He had absolutely no idea what had gotten into him.

Before he could properly realize, he had already sent the message and thrown his phone on his bed.

Completely overwhelmed with his own action he just stared at the wall before eventually getting up. He had to get ready after all.. now that he had practically forced Minho to go outside with him. But why? What was his goal? Why was he having hopes? He shouldn't. They shouldn't be together.

And yet Hyunjin found himself putting on a different pair of black pants as well as a black shirt over his sweater. Whether it was because it was rather cold outside or to finish off the look, he didn't know, but he still put on a beanie. At least his ears would be kept warm and in case they'd get red, it wouldn't even be visible. A good thing for sure.

And then he was already in front of the other four members' dorm, waiting for Minho, who had come outside shortly after.

"Hi", Hyunjin said. "..Hi?"

An awkward smile formed on Hyunjin's lips. Surely the other was waiting for an explanation, though he himself didn't know the answer. So he grabbed Minho's hand and dragged him outside. "I just didn't want to be alone right now."

"I'll be with you." And he intertwined their fingers.

How was that the same man who would never miss the chance to tease Hyunjin? How was that the guy who was always described as cold and mean?

Because what he was experiencing in that moment proved that Minho truly was perfect for him. If it weren't for their choice to become idols. They could have been so happy together.

Thankfully it was dark outside, so while there were barely any streetlights and the stars and the moon were lighting up the streets, they didn't have to worry about pictures being taken. Or at least he just hoped nobody would recognize them yet.

Hyunjin just needed a moment. His feelings were overwhelming and confusing. Maybe being around the person he was thinking about so much would help him understand his emotions just a little bit better?

Although when he was with Minho, he was ready to risk it all. His body was telling him to take the chance, to embrace his feelings for him and finally take what was supposed to be his. And that couldn't possibly be right. Since he was a child he had known that such relationships should not be normalized, it wasn't normal.

Only there was nothing normal or ordinary when it came to the situation they were in. Most people didn't have the pressure of an entertainment on them. Most didn't have to be scared of expressing love.

But Hyunjin was terrified. If those feelings were to somehow end up public it would end his career. And in the worst case, it'd end Minho's too. That was something they both really didn't need.

"Don't you think it'd be better to stop this?" Hyunjin's heart ached as he said those words. Because that wasn't how he felt. Deep down all he wanted was to be with Minho.

Quietly he looked at the other, as Minho's grip was becoming weaker until he eventually let go of his hand. "Why?" "Minho, you know.." "No. No I don't know." The other abruptly stopped walking and turned around to stand across Hyunjin. "Are you scared?"

"I am. Yes, Minho. I'm scared." It felt.. relieving? It made him feel better to have said that. And what made the situation so much nicer for him, was the warm hug his hyung had pulled him into right after. "I am too, Jinnie."

There it was again, that nickname he had missed so much. Oh how amazing it felt to hear Minho use that again. Almost as if everything would eventually get better.

Only it wouldn't.

The best decision would have probably been to push Minho away and end it, but once again Hyunjin couldn't. Every single time it felt like he had to stop it right there, he couldn't. It didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. Almost as if his body knew better what he needed. And in a way Hyunjin also knew he needed Minho in that way, only he didn't let his feelings take over.

It has been far too long since Hyunjin had felt that way. All he needed was Minho, he made him so happy. They've known each other for years, they've been decent friends. And now he finally understood what had prevented them from becoming best friends. It was the tension. It was the tension that had been there since the very first day, they had simply not noticed.

Minho didn't tease him and give him those looks because he hated him or because it was just how their friendship was, it was because Minho's body had registered his feelings a lot earlier. Hyunjin finally understood.

And when he thinks of the other, he knows he just wants a happy life with him. He can imagine them just enjoying each other's company, kiss and stay in bed and watch a movie, while Minho has his head rested in his lap and he himself had a sketchbook and a pen.

That all could have been so perfect. He just wanted to be able to call Minho his. He had accepted his feelings, although it just wasn't their lifetime. Everything spoke against a relationship between them. Everything except their hearts.

"Minho, I want this as much as you do, but.." Minho shushed him. He pulled back just enough to be able to cup Hyunjin's face and hold it gently.

Only then did Hyunjin realize that he had been crying. It was humiliating. He'd never want Minho to see him like that, so vulnerable and as if anything could make him break down. But that situation wasn't just anything. His heart was longing for something he couldn't have, something that was presented to him but forbidden to have.

Upon closing his eyes, he felt gentle lips kissing away the tears on one eye, while a thumb brushed away the tears on the other. "We could.. we could try?", Minho spoke softly and Hyunjin could only lean into the hand caressing his cheek. "As soon as someone finds out.."

"No one will find out, Hyunjin. I just don't want to have to look at you anymore and be in pain because I know you feel it too." And Hyunjin related a lot.

Still, the chances of getting caught were way too high. Getting caught would change everything. If they were to lose their job, they'd have nothing. There was nowhere they could go, nowhere they would be accepted. Hyunjin didn't want to live like that. But again, his heart was ready to risk it all right then and there.

"Can we.. take it slow instead? Just.. kind of.. see if it feels right? I don't want to make a decision right now." Minho was the sweetest, as he instantly nodded and pulled Hyunjin into his arms. And he returned that hug. It felt good. Minho was so warm compared to the night air.

What was even warmer, were the lips against his forehead. Minho never failed to make him feel safe and cared for. Perhaps all he truly needed was a hug and a kiss on the forehead, because the pain in his chest, that had been there for weeks, was finally gone. The air he didn't realize he was holding in was let out in a long sigh.

Since it did get pretty cold outside, they ended up not going on their walk and instead headed back just half an hour later. This time it was Minho who would be spending the night in Hyunjin's room. It was a nice change. He was even excited to let the other see his room.

While Minho was probably investigating his room and the numerous paintings laying around, Hyunjin was in the bathroom getting himself ready for bed. He took his skin care routine very seriously. After all he did have to keep his skin clean and spotless.

Perhaps there was also a fear of not looking good enough. Not for Minho, but for the world. There was a fear he'd the comments would get worse, to the point it wouldn't just be people saying he had gained some weight, but also them insulting the way his face looked, the way his eyes didn't shine as much as they did years ago.

Was it really Hyunjin's fault? He loved dancing, loved singing and write his own songs every now and then. But he was exhausted. He needed a proper break. His entire body did.

Those thoughts just had to stop. He needed some distraction. And thankfully there was the person he needed most waiting for him in his bed.

Although when he returned about twenty minutes later, Minho had somehow managed to pass out on his bed. Smiling he turned off the lights and got comfortable right by his side. Thankfully the other had already some sweatpants and a shirt he could sleep in and Hyunjin had also covered him with a blanket.

While he could have needed a hug and some comforting words, this was just as good. Minho's face was just adorable, he'd feel guilty if he'd somehow wake him up. So instead of doing that, he just planted a kiss on the top of his head.

Before he would fulfill his nightly routine, he went on his Instagram. His followers loved it when he posted something and Minho had taken really nice pictures of him, which his fans just had to see. It was hard to resist the urge to write something about Minho in the caption, but after all he was the one who wanted to take things slow and be as careful as they could possibly be. So it'd be dumb if he'd reveal their relationship before it had officially started. They hadn't even kissed yet.

hynjinnnn

liked by jutdwae, i.2.n.8 and 1,479,918 others
hynjinnnn cold

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jutdwae take my sweater next time ㅎㅎ
hynjinnnn that's so romantic

stanstr8kidzz who keeps taking those?
chrizztopher maybe he has a gf?

Usually Hyunjin would read poems before going to sleep, although the comments were really entertaining this time. So many people were trying to figure out who the person behind the camera was, yet nobody even considered it being Minho. It wasn't that obvious. Which was good.

Right when he put his phone phone and was about to fall asleep, he felt an arm wrap around him and gently caress his sides. Upon looking down, he could see Minho's eyes admiring him. He looked adorable, all sleepy. "Why aren't you asleep? And why didn't you wake me up when you came back? I wanted to say goodnight."

Minho truly was adorable.

"We have to get up quite early tomorrow and I didn't want you to wake up all grumpy.. so I let you sleep." And maybe because his small pout looked adorable when he slept. Hyunjin couldn't get enough of the sight. He probably should have taken a picture. That way he could admire his sleepy face every single day, even when they weren't together for a while. Hyunjin did have to leave for an event pretty soon. He already knew he'd miss Minho a lot.

Minho didn't seem to be satisfied. "I wouldn't be grumpy", he complained and put his head right beneath Hyunjin's chin and into the crook of his neck. And he definitely didn't mind, it was nice to have the other close to him. And they have cuddled before, so it wasn't awkward at all. Instead it was nice and comforting.

Though they really should sleep soon. Hyunjin knew exactly how the other could get in the morning, even if Hyunjin was usually the last one to get up. Only Han somehow managed to wake him up. That was probably just his extremely loud voice.

"It's okay, I'm gonna sleep now. Goodnight, Minho." And finally he smiled. "Goodnight Jinnie."

And they both fell asleep, snuggled up to each other and keeping their bodies warmer than any blanket could.

Surprisingly it wasn't Han who woke him up the following morning, nor was it any of the other members who were usually awake before him.

No, it was none other than Minho massaging his head and holding him close. "Why are you awake..", he complained and tried to cover his eyes so the sunlight wouldn't bother him.

"I thought you might want to make breakfast with me. But it's alright, get some sleep, Jinnie. I'll wake you up later." No matter how badly he wanted to get up and help, he knew Minho didn't mind if he slept just a little bit longer. So it was exactly what he did.

Hyunjin had no idea how much time had passed, but soon Minho woke him up and kissed his cheek. "Come on, you need to eat something."

After a few complaints Hyunjin finally got up and followed the other to the kitchen, sitting down on his usual place.

That was when Han spoke.

"I know why you two have gotten so close."

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[2221 words]