FINAL STAGE REVIEWS

THEME: PLOT TWIST

TITLE: E SHOCK YOU?

Hey lovelies, welcome to the final review of PROJECT PEN SEASON ONE!

It's not easy making it to this last stage so a very big congratulations to all the contestants that made it to this stage and kudos to our audience too, for coming this far with us.

We introduced our PROJECT PEN ONE top three last week but unfortunately, one of the participants had to drop out because of reasons beyond their control.

So we're down to PROJECT PEN TOP TWO and the participants are

AYINKUS OO1

And

JAGUNJAGUN 004

Let's read two beautiful stories, shall we?

PEN NAME: AYINKUS
SERIAL NO: OO1
STORY TITLE: A DAY TO REMEMBER

Life was a roller coaster to some, with twists and turns everywhere. To some, it was a dark tunnel and the only light was that at the end, when they died. To Iremide Samson it was the first but today she wanted it to be a straight express road with nothing but smoothness in view. And so far so good as the evening had gone as usual for her. Boss lounge was a very popular enterprise, and quite exquisite. Due to this, it was always busy, especially in the eatery where she worked the counter.

Yawning, she stretched her hands, her eyes roaming over the nearly empty room. It was a matter of moments before rush hour began again and she was glad she won't be the one handling it. Her plan was to get home, cook something for herself in celebration of her birthday, and sleep.

"I think everything's in order, Esther." She turned to the tall slim girl that came to stand beside her. She was a very sweet soul that always watched her with concerned brown eyes.

Just as she did now.

"Will you be walking home again today?"

Letting a small smile slip onto her lips, Iremide picked up a neatly folded apron that had Boss italicized in red on it and pressed it into Esther's hands. "Yes, you ask that almost every time."

"Don't blame me for caring. New GRA isn't that safe at night."

"And yet, you take up the night shift," Ire responded, grabbing her red knapsack. It matched her shoes, and the t-shirt she wore underneath her black hoodie. It was her favourite colour but her mother had always said it was a morbid color, and since that incident, she had to agree with her.

"I've been here my whole life. You've just been here a month."

Flipping her braids, she slipped on her knapsack and walked back out to see Esther frowning, her little arms folded across her chest. "Relax okay? it's -"

"Just around the corner. Right?" Esther droned out like someone who had heard it countless times, which she had.

"Exactly." Ire chipped out, already making her way towards the exit." Bye Esther."

"Bye, and be careful!" She yelled after her, but Ire had already slammed the door.

Outside, the roadway was barely lit and the night air was cool. Ire exhaled heavily as she gazed up into the dazzling sky. The bravado she had put up was false. Weeks of repetition in front of a mirror had perfected it.

There were shadows all around as she moved down the streets, but it was to be expected as it was a well-frequented street. She glanced at her watch. 8:30. Her parents should hopefully be at home.

She wondered if they thought about him like she did. Clinton was the cause of half of her life's problems by being a cultist. A cultist that killed one of the members and then injured the leader in a college brawl.

After knowing what her son had done, her mom had become very paranoid. Ire, on the other hand, couldn't risk losing her sanity and had taken this Job to keep her mind busy. No one knew them here, or at least that's what she thought.

Relaxing as she walked, she breathed in the frigid night air and dipped her hands into the pocket of her hoodie. A car sped past her, the red tail lights sending her into another world. _
Red Jiggs. The wealthiest and stealthiest cult in the world. They had people in universities, a few in secondary school, and others scattered in prominent positions.

And her brother just had to be initiated. She could still recall how he had scampered into her room off campus, hands twitching, brown eyes wide. He had mumbled incoherent words but what had stood out to her that night was 'Killed Debo'.

She didn't want to be involved, but he was her twin and sooner or later they might use her to get to him. It was that thought that had been on her mind as she hastily packed her load and bundled them both into a cab towards home. It was a meeting filled with screams and wails from their mother, words of correction from their dad, and sobs from her brother. Eventually, they came to a decision. They moved to another part of Port-Harcourt sent her brother to leave deep in Kabba with their grandparents. They exchanged texts and calls, but at times she felt like she left a part of her.

Mindlessly, she gazed into the traffic and didn't notice when a car pulled up next to her.

"Excuse me." A disembodied male voice pricked into her thoughts and she jerked her head to her left.

The car was a black Mercedes. The lowered window was darker. Even with the burning street light, all she could see was a face cap.

Instinctively, she stepped back."Yes?"

"Sorry to disturb you. First time in town. I'm visiting my cousin and unfortunately, I'm lost. Do you by chance know where Adebire avenue is?" He paused as if weighing something on his mind."House 25 to be exact?"

Ire relaxed a bit and stepped closer. He wasn't hitting on her. It was her neighbourhood. Pointing her hands to her right, she spoke."Go down a few blocks. Just around the bend is Adebire Street. Among the first three houses is House 25. You can't miss it."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much that helped." His voice had gone an octave lower and a sense of foreboding gripped her.

She retracted her steps. The window whirred up and he sped past her. The two red taillights stared back at her as he blended into traffic.

Shrugging the encounter off, she continued her walk home, humming. When she reached the bend, her eyes instantly spotted the glowing red taillights. The car was parked.

Skeptical, she walked past the Mercedes-Benz, the windows were rolled up and it was eerily quiet. The orange glow of the street lamp shone down the cobble-stoned streets, creating shadows while simultaneously illuminating the entrance to the next couple of houses on the block.

She hastened her steps towards her gate. She slipped her hands into a small square cut-out and unfastened the bolt. The groaning of the small iron gate welcomed her into the dimly lit compound.

After locking the gates, she made her way toward the door. When she reached it, she raised her fist to pound on it when she noticed the door was slightly ajar.

Furrowing her brows, she pushed it open with three fingers and it creaked under her touch. She stepped in and got enveloped in darkness.

"What is going on?" As she spoke, she moved her hands around the wall next to the door to find a light switch."I thought I saw light at-"

Her words got swallowed by screams and shouts and she nearly toppled to the ground. Suddenly, the light came on from the other side of the room to reveal her parents holding strings of colourful balloons, the man she had seen earlier with a cap, holding a two-layered cream cake with strawberries arranged in a circular pattern on it, a small smile on his thin lips. She didn't expect this.

Her eyes widened when her brother stepped out from the dining, his arms wide as he walked towards her with a beautiful smile. "Won't you say hi to your brother again? Or you didn't miss me?"

Fingers quaking, she felt the wave of shock crest and recede, before she rushed to jump on him screaming out in ecstasy. "Clinton! Guys! My word! Thank you so much!

Pewwww, what a plot twist that was, let's see the judge's reviews, shall we?

JUDGES REVIEWS

JUDGE WHITE

First of all, I want to congratulate you for making it this far in the competition, Ayinkus. You are one of the very few writers that caught my attention in this competition right from your audition to this present moment. And I noticed that you stayed in the safety of your expertise. You didn't over-do, and you didn't under-do, you were just right in your comfort zone and you delivered through out this competition. Well done!

Secondly, Clap for yourself! Clap o! Clap like your life depends on it! I want to hear you clapping. Good... Good... ọya e don do.

Your plot twist twisted my head with laughter😂. I'm not even joking. The entire point of plot twist is to expect one thing, then something entirely different hits you at the end, and that's exactly what you portrayed in your story.

You built up a tension and foreboding. From Iremide's friend, Esther is it, telling her to be careful on the street, and the whole talk about her brother joining cult and the cult after his life, to the suspicious car parked in front of her parents house, you made it seem like something terrible was about to happen. In fact, I was beginning to suspect that Esther babe.

You honestly had me because my heart was already beating so fast and I was already having goosebumps. I thought the story will end up in blood shed and homicide but it ended in a birthday party 😂. How did you manage that?

The only little thing I'm concerned about is that your plot twist didn't march the intensity of the suspense and tension you built up. I want to believe that's intentional though, you Sha wanted to give us upper cut. Though, I have questions. Like, are the cult members still looking for her brother? Is the family safe? This one that her brother is back, won't it lure the cultists out of hiding? Things like that.

Either way, I'm happy with your story and I'm so glad you have come this far in the competition. Oya, clap for yourself again.

JUDGE BLACK

My favourite thing about this story has got to be the suspense and tension you built up. You did a good job at keeping us at the edge of our seats and that helped a lot with your plot twist.

I was expecting one thing and I came face to face with something else entirely, that's what a plot twist is about and you executed that nicely. But honestly, I wasn't really a big fan of the twist probably because you built up too much tension for the way it ended up. It was like you just waved every other thing aside for a surprise birthday party, LOL.

But when I read that part, I was like, "Okay, this is a smart move and it makes sense because she initially mentioned it was her birthday after all." I'm not sure it would've made sense it you hadn't mentioned it beforehand. So that was a smart move and we didn't see it coming.

Your plot twist felt very familiar, like I'd seen it being used a lot in movies and so on but I still didn't see it coming because I was half expecting Iremide to walk into a murder scene or something. But when the car stopped to ask for directions, didn't she realize they were asking for the address to her house in particular? Or was that not her home address? And why stop the person you're throwing a surprise party for to ask for directions to their own house...? Or did the guy not know she was the birthday girl?

So many questions...

But it was a really nice story, I really enjoyed it. I just wished the plot twist matched all the suspense and tension. I was simply expecting more.

Congratulations on making it to the very last stage. I've been a big fan of your work throughout the contest and I know you'll keep creating magic.

JUDGE RAINBOW

Top Three geng!! Congratulations Ayinkus for coming this far.

This your entry really got me. See me already crying in advance for Ire and her family only to see a birthday surprise.

Your entry was plot twisting!!

From the moment Ire started having that forebrooding feeling, I became suspicious, then I had to go back a bit to the read the part where she gave the stranger the direction, only to see that it was in her neighbourhood. I became scared on Ire's behalf.
Then she arrived home and saw the car in her compound, and the door slightly open.

I was like: Ire your own have finish tonight 😭

But then, you just shoved something entirely different into our faces. A birthday surprise, and the stranger was her brother!

I was relieved I won't lie.😂

Kudos to you Ayinkus. It's not easy, but you made it this far. Keep soaring!

JUDGE PINK

First of all congratulations on making it to the finals. Welldone.

Honestly I am amazed. Your story hooked me. The tension and suspense and how you described and the flow was great. You did a great job with the suspense and plot twist, I never saw it coming.

Congratulations on making it to your last stage.

JUDGE PURPLE

W

ow, that's all I can say. You were our very first chosen contestant, hence your serial no, you coming this far is outstanding. You executed the theme properly. I applaud you for that. Going back to my reviews on your work, it was more like on and off. I am glad you came this far, and wish you the very best. We are all winners, and I wish you the absolute best. Thank you for choosing Project Pen.

JUDGE GOLD

A very big congratulations to you for making it to the top three, that's a huge feat and if you don't know it, you're a winner already so clap for yourself because you deserve it.

You've always been consistent with your entries since we started the competition and I'm super duper proud of you to have made it this far. You deserve it.

You did justice to the theme of this final change. I love the magic you wove with the build-up, the tension, the stakes, and the everything. I love how everything unfolded, how you made us all tensed in anticipation of what was going to happen and the ending? Whut? I didn't see that coming from a mile away.

That was a plot twist quite alright, a very funny and stress-relieving plot twist and I liked it but I didn't quite feel it. It was nothing sort of gigantic or huge, it was just a plot twist and it felt more like a surprise ending than a plot twist. The plot twist didn't match the intensity that you started the story with, it didn't match the build-up, it just didn't quite hit as hard as a plot twist should have.

I was surprised because I didn't see it coming but it didn't make my mouth drop open in shock, it didn't thrill me like a plot twist should have.

Nevertheless, I loved your entry, your punctuation, tenses, grammar and everything were all on point and once again, Well done and congratulations for making it this far in the competition.

The Judges seem really happy with you Ayinkus. Keep it up!

NEXT UP!

PEN NAME: JAGUNJAGUN
SERIAL NO: 004

Ayo was just beginning to realize that his mother was terribly mistaken when she gave him that name, because there was absolutely nothing joyful about his life. For one, the people of Akoka never failed to remind him of how he was an omo ale, one who doesn't know his father, a bastard.

But his elder brother, Segun, had always told him to simply ignore the villagers. "Take me as your father," he would always tell Ayo.

However, that did little to tame the questions that roamed in Ayo's head, they always rattled in his mind like the peanuts he was shaking in his fist as he watched his mother. She was making dinner, singing praises to Oxosi as she fanned the burning firewood. Meanwhile, Ayo was still calculating ways to attack her with the same questions he had been asking for as long as he could remember: who is my father? Where is he?

Sitting around and munching on peanuts wasn't going to give him answers, so he approached his mother to ask the same questions yet again.

"Eku'role, Maami." He greeted, taking the raffia fan from his mother. "Let me help you."

As usual, she thanked him and said a few prayers in his favour as she proceeded to have her seat on a nearby stool. But Bose was clairvoyant , sixty-nine years in the world had given her enough experience on reading people. She saw it in how he glanced at her from his periphery, and how he would open his mouth only to shut it back, she just knew her son had something to say.

So, she asked, "what is it?"

Ayo paused his fanning and fully turned to his mother as he let out, "hmm?"

"You want to say something," Bose intertwined her fingers over her thighs, "I'm all ears."

She watched his eyes keenly, uncertainty flashed past them, and that gave her an inclination of what her son was about to inquire of: those questions she had been avoiding all twenty-five years of his life.

How was she going to explain it though? That he was a product of the most shameful act of her life? Something she could be stoned to death for if anyone ever found out. How was he even going to view her once he learned the truth?

But she also knew that she could not keep it from Ayo forever. Neither of them would have peace of mind, and she wouldn't cross over to Alaafia when she dies. So, there and then, Bose decided that she was going to spill the truth and she was going to handle whatever decision Ayo would take.

But first, "promise me that it would remain between us." She held her son's gaze, trying to convey her desperation and fear.

It felt like a dream to Ayo. Although it was what he wanted, he did not expect his mother to give in that easily, without him even saying a word at that.

"I promise..." he breathed. "I promise, Maami."

Bose took a moment to gather courage, she was about to admit to her son that one part of her life she would rather erase.

"Your brother, he should be here too." She exhaled. "Go fetch him, please."

Ayo found Segun at the backyard where he was sharpening his cutlass. He looked like he was preparing to go to the farm, so Ayo informed him that,

"You'll be a little late today. Maami has something to tell us."

Segun looked up with a deep frown, making his newly forming grey hairs visible to Ayo. At forty-two, he had refused to get married or even move out of their house. "I will die where I was born," he would say to those that questioned him.

Ayo looked a little bit anxious, but what was more confusing to Segun was why his mother wanted to speak with him.

"Bose wants to speak with me?" He asked Ayo, just to be sure he heard right.

Ayo did his best to not let more questions rummage in his head again. Why his brother always called their mother by her name always baffled him, and the fact they could not stand each other was an even bigger mystery. At that moment, all that mattered to him was what his mother was about to reveal.

"Egbon, just come with me, please." Ayo beckoned to his brother, he was beginning to grow impatient.

Bose was seated on a raffia mat when they got back to the frontage. Her legs were crossed at the ankle, back hunched over. The old woman seemed to be dreading every second of this moment.

Ayo took his seat beside his mother. Meanwhile, Segun decided that he would rather be on his feet. Bose looked up at him with weak eyes. And with a low voice, she said to him, "I'm going to Ayo about his father."

Segun found it funny, the joke his mother just cracked. He knew all too well that Bose would never tell the young man the truth. But that look in her eyes... like that of someone that had nothing to lose, it told Segun that Bose had prepared to accept whatever the outcome of this would be.

"Ah." He chuckled, it was even funnier that she was actually serious. "You've finally grown the nerve to say the truth out loud?"

Bose looked away from Segun sharply. She saw her stupid mistake in his condescending gaze. Ayo was staring at her with so much expectation that she almost burst into tears from guilt. Her little boy wasn't aware how much this news was going to break him. And she could only hope that she would still have a place in his life after all this was over.

"Remember I told you how Segun's father died?" She began.

"Yes." Ayo nodded. "In a war."

"It broke me badly." Bose's eyes had now gone slightly red from the tears she was holding back. "I turned to wine, it became very rare to find me sober..." she paused to sniff and wiped her nose with the edge of her wrapper. "Segun... he looks just like his father, the resemblance is uncanny.-

One night, I was drunk again, and I found Segun in my chamber. I thought— he looked—" she went into a fit of tears, sinking in her sea of regrets deeper than ever before.

"I don't know what I was thinking, I thought my husband had come back to me, I thought my Bayo was back." Her shoulders quivered as she wiped tears with the back of her hand. "And I wanted to fulfil a petty promise I made before he departed for the war, that we'd make another son if he stays alive for me—"

"So, you raped me!" Segun spoke for the first time since Bose's recollection. And in all eighteen years of Ayo's life, he had not heard anyone speak with so much hate.

"I didn't know..." Bose croaked out. The old woman's face was a mess of tears and mucus at this point. "I thought—"

"Lies! Stupid lies!" Segun's every word was stained with venom, his eyes didn't look any less dangerous. "You're just a disgusting woman! A pervert that raped her own son!"

Bose was about to say something, but Segun had already stormed off, leaving dust in his wake.

Meanwhile, Ayo's head was more chaotic than it has ever been. Even without being told, he had connected the dots.

But holding on to a tiny hope that he was badly mistaken, he forced these words out of his mouth, "I'm the product of..." he swallowed. He could not even bear to say it out loud.

Bose nodded weakly, avoiding her son's gaze. "Segun is your father."

With every fiber of his being, Ayo hoped that this was just a lucid dream. That any minute now, his mother would hit his thigh with her stick and he would wake up.

This one seated before him wasn't his mother, no. That one was a complete stranger, a monster.

Bose could no longer take it, whatever was showing itself in her son's eyes. She couldn't place it but she knew it was very bad, dangerous even. So she rose to her feet and left his presence, to a destination even she did not know yet.

Ayo was in shreds within, shattered beyond repair. One thing he knew was that he never wanted to see that woman again, he wasn't even sure how to look at Segun anymore.

But he would keep that one promise he made her, to never tell anyone this secret. Because he would rather remain an omo ale than identify as the son of his own half brother.

Omoh! Let's hear the judge's review, shall we?

JUDGE WHITE

J

agunjagun, I don't think it's news to anyone in this competition, and even outside this competition that you are an impeccable writer. Your writing style is unique and so is your plot. Through out this competition, you have stuck to a particular setting that I only peculiar to you and I am thankful for your consistency in that aspect.

So with all this, I have to ask, what happened with this stage?

It's so obvious to me that you didn't put so much thought into the plot and how you will manipulate it in line with the theme of this stage. And it's somewhat appalling because this is the final stage and I expected something so top notch from you - I'm sorry if my expectations for you are too high - but this entry wasn't it at all.

I saw the foreshadowing coming from a mile away. I just had an inclining immediately Segun said Ayo should take him as his father, that he is actually the father. But then I just decided to calm down and read further to see if you will mess up with my head with an entire different and unexpected revelation but you didn't. My hunch was correct, and it was glaring when their mum asked Ayo to call Segun when she wanted to reveal the truth.

The only thing that came as a shock was the revelation that their mother raped Segun. I'll commend you for that little twist because I didn't expect it. But every other thing was glaring, and that defeated the entire purpose of "Plot Twist". There was nothing twisting about the plot.

But anyway, you have gotten this far with your amazing talent. You are a very unique and peculiar writer and I honestly pray it's enough. Nonetheless, Congratulations for making it to top three, it's a big honor.

                 JUDGE BLACK'S REVIEW

Honestly, I don't know who would've not seen the 'twist' coming. I figured Segun was Ayo's father when he mentioned that Segun always asked him to call him his father, that was when I figured it out because I live for plot twists like that. When it was revealed that Segun was forty something years old, I was like, "It's confirmed! He's the father!" Even though I didn't know Segun's age.

Jagunjagun, your story had A LOT of potential. I liked the fact that Ayo's narrative voice carried and commanded a lot of emotion. I also found it interesting that a mother raped her son, it's not the usual kind of sexual assault story we see and that stood out for me. But the dialogue towards the end (when Segun was confronting his mother after she revealed the truth to Ayo) was a turn off for me, something about it just felt off.

And then we have the issue of the plot twist that wasn't really a twist. I kept hoping you'd somehow flip the whole thing and prove me wrong about Segun being the father but what I predicted was what I saw. You could have done better with that.

Nonetheless, it's really amazing that you've been able to come this far. You're an excellent writer and I'll keep rooting for you. Congratulations.

JUDGE RAINBOW

Wawuuu! Top Three geng! Congratulations to you Jagun. I want to commend you for all your wonderful entries so far. You are a reallyyy good writer, really really good. And I'm very happy that you have made it this far.

This stage choke, e really choke. Your plot twist sha wasn't twisting at all. There was a little bit of suspicion about Segun being Ayo's father at some point in the beginning, so I was kind of expecting it. I continued reading in hopes that there might be a mad shocking twist at the end. But all you did was confirm my suspicion. *Inserts crying emoji*

The part about Bose raping Segun was shocking because I thought it was something else other than rape. I did not expect that.

I was really expecting...let me just use the word more. This entry wasn't really JagunJaguning for me this time around *inserts another crying emoji*

Your entry was predictable, and that wasn't giving the theme plot twist. Remember that theme execution in this competition is a very crucial and important thing.

Other aspects where really good. Everything else was on point. Kudos to you Jagun. Keep soaring!

JUDGE PINK

First of all I want to congratulate for making it this far. You are an amazing writer and I enjoyed reading every of your entries.

Jagunjagun, your story is nice but honestly I expected better. Your story had a lot of potential and the way you described the emotion of Ayo was so on point.

I expected much as I began to read but didn't get as much as I expected with how you went with the story.

However, the concept was nice as it is not usual to read a story where the mother sexually assaults her son. Nice work.

JUDGE PURPLE

J

agunJagun, you are an exceptional writer, one of the contestants with outstanding performances. You always beat it so well. Apart from this, from the very onset of this competition, I only had an issue with your work once. I think that was also theme execution too.

Honestly, I won't say I wasn't disappointed, because I expected much more. I was disappointed JagunJagun, for you to come this far with flying colors, only to flop at the end. But we are all winners, let's not forget the fact you are one writer I admire and interested in the reveal since it's an anonymous contest. I want to know who this impeccable writer is.

The only issue I had here was the theme execution. The theme was Plot Twist. I saw everything coming from the beginning. It didn't hit me. And following this competition, you should know that the theme execution is a big deal for us as well as a deal breaker.

That said, you are an exceptional writer, do not forget we are all winners, and you rock. You are JagunJagun, a badass writer, my own opinion, one of the best we had out here, thank you for choosing project pen.

JUDGE GOLD

Just like you unique your pen name for this competition is, your writing and writing style is completely unique and unrivaled. This is a peculiarity and originality about your writing that always gets me every time I read your stories. Your writing is so beautiful and unique and so so original that it makes me envious every time I read your entries.

And your writing style is not only the intriguing thing about your writing, your settings, your plots, your... in fact, everything is so unique about your writing and I love to see it.

You've never failed to deliver on your entries and your punctuations, tenses, grammar and word play have always been on point. You're a beautiful and unique writer and that much is inarguable.

The theme for this stage is plot twist and yeah, you delivered, characters, story, settings' wise but I'm sorry, you didn't deliver at all when it comes to the theme execution.

What happened at the end of your story was hardly a plot twist.

I saw it coming and I'm sure, every other person, even people that are not avid readers would see that plot twist coming. It was getting obvious from the minute Segun said Ayo should take him as his father and it became so obvious when the mother asked Ayo to bring Segun when she wanted to tell him the truth about his birth. At that point, every one would have known that Segun was the father but still, I was hoping that you'll twist and turn things around and shock us to properly execute the theme but sadly, the obvious happened and that made the theme execution a complete flop.

The rape part was a twist though but it was so minute that I didn't feel it.

But nonetheless, you're a very very unique writer and I'm in total awe of your talent. It's impeccable.

All the Judges seemed to have one thing in common in their reviews, and that's poor theme execution. But this is not the end of the line, Jagunjagun. Fighting!

Omoh, this stage really choke.

What are your thoughts about the stories? What are your thoughts about the Judges Review of both work? Let's know in the comment session.

This is the last Stage of Project Pen Season One, and you know what that means. It means that this competition is gradually coming to a end and soon, we'll announce the winner of the competition.

Who are you rooting for?

Vote for Ayinkus 🌟

Comment for Jagunjagun ✍🏾

Don't hold your breath. We'll be back very soon.

Signed, Project Pen 🖋️✨