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𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀

"She used to be in the military," Leonardo filled me in as he casually walked a little ahead of me, while I practically limped along besides him, my feet practically numb as I nodded, taking in his words.

I winced a little and he noticed, slowing down slightly and clearing his throat as he tightened his folded arms. "Worked here and there but eventually found herself here. She's a good worker," Leonardo simply said, "you're in good hands."

His eyes quickly glanced over at me as I stumbled a little, my head feeling a little dizzy. "Are you sure about that?" I softly groaned at the feeling of my aching body. I was feeling incredibly bitter. My arms were sore and my back was stinging with pain; Contessa had no sympathy for me - there was no simplicity in what training we had begun earlier that day.

The shower afterwards had temporarily helped me but the pain was starting to sink in. "You're just not used to it yet," he dryly responded as I struggled to walk straight and could feel my head begin to spin which Leonardo seemed to notice.

He stopped, a serious look on his face. Sharply exhaling as he shook his head, he questioned, "you ate breakfast while I was in the shower, right?" I couldn't meet his stern eyes, looking away. "I wasn't hungry," I mumbled, tiredly, my right hand massaging my left bicep as I became distracted. It was a wonder how he managed to realise.

Leonardo sharply exhaled and immediately started nagging, "you have low iron, Ria-" I questioned how he even knew, blinking in surprise. "You've been out all day on an empty stomach?" He stared at me in bewilderment as I sighed again, my bottom lip unconsciously beginning to stick out a little. He gave me a glare before grabbing my wrist and dragging me to a quiet, night cafe, muttering, "Questa donna sarà la mia morte {this woman is going to be the death of me}."

I frowned, looking gloomy as he placed a menu in front of me.

It was large, filled with a vast variety of various foods of different sizes. My fingers began to feel sweaty as my eyes skimmed the page, widening at the pictures popping out at me. A lot of the foods disgusted me. I placed my hand on the side of my head, leaning against it as I tried my best to figure out what the hell I could eat to satisfy the man in front of me.

A pastry or dessert would be way too filling for me. If Madame Rodriguez found out what I had eaten, she'd kill me; I couldn't return to practice with extra weight especially since everyone those days had eyes on me. Suddenly, I could feel the heat rising in me, I rubbed my forehead only to feel how damp it felt, my body was burning up. I felt the urge to remove my cardigan, my chest felt tight with all the head. Nevertheless, I focused once more on the items in front of me. Bacon was too fatty, coffee would keep me awake, beans would make me gassy, too much cheese meant being sick.

When I was younger, Mama used to always give me the same kinds of meals; healthy and plain. She trained my stomach to withstand hours without eating and to reject foods she viewed as damaging and bound to make me gain weight. If she saw how much I was finding it difficult to decide on what to eat, she would probably be proud since it meant I didn't value the taste of food. Food was for survival to her, not enjoyment.

I was restlessly sitting at that point, my stomach started to twist, feeling ill unexpectedly. I could feel my appetite slipping away and the more I stared at the large amount of food, the more the words on the paper began to float around. I could barely read, struggling to see the sentences in front of me.

The noise was beginning to feel too much - I could hear the staff laughing behind the counter. Were they mocking me? The fact that I, a twenty something year old ballerina could not even order food for myself? That I could never make decisions on my own to eat since food was always a challenge to deal with?

I felt stressed and overwhelmed. I started to wish I hadn't let Leonardo drag me to the cafe, I would've been fine if I wasn't reminded of food. My head was beginning to feel heavy and I felt the urge to leave becoming stronger and stronger. It was too much - I was about to burst, so close to exclaiming in despair until a familiar voice broke me free from my daunting thoughts.

"I'm ordering a hot drink and a bagel. Do you want the same?"

My eyes snapped upwards as I lifted my head off my hand. There Leonardo was, it was him again. He managed to stop the storm building in my mind. Immediately, I was at ease, my racing heart slowly decreased its battle as I gazed into his warm, hazel eyes, calming me down.

I moved some hair away from my face, exhaling quietly as I regained my breath. "Y-Yeah. .I wouldn't mind at all," I softly answered as he nodded, losing eye contact as he looked around for a waiter.

That simple action touched me in a way he wouldn't know. My eyes were still fixated on him as I appreciated his small input, feeling relaxed after he had taken a weight off my shoulders. I wiped my forehead discreetly as he spoke to the male waiter and I breathed more regularly. I wasn't too focused on their conversation as I attempted to calm my body, but when I looked up, I noticed the hard look he was giving to the back of the server.

"What's wrong?" I asked him before gently clearing my throat as I realised how hoarse I sounded.

He looked down and at the menus and quickly put them away, saving me from the stress but didn't reply to my question. I brushed off his look, closing my eyes momentarily, assuming he was going back into his silent mode but then he said, "he asked if we were together."

My eyes flew open at him as I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "What did you say?"

He glanced around the place, avoiding me. "That you're mine."

Once again, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered at his words. I then took in my surroundings as I tried to calm the heat in my cheeks.

The hospital was quite quiet for the evening. There wasn't much going on in the vast space enclosed by white walls; some patients were wheeled around with their drips from different wards, a few nurses and doctors moving to different departments, focused on the agenda they had been set. Then there was us, grabbing a quick meal before heading to see Daphne, where some questions would hopefully be answered.

The waiter returned and provided our food. I quietly thanked him, my eyes brightening up at the sight of the small bagel with eye-catching fillings waiting for me to taste, accompanied by a mug filled with my tea. I went to pick up the mug, a smile forming on my face, until my hand stopped mid air at the words of the waiter.

"Are you sure that's enough? You're all skin and bone, you can order some more if you'd like."

The fury came within me so quickly, I didn't get to think before I retorted in a harsh tone, "I don't remember asking for your opinion. I'll eat what I want without your input."

The guy immediately looked startled, shocked that I had snapped back so quickly. "I-I didn't mean it like that - I just meant-" with a hard look on my face, I parted my lips to once again snap back until Leonardo intimidatingly interjected, "get out of here before I skin you to your bones."

My eyes immediately went to his face covered with a hostile glare, his dark eyes intensely focused on the waiter, filled with searing rage. The server was flustered and quickly muttered an apology before turning and practically running away, embarrassed and ashamed of himself.

I stirred the tea slowly with the teaspoon with my eyes fixated on the mini tornado in my cup as my heart began to do that throbbing thing again. I felt my self esteem dropping by each second. I didn't even think that I was as skinny as people made me out to be but my mind hit me with a bunch of questions that brought of my insecurities over my weight.

"Was he right?" I questioned in a whisper, my eyes intent on the food in front of me. "Am I too skinny? Is that why you don't find me attractive? Everyone always talks about my weight."

I was still stirring and sighed as I began to pour out my mind, narrowing my eyebrows. "If I eat too much, I get labelled as fat, that I don't take care of myself. When I eat too little, I'm a walking china doll, waiting to be shattered."

A chuckle of disbelief left my mouth as I thought more deeply about the server's words, shaking my head. "You know what? This is why I don't want to do ballet anymore. I don't feel allowed to eat - I'm sick of feeling guilty for eating, guilty for acting against how everyone wants me to be. Being in management makes me so much more at peace - I don't have to think about my image all the time, I don't have to worry about being scrutinised by everyone just because of the way I eat. I'm not going to sacrifice myself just to fit this fucking unrealistic standard of 'beauty'. As soon as this season is over, I'm done." I paused for a moment, nodding slowly to assure myself.

I felt like a walking machine, fed exactly what other people forced me to believe. I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't live the life my mother forced me to lead. I was crushed by the pressures of the industry and wanted nothing more but peace.

The thought of leaving dancing terrified me; it was all I ever knew. The job was never something positive - since I was a child I had experienced things like that haunted me for years. Every single problem I had always led back to ballet, it was consuming my life, consuming me each and every day.

The declines in my mental health was a result of it, I had to eventually let it go. I had been holding back for years for reasons that never even benefitted me. The sooner I would leave, the better which was why I needed Leonardo, so I could get Dream and fully own the company that was handed down to me.

Once the stalker was captured, I would be free to start on the plans I had been creating for years.

I realised that I had rambled too much.

There was a small silence.

Leo looked down at my plate, his large hands going to the bagel and gently breaking for a small piece before lifting it and taking it to my mouth. I blinked in surprise before slowly leaning forwards a little and took it with my teeth discreetly, beginning to eat.

"How does it taste?"

I smiled slightly, closing my eyes as I savoured the taste. It didn't feel sickening as it usually did; the flavours sunk in my mouth, the sweet taste of the butter mixing with the smooth avocado as the toasted bread melted in my mouth, it was good. "Buttery. .light. .delicious," I replied with a small laugh as I met his eyes again.

"Really fucking delicious."

He looked as though he understood me, felt compassion for me.

His hazel eyes finally had some emotion filling the usual void inside of them. "You're beautiful, Ria."

My heart warmed as Leonardo continued softly, "and I want you to know how beautiful you are inside and out. You and you only. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says. It's you."

Leonardo looked at me in a manner that made me feel comfortable in, as though he was reassuring me in a way I couldn't describe fully. I blinked a couple of times, picking up my mug and distracting myself from forming any more tears in my eyes. I let the hot drink soothe my throat as I restrained myself from letting tears slip.

Leonardo was my best friend. I was reminded out that fact in that single moment; my best friend that I loved and could always feel relaxed with.

I didn't need any words from him; it was enough to gaze into the magnetic pool of brown and green, that made my heart skip a beat every single time I looked, to know that he understood my feelings and truly cared for me.

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~ Author's Note ~

Maria's battle with her self-image and confidence was challenged in this chapter.
How do you think Leonardo's behaviour in this chapter was?

The waiter was a character still seen a lot in society today unfortunately.
There is a lot more awareness on body-shaming, which I'm glad for, but I think a lot of people still think body-shaming is simply just for 'overweight' people when in reality, it's a range of weights and body types that are shamed and it shouldn't be like that.

They're in the hospital and next chapter will reveal Daphne White. Keep reading to find out how this victim is doing!

Thoughts on this chapter?

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Thanks for reading!

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