26
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"I'm sorry," I tried and was met with nothing. I turned to Rave. "Can he speak?"

"Of course I can."

My eyes shot back to them. "I—"

"Why did you come here, Jude?"

"I just wanted to—" My eyes shot wide. "You know my name?"

"Of course I know your name. You ruined my life." They struggled to take a deep breath, closing their eyes to mutter, "I've known about you for months now." I saw their jaw clench before they observed me again. "You look different."

I huffed. "I've changed."

They scoffed, "Okay."

"Yeah, you're right—Listen, I'm really sorry—" I tried, taking a step forward.

He shot me a glare. "Back up."

My brows tensed, and then I complied. "I just came here to apologize. I know it can't take back the pain or time it cost, but—"

"If you came here to be forgiven, then you've wasted your time."

"I didn't—"

"Then tell me why. Tell me why you came, Jude. Why now?"

"Ah think I go leave allyuh alone," Dante proposed.

"Don't you dare leave me alone with him," the patient groaned.

Dante and Rave exchanged awkward glances.

I sighed. "I didn't come before because I... didn't know you survived it."

"I'm stronger than a horse."

"I can see that."

Silence hung awkwardly in the room. It was so bothersome that I thought it better to say, "You don't... seem angry," than to stay in it.

"It happened months ago, Jude. Staying angry at you became too exhausting." They thought for a moment. "God, I was angry for so long, so, so long. I was even contemplating sending my brothers to give you a good beating. I have six of them, and they were so ready to find you. I wanted them to get you, Jude. I really did. But I never told them I knew who you were. You wanna know why?"

I tightened my lips before asking, "Why?"

"It wasn't because I ever forgave or felt sorry for you. It was because of your mother—I felt sorry for her. I couldn't let her go through anything like what she faced with Jonah, especially because of me."

"What...?"

"Obviously we knew each other. Not because all drag queens know all drag queens, but because everyone knew Jonah." The slightest smile found its place on his lips. "It was a prideful thing to say he knew me too." With that warm smile fading, he turned to me. "He would be disappointed in you... but he would understand you. So that's why—that's why I will too. Or at least that's what I think." They took a moment. "Maybe I'm just tired of hating you."

I stared at him now, and he stared at me. I felt so much at that moment that I couldn't even care about what to say next.

He closed his eyes, resting his chin on his chest. "You should leave."

"Can I ask you your name?"

"No."

"Okay..." I breathed out. "Is there anything I can do for you? Anything in the world."

"You can leave."

★・・・・・・★

"No, I won't."

"Please, Jude," Dante probed.

"I already told you. I'm not good for you."

"Buh I good for you. Shouldn't that alone matter?"

I sucked in a breath to reply, but couldn't find the words to say. Instead, I opened the car door and left Rave and Dante with a wave. They returned it and drove away as I approached my home.

I opened the door to find my mother on the couch with her lover. She was reading a book, and he was lying on her lap on his phone. They both stared at me. My mother placed her book down on his chest.

Having read the situation, the man said, "I'm gonna go upstairs and give you two some space."

My mother and I stared at each other, failing to move an inch until he closed the door to their bedroom.

"Does he treat you well?" I asked.

"The best any man ever has."

Though I meant every word, there was a strain in my voice when I said, "I'm happy for you."

She nodded with a pained smile. "Thank you. Did you... enjoy your time away?"

"I did."

"Where did you stay?"

"With a guy..." I breathed. "And his roommates."

"Does he..." She let go of a shaky breath. "Does he treat you well?"

Her pain was reflected in my expression. "The best any man ever has." I smiled.

She chuckled, but it more sounded like crying. "You're so silly."

"Don't... okay."

"Come here," she whispered.

And so I did. I went to my mother, and she stood. She held me in her arms and rocked my body with hers, gently stroking my back as if I were her baby.

"I missed you," I confessed. "Did you miss me?"

"Hasta el punto de doler físicamente." <<To the point it physically ached>>

A long silence followed suit where we merely held each other.

She broke it by saying, "This is going to be really hard for me to accept, Jude." She pulled away, still holding onto the hem of my shirt to look me in the eye and say, "But I love you. I love you profoundly and immensely. I love you so much that I will make it happen, okay? Not because you're all I have left or because I feel like I have to. I'll work on it because I love you so bad and because there's no one in the world who can replace that kind of love, Jude."

Tears surfaced in my eyes and this time I let them fall. My head fell to her shoulders, and I sobbed into them. She held me tighter and cried too.

"I'm so sorry for everything, baby. I am so sorry."

"It's okay," I managed to reply.

I had fallen asleep in my mother's arms that night. She asked me to sit with her as she read her favourite quotes from the book and when I drifted off on the couch; I woke up with her beside me.

I woke up, wiping the drool on her face, only to hear a knock at the door. When I cracked it open, I saw Ciro. "Good morning, my prince."

I felt... nothing. I expected to either feel a surge of positive or negative emotions toward him, but I felt neither. I just felt nothing toward him. I hated feeling like that. I almost tried feeling glad that he was here or mad that he had, but I couldn't.

He smiled. "Can we talk?"

"Do you wanna come upstairs?" I asked. I saw how he thought about it, so I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Don't worry, I feel nothing towards you now." I then turned around and walked away.

He followed behind, closing the front door. Did I feel a little bad for being so blunt? No, not even a little. He accused me of being a rapist. He deserved the worst from me, but given that I wasn't the best person myself, it would be hypocritical to not hear him out.

He followed me all the way upstairs and closed the door behind himself.

I walked up to my window and opened it up to let some fresh air in. Suddenly, I noticed something. In the same spot, a new cocoon had emerged. It trembled on the twig. I smiled.

I felt Ciro approach me from behind. He got surprisingly close for someone who felt uneasy around me. I looked back at him with a raised brow.

"You've fully embraced it now, huh?" he commented.

I turned around. He was inches from my face. "What makes you say that?"

"The way you walk now, act, dress. I like that for you, though."

"Yeah?"

I saw his eyes flicker to my lips. "Yeah." I turned away, but he took my chin and made me face him again. "Can I admit something a little weird?" Ciro asked as his fingers lingered on my jaw.

I nodded.

"I miss kissing you."