THE ILLUSIONIST WOMAN

six. Those Who Seek

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XIMENA STARTED OFF THE MORNING in a full blown sprint out of her tent. It was early. The sun was just about to rise and the crinkles were nodding off to sleep. Her breath was rushed, exhaling faster than she could get the oxygen within her lungs.

The Doctor just had to get away. Get away from her nightmares and that of Jean's too. She didn't know how she differentiated hers from Jean's, but they were jarring and catastrophic all the same. Ximena's dreams were terrifying, but predictable for what she had witnessed. Jean's however, were pure, uncontrollable tragedies. All of her worst fears, toppled onto, weaving within, scattering around each other in a reckless and wild way. Ximena had never seen anything like it.

And while, she was struggling to handle her own issues. Ximena was left panting, gasping for air as her mind was overloaded with Jean's issues as well.

Speaking it out loud wasn't something she was willing to do just yet. She just needed to run -- get out for some fresh air. Force herself to go through her problems instead of avoiding them.

She pressed her hands into a tree, stopping her run in an abrupt halt. Her palms were pricked from the bark. Moss crawling up into her fingernails as she curled her fingers into a tight fist.

Sweat sprouted from her forehead, sticking her dark strands to her temples as she squeezed her eyes shut. Sucking in a deep breath, she practically swallowed it, letting out a shuddering breath as her shoulders slightly shook. Now that she could finally breathe, her thoughts were starting to clear.

Her cocoa brown eyes flickering up to the vibrant spruce housing many species of wildlife. Who knew the tree could hold her deepest secrets too. Her scattered epiphanies. Her treacherous whispers. When she calmed, she flipped onto her back and sagged against the rigid trunk. Lips parted in exasperation.

"Didn't sleep well?" Ximena had grown far too familiar with that voice. Despite being in a temporary stand still with him, she knew only his voice could cause her heart to pick up and her anxiety to mellow at the same time.

She lifted her droopy gaze to his handsome face. He was more put together than her, appearance wise. However, his eyes had never been more red rimmed and unfocused. Ximena didn't dare think aloud that Logan had indeed been crying, but the thought did linger in the back of her mind in a curious stereo.

Shaking her head mutely, she observed him. He meandered closer, kicking his foot as the rocks here and there. His hands tucked into his jeans as his eyebrows furrowed in a contemplative pause. "Yeah... me neither."

"Really? I'd think you'd be sleeping like a baby now that you don't have to share the bed with anyone." Ximena could help but be petty. She recalled what he told her a while back and only now did she truly feel the gravity of his words then.

Logan chuckled humorlessly and flinched, though it was almost unnoticeable. Lips pulled tight in a serious plight. "You'd be wrong," He confessed, glancing up at her from his shoes.

The way he said it, with such longing and respite. The sound made her feel bad for saying it, but she didn't take it back. She was stubborn, a trait the two share on many occasions. Yet, this time, it seemed Logan was finally trying to yield. "There's no replacing you, Mena."

Ximena sucked in a breath through her teeth, biting her bottom lip before casting her eyes down. She didn't know what to say to that. The Doctor wanted him to be crass, so she could at least combat it with sarcasm or an attitude. Build up walls so Logan would have to fight to enter. This Logan was different. He was open and vulnerable without having to say much to get him that way.

It was startling and left her in a perpetual state of surprise. Her lips parted but she had no words. Instead, she minutely pouted and crossed her arms over her chest. Her heart stuttered as he stepped closer. The constant pump of the favorite organ was stalling and she was annoyed that even her body was waiting to see what he'd do next, sitting on the edge of its seat like a love sick fool.

"I got in my tent and laid down and couldn't even get my eyes to close, y'know why?"

Logan tried to get her eyes back on him, leaning down slightly to capture her attention. Ximena simply shook her head in disagreement, fighting against her instincts to level with him. "Because I kept waiting for this short, warm, brown eyed woman to unconsciously roll into my side and burrow her head into my arm until I wrapped them around her... and instead, I was just cold. lonely. and disappointed you weren't there."

Sighing in frustration, she glared at him warily. "You could've just asked Raven to do that for you. I'm sure she'd be accommodating."

"She tried," Ximena flashed her amber eyes at him in jealousy, causing him to smirk to hid his amusement. "But she's no you and like I said, there's no replacing you, Mena."

Stepping closer, Logan slid his hands up her arms, relishing in the goosebumps he caused as he did so. His right hand stopped at the column of her neck, circling his thumb in soothing, tantalizing circles. Both could feel her pulse jump, but only she could feel the electricity stringing throughout her veins from his touch.

"I've come to terms that I need you. I need you, Mena, I do. I need you to yell at me when I'm being a jackass. I need you to ground me back to reality when all things go to shit. These past couple years, you've been everything I needed without me knowing... and I -- I took you for granted and I apologize." His voice deepened as if he was struggling to get the words out. Hoarse and raspy, she knew it was the same sound whenever he got sentimental, because he didn't know how to finesse such emotion without altering himself to appear strong. A force to reckoned with.

She thought it once before and she couldn't help but think it now with that much more depth backing her statement. Logan Howlett was relentless. 

"But you're worth something to me, so much more than you think. Just... give me that chance to show you."

Meeting his intense stare, she felt her world flip on its axis all at once. Swirls of hazel collided with a warm amber and caused a cataclysmic paroxysm of pure adoration. She couldn't get herself to swallow, the emotion was stuck, unwilling to depart from her no matter how hard she tried. He was enrapturing, all encompassing. A tender caress of your greatest fantasies realized.

She wanted to trust him, to believe him. Another chance for him to show himself approved. Her heart screamed in agreement and be damned her mind for being hesitant.

Ximena felt her eyes water momentarily. The dew collecting at the corners before she blinked and breathed in slowly to hastily repair her shattered thoughts. This is what she wanted, equal partnership and it all felt too surreal.

Licking her lips, she stalled as Logan drifted his gaze to them for a spilt second. "And you'll give up being a bachelor... just like that?"

"Just like that," He proclaimed without a stutter or pause.

"For me?" She tilted her head with an adorable dip in her brows. The dimple on her cheeks winking at him as she pursed her lips.

Running a hand through her hair, Logan took the chance to press a chaste, sacred kiss to her forehead. Images of their time together flashed before his eyes like an old film, down to the moment she smiled at him in Xavier's office when he arrived at the school. He couldn't explain just how entangled he was with Ximena, but he desperately didn't want to try. He just wanted to trust her with his jagged, unknown past and his unforeseeable future.

This feeling... it was so overwhelming, he didn't know how to properly express it without freaking her out. "For us," He agreed, whispering against her skin intimately.

"... I need you too, James." Ximena murmured against his neck, nuzzling her nose into the crook with a soft, short peck. Her eyes fluttered close in peace. Her heart erratically beating yet, she never felt more impossibly still.

With him, her nightmares seemed to dissipate. Her anxiety shrunk with a speed unlike all else. Her self-doubts were revealed to be nothing but lies. And her heart had overcome her minds dreadful ploys to prevent her absolute happiness.

Logan held her tighter, practically crushing her short body to him as he laid his head on top of her own. Lone wolf be damned, he was in love with her -- and maybe, their confession of needing one another was their way of professing the unthinkable -- of expressing the one thing they were both afraid to feel.

It was all making much more sense now, they're stubbornness. But more importantly, their hesitation to be in love with someone and to be loved by someone. Little did they know that the feeling was extraordinary and the price, although heartbreaking, was always worth pain.

"Now... Tell me what's been going on with you, kitten." Ximena nodded against his chest, inhaling with a much lighter conscience, now that she had somebody to share the burden with.

So, she told him everything.

...

FEELING RENEWED, THE TEAM boarded the jet after it was fixed with the equipment they took out to sleep for the night. Ximena pressed the hidden button the compartment to close it as she fastened her guns on the side of her hips. The X-Men suit fit better than the jumpsuit from last night. She didn't feel as confined, but maybe she needed to be restrained last night, especially because she felt so out of control. Nevertheless, this was a nice change.

"Why don't we get uniforms?" Marie protested as she and Bobby stared longingly at the clothes rack.

"Yeah, where's ours?" His voiced agreement not too far behind.

Ximena smiled in amusement, feeling a brush of a hand on her back. Turning, she found Logan handing her a hair tie and smiled in appreciation before she took it from his hands. The movement was slow and intentional, their fingers brushing against each other. His eyebrow arched in acknowledgement before Ximena threw her hands into her long hair to get it off her shoulders. "They're on order. Should arrive in a few years," Logan relayed in snarky quip.

"Everybody strap in." Ximena pulled Rogue away from Erik, seeing as the metal wielding man wanted to start up childish fights with teenagers. Her hand running down Marie's hair to calm her with a small smile. "Don't worry about him. He's a little dramatic."

"A little?" Bobby muttered, scrunching his nose before settling in his seat. 

The flight back to Canada wasn't too long. Ximena knew coming back here would serve to produce many problems for Logan, but she hoped he could be focused enough to stay on task. The mission was to stop Stryker and save Professor and Scott. Anything else was extra and frankly, threatening to Logan's peace of mind.

When they touched down, the team assembled around the topographic hologram of the map. It levitated without hinderance, spinning idly as Ororo pointed to the areas of entry. Ximena briefly glanced to her palm while Storm spoke, furrowing her eyebrows in frustrated concern at the branding of the coin sitting there. It mocked her somehow, she just didn't know in what context.

Logan clasped his hand over Ximena's, gaining her attention. He nodded knowingly, squeezing her hand as if telling her that they'd handle it after all this was over. She appreciated it, but it didn't relieve any of her stress only stalled it for another time.

"This is the spillway... You see these density changes in the terrain? They're tire tracks."

Logan squinted at the map, pointing assuredly. "That's the entrance."

"Mhm, and this shows the depth of the ice that's covering the ground. Now, this is recent water activity."

"If we go in there, Stryker could flood the spillway," Jean inputted, crossing her legs as she sat back in the co-pilot seat.

"Kurt, can you teleport inside?" Ororo glanced to the navy blue man, smiling encouragingly.

However, he shook his head, lips down turning in disappointment. "No. I have to be able to see where I'm going, otherwise, I could wind up inside a wall." 

"I'll go," Logan offered, causing Ximena to frown. She knew he could do it, but she was still slightly worried. Yet, she kept her mouth shut because she wasn't going to interfere with the mission. If he was confident he could do it, then she believed him. "I have a hunch he'll want me alive."

Other's didn't hold such faith in his efforts. "Wolverine," Magneto protested, strutting through the hologram to get to him. "Whoever goes into the dam, needs to be able to operate the spillways mechanism. What do you intend to do, scratch it with your claws?"

"I'll take my chances," Logan said, not having the patience to humor Erik's snide comments.

"But I won't." Erik turned to Raven, as did everyone's eyes once he signaled to her that she'd go in. Ximena silently wondered if Erik always ordered Mystic around of if she was able to breathe and have a will of her own. It annoyed her, but not enough to advocate for her. After all, they were enemies and Mystic had never given her a reason to initiate a truce. They were in a stale mate, much like everyone else for the sake of the mission.

"When we get inside, we should spilt up." Storm brought up, causing Ximena to nod in agreement.

"Erik, Jean, Raven and I should go after the Professor and Scott. Stryker will have most of his grunt-men blocking the area and the Professor needs to be stopped before he takes captive every mutant mind alive." The three glanced to Ximena at her reasoning, sizing each other up in hopes that they could trust each other for this one mission. It was all or nothing and Ximena wasn't sure she should put her life in the hands of her enemies.

"They won't be able to hold us for long," Erik drawled with a smirk, meeting Ximena's gaze.

"You think you can handle this?" Logan leant towards her, eyebrows furrowed. It's not that he didn't trust she could, he was just genuinely concerned for her mental state just as she was for him. They were all under pressure, her more so than him for various reasons. 

Ximena waved her hand in dismissal, tapping her temple. "There's someone here, on base, like me. I can sense it and you're going to need me to fight 'em. I can do this."

"What a fierce fighter," Erik hummed and the way he said it felt complimentary, as if he admired her spirit. Or maybe he just admired her abilities. It wouldn't be the first time he openly praised her tenacity.

"Alright, we'll get the kids out." Ororo tagged onto what Ximena's train of thought, pointing to herself and Kurt.

"And I?" Logan crossed his arms.

"Will get Stryker." Ximena announced, looking over him one last time before clenching her jaw tightly. "Stay focused," She forewarned. "He's got his hooks in you, it'll be easier for him to slip away."

Logan's face hardened, his eyes darkening as he grunted in objection. "He's not going anywhere."

The plan was set and the game... was on.

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Unedited. 8/6/21

We about to kick some butt! Also, Jimena has me bawling, okay? I just want my babies to be happy.

I will be posting more because I've graduated, so expect some more uploads soon. Yay! Let me know your thoughts this chapter, comment, vote! Xx