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⸻·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ♡ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙⸻

I need answers. Wooyoung's mind yells at him as he steps inside the house, closing the door behind him with a deep sigh. His chest felt heavier than usual, almost like he was anxious about who he kissed last night, but normally his mind wouldn't think too much into something like that. The whole situation was a bit weird, at least to Wooyoung it was. His friends knew he was sleeping around with half of the girls in their city, but none of them ever came back more than once.

Something about the unknown kills Wooyoung inside. It very well could've been someone random, but it was incredibly unlikely because it felt familiar. But, familiar in what way? Did he know the person? Has he kissed this person before? Ugh. It was too confusing.

Wooyoung travels into the kitchen, listening to Yeosang clean the cluttered mess in the living space, bottles on bottles clashing into one another within the trash bag. Wooyoung stops at the kitchen island, hands finding the cold, now clean, countertop, sitting there as he waits for some sort of memory to smack him in the face, but nothing comes.

"Why the fuck are you standing there like that?" Yeosang must've turned around, watching his friend stare at the counter with a questioning gaze. Though, to be fair, he was standing there like an idiot, more or less. His hands were palm down on the counter, leaning into his pressed palms with an open stare directed remotely at nothing but the air itself.

"Do you know where everyone was last night?" Wooyoung fixes his posture a bit, eyes blinking back to reality.

"Not really. I told you I was with Jongho down at the shore for like, I don't know, a few hours?"

"But after that, when you both came back?"

"I know Mingi was in the pool for a while. Yunho was inside for a bit looking for San, I think, and Hongjoong and Seonghwa were. . . y'know."

"I do know." Wooyoung rolls his eyes slightly, a sigh breathing through his lungs. "I just can't remember where I ended up."

"I don't know. I never saw you last night. I'm sure if you ask Mingi or Yunho, they might know."

"They're not awake yet, are they?"

"Yunho is, I think. Should be in the shower." Yeosang turns around, about to pick up another bottle, but he stops, turning back to Wooyoung. "I know you usually get shitfaced like that a lot, so how do you not remember anything?"

"I don't know. Maybe a part of me doesn't want to know." Wooyoung shrugs.

"Well, I'm sure it was like any other night for you. You didn't wake up with another random chick, did you?"

"No," Wooyoung laughs. "Not this time."

"Well, that's a victory for you then. Now, please stop staring at the counters and be productive, or at least help me clean."

"I'm good. Have fun." Wooyoung takes that as his excuse to leave, walking away into the hall without another word.

Okay, that narrows it down. It wasn't Yeosang or Jongho and it definitely wasn't Seonghwa or Joong. That leaves Mingi, Yunho and San. Wooyoung shrugs. Or hopefully some random girl.

Wooyoung finds himself traveling towards his shared room again, stumbling towards the door when a flash of something passes by his line of sight; a memory, blurry but visible, teeters over the edge of Wooyoung's cortex.

There was an arm laid over his shoulders, leading him into this room. The other person was taller than him, which hardly narrowed it down with the final three subjects, but again, the arm felt familiar, so it couldn't have been a stranger.

He stands at the threshold of the doorway, hand on the door as he slowly presses it open, lingering in the space between the hall and his room. His brows furrow as the memory passes, but reveals little to nothing.

He can visualize that someone led his drunken ass to this room, but that wasn't abnormal by any means. Everyone knew where his room was, but who would've found him to take him there?

Wooyoung groans in frustration, hand finding his head as he rallies himself into the room, looking towards the unmade bed and belongings scattered on the floor. At this point, San was still outside talking with Seonghwa, but for some reason, Wooyoung couldn't find the will to go back and enter into the conversation again. He was more so stuck about who he made out with at the party, and Seonghwa deserved to talk to someone who was clear-minded and not so absent.

Wooyoung takes the opportunity to take a shower, nearly sure that it would unlock more memories if he's stuck alone in a cell of steam and water. Moreso an allowance to let himself only think in the quiet few minutes he's drowning in memories.

He closes the en-suite door, stripping away his clothes and turning on the water, listening to the shower of warming liquid pour onto the floor and into the drain. He waits no longer than a minute before getting in, letting the warm water run down his back. It feels really good, letting his naked skin be trampled in steaming water and allowing his mind to be silent.

He clears everything from his thoughts, eyes closing as he waits for the memories to flood him. It's slow at first, the remnants of the party and its visuals, but eventually they start to play in small clips at a time, passing by his thoughts over and over for the next five minutes.

I'm sitting down on a bench near the pool. Yunho is nearby, Mingi is too. I have a bottle in my hands?

Wooyoung's brow furrowed in confusion.

Now suddenly Hongjoong is here. Why am I mad at him?

The vision is presented with the feeling of anger, then suddenly flooded with confusion.

I get up to see Yunho, talk to his girls and walk away towards the house again? Now I'm inside, leaning against the couch.

Suddenly, everything feels harder to remember. Bits and pieces scatter and Wooyoung is left confused and dazed in the steaming shower, eyes closed tightly and hands moving up to grab at his own hair. He was frustrated, annoyed really, that nothing was coming to him and he was left alone like a kid lost in a grocery store looking for his parents. Dazed and confused, Wooyoung tries to wash his hair to quiet himself again, but he's left cursing at himself in moments of weakness where he can't bear the reality of never figuring out who he kissed. He still had to talk to his three friends, even if they knew anything at all, but that brought him little comfort.

Shit.

Wooyoung's head tilts below the pouring water once more, feeling the soap drain from his long hair. He watches the water for a while, watching it sink into the open holes through the metal drain. He didn't plan on staying there for so long, but his mind was blank and all he could even think of doing was just to stand there.

The water eventually runs from hot to luke-warm, and Wooyoung takes that sign as his signal to leave. His hand finds the faucet, turning the water off as the remaining liquid swims down into the drain. He exits the enclosed shower, grabbing a hanging towel that was to his left.

The towel is warm and delicate, soaking the water settled on his skin easily as it passes over his arms, then his legs, then is tied around his waist. He finds the mirror, looking at the reflection staring back at him with minor disgust and disappointment. It was humbling and haunting at the same time to be so drunk and to not remember anything but small snippets of things. There was no face to the lips that touched his, just the lingering feeling of it being someone he was comfortable with.

I can't let myself do that again. Wooyoung looks down at his hands, gently gripping the edge of the sink. I can't.

Three knocks gently shake the bathroom door as Wooyoung stands unmoving against the sink. Wooyoung initially doesn't bother to answer, but the tune of a voice he adored so much is muffled on the other side of the door.

"Wooyo?" San's voice spurs Wooyoung to turn around, facing the door with the towel draped over his waist.

"I'm in here, San."

"Hwa and I were worried." San chuckles. "I'm glad you're alright. Come join us when you're ready."

San leaves and Wooyoung stares at the door. He sighs, almost wanting to avoid hanging out with his group of friends, but he pushes through the uncomfort and walks back into the bedroom, hands finding his duffel bag and searching through its contents to settle on something to wear. His hands grab for a different pair of jeans, ones that were a darker denim and distressed at the knees while he also pulls out a white and black branded tee, one that was slightly baggy but would offset the darker tone of his bottoms. He decides against a bunch of jewelry and instead grabs his notorious black hat, one he always wore to block out the sun from his intense hangovers.

"Young'ah?" A voice that was not San enters from behind Wooyoung after he was already changed and reaching for his phone.

"Mingi, you should really start knocking when you're entering someone's room." Wooyoung smiles at him, placing his phone into the depth of his pocket.

"What? I've seen you naked before."

"Barely. You walked in on me while I was mid-hookup with some girl."

"And I saw enough, okay? Anyway–"

"What do you want?" Wooyoung watches Mingi pull out his phone, showing him his screen with a growing smile.

"Look what I pulled last night!" Wooyoung looks at a picture of Mingi drunkenly making out with some blonde, but the picture was just about as blurry as his own memories.

"I can hardly tell what you pulled, but nice. Good for you, Mingi."

"Hey man, be happy for me! She is the first girl I remember the name of."

"That's fucking pathetic, Mingi."

"But it's progress, yeah?"

"Whatever you determine as progress, fine then. Yeah." Wooyoung walks towards the door, but then turns on his heel, looking back at Mingi. "Question."

"Answer."

Wooyoung scoffs. "Did you see me at any point last night? Like where was I?"

"You were outside for a bit. I saw you talking to Hongjoong and Yunho before you went back in the house. I know Yunho followed you inside and San too, I think, but otherwise I've got no idea. After we all did shots it was kinda hard to keep track of everyone."

"Well, that clears something up at least." Wooyoung tries to mutter under his breath but Mingi somehow still hears him.

"Clears what up?"

"Oh–" Wooyoung avoids Mingi's gaze in hopes he'd settle on some sort of lie, but he stutters out something that hardly makes any sense. "Clears up my head."

"Your head?"

"Yeah, I mean, I just can't remember anything. Just trying to piece it together."

"Word." Mingi smiles at him.

"Are we all going somewhere?" Wooyoung watches Mingi shrug.

"I guess so. Yunho wanted to go do something."

"Aye–" Wooyoung sighs. It wasn't that he didn't want to go, he just wasn't sure if he was up for it right now. His mind was hazy and his head still hurt; he just wanted to figure out who the hell he kissed before his heart succumbed to the pressure and ripped apart at the seams.

It wasn't Mingi. Now I just have to rule out Yunho and San.

"Come on, they're all waiting." Mingi practically pushes Wooyoung out of his room, leading him into the living space where everyone was sitting around, faces either in their phones or against fluffed pillows. Wooyoung watches San's eyes meet his, and for a second he feels warm, but San looks away and his mind goes blank.

Seonghwa was sitting with his legs draped over Hongjoong's lap while scrolling on his phone. Yeosang sat with Jongho, head leaned against his shoulder as he watched Jongho scroll on his phone, pointing at things he passed by without much interest. San sat next to Yunho while chatting quietly until Mingi's loud ass voice stirred the attention of everyone towards them.

"Alright, where are we going?"

"Let's go down to the beach and get some food." Yunho responds back, listening to Seonghwa mutter something to Hongjoong, which stirs them both to laugh.

"Who's riding with who?" Yeosang chimes in and Yunho shrugs.

"Well, who wants to drive?"

"I can drive." San volunteers and Wooyoung raises his hand immediately.

"Shotgun."

"I'll drive too." Jongho offers and Yeosang smiles at him.

"Joong and I will go with San and Wooyo." Seonghwa offers and San gives him a thumbs up. Wooyoung rolls his eyes briefly, but as he looks back at San, San's smile makes his stomach do a flip.

"Aye, shit. I forgot my wallet. One sec." Yunho rises from the couch, quickly walking past Mingi and Wooyoung before Wooyoung realizes that might've been his only chance to talk to his friend privately. Wooyoung turns on his heel quickly after saying "me too", hurriedly following behind Yunho after he steps into his room.

"Yunho'ah?" Wooyoung inspects the elder's room, looking at the perfectly made bed and tidy surroundings.

"What's up?"

"Can I ask you something quick? In private?"

"Sure, sure, just close the door or whatever."

Wooyoung follows orders and closes the door almost the entire way, leaving it open just a crack. "Do you remember my whereabouts last night?"

"Yeah. You were really wasted, so I'm not surprised you don't remember anything. After you came over to ask where San was, you walked inside the house. San found me a bit later and I told him to go after you. I got a bit preoccupied with a girl, so I don't know what happened inside for a bit, but I went looking for the both of you and you both had disappeared."

"Where did we go?" Wooyoung's stomach twists.

"San told me he had to force you to go to bed. You were barely able to stand on your own two feet, so I'm assuming he took you to your room and put you in bed."

"Ah," Wooyoung nods slightly. "Okay. I kind of remember that."

"Is there something you're trying to remember?"

"I guess so," Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek. "I kissed someone last night. I just can't figure out who it was."

"Did you talk to a girl by chance?" Did I? The blurs of a girl in a black dress confront Wooyoung's memories as it slides past. He can feel her hands on him, smell her perfume even; he can see the lust in her eyes when she talks to him. The hazy sound of her voice is muffled, eyes searching for some sort of clue as the vision fades and he's left speechless by Yunho's door.

She wasn't familiar to him by any means, more of a stranger than any of the other memories presented. She couldn't have been the one that had taken him to his room and he definitely didn't kiss her.

"Well?"

"N-No. I don't think so."

"You might wanna talk to San, then."

"I planned to."

"He's gonna have more insight than me. He practically forced himself not to drink just to keep an eye on you." Wooyoung's heart swims in warmth.

"Why would he do that for me?"

"He really cares about you, Woo." Yunho shrugs. "It's just something he does for you."

"I know that." Wooyoung wasn't sure if he completely knew that, actually. He knew San would do anything for him, and vice versa, but he couldn't convince himself to believe San would waste hours partying doing nothing just to watch over his best friend.

"Do you?" Yunho wasn't dumb by any means. Afterall, Yunho could see through Wooyoung and read him like a book. San knew Wooyoung through and through, but Yunho was right there too, knowing Wooyoung second best to that of Wooyoung's best friend.

"Shit, Yunho." Wooyoung shakes his head. "I'm really fucking confused right now, I-I need a minute." Wooyoung turns for the door, grabbing the handle and pulling it open.

"Take your time. We won't leave without you."

"Thanks." Wooyoung leaves in a hurry, darting for his door before his friends could notice him.

Wooyoung finds his bed, sitting down and resting his head in his hands. He was so beyond confused, mind racing and heart pounding at the thought of what he did and who he kissed. There was only one answer now, one for sure answer. He didn't want to think into the emotions attached to the idea that he kissed his best friend, but something inside of him screamed for assurance. He had to think. He didn't have that much of a choice anymore.

He swallows his fear and whatever remains of his pride as he closes his eyes, settled on what seems like a familiar spot on the bed, waiting for something; anything.

There it was. Wooyoung's heart sinks as he sees San in front of him, leaned over and untying his shoes. Wooyoung was staring at him like a hungry lion, eyes blazing with drunken stupor as he stared at his friend's back. There's no way. It was almost like Wooyoung was a starving predator and San was a plump antelope waiting to be feasted on. It was a hunger Wooyoung didn't know he could exhibit, but he can feel his intentions, and they were clearer than any of his previous memories.

"San'ah?"

"Yes, Woo?"

Wooyoung's heart seizes. "Can you kiss me?"

His eyes snap open, tears bridging on the edge of his lashes as he rises from the bed, lungs screaming for air as he struggles to breathe. An inhale finds him, lungs expanding and descending as he breathes out a shaky breath, hands slightly trembling at the found knowledge resting in the back of his mind.

"What the fuck?" Wooyoung asks himself, or the empty room, quietly. The idea of knowing that San remembers everything, simply because he was not drinking hardly at all, fills Wooyoung to the brim with fear.

Their entire friendship was at risk of being weird and awkward, but what made it worse was that he didn't regret doing it. He could feel himself longing for more, knowing fully well that he can't have more. All of these feelings came from nothing, evolving out of nowhere as he sits in the quiet of his shared room and thinks back to barely a week ago, sleeping soundly in San's room.

There was a fondness pulling at his heart then, one he didn't understand, but one he ignored the more he felt it. He always slept in San's room, what was the point of feeling something now? What was the point of feeling anything when he's sure San doesn't feel the same way?

But wait– Wooyoung's breath hitches when his tears fall from his eyes. Why did he kiss me back?

Wooyoung's eyes search his room as he turns to stare at the bed. The final piece of his memory comes back strong, and the tears stream down quicker.

There he was, sitting on the edge of the bed with San hovering over him. Wooyoung was so drunk, but something about his actions were so honest. He was convincing, like a cruel siren calling a pirate to his doom with her song. Wooyoung pulled San in and San kissed him without hesitating. But it wasn't one, simple kiss. It wasn't as easy as that. It was multiple, fueling an unkempt fire Wooyoung didn't know he had.

His stomach was twisting as the memory fades before him, but he can feel San's breath on his neck. Wooyoung's hand raises to his jaw, holding his skin lightly as he remembers feeling kisses placed there just hours before. It wasn't that he hated what San did. Rather, he hated what he convinced San into doing.

He hated this part of himself. This drunken idiot that just got what he wanted because he was drunk, and San would set the world on fire if Wooyoung asked without question. It felt toxic, but was far from it. Wooyoung could feel this desire for his friend aching in the back of his mind, but he always played it off as drunken mischief. But here he was, hungover and still in his bedroom, wanting nothing more than to be honest with himself after lying for so long.

He loved him. He loved him more than he knew he did and he couldn't fathom the idea of San loving him back. Somehow, maybe, what if it was all an accident? There was no way this was supposed to happen now. They're at a beach house, one they've been to a few times before, but it was only now that these feelings are coming about. Maybe we just needed attention from someone and we both just happened to be right there?

San wouldn't use Wooyoung like that, drunk or sober. So the idea of that was destroyed immediately. Wooyoung wanted a drink, more or less, he just wanted to feel something more than the dread pulling at his stomach. He didn't understand why he felt so hopeless about any of this, afterall it was just a kiss! A kiss with his best friend. A kiss that turned into more than just one and turned into two, then three, then four.

It was just a kiss. Wooyoung assures himself, teeth finding the inside of his cheek as he sits there, eyes drowning in falling tears.

But. . . was it just a kiss?