NOT EDITED ( 02.05.2021)

~DARSHAN RAVAL~

WHAT THE ACTUALLY FUDGE IT IS?????
Chuck it and come to point she loves me yet she don't know me. Is actually my voice enough to make anyone fall for me? If I ask my cutie pies they will answer me in big YES obviously. But they will also guess something . Something what? Chided my brain.

I mean how can be someone this angelic and pure like a glass. Her face clearly depicts everything but when you go to search it in her eyes, I am giving you guarantee ,that you will get drowned in the bulk of emotions. And so did I.

She loves me to such extent that my voice is only enough for her  and she is afraid to see me , why? Cause she thought she would fall hard and we can never be each others.

I thought it is high time and I should confess who am I and may be we can have something. Too much of thinking! I was fool that I thought destiny is something fair.

When I was ready to confess something ,what she told broke me into peices. She thought me as a man whore who just uses girls and throw them? I'm not such. I respect women.

I know every single person thinks such about this industry, but some of them are really pure. It hurted me badly , I was never been such hurt .I felt like someone just chopped my body into billion peices. She could think me something else but characterless? Why?  At that time tears were rolling down from my cheeks but I ws grateful it was raining.

Yes, I admit I have dated few girls. They were just over my fame and money. I never wanted such. I know none will believe but  even my lips are virgin. But how could she?

How could she be so   judgemental without even knowing me? Shrugging all thoughts I
saw her leaving. Above all things I couldn't just let her leave. I couldn't . But why? I can't even tolerate her bare absence. In these 24 years of my life I never felt such for anyone. At that moment I needed to stop her so did I. But at that time I got blank  how to stop her? BEKHUDI right ! She asked me to sing Bekhudi.

Today I felt the meaning of my Song Baarish lete Ana. But to my dismay.  
I mistakenly slipped the name infront of her.I didn't want to get caught. She shouldn't know me. I didn't want to spoil the moment.

I almost get caught . But I was grateful I didn't. I wanted to fulfill her wish so I asked her may I ? I didn't know her name so I asked her addressing Ms.-----. Thank God I did. That's how I got to know  my girl's name is Samiha.  I really found the name attractive and uncommon. She told me stop flirting (it hurted but fake one) . All on a sudden it started raining heavier  and I started singing ,

We both are staring at each other's  eyes with the same passion. This time I could sense an emotion very familiar may be the same emotion is also depicting by my eyes. What is it? I felt a strong tug towards her. I felt like she is the lost peice of mine whom I was searching for decades. She is my solace. With the course of rain we are coming forward to be in each other's home until we came dangerously close , two strangers shouldn't be this close. We came out of the trance with a loud thud of lightning.

Destiny is fair is the only thing I can process right now in my mind. Due to lightning  my fragile baby hugged me tighter. It felt like I needed this warmth from decades , I can stay with her forever like this.  Is this destiny ? That's why she was loving me from past 5 years without even knowing me, now we are like this at our first meet?

I don't want this moment to end.I found my  peace and solace in her.  But something is shaking in my arms. Time to reality. She jerked herself and our staring game is back .We were hugging each other like it was our last day , yes that's what I felt. Though it was few mins for us it was warmth of ages. But she ran away. What she ran away? Why?

I was never that much attracted to girls after college life,  Because I was always focused over my career. When I was going to ask sorry and ask her indirectly for a date she ran away. Muttering A mere sorry she ran away!!! I can't loose her. I started to scream Samiha restlessly  but she faded away a long ago. This can't happen.

I am feeling like I lost myself. It's hurting may be thousands of needle pricking my heart would pain less. Oh God! Why? I lost her.  I lost my Samiha. She is an open book  with a wonderful mystery , I could even die to solve this mystery.  But where is she? Why did she run away?

It's been noon and still it's raining heavy , the place is isolated . Panick starts to rush over my veins .I am standing numb. What if something bad happens to her? No , No what I am thinking . I need go protect my fargile but where is she? Where is she???
Tears are rolling down from my cheeks without any stoppage.

AFTER 3 HOURS-

It's been freaking 3 hours I am still searching her like mad.  I am realizing I successfully lost her trace.Now I am on the way to home. With the heaviest heart ever I am returning to home.  Wasn't she my home? On the way I am trying to calm my heart consoling she would be fine.  But why I am thinking like this for her? Who the hell is she to me?

Afterall she thinks I am a man whore. But she doesn't know me . It's not her fault.

Something came to my mind that shouldn't-
Why she was behaving so friendly with a fucking stranger? ( Yes , that's what I was to her). If someone else was there instead of me would she behaved the same? Of course she would . If there were some cringy man would she react the same? Thinking her with another man burns me to hell . Now it's getting over my nerves.  Is she characterless?

I mean how could she act so frank infront of any stranger, how can she get close to him or hug him? She may be one of those sluts who just know to use their body for captivating. Oh Gosh!

Now I hate myself. How can I think so cheap of her? I deserve bitter punishment and it's that much bitter that she left me. Yeah I deserve it. I'm sorry Samiha , I am sorry! Forgive me. Where are you?

Fate is cruel.After decades I found my lost peice and within a blink I lost it. I don't know why my tears are not stopping.I believe  if I am made for someone I will be hers. I do have a strong feeling that Samiha is the one. I know we are destined. Puri Qainat sazish rachegi humme milane ki. What if she is taken or married? No she can't be. I believe in God  Let's see forward what's written in our fate.

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