CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN:
BLAME

EMMA SAT ON THE couch staring at nothing in particular as her family started to converse. Her hand was placed in her hair as the other was splayed across her stomach. Her knees were pulled to her chest as she listened to them.

"We should leave." Edward suggested.

"Edward, are you sure that's a good idea?" Esme asked, looking at her son before glancing over at Emma with worried eyebrows. Jasper was sitting on the arm of the couch, keeping a hand on his sisters shoulder so that she would stay in reality.

"It'll keep Bella safe."

"From me right?" Emma asked, these being the first words she had said since she was brought back inside. Edward's eyes landed on his sister who still staring blankly ahead. He was silent for a moment too long, which caused Emma to ignore his next words knowing they weren't true.

"From all of us." Edward corrected. Emma got up off the couch without a word and walked out of the room. She walked up to her room and started to pack her things. She could hear her siblings start to do the same. Emma couldn't feel anything. Her emotions went completely numb. She was so angry with herself that the rage was numbing. She couldn't think straight. She couldn't do anything without seeing herself lunge at Bella. She slammed the clothes in her hands down into the bag as she covered her face with her hands, trying her hardest to keep in her sobs that so badly wanted to escape.

She leaned against the wall, keeping her balance as she squeezed her eyes shut. She was going to hyperventilate. Maybe she should just stop breathing so that everything would freeze. Her panic attacks, her thoughts, maybe they would all stop if she held her breath. So, she did. It didn't work. She just felt like she was suffocating. She breathed again, looking at her suitcase before walking back over to it. It was for the better, she knew that.

She zipped up the suitcase and walked over to the window. She noticed that it was a clear night. The stars were shining brightly, taunting Emma. She glared at them, knowing she couldn't find it in herself to go outside and just gaze at them like she usually did whenever they decided to come out and play.

Maybe she should go and apologize to Bella. She shook away that thought as soon as it came. She wouldn't allow herself near the human. She was a danger. She was a monster. She couldn't do anything right. The thoughts repeated over and over in her head. She wanted to scream out in frustration.

Emma closed her eyes and exhaled a slow and shaky breath. She needed to pull herself together. She got out another bag and then walked over to her bookshelf, placing all of her books inside knowing they were probably going to be gone for a long while. Emma sat on her bed with a frown. She pressed her knees to her chest, leaning her back against the wall as she stared out of the glass. Her arms hugged her knees and she just sat there, frozen in that one spot for the remainder of the night.

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Emma watched as the sun rose up, she didn't blink, she didn't move. The birds chirped loudly, waking up all the other feathery creatures that surrounded the woods. Emma was hungry, her throat burned violently seeing as she never hunted the night prior. Her eyes were a dark black, hints of gold speckled all around. However, she didn't move.

She watched as Edward pulled out of the driveway in his silver Volvo, no doubt going to Bella's house to break the news of them leaving. Emma didn't want to leave. She actually liked the rainy town, minus all the drama and Bella. It was a quiet town. It was the perfect place they could hide, but not anymore. Emma had ruined that for them. She knew Jasper was a part of the almost attacking Bella scenario too, but she needed to take all of the blame. She needed that weight to be taken from her brothers shoulders. She needed everyone to be mad and upset with her, not him. It wasn't his fault. It was hers. Or at least that's what her twisted mind was telling her.

"Emma." A soft knock fell at her door and a gentle voice made it's way through the cracks, entering her bedroom and invading her space. Her quiet and extremely destructive space. Emma didn't answer. Her eyes didn't even move to look at the door. They were sorely focused on the glass and what was outside. The voice called again, bouncing off the walls and hitting her ears, echoing painfully inside her head. "Emma, come on, we've got to go."

Once again, she didn't answer. She stared, and stared, patiently waiting for Edward to pull back into the driveway. The door went to open, but Emma wasn't having it. She wasn't ready. So instead, she shot her hand out keeping the door closed. She could hear the person on the other side of the door sigh before giving up and walking away. Emma made sure to lock the door with her magic before going back to her regular position.

Rosalie walked back down the steps with a frown. The family was all waiting in the living room except for Emma who just wouldn't budge. Rosalie shook her head.

"She won't come out."

"She's blaming herself." Jasper spoke.

"I don't understand." Amelia shook her head. She looked at Jasper, "No offense, Jasper. . ."

Jasper nodded his head, understanding what Amelia was hinting at. He sighed. "She's trying to put all of the blame on herself. She's done it since we were kids. She tries to blame herself so that the weight of the blame is taken from me and placed on her. Whenever she does this. . . " He shook his head with a deep frown. "It gets bad. It gets really bad."

"Well, can't you talk her out of it or something?" Emmett asked, furrowing his eyebrows in worry. Jasper shook her head.

"If it gets bad enough, no one can talk her out of it. Not even me." 

Jasper was worried for his sister's well being. He knew the night prior when she was sitting on the couch, the family talking about leaving, that she was doing it again. His thoughts had only been confirmed when she simply told Edward that he wanted Bella safe from her. Not her and Jasper who had also almost attacked the girl too, just her. There were two different types of Emma when she "got inside her head." There was the Emma that would lose control of her magic from merely zoning out on accident and thinking too much. And then there was the Emma that would become a numb, frozen statue that repeated every possible blame in her head that she could in order to protect Jasper. The second kind was the one that was harder to bring Emma out of.

"Well, we have to try something." Amelia defended. "Is she won't listen to Rose, she sure as hell won't listen to me."

"Esme, why don't you try?" Rosalie suggested. Esme was surprised by this, so Rosalie elaborated. "She, like all of us, sees you as a mother figure. Maybe she just needs a mother right now." The others nodded in agreement. Esme glanced at Carlisle who nodded his head. She nodded before leaving the room and going up the stairs.

"Emma?" Esme's gentle and delicate voice grabbed Emma's attention. She glanced at the door as Esme called her name again. Reluctantly, the girl unlocked her door before looking back out the glass wall. Esme turned the knob and gently pushed open the door before closing it behind her as she entered the room. Esme glanced at the blonde before walking up to her bed. She placed the two suitcases on the floor before taking a seat beside the girl.

"You can't blame yourself, Emma." Esme told her. "What happened, it wasn't your fault."

"I lost control." Emma whispered. "I ruined everything for all of us."

"Honey, you didn't ruin anything." Esme promised, turning slightly to look at her. "What happened was an accident. Accidents happen, and it's okay. We're only going to be gone for a little while. We'll be back before you know it."

Emma turned to look at her mother figure. Her dark eyes were glossed over with tears that would never fall. She swallowed thickly as the burning got worse.

"I'm sorry, mama." Emma's voice cracked. Esme sent her a gentle smile as she pulled Emma in for a hug. Emma held onto her like her life depended on it. Rosalie was right, all she needed was a mother figure. All she needed was her mother. Esme held onto her, her hands running through her daughter's hair. Esme gave her a kiss on the top of the head. Emma was damaged, and she tried to be strong, she tried really hard. But sometimes, it was too much for her to handle. And right now was one of those times.

"What do you say we get you fed before we leave, huh?" Esme whispered, looking down at the blonde with the same loving and gentle smile. Emma glanced up at her before nodding her head. She sat up and Esme kept her arm around her shoulders. "Come on, let's go." With that, the two stood up and exited the room, passing the others as they left the home so that Emma could hunt.

1,610 words

Authors note: My poor baby🥺

I hope you all enjoyed! Stay safe! Until next time, bye loves!♥️

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