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𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐀

"Iris, I don't know a single thing about changing a diaper - help me!"

Iris groaned, "I really hate changing them! It's a shit too!" She buried her face in her hands at the sight.

Amalia was wailing on my office table, her legs kicking in the air. She was not happy. Rosa was holding her hand, trying to keep her calm.

"So what am I supposed to do? Change her? I can't - it looks huge!"

Iris gave me a glare, "you're the one taking care of her."

Amalia was crying so loudly, I was scared that her father, who wasn't even there, would come bursting in to lecture me about taking care of his child. I groaned as I realised I had no choice, taking hold of her wiggling legs and holding them apart gently.

"Look, just-" Iris pulled out the nappy from the bag Leo gave me and some wipes. She opened the packet and widened the diaper. In frustration, she groaned too, almost gagging at the sight of the poop seeping out of Amalia's nappy. "I could barely handle changing Elias when he was born," she admitted with another moan.

Iris began to instruct me. I unclasped the onesie and moved it over her stomach, lifting her legs a little more as I held them with one hand. "Now take the tags off the thing," Iris continued and I groaned again as Iris attempted to help Rosa to get the child to stop crying.

I followed her instructions and undid the diaper, moving down the top and unleashing a deadly smell as well as revealing the bright poop Amalia had released earlier. My face scrunched up slightly at the sight. "Damn girl," Rosa commented with shock, all our eyes on the dump. I wiped her as quickly as I could, ensuring not even a line of poop was left on her and eventually had her with a new nappy on, wearing her clothes again.

I held Amalia to my chest as she slowly calmed down, her little hands holding onto me. "It's okay, you're all clean now, bambina," I told her, bouncing her softly as she sniffled.

Not too long after, I washed my hands and healed from that unique experience.

When I got back to the practice room, the dancers were swooning over Amalia, all cooing at the sight of the beautiful child.

I smiled as I walked in. I was teaching a group of younger girls and it was the end of their break. Rosa held Amalia for me as I called the girls to come back to practice.

I walked down the line of girls practicing their positions. It was nice to see such young children excited to learn dance; it warmed my heart to see their joy in dancing in their pointe shoes; I could see that they all had potential. "Ecarté. . .effacé. Slowly, girls, slowly." They were an obedient bunch who were happy to dance along to the classical music. I wished I had such happiness at dancing when I was a child - I used to hate the practices with my mother.

I glanced over at Amalia, checking on her and she seemed to be finding entertainment in crawling across the floor. Rosa chuckled as the baby came closer to me and I smiled, picking her up. I held her as I continued to watch the dancers, who were holding back from getting distracted at the sight of the adorable child.

It was a light lesson, just to get the girls to remember their positions. They too had a part to play in the Grand Performance.

"Beautiful glissads, my darlings," I praised, watching their elegant dancing. "Dance with confidence, Erica, lift your chin." The blonde girl nodded with a smile, glancing between me and Amalia as she heeded my advice.

At the end of the session, at the sight of the girls clapping, Amalia too clapped with her small hands, mimicking the actions around her. I laughed incredulously at her cuteness, kissing her soft cheek. It was truly rewarding being around her, she brightened my day besides the pooping.

After signing a few pictures, the girls left. Rosa commented, "she's so cute! Does this mean you're her mom now?" I looked at Amalia. It would be such a huge responsibility that I was unsure whether or not I could fulfil. "I'm not sure," I replied, a feeling of unease in me. "I mean. . .it's up to her dad and her. Right now, I don't think we're at that level yet." She nodded understandingly.

"I love him," I told her honestly, my heart thumping at the thought of Leonardo. "He's always been the person I said I would marry. We just couldn't before for a bunch of reasons. I know he loves me - well - I thought he did." I shook my head, my eyebrows knitting together as I too frowned. "But I don't know - he's holding back. Like, stopping himself for some reason." I exhaled as I folded my arms. Rosa continued to listen, offering me a smile.

"Maybe I was wrong. He probably doesn't love me - I mean he got married and had a kid. What was I thinking in that he would still care after all these years - we were kids back then. But what we had was. . ."

"Special?" Rosa finished kindly, her big eyes glistening as she stared at me. I nodded, feeling downcast. "You were living in the past," Rosa told me truthfully, "thinking things would be the same." I agreed with her. I was too deep in past events to forget time has passed, worsening my feelings.

"Yes, things have changed," she looked at Amalia and chuckled. "But, by what I heard and see, feelings haven't." I looked at her more seriously, wanting her to expand. "When we were practicing, I saw him through the window looking at you. I've gotta tell you, his eyes were full of love - he couldn't keep them off you."

"Who? Leo?" I said with disbelief. I gently pushed her arm in disagreement. "Stop teasing me." The sound of Amalia babbling again began to fill the room as she tapped onto the mirrors, curious at the sight of herself.

Rosa shook her head, looking more desperate to defend. "No! Seriously - you weren't watching but he really was looking at you. You guys match, look like a real couple. Even people online are in love with the two of you!"

I sighed again, looking down. "He's not how he used to be. Understandable."

"You just need time," Rosa comforted me in her soft voice. "It'll click. It's obvious."

I hoped her words were true. Maybe she was right. It hadn't been long since we reunited again and there was much we had to learn about each other.

I shifted the topic to her own relationship, "and what about Lucas?"

Rosa looked away and groaned, squeezing her eyes closed. "I don't know what's up with him these days. He's just so. ." She sighed before giving me a small smile. "I feel like he's gotten distant and I don't know why."

I frowned a little. "Have you asked him. .if anything's up?"

Rosa shook her head, "I've asked loads of times but I just thought give him some space. Maybe he'll come and tell me when he feels better." I nodded, agreeing with her.

I opened my mouth to speak until Iris came in, looking breathless as usual. She exhaled loudly, running her hands through her short hair as she moved inside, her cheeks flushed. "Those stairs. . ." She heaved out, giving me an exhausted look.

I grinned at her as she scowled, coming closer. "So, it's confirmed that you're attending Camille's birthday party - I've arranged everything, I just need to know if I need to book a driver?" Iris asked, pulling out her small notepad and clicking her pen as she looked at me for an answer.

I pushed myself off the windowsill and replied, "that's great. Thanks, Iris. And no, I'll make my own way there." She nodded, scribbling down some information. I hesitated, and rubbed my lips together before asking her, "any update from Aife?"

Iris stopped writing and her face become more sympathetic. She told me, "there's been boxes sent to you - the usual. But she's destroyed them all." I rolled my eyes at the news. That psychopath wouldn't stop.

Our attention was quickly focused onto Amalia who began crying again. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the sound of her sadness, she had cried so many times during the day. I felt bad, like it was all my fault for bringing her out of her comfort zone and forcing her to be with me. I just wanted to become closer with her.

I sighed as I moved over to the crying child. Taking care of babies was hard; I could clearly tell after only spending a couple of hours with her. I wondered how Leonardo managed.

It was clear it was time to go home; Amalia must have been too tired.

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LEONARDO

"I told you to focus on watching his movements. We'll discuss the mole later."

Vincenzo rolled his eyes and shut the door as he entered my office. He took a seat on one of my black, leather chairs, spreading his legs and making himself comfortable. His entire existence irritated me, I continued to glare at him whilst he gave me back his usual, cheeky smirk.

He shrugged and chuckled. "It'll be easier to do that plan now. She's in your home."

He wasn't wrong. I rubbed my jaw and hardened my stare. "Mind your business." Looking at the computer, I checked the data, trying to make sure each transaction was correct. It was all I needed to do, check if things were going well then retreat to my house. Vincenzo did all the work after my diagnosis but it didn't mean I gave him complete control; he still had to answer to me.

He looked at me inquisitively, "you still like her, don't you?" He seemed amused, his smirk widening. I clenched my jaw and forced myself not to go over and beat the shit out of him. Scrolling down the screen, I placed my attention on the document. "Ah," he began with a dreamy tone, "you couldn't even handle me holding her."

My brother was the most annoying person I had ever encountered. Not even Dante, my other younger brother was that bothersome.

Frustratingly, he was good at his job so I couldn't push him completely away and he was partially right. No, I did not love her - I was incapable of loving. She probably didn't even love me like she thought she did; there was nothing to love about me. But yes, I was slightly vexed at the sight of him holding her. His hands on her delicate body. I wasn't sure why but I wouldn't let it happen again.

"Focus on your own relationships," I murmured in an exasperated tone. I closed the document. Everything was sorted as usual. I began to have a look at the proposals that needed permission.

"But don't you think she's gotten more attractive?" I felt a rise of anger beginning to fuel in me at his words. "Tread carefully," I muttered, irritated already. "I mean, look at her, she's got the perfect body, not to mention her pretty face, no wonder she has so many fans-"

"Vincenzo," I snapped, shooting him a scowl. "I told you to watch your fucking mouth. Don't talk about her or any woman in that way." But I was a hypocrite in beginning to think of her. She was a woman. A good looking woman with extremely alluring eyes. It would be a lie to say they hadn't affected me. I knew Vincenzo was purposely trying to annoy me. He had won. He was a jerk but he wouldn't truthfully speak of Maria in that way.

He lifted his hands up in surrender, laughing at my reaction. I signed a few proposals, rejecting a couple then shut the computer down then picked up some papers and started reading.

"Tell me the truth, lei è sexy vero? {she's hot, right?}. She has this innocent yet attractive vibe. How did you choose that woman over her?" I slammed my hand against the table causing the objects to shake at the action. He pulled another stupid innocent face and I narrowed my eyebrows at him. "Fuck off. I mean it, get out."

"Calma capo {calm down boss}. Seriously, I think you'd be a lot happier with her. You wouldn't have that depressed attitude all the time." I almost shuddered at the word 'depressed'. I hated the name of what I was. "You used to at least smile back then when she was around. You know when. . ." He trailed off as he finally realised he overstepped his boundaries. The thought of the trauma we had endured began to plague my mind again. He sighed, becoming more reminiscent. "Life was so hard back then." He was right.

It wasn't easy to admit that I was an abused man. I had been through a lot that continued to scar me even in my adulthood. Only she knew my vulnerable side, the extent of the torment I had experienced. Not even Amalia's birth giver fully knew. My face softened at the thought of Maria, her comfort. But I didn't want it anymore. I didn't want to break my wall in front of her. She had seen enough and too much time had passed on to reveal my issues again.

"What's the news of Javier?" I changed the subject, not wanting to get all sentimental with that idiot. Vincenzo poured himself some whiskey and took a sip, irritating me more by smacking his lips together. "We burned the businesses like you said. It worked, he's running around like a madman trying to get whatever money he can." It was then a little chuckle came out of me at his words. I relished in the thought of Javier feeling uneasy, like a prey waiting for me to pounce. He knew I was after him, and he was too vulnerable to escape his upcoming fate.

"You did something right. Get his mother to sell those hotels; double the offer, I'm sure she'll take it," I instructed him, beginning to stand.

"But we need more weapons. The new ones aren't coming in so fast."

I grabbed my coat and started to move towards the door. I was tired of interacting already. I thought of Maria's words at the bar. "Alright. Hire some more workers and increase the pay. I've got a way to get some weapons."

The thought of Amalia slightly panicked me as I made my way home in the car. She had spent the entire day with a person she didn't know. The child was open to strangers and quite friendly unlike me, so I knew she wouldn't have a hard time with Maria. But I did question how Maria managed and whether my daughter was safe. She wasn't exactly the best person to leave her to since she had barely experience with children.

When I got home, the house was silent which increased my anxiety. It was never quiet when Amalia was around.

I tensed up immediately and took off my shoes and coat then put them away quickly. I hated things being untidy. I placed my bag away and checked the living room. It was empty with a few toys lying around. When I had a look in the kitchen, it was messy which lifted the hairs on the back of my neck. I sighed, scanning the place; she had managed to find the whole milk and bottles and left evidence on the counters. There were stained bowls in the sink and some cups lying around.

Switching off the light, I reminded myself to clean up later. I headed upstairs quietly, hoping Amalia was already in bed since it was way past her bedtime.

When I got closer to the bedroom, it was then that I could hear the two of them. Standing by the door, I could see Amalia and Maria. They were on the bed and Amalia was in Maria's arms. She was crying and whining, wriggling around, refusing to go to sleep. I almost entered to get the child to sleep until I thought better of it and decided to assess how Maria would handle the situation.

She looked exhausted, as if spending a day with Amalia was like spending a lifetime with her; the child had clearly tired her out. Nevertheless, she still looked gorgeous with her disheveled hair and flushed cheeks, wearing a white, lace trim night dress which exposed her bare skin above chest.

"I know, I know, princess, but we need to get you to bed," she tried with her gentle voice, pleading with Amalia. I leaned my head against the doorframe and watched silently. She managed to get Amalia to lay down in her arms, despite her kicking legs, and quickly grabbed the bottle. Maria seemed to hesitate for a moment before checking the heat of the milk on her wrist a couple of times. When satisfied, she encouraged Amalia to drink, gently feeding her which silenced the baby. "Does that taste good, honey? This should help you sleep. . . I hope."

Maria sighed and let her head rest against the headboard whilst shutting her eyes for a moment. A soft groan came from her as she adjusted her sitting posture before watching Amalia drink. The image was something - something poignant to watch. They looked somehow endearing together, like a real mother and daughter.

Rocking the child slowly, Maria kissed her forehead and began to sing a gentle melody. The song was familiar the moment I heard it. She used to sing the classical song frequently when we were kids. It had the effect of making Amalia sleepy as well as myself. I felt my eyes began to get droopier and had to force myself to stand up straight.

Her warm smile at my child won me over undeniably. The affection she was giving to Amalia made me feel comfortable in knowing she was okay with her. Despite Amalia falling asleep, she cradled her a little more and placed the bottle on the messy table side. "Bambina, you have worn me out," I heard her murmur with a soft laugh as she moved a sleeping Amalia carefully beside her.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," she quietly said as she switched off the lamp, stopping my view of her. The only thing left was the sound of her shuffling underneath the bedsheets and getting herself into a comfortable sleeping position.

That was my signal to quiet move back downstairs where I drank a tall glass of water. I later sat on the sofa, like I usually did on an evening, and thought about the scene I had previously saw.

It felt wrong to imagine what it would be like if Maria was the mother of Amalia. First of all, it wouldn't have been possible, but it didn't stop my mind from drifting away. Amalia would have a better motherly figure in her life, someone to nurture her better. I wasn't always there; a mentally unstable father. Temporarily, she only had her grandmother to rely on her.

I felt the hot tears rolling down my cheeks as I thought about my regrets as a father. How I couldn't be there for her more as much as I wanted to be. I wiped them quickly, mentally scolding myself for being so weak.

The guilt was eating away at me for hurting Maria, the harsh words I threw on her after her father had betrayed my family. The guilt for pushing her away, for ignoring her advances, her attempts to rekindle what we had and my future plans that could affect her. I told myself I didn't love her. I couldn't and I shouldn't. But there was a feeling deep down inside me that was fighting to break out whenever I saw her. I had to suppress whatever positive sense I felt towards her. There could be no love between us.

It was wrong for me to think of an idealistic family life, with no abuse, no yelling or anger. The thought of being there in the bed the three of us, laughing and playing around happily.

I found myself in the bathroom downstairs with the usual blade against my wrists. My sleeves were pushed up to my elbows, exposing the numerous crisscrossed, red tinged scars of punishment across my skin.

I pressed deeper when I thought of being beside her, showing affection to her. The deep red blood trickled down my skin. It was wrong. It could never happen. I didn't deserve it - she needed better than me. The thought of being open with her and letting her in earned me another strike across my skin. I didn't once wince or hiss, numb to the pain soaring across my arm. Cut by cut. Scratch by scratch.

It was what I deserved for even visualising having a future with her.

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~ Author's Note ~

Maria's first time looking after a child! How did Maria do with Amalia?

Maria feels stuck with Leonardo. Keep reading to find out how she manages in trying to break down Leonardo's wall and reach his heart!

Camille's birthday party is coming up! She'll be an interesting new character to meet!

Leonardo and Vincenzo's conversation, as frustrating as it may seem, does show some insight on how Leonardo feels towards Maria. Will Leonardo be able to constrain himself much longer?

Leonardo seems to need Maria's deal for more than what it seems. . .

The truth of why Leonardo always wears long sleeved clothes is revealed. Thoughts on this?

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