Review by imogenogucci01
Author of the book Anunimouse96

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝟏/𝟏𝟎

The title is extremely confusing, at first I expected something in the regular teen fiction world but the further I read the book, I realized that the title does not suit the story in any way.

𝐂𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝟒/𝟏𝟎

It really isn't good. Not only have I seen that exact same background image but I have seen it used way better. The fonts their placement is too basic and I feel like with the supernatural genre you have the chance to go crazy with the graphics. I suggest you visit a graphics shop

𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝟐/𝟏𝟎

The description like most of the book is poorly written. One thing that you must not do especially in the description of a book is create your own abbreviation and not explain it properly.

During the course of reading we might figure it out but wouldn't it be better to just write it in full the start to abbreviate it later on?.

𝐏𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝟎/𝟏𝟎

The pacing is terrible, at the first chapter, there is a huge information dump, I wasn't sure what was going on, at first I thought it was your writing style because it was messy and all over the place kind of like a person's thoughts. I hoped that was what you were going for but by the second chapter, I knew it wasn't. You waste too much of your word count on unnecessary details, this slows down the pace of your story a lot.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝟕/𝟏𝟎

I like that there is a supernatural element but please explain it well in the first few chapters. Other than that you have a very solid plot.

Too early in the story you are trying to throw your readers into this emotional journey but the problem is that we are unfamiliar with your characters therefore we have no connection to them so whenever you write something that is supposed to spark a feeling of remorse from the reader, we just end up cringing.

It's kind of like seeing a stranger crying next to you on the subway, you don't feel remorse just discomfort.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝟖/𝟏𝟎

You have really great characters. Except for Patricia, I hate her. If you could fix up those chapters that are not named 'chapter this or that, you will have a lovely book.

𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫 𝟓/𝟏𝟎

You do not have bad grammar just bad sentence construction, there were instances were I thought you were speed typing most of the book because so many sentences made no sense. Avoid long winding sentences, especially in dialogue. I suggest you get yourself an editor or make use of editing software like grammerly or pro writing aid.

𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞 𝟒/𝟏𝟎

From the first chapter I was thrown off, there was nothing properly introduced. The structuring of the chapters is soo confusing because at first they were named things like 'Haeji's intro', 'Adrain' etc but then I start to see 'prologue' 'chapter 1' and I was soo confused, you should choose how you want to structure your chapters and stick to it. If you feel like you need to change point of views you could format it as

CHAPTER 1: ADRIAN
or
CHAPTER1
Then on the writing page
Adrian's p.o.v
Or even
01| Life Gem Fairytale
Your work will look 100% neater.

Also, I notice you change from font styles a lot when you are writing, one moment it is in italics, the next it is in bold, the next everything is capitalized, the next it is in bold italics. It is very hard to read, I questioned if you have ever read a wattpad book because of how all over the place this was.

Please choose one page format and stick to it, because I noticed that you switched between everything being on one side and everything being in the center. It looks very childish and makes it very hard to read.

Please space out your paragraphs in the 2nd chapter and get rid of those large paragraphs. Also reduce the spacing between paragraphs one line is enough.

𝐎𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝟕/𝟏𝟎

The author has a beautiful story here but it will be hard for readers to realise this because most of them will give up after the first three chapters.

I can tell that the author is young and has so much room to grow

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝟓/𝟏𝟎
I have so much to say and most of it is not good, I urge that if you need help with the format of your stories please private message me, I am happy to help.

It was hard to especially the first few chapters which are the ones that reel in readers, I honestly would not recommend.

𝐓𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝟒𝟑/𝟏𝟎𝟎

●○●○●○●○●○●

Make sure you thank your reviewer for their hard work and follow them to appreciate their work.

𝙏𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙆 𝙔𝙊𝙐