking about The Ghostly Trio," I say sarcastically. "Could you visit him, it's a surprise?" I ask as if it was a plea. Her voice was soft and soothing. "Of course. I'll be there by tomorrow morning. I have to say I'm at a work conference as a cover story and I'd like to thank you. For being there when no one else was, I'm sure you're both very close."

"I've only been at Whipstaff for about a week and a little over a week or so. I moved there, they were going to knock it down. My Mum saved it and I think Casper and I are close."

"You'll have to tell me how you met Casper. When I see you, I'm sorry, I'll be there I just have to go." I heard the whining of two children in the background, did she have kids? "Of course, bye. Thank you for your time." Then the line was cut. "Thanks, mum," I shout. "Now that was a rather nice phone call, wasn't it?" I hadn't even noticed that she was there I jumped as soon as I heard her voice. She would ask questions. "Abby! You scared me!" I exclaim, smoothing it over by at least trying to change the subject. It was worth a try, I got ready for the question that was coming. "Who is Casper?" She asks. I knew it. My bad luck at it again. "If I told you'd think I'm insane." Those words were very true. "You already are." I sigh and roll my eyes. "Thank you, your words are very comforting," I mutter sarcastically. "Mum guess who's back?" I say, happily. "I already know. She's coming over." I almost choke on air. WHAT? Why doesn't anyone tell me anything anymore?!

I forget Abby's here, I ignore her for just a moment, to have a conversation with my mother. "Just you know, the other residents..." I hint at my Mother who gives me a reassuring look as she pokes her head around the storage room door. "I'll ask you again who is Casper?" Abby asks, just like she always was demanding. "He's my friend." I defend my own innocence, raising my hands on defence. He was my friend. "Ohh, you have a boyfriend now?" She teases, "I suppose I have been long enough..." She trails off, smiling teasingly, raising an eyebrow. "Not like that. He's a boy and he's a friend that's all." I spit. "Really?" She asks I had just noticed how much taller she was than she used to be. "Ask him yourself," I say as Abby stops looking confused but I walk onwards toeing my bike with me. "I'm going home, you coming Abby?" I say as I head out the door, starting to walk my bike. "Yeah." I walk down the streets, as familiar memories come back with Abby beside me. I push my bike along remembering this morning with Casper and how Abby saved me. "I've missed you and thanks for sticking up for me today," I say, remembering her promise all those years ago, when I had just found out my Dad had cancer.

"It's okay." We both laugh at the old memories until. Her face softens, I knew what was going to happen, it's happened a lot since the past two years. "I'm sorry about your Dad."

"It's okay," I say, my voice low, I blink slowly trying to stop the sudden wave of tears. "You're still hurt and healing, just you seem happy again." She says as I smile. "I guess I am."

"Anyway, what does this Casper like? He is cute? Is he single?" She asks, suddenly interested in him. Abby the Gossip Queen. "He likes someone," I state, knowing who it was, Kat. "Which isn't me for your liking."

"You like him!" She says smiling rather teasingly, with a hint of sadness. I suppose I worded it wrong, maybe I should have acted as I cared. But Abby still knows me after all this time. (Two years was a long time, though. I have changed in some ways.) "I do not!" I defend. "You're all red." She teases, adding her sly smile, and her long, narrow finger pointing at me. "I'm not." I spit, I declare, trying to hide my feelings, that I have gotten so used to in doing. "You should tell him how you feel." She emphasises, giving me a side hug. "No! I can't!" I defend, I could ruin everything. It would never work, I'm alive and he's dead. "Why?" She asks, her face puzzled. She did not know he was a ghost and I would like to keep it that way. "Because you'll have to see for yourself. Just don't freak out okay, you can't." I say firmly, knowing what was just down the road.

I walk up to my driveway, trying to ignore the confusion that was on her face. We passed the gate and her face goes white, she continues to follow me but clinging to my arm. I park my faded red bike and open the door, which creaks, it's usual hello. "You live at Whipstaff Manor! It's haunted! I know you moved! But I never imagined you'd move to Whipstaff!" Abby exclaims in horror. "It's okay it's cool," I whisper into her ear. Opening the large, heavy wooden door. "They had a school Halloween dance here once it ended with a ghost appearing. There was a ghost at school just the other day. Apparently, it saved you, from you-know-who when his bike almost ran into you the other day?" I seriously had to change the subject. "Hungry?" I whisper into her left ear.

She smiles only agreeing because of her rumbling stomach, "Yeah."

"Okay just stay close and don't scream. They can't hurt you."

"So you live in Jurassic Park or something now?" She asks as I glide her across the large space that Casper once danced with Kat. "No!" I say, sighing frustrated. She was close to me and then clutched my arm tightly, and only speaks two words. "It's beautiful."

"Yeah, I told you."

"My dad came here when he was a kid cos' he was dared with one of his friends to get a picture of being here. He saw a ghost. It was round and see-through thingy and white and had blue eyes." I knew who she was talking about. Casper. "Ohh, cool. Let's head to the kitchen." I push open the door and send a signal to Casper. She stands still, frozen in time. "It's that ghost!" "Hi I'm Casper, you must be Abby. Nice to meet you." He smiles at her reassuringly. She comes closer to me and reaches out for my arm again, "He can't hurt you, he's a friendly ghost." I add with a gentle smile. "Here don't worry, it's okay," I say.  "Take a seat," I say sitting in my usual seat. She sits next to me, fear in her eyes and her face pale. "Okay, what would you guys like?" Casper asks.

"You're mum Brought ice cream." Casper hints as wore his usual chef hat, which always made me laugh. He was trying to help me and I was undoubtedly grateful. "Okay, ice cream. It is." I say with a smile as I get up to help him with the bowls and spoons. I give Abby a reassuring look. "I told you'd think I'm insane if I told you. You can't tell anyone, I don't want Casper to become a tourist attraction." I whisper, handing her a bowl. She smiles, "I know."

"Yo, Casper." She says, "You've got a good looking girl." No, she's starting, why!!!!! "Were just friends, there's a difference you know." I defend again. Casper smiles, "She's is very beautiful." I facepalm myself and whack my head on the table with a groan. Can this day get any better? Want to say anything else to make me blush. Just write a list. Rising my head back up I smile back at Casper, worriedly and embarrassed. "Okay, I need to see your room." She says, smiling. "OOH AND I NEED A TOUR!"

"And cos I'm gonna get lost here. I never knew you'd actually have something this cool, May. Like look at this house, people say there are four ghosts living here and all. Just...they all say it's creepy."

"There right Casper is one and his three uncles who aren't very friendly." I lead her to my room, Casper follows us, "Nice room."

"Actually it's Casper's, it's sort of hard to explain, I sort of well have been lent it."

"Look what's that?" She asks, walking towards the stand which held my picture of my dad and the picture of Casper and his parents. "Like who's the boy?" She asks,

"It's me," Casper speaks up. "You'd have the female population at school drool over you." Her comment makes Casper smile like a Goofus. "Except one," I say pointing to me. "I'll work on it then," Casper says, smiling. "In your dreams, Casper McFadden." I smile, cheekily. "Alright, May Clarence." He says competing against me. "Aww, what a PERFECT match."

"Abby, I told you were just friends and we don't like each other like that! Be realistic."

"Yeah, yeah." She jokes. "I'll kick you out!" I threaten. Abby laughs, "Okay, Okay I won't stay for dinner anyway I have to unpack all my stuff, I'll see you at school May and Casper she's a hard one, but once you get her wrapped around your finger. She'll be head over heels." I walk May over to the door and close it once she leaves. "What a day!" I exclaim leaning against the door. "Yeah I guess so but my own wasn't as busy as yours, you're friend Abby seems nice," Casper says, poor Casper he was trying to get rid of the tension. "Yeah, she's moved back to friendship. Her parents had a divorce and she's back with her Mum, for good."

"Yeah, that's good."

"Are you okay, Casper," I ask with sudden concern. "Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"Just asking, you seem a little down."

"Ohh, I'm fine. Would you like to go tree climbing?" He asks, with hope in his eyes. "Sure!"

His smile was warmer than the sun. "I found my Mother's book. It took forever. I just couldn't remember where it was. It triggered a couple of memories though.."

"That's amazing Casper. Let's go then and I'll read it too you." I clutched the book tightly, it was well worn and the pages were yellow. I was surprised how well his Mother's books had been well looked after. Casper holds the book as I climb to the place I sat, not so long ago. I open it up and land on a random page. "Your mother, she handwrote them," I say out loud without knowing. "Yeah, she did."

"The leaves glitter in the blazing sun, high in the tree, it's old long branches swayed in tune with the grass. The birds sang high in its branches. The Ducks swam in the lake, splashing around, but what would catch your eyes was the smile on the boy's face, the boy with the deep blue eyes."

"It's about me."

"Casper? What is it like to die?" I ask suddenly. He thinks hard, "It's like being born, but backwards."

"Casper, does it hurt?" I ask pain in my eyes I wanted to know if my father suffered, I needed to know. "No, it's rather peaceful, like shifting into a deep painless sleep." I found myself asking another question. "Why didn't you go where you where meant to go?" I ask delicately trying to show to Casper that he didn't need to tell me if he didn't want too. "To keep my father company and so he wouldn't be left alone." He says sadly, "because after my mother died I knew he'd be lost and lonely if he lost me too."

"Then why did my Dad leave me, why didn't he stay, like you?" Casper was careful as he spoke as if he was choosing his words carefully. "Because sometimes, they don't have unfinished business. And sometimes they go because they have too. Because they love you and they were happy and had a good life." Suddenly I stop myself from asking why Casper never pasted over but found the need to apologise. "I'm sorry Casper. I was asking extremely personal questions."

"It's okay, just let me ask one question then. Why are you, my friend?" There was oddness in Casper's tone and there was a hint of rawness in his childlike voice. "Because you're there for me and you never got to live, you died at such a young age. You managed to see right through me, although I'm invisible to everyone. You know more things about me that Abby will never know."

"But I'm a ghost, I don't matter anymore. I am nothing."

"You do to me Casper, the thing that never changed in you where your eyes, there so bright and gentle. Listen to me you are not nothing."

"But you see something else, don't you?" He asks, his eyes gentle and bright. "My eyes are are the only thing apart of me that has never changed."

"I see a sweet and friendly boy who wants to live, you just want to be alive," I whisper, each word getting louder. "And I see a girl who just wants someone to be there for her, a friend, someone to love her." He whispers coming closer to me his eyes serious. A tear falls down my cheek. "And I see a girl who just wants her dad, you're still hurt. I see the pain in your eyes." He locks his eyes with mine, "And I promise I'll be there for you." He says, with sudden longing and I was unable to look away. Did he want to hold my hand or something? He has never had that look on his face before. It was new. "Casper," I say, my eyes watering. "I wish that you could be alive, I want your dream to come true."

"I've had my dream, you know that," Casper says his childlike voice raw with emotion. "That's the thing you find a new dream, a new thing to wish for," I say, unable to meet his gaze. "I already have." He whispers suddenly serious as if he was going to cry but we both knew that he couldn't. "You." Then we left out the conversation as it was, I think neither of us wanted to continue our conversation.

Casper's mother's book was filled with lovely poems and stories. I read many of them to Casper, he would say each word with me. He would smile and be lost in his memories. My feet would swing in tune, as I read words aloud. "I think I better get you back for your dinner," Casper says, with a small smile. He was right, it was getting late. Just I couldn't leave I was having to much fun and had so much interest and curiosity to ask more questions. But I did begin to clamber down the tree for dinner.

— Edited: 23/08/2019