i didn't read this over so there's probably a bunch of grammar/ spelling/ autocorrect mistaking so please forgive me.

(Y/N)'s POV:

"Rio... something has been up." i said, looking down. i didn't want to talk about it since i hoped it was nothing serious, but it's been around a month now and don't know what to do.

"what's wrong?" Rio asked me, looking up as i stood opposite of her at her desk. "have you noticed anything... off with Karma recently?" i asked her, looking away.

"uh, no he seems the same to me. why?" she asked me. "it's just, he never answers my calls anymore. he leaves me on opened and whenever we're together he seems so distant. he's been cancelling our date plans and he seems to ignore me too. the other day i kept pestering him because he wouldn't pay attention to me and he basically shoved me away." i started to get quieter the more i talked.

when i finally said it out loud, it seemed obvious what was going on. but i just didn't want to admit to myself because the thought of it too much. "(Y/N)..." Rio said after she noticed me looking down. "d-does Karma not like me anymore?" i asked, not even sure if i said this to myself or to her.

"(Y/N), i'm sure he does. the other day i actually heard him talking about you. there has to be a reason, maybe he's just having a bad week." she said trying to lighten my mood. "NO!" i said, raising my voice.

"no! it's been going on for a month now. if he... if he doesn't like me anymore, why can't he just tell me directly? why is he ghosting next instead of just telling me the truth?!" i asked her. the thought of Karma leaving me hurt so much, and i felt the tears coming but i also felt so empty inside that nothing came.

"(Y/N), just talk to him."

"Karma? can we talk?" i asked him as i opened the door to his to see he was in his bed doing something on his phone. "god (Y/N), ever heard of knocking? look i'm busy right now. maybe sometime later-" i walked up to him and snatched his phone out of hands.

"No Karma! we have to talk now! please!" i said, practically begging him. he just stayed silent and sat up right on his bed, panting the spot next to him. i sat down and started silent for awhile.

"Karma... is there something wrong? please just tell me. you've been acting strange and ignoring me. i just want to know so i can help you." i said, making it sound like i didn't already know what it was. "and i-if you don't like me anymore... -hic- that's okay. you can just tell me, alright? -hic- because as long as you're happy, -hic- i'm happy yea?" i started to hiccup since i was on the verge of tears.

i didn't want him to think i crying because i hated when anyone saw me do it. so i turned my head to look at him and smiled, trying to hide my tears from him behind a mask.

"no (Y/N), it's not that. i just- i've been... ah fuck. i've been cheating on you." he said bluntly. he looked at me and at first my brain couldn't process what he said.

when i realized what he meant, my eyes widened. i turned my he sad the other way. i can't look at him. no... that's far worse. it's much much much worse. not only has he gotten over me, he also has already found a replacement for me? i know i'm not special, and that i'm easily replaceable, but for it to be actually true hurt so much.

i dug my nails into my left wrist, no no no. i felt the tears fall. it's been so long since i've actually cried. i've felt so empty that, even my tears seem to have left my body. i guess they're back. and that's when this feeling overwhelmed me.

it was a physical pain in my upper chest. it's wasn't like a cut or a bruise, no. even though i've never felt it before, i knew it was caused by emotional pain. it was more like a aching feeling. is this what it feels like to have your heart broken? it hurt so much though, my breathing got faster and my breaths became smaller.

"w-why?"

is the only word that was able to come out. "i- i just- i still love you, (Y/N). you mean the world to me. and i mean it, you really are my everything. it's just that, i'm not good enough for you okay? i can't help but feel as though i'm not right for you. when i'm with you, i feel as though if i make one mistake, you'll leave me. that other girl, she doesn't mean anything to me. i swear. i just, i can be this free person and say and do whatever the fuck i want and-"

"so you're saying you can't be yourself around me?" i asked, holding my chest. i had stayed silent even when i knew he was saying bullshit because i couldn't say anything. the words wouldn't come out.

"no! (Y/N), no that's not it. i don't care about her opinions that's why. i feel like, if i show my real personality, you'll hate me. and then leave me because of it."

i don't know what he was going on about. "Karma, what the fuck is wrong with you?! i could never hate you! even now when i just found out you fucking cheated on me, i don't hate you. i could never. part of me just wants you to hold me right now, but..."

i trailed off once i saw his expression. he was crying. The Karma Akabane was crying. i looked into his eyes, and they looked genuine. but i didn't know what to do.

"Karma, i don't know if i can trust you." i said looking away, not being able to look at his eyes any longer. his pitiful expression was just too much for me.

"i know... i know you can't. you have every reason to hate me. i just want you to know that i love you and that i actually mean it. i stopped seeing her around 2 weeks ago and it was 3 times. we didn't know much either."

i was silent. that painful feeling in my chest can't back immediately after he said that. i knew what he meant by that. he was basically saying, "we didn't have sex but we did do some shit" that hurt me so much.

especially because, we haven't even had our first kiss.

i felt sick. my head hurt. my chest was aching. my eyesight was blurry. my hearing suddenly became foggy and heard this loud ringing sound.

it wasn't long until i passed out.

"(Y/N)?! (Y/N)?!?"

Karma shook the small girls body after she fell onto into his lap. in the moonlight, her face seems to glow and he brushed her hair. "oh god, how could i have done this to someone as gorgeous as you?" the redheaded boy asked out loud.

he tucked her into his bed and went to leave. but before he did, he turned around and leaned over her, and kissed her.

"i'm so sorry. i hope you'll find it your heart to forgive my absence of tomorrow and the days coming."

hope_less

how y'all during quarantine? i hope you're all save and staying healthy. make sure to wash your hands whenever you go outside or touching things like mail.

it's currently 6:16 am and i pulled another all nighter, 3rd time in a row yay. i'm just trying to burn some extra calories so i can lose weight 😔

date: May 12, 2020
word count: 1,339 words.