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❛ ᴏᴄᴇᴀɴ ᴇʏᴇꜱ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴍᴇᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴀʏ ꒱


❝ I LOVE YOU ❞

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Jack and Juliet had spent the day at a nearby park, taking a walk around the pond that sat in the middle and having a picnic next to it when they became hungry. Now, the boy was lying with his head in the girl's lap as Juliet's fingers gently ran through his blond locks. The boy gazed up into the redhead's face and a soft smile curved on his lips as he took in her pretty blue eyes and the red hair that perfectly framed them.

God, she was pretty, he thought happily. He felt like he could stare at her forever and never get tired of looking into her ocean eyes. He liked kissing her soft, pink lips and he liked how she responded to his touch. He admired her brilliance and loyalty to her friends and her confident, sometimes fierce personality that helped her defend the people she loved. Love.

He'd never been in love before but he thought he might be now. He didn't have a lot of examples since most of the couples that attended his parents' parties were 'good matches' and didn't actually marry because they wanted to. Some did, certainly, but more broke up than stayed together. His parents were an example, though, and he always saw that when his father was around his mother, the man's hard exterior softened considerably.

Jack had also seen John and Marie. Their love was more simple and traditional than his father's grand gestures. The couple lived happily within their means and spent as much time together as possible. They didn't need fancy parties or expensive trips to show their feelings for each other; they just needed to be together. That was the type of love Jack hoped for. Someone he could count on and who could count on him in return. Of course, most adults would say he was too young to know anything about love or what he wanted with it, but when he looked up into Juliet's face, he was sure he found the answer.

The girl's hands were removed from his hair and he opened his eyes curiously to see why. She rubbed them against her arms as her short sleeves didn't provide enough warmth to keep her comfortable. Excitement flooded through him as he quickly sat up and shrugged off his jean jacket to place it carefully over her shoulders. The redhead laughed at his eagerness. "Someone's excited."

Warmth rushed to his face as he ducked his head. "Sorry. I've always wanted a girl— my girl to wear my jacket."

A smile curved on Juliet's mouth and she stuck her hands down the sleeves. The fabric extended past her hands. "A perfect fit," she teased him as she flapped the material in the air.

He chuckled and leaned forward to press a kiss to her lips. "Just like us," he said softly, pulling away to take in her happy expression.

The redhead folded her hands in her lap as she gave him a shy glance. "You know, Jackie, I wasn't sure what to expect with you being my first boyfriend and all," 'all' meaning 'not being over my best friend.' "But this is the first good change I've ever experienced."

"And it's been fun," he added softly as he leaned forward to kiss her again.

"I think it helped that you tried to 'woo' me first and dazzle me with everything you have to offer," she said with a grin once he'd pulled away.

"Who said I've shown you everything?" Jack asked with a wink. Juliet reached forward and intertwined her fingers with his. Jack's hand warmed up her chilly one nicely as she gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. 

"There's more?" she asked coyly, wrapping a red curl around her other finger teasingly. "Do tell, Jackie."

He gave her a mischievous smile. "But then it won't be a surprise."

The redhead pouted cutely, and her blue eyes widened to look pleadingly at him. "C'mon, you gotta tell me something!"

The blond gave an exaggerated thoughtful look, making the girl lean forward with anticipation. The bright sparkle in her blue eyes and the eager expression on her face made his heart thump in a way it never had before. It was hard to keep everything in check with her looking at him like that even if she was trying to weasel information out of him, "alright," he said finally, "I'll tell you a secret."

"Yes!" she cheered enthusiastically and leaned forward even more so she could kiss him. It had caught him completely by surprise and made Jack forget what secret he was actually going to share. 

Instead, through the pleasant warmth buzzing on his lips, he blurted out: "I love you."

There was no reaction. 

Juliet's bright expression remained frozen and his relief at finally confessing his feelings dulled. "Uh, did you hear what I said?"

There was a pause before she gave a forced smile. "Yes. Uh, can we go now?" she asked, standing. The redhead began to put their food back in the basket as Jack stared at her in confusion. Didn't she feel the same?

They didn't talk for the rest of the time and were even silent in the car, much to John's surprise. He would have thought that they'd be at least affectionate with each other but the red-haired girl kept her distance from the blond and focused solely on staring out the window.

🌎🌎🌎

I love you. Juliet couldn't stop thinking about those three little words. No one had ever told her they loved her. Well, Shawn had nearly every day until seventh grade but he didn't count. Not even her own mother had said 'I love you' in any sort of capacity now that she thought about it. It wasn't that Daly didn't love her— of course not, Juliet knew that. Their love was expressed more in actions than words.

She knew she'd never been in love before. Not even her crush on Shawn was love (at least she didn't think it was.) She didn't really know what non-familial love looked like, though the best example were Cory's parents. There was one thing she knew for certain, though: she didn't love Jack. She cared about him a great deal but she certainly didn't love him. Maybe over time she could but she knew she couldn't love one person and still have feelings for another.

"So, how was your night with the lovely Topanga?" Shawn asked Cory as the redhead finally half-tuned back into the conversation.

"It was good. Ninety percent good," the boy answered.

"And the other twenty percent?"

"Well, I— I may have kinda gotten caught up in the moment and said some things that maybe I shouldn't have said."

"Uh-oh. Did you get emotional with Topanga?"

"It was hard not to. I mean, she looked so beautiful."

"You didn't tell her that, did you?" Shawn questioned him.

"N-no! Say she's beautiful," he scoffed, "yeah. Like I'd say that. Shawn, I said 'I love you.'"

The boy gasped.

"What?" Cory asked, bewildered. 

Shawn gasped again before he hissed: "you idiot. Once word gets around what you told Topanga every girl's gonna wanna hear it." He glanced away towards the redhead who was frowning as she stared off into the distance. The last thing he wanted was for Jack to tell Julie that he loved her.

"What, 'I love you?'" Cory repeated.

"Shhh," Shawn shushed him. "You're like a stinkin' canary!"

"Come on. I mean, I don't believe telling Topanga that I love her is gonna affect anybody but me and her."

"Oh yeah? Hey, Eric," he called the eldest Matthews boy over, who pulled a girl along with him. "Guess what? Cory told Topanga he loved her."

"Aw," the girl said as her eyes widened.

"Grandma Topanga, what's not to love," Eric tried to save himself.

"Your little brother and his friends are so adorable!" she squealed happily.

"They are, aren't they?" he asked, smiling fakely. "Christi, I'll catch up with you, okay?"

Once she walked away, he turned to the trio. "What could you possibly be thinking? Christi's gonna expect me to tell her that I love her! Oh man, I gotta do something now. Think. You gotta think, Eric." He clutched his head. "Ow."

"Thinking cramp?"

"Yeah."

"I get those too."

"Alright. Christi, I love you. Christi, I love you. Christi— I— I don't even know her last name. Great, I gotta think! Ow!" he exclaimed as he walked away.

"You see, Cory? Thanks to you, dating as we know it at John Adams High is over."

"But everything's alright with me and Topanga," Cory protested.

"Are you kidding me? From this moment on, Topanga will be a gushing, love-struck puppy, hanging on to your every word. Trust me."

Topanga walked up to Cory and then stopped. "I really have to go," she said, turning around and walking away.

"You see?" Shawn asked.

As Cory frowned after her, the dark-haired boy turned his attention to the redhead. "Hey, Julie, what gives? You haven't said anything all morning."

Juliet's only response was to shake her head with her own frown prominent on her features.

🌎🌎🌎

At lunch that day, Shawn and Juliet were carrying their trays to meet Cory at their usual table when the girl glanced towards where she'd been sitting with Jack. The blond boy had his head resting on his hand and was pushing around his food disinterestedly as he half-listened to a story one of the boys were telling.

Shawn saw the glance and smirked slightly. "Trouble in paradise, Julie?"

"Please, Shawn, not today," the girl sighed.

The dark-haired boy frowned and his feet stilled, letting her walk on without him. Usually she was at least exasperated when he poked fun at Jack but now she just sounded. . . tired. He jogged slightly to catch up to her. "Hey, Julie, wait." 

He released one hand from his tray and gently grabbed the girl's arm to spin her around. The distracted look was on her face again and her gaze was distant— a far cry from the happy girl she'd been at the beginning of the year. Shawn set his tray down on the nearest table and placed both hands on the girl's shoulders, encouraging her to look at him. His heart thumped painfully in his chest when their eyes met but he ignored it in favor of giving her a concerned look. "Julie, is everything okay?" he asked sincerely, "you're not acting like yourself. Do I need to go knock Jack's head off?"

Normally, that would have at least made her roll her eyes but she just shook her head, causing his brows to furrow. "C'mon, Julie," he said, "you know you can tell me what's wrong, right?"

The girl hesitated, seeming to almost give in, but then she shook her head again. "I'm fine, Shawn," she answered, brushing him off.

🌎🌎🌎

On the other side of the cafeteria, Darren, one of Jack's. . . friends, though Jack himself wouldn't consider the boy one, finally noticed something was up. "Hey, what's wrong with you and the missus?" he asked teasingly.

The blond sighed, "nothing. She's not my missus."

"C'mon, man, you think I wouldn't notice if you were down in the dumps? Hey— she didn't dump you, did she? You two had a great thing goin'—"

"No, she didn't dump me, but she might as well have," Jack interrupted him, "I couldn't help it."

Darren stared at the boy. "You didn't get emotional with her, did you?"

"It's hard not to. Have you seen her?"

"Everyday, since she's always here. But seriously, what did you say?"

The blond continued to pick apart his sandwich as he answered, "I told her that I loved her."

"Oh no," Darren's mouth dropped open. "Oh no, are you crazy? You can't go telling girls that you love them! They'll never want to stop hearing it!"

Jack finally glanced away from his normally very appetizing food to look in Juliet's direction, where she seemed to be zoned out from whatever conversation her best friends were having. "It doesn't seem like it to me."

"Trust me, dude. She's lying in wait, making her next move. I bet she'll come to you with a list of everything she wants to do and you'll have to do it."

"I'd do anything on her list just to get her to talk to me again," the boy mumbled, causing Darren's eyes to widen.

"No, no, no, no. You've got to make a list of your own, pal. Otherwise you're screwed."

"I'd rather be screwed than alone."

The brunet rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Well, don't say I never warned you!"

"Jack?"

The blond practically jumped up in excitement at the sound of the girl's voice from behind him. "Ocean Eyes!" he exclaimed as relief washed over him. It took him a moment to realize that Juliet wasn't smiling.

"Can I talk to you? Privately?"

"Of course!" he all but leapt from his chair in his haste to go somewhere quieter. "Hey, we can do anything on your list that you want," he said as they left, "I don't care if I have to get a manicure. I'm just glad that we're back to normal again," he continued to ramble, trying to fill up the silence as they walked out of the cafeteria. It was only when they were in the private of the hallway did Juliet turn to face him. 

"I think we should break up," she said flatly.

"What?"

🌎🌎🌎

Juliet jumped when she heard a tapping at her window. She'd been out of it all day, still shaken by Jack's confession over the weekend. It had put her in a mood she couldn't get out of. She stood and went to her window to slide it open. "Shawn?"

"Hey, Julie. Can I come inside?"

"O-oh, yeah, of course," she stepped back quickly to allow him to crawl through. "What are you doing here?"

Mr. Turner's was much farther away than the trailer park right next door.

"Well, you seemed upset at school and since you wouldn't talk about it there, I figured my best bet was to corner you," he explained as he closed the window behind him.

"Seriously, Shawn, I'm fine."

"Liar."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Don't you think I'd know when my best friend isn't feeling right?" Juliet shrugged, causing the boy to huff. "The answer is yes, I would. I'm here, now talk."

The girl crossed her arms over her chest and didn't say anything. Shawn let her sit in silence for a moment, thinking that she needed a minute to think about what she wanted to say. When it was clear she wasn't going to speak, he stepped towards her until they were practically chest-to-chest. "Julie," he said softly, "what's wrong?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep, slightly shaky breath. "Everything's changing," she said quietly, "I can't keep up. My mom's acting funny, I think she's— she's dating some guy. Jack— I, well, I broke up with him—"

"You did?" Shawn interrupted her, trying not to sound too pleased.

Juliet opened her eyes and gave him an unamused look. "Yes, I did. He— he wanted to take the relationship in a way I wasn't ready for."

The dark-haired boy paused. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked slowly.

"He told me he loved me."

"What?" Shawn jerked away from her, feeling as if he'd been sucker-punched in the gut. "Why? No— no, I don't mean why—" he corrected himself, "when?"

A wry smile twisted her lips. "This past weekend. I didn't say anything back."

He could suddenly breathe normally again. "Oh, thank god," he mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing. Do you— uh, do you love him?"

"No. Yes. I don't know," she said, "I really, really like him. We had some good times together. I just— I didn't want to lead him on since I don't know how I feel."

This was a conversation better suited for sitting so Shawn gently grasped the girl's arm and guided her to the foot of her bed where they sat side-by-side. "Did you tell him any of this?"

"Well, no. I was too shocked, really. And with everything that's going on with my mom—"

"What's going on with your mom?"

"Well, I don't know," Juliet admitted, "but something fishy's going on. She lied to me a few weeks ago about going on a business trip which she definitely wasn't. She's been talking on the phone a lot. She— she seems happier, which I guess is good, but it's just. . . something feels really bad about this."

"You never have liked change," Shawn reminded her.

"Yeah," she fell quiet for a moment before she turned slightly to look up at him. "We haven't spent much time together, have we?"

"No," he agreed, though he knew the reason for that. "You've been busy." Liar.

"You're not avoiding me, are you?"

"What? Of course not, Julie." Liar, liar.

The girl seemed to sense something was off about his answer. "It's 'cause of Jack, isn't it?"

"No." Liar.

She continued to look suspicious but thankfully didn't press the issue. He'd promised himself he wouldn't get in the way of her relationship and it was taking all of his self-control to not scheme against the blond. It was easier when he didn't have to look at them being all. . . couple-y together

They sat in silence for a while, only for it to be broken again by the redhead, who admitted quietly, "I just don't want to lose myself."

She was afraid. He knew what it was like to not know who you were, to not know where you were going and he'd never wish that on the girl next to him. Of all the people he knew, she was one of the least who deserved it. Change brought that uncertainty which was why she was so wary of it. The boy reached over and gently intertwined his fingers with hers to give her hand a soft squeeze. 

"If you did lose yourself, I'd help you find your way back," he promised. The girl shifted so that she could lean her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes at the feeling of comfort her. . . best friend brought her. 

She couldn't help the words that slipped out of her mouth so naturally: "I love you, Shawnie."

His heart leapt in excitement at those words. She loved him. It might not be in the way he'd wanted but it was better than nothing. He swallowed, his own admission harder because of the context he meant it in. "I love you too." It was easier when he didn't add her name on the end. There was a moment of hesitation before he sighed and (against his will and better judgement) suggested: "you should talk to him about it."

🌎🌎🌎

Later on, after Shawn had left— Juliet had said she would talk to Jack that night— she'd called the boy and asked him to come over. This visitor came from the door and not the window.

"Hi, Jack."

"I would've gone through the window Romeo-style but this seemed more like me," he tried to joke.

Romeo. Shawn. Juliet shook her head to clear it. "Right, well, come in."

There was an awkward silence as the two stood in the kitchen as neither of them knew what to say first. Then, Juliet began to speak: "I should've told you how I felt and I should've been honest with you— you deserve that much, at least. It's just. . . change has always been scary for me. When it happens it feels like I can never keep up and I'm losing control. These past few weeks have. . . had a lot of change and what you said was just icing on top of the cake. I'm sorry."

Jack's expression softened. "The important thing is that you're still willing to tell me all of this, Ocean Eyes. I shouldn't have just blurted out how I felt either. You're— you were a great girlfriend and the first person outside of my family that I've ever felt strongly for and the words. . . just kind of came out. I don't regret saying them to you and I wouldn't take them back even if I could. You should know how I feel, honestly."

The redhead sighed. "I don't think I can say the words back," she admitted, "that's why I broke up with you, because I was scared. I didn't want to lead you on unnecessarily. I don't think. . . I don't think I've ever heard anyone say those words to me except for Shawn. Even with my mom, we express our love more in actions than by saying 'I love you'. . . I don't really know what it means romantically."

"It means different things to different people," Jack told her, "but to me, I have always enjoyed spending time with you. You can make a terrible day turn into one of the best. Just seeing you across the hall makes me happier. I want cheer you up when you're sad and just— just be there for you whenever you need me. I can't say for a fact that we're meant-to-be but-but right now, as of this moment, we're supposed to be together."

Silence followed his words and he shook his head slightly before he continued, "it's okay if you can't say the words back. It's okay if you don't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend again. Just— just please don't cut me out of your life, Ocean Eyes. I don't have friends like you do and I can't— I don't want to lose you like this, okay?"

Jack turned away from her and walked towards the door, understanding that the girl might need time to think about what he'd said. He stopped with his hand on the knob as she called after him: "so that's what I love you means?"

He turned to face her again. "Yeah, I think so."

She was quiet for a moment before she said, "we— we can be boyfriend and girlfriend again, if you'll have me."

A small, fond smile curved on the boy's lips. "Of course I will."

[written dec. 2020]
[edited may 2022]