Author: @MoonLightGoddess1

Reviewer: -agustellar

Title: 5/10

While your title explains your story well it doesn't have the quality a proper title should. The reason why I've cut five points is because, not only is your title really common but it's also too simple. And I'm not saying simple titles are wrong, but rather having a simple title this straightforward comes out as boring. You might attract readers who want to read stories based on reincarnation, but other than a vast majority wouldn't be interested upon seeing it. I do hope you come up with an interesting title!

Cover: 3/10

Again, the cover is too … dull. You've taken a picture of Taehyung, which fits the theme of your story, and simply slapped some words on it. A cover should be able to force a reader to check your book out immediately. I'm not an expert in judging covers but I highly advise you to visit a graphic shop to enhance your cover.

Blurb: 3/10

A blurb is supposed to give an ominous description of your story and what the readers can expect. It shouldn't reveal the entire plot of the story. You've mentioned the characters, their struggle and ended it with a suspenseful question.

But truth be told? You've revealed your entire story this way. Not only is your blurb too short, it's also too straight to the point. You should try elaborating a little more while maintaining the suspense. Give a gist of the setting, the character, the arcs they'd face and end it appropriately.

You've simply given two sentences framed as questions that reveal the entire story. It didn't make me want to read further or think about what I could expect. It felt like you wrote two questions to explain your school essay and not a story.

Kindly check blurbs from many different stories in wattpad or published books (tho I recommend published books)

Pace: 1/10

Truth be told, there was no pace in your story. Your story felt more like a lazily written essay with a plot you thought of. Throughout the story you've only dumped information on what you wanted to write. It was extremely messy, except the flow you tried showing (which needs seviour changes as well)

You are writing a story of two characters falling in love and overcoming the struggles. But the way you paved your story, was just as short as me explaining why there was no pace. There wasn't a single chapter where you let a scene develop slowly, you seemed to rush it and move on to the next one.

What I suggest for you is to take a story book. Anything to your liking (no fanfictions or wattpad books) which is published and read them. You lack several aspects when it comes to building your story. You need to learn story execution.

I'm not going to rain on your parade by saying there was absolutely nothing in your story. But whatever there was, you forced it onto the readers too fast as bullet points. I highly recommend you stick to one scene for one chapter. Show what's happening in the scene, don't tell the readers.

In the first paragraph you didn't introduce Y/n you told who she was. It was more of an information dump which you should avoid by delivering her character through the chapters. What I mean by this is to show who she is as a person by throwing her into situations. Perhaps she lost her mother when she talks to Taehyung. Introduce her age by letting someone at the ball welcome her or her father talking about her.

You've got so many tropes you want to execute. There's so much potential with a reincarnation plot, but as I've mentioned before you rushed everything so fast. Had you not mentioned the chapter's title as past and present, I wouldn't have even known the time change.

In short you need to completely rewrite your book and find an execution style. Again read more story books to accomplish this!

Concept and plot: 2/10

The concept and plot is as cliché as cliché can get. I can point out several stories where the same princess falls in love with her mentor but is forced to marry a prince she hates, the ending concludes with her imminent death and she's reincarnated in the next life with her lover! There's nothing new, nothing refreshing or out of the ordinary of  what you thought.

You decided to mesh two famous tropes together.

What makes a common plot unique and exciting is the execution. But yours was literally a short essay.

I saw potential in the story you tried to deliver. You could make your story much much more interesting by actually showing the conflicts they faced instead of telling. The more the obstacles, the more the development, the more of everything for your story would be better.

Apart from that your world-building was also too vague. What Era were they in? Because Taehyung wore a Korean historical outfit but for her birthday she wore something you'd seen in the west? There were many fallacies and plot holes you should cover. Extensive research about your setting is something that must be done.

I'm not sure if this layout would help you, but this would give you an idea on how a story is actually supposed to be written:

Plot
—what your story is about
—what is the theme and genre
—fix and elaborate your idea
—choose a structure [plot structure]

Goals
—major checkpoints of stories
—plot twists
—main conflict

Characters
—characters
                   •their role in the story
                   •flaws and strengths
                   •description + add. info

Worldbuilding
-setting
-important places
-culture [language, appearance, tradition, work, government system]
-magic system

Chapter outline
Major events for each chapter noted down

For ex

Chap 1
•meeting occurs
•character x pushes y
•the fire doesn't burn her
•she kills x

Please give your plot another chance to become the best version of itself.

Characters: 1/10

The one mark I've given is simply by the mercy of you mentioning two characters—Y/n and Taehyung. To be frank there was no development in them. They met, they fell in love, she sacrificed herself and they met again. Because you only wrote six chapters for a story which is meant to have nearly 30 chapters, your characters were just names and nothing more. There was no emotion I felt. No understanding of who they were as a person. Just a portfolio of their role and what they're meant to do.

You never even showed how they fell in love. You only told us in a single paragraph and then finished their story in the next chapter. Do you understand where I'm coming with this?

Try vividly explaining each scene. Show who your characters are with more interaction, more situations. Give them life, not just names.

Suggestion: again, read books. Read as many as you want.

Grammar: 3/10

There were just too many grammar mistakes for me to begin explaining with. I'll list out the majority of them.

-Punctuation (commas, periods, dialogue tags, comma splices)

You have too many sentences that do not end with a full-stop. This is a common rule to always finish your sentences with a full stop. All the paragraphs You've written, you've joined sentences which should be separated by a full-stop with a comma making many errors. There were also many places where you didn't use commas appropriately.

Dialogues:

I have to point this out, are you writing a script? Because the entire formatting of your story is wrong. Unless you choose to write a script you do not use colons.

This is what you're doing.

Taehyung: I will get the basket, wait here.
Y/n: alright

What you're supposed to write.

"I will get the basked, wait here," Taehyung informed her, warning her to stay still.

"Alright," Y/n replied.

-tenses:

There were times you were writing in present then turning over to past and shifting back again. Please stick to only one tense, past being the most advisable.

I've also noticed you don't capitalize your 'I' in pronouns when you use them mid-sentence. Apart from which you missed apostrophes when using I'm.

Hire an editor to help you point out all these mistakes after you rewrite your story.

Writing style: 2/10

Again, please don't feel sad because of the low score! You have not described any situation with words. Instead you fill it in with pictures which are completely wrong! Never ever use pictures to describe the situation you're picturing.

And the vast majority of your story is just dialogues, which were too plain and boring, and paragraphs to tell the readers what's happening. You also keep switching povs in the same chapter. Either stick to third person or follow one entire pov for a chapter.

The biggest mistake you're doing is telling and not showing. When you tell you push information but when you show you slowly reveal it. Chapter by chapter.

I don't really have much content to judge your writing skills. If you had described at least some situation, I would have an idea on where you're going wrong.

You really need to be more descriptive when it comes to writing a book. Avoid pictures and pov in chapters as much as you can.

Overall impression: 2/10

I will have to appreciate your effort to write and publish a book with a plot with high potential. But you really need to work on several aspects and learn how to structure a story, build a world, develop characters and pace your plot. You've got to start from the very bottom as painful as it sounds.

Rating of the book: 2/10

I was really not interested in reading the book because there was nothing that pulled me in. You also finished your story in six chapters which is too short for any book. You need to work on so much and I do believe you can reform yourself. Because after this you'll only improve yourself and see the mistakes you've made. So kindly pick a book and read to get the idea of what I'm trying to say.

Don't be disheartened by this and take it as an opportunity to learn. If you ever need any help, I'm always available.

Total: 24/100

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