TWS: VIOLENCE, BLOOD MENTION OF ABUSE (DESCRIPTIVE) AND MENTION OF RAPE.

Please skip the flashback if you are uncomfortable with those topics, I did my best to make sure the chapter made sense for the ones of you that chose to skip the flashback at the start

A knock echoes through the room, but I stay fixed on the bed with a black t-shirt and sweatpants. It's odd. This is the most covering outfit they ever instructed me to wear.

The opening of the door presents to me a tall man, with formal attire, quite above the average height and slightly muscular. 

Dark brown hair, almost black, and awkward fawn eyes, both captivating features but extremely unfamiliar. I presume he's new here; it's almost like his presence in this place makes him uneasy.

I attempt to‌ follow the instructions they gave me and remove my clothes, but before my t-shirt alone can come off; the man stops me with firm words:

"Undressing won't be necessary. " He says as he wraps the slaves of his shirt up to his elbows, then after a sharp intake and puny escape of breath, he comes closer to me.

There isn't eagerness in any of his movements, the man rather appears like he is looking forward to be  out of this place.

When a client complains about your "performance " you get "taken care of" in a specific way, you don’t get sent back to your regular room but transferred to a "special one"

I'm currently in here because previously a client was having issues with my "awkwardness" and my "refusal of seeming delighted with his touch.” His words, not mine.

The 'special room' is for a specific type of man, the one who is considered to be extremely violent. 

Perhaps, even if his outlook doesn't give it away, is one of those men too.

"Before I start, I want you to know that I am sorry and that none of this is happening without a reason." 

Unable to understand what he means, I just wait for him to show me. After all, I can't run away.

Unexpectedly his hands roughly hit my face, then again a fist clobbers my stomach, one, two, three, four and then five hard punches, ‌ruthlessly meeting my abdomen. 

He hits me until I'm screaming in pain until tears blur my vision and a revolting taste of blood and metal emerges in my mouth all while mumbled apologies escape from his lips.

However, after that, he doesn't stop. Soon his hands wrap around my neck, so tight not leaving me space to breathe, I don’t fight. Maybe this is how my suffering will ‌cease. 

But unfortunately, his hands leave my body on time, letting my brain and lungs take sharp consecutive inhalations of breath. 

With his hands, he wipes my tears, and I shut my eyes, i am a trembling mess  fear is overwhelming me. One delicate touch won’t dissolve the multiple harsh ones.

The man doesn't leave me much time to catch my breath, because just as he promptly "comforted me” he resumes his violence.

Tears that never actually disappeared, once again drench my skin, while loud screams of pain escape from my lips, my sore throat burning.

I don't understand why he keeps apologising, sorry! sorry! sorry! Why can't he simply stop?

He seems to hear my thoughts twenty minutes later, while I am laying in a foetal position, too tired to cry or scream, almost too tired to breathe.

But I can hear, hear his sobs rumble in my pounding ears. What? Why is he crying?

"Why…? " I try to utter more words, ask him why he is crying, but I'm unable to. I feel like slowly everything is fading, leaving me with nothing but darkness. 

"I'm sorry. " Why can't he stop saying that? 

I sense his hands once again on my body. He tears off my clothes but leaves my underwear untouched.

"I'll make this up for you, I promise." 

Just like this, he is gone. He doesn't touch me any further. He leaves me there, half-naked, bleeding and in pain.

END OF THE FLASHBACK

How I wish my brain could shut down for some seconds just because it's what I desire, and not be constantly hyper-aware. 

How I wish my brain could force itself to forget horrible memories and bad people to live in that way in a constant sense of carefreeness. 

But for how much I try to not let my heart deceive me, I wish my decisions could be driven by it. I crave spontaneity.

However, in moments like this, I am reminded of why this is exclusively a silly fantasy, and that it will never be fulfilled

Familiarity frightens me because I'm no longer familiar with anything that my mind is able to deem as good.

To further reinforce my point, there's him, the fifth man. 

There were five men, five clients, they were the worst ones; he is one of them.

"W-Why is he here?" I try, try hard to not let my fear leak from my tone, but I'm sure not doing a remarkable job.

I look at Francesco, who is looking at the fifth man that is steadily nearing us, it's almost like Francesco is refusing to set his gaze on me.

He's not answering my questions and the way he's so bluntly ignoring me means he is not going to.

Powerless, and frustrated, this is how I feel at this exact moment.

When the fifth man is near the car, he knocks on the window on Francesco's side and gestures to him to pull it down.

"We need to talk. Come out of the car," the third man says to Francesco in an annoyed tone.

Francesco leaves the car and shuts the door. They both set themselves in front of the car.

"Why the hell do I go near you guys and she looks at me with utter fear? Haven't you explained to her what is actually going on?" His voice raises, anger peeking. 

"Do you know when was the last time she was with me? Do you think it was a wise move? To hide everything from her, as you do with Jovan and me?" He looks visibly upset, but I still fail to comprehend what is happening.

“First of all, lower your voice.” Though he doesn't shout, Francesco’s voice rumbles in the air, his quite intimidating demeanour is enough, to be fair, everything about that man is intimidating.

“Simon, I want you to use the ounce of sense left in you and tell me, no, assure me that if I would have told her ‌you are the one ‌supposed to stay with her through the whole travel until she's in the safe location and that she has to report to you eventual safety issues she would've come with us?” He still doesn’t raise his voice, but it becomes more unyielding, more irritated, although not significantly.

The rigidness in his stance and coldness in his glare is enough to coerce an individual to listen to him and fear him maybe.

And I'm not the only one feeling like that because as soon as he speaks those words, Simon takes two steps back and speaks with a more controlled tone.

"Okay then, if you want to hide things from her do it but I refuse to be the one to explain this situation to her, so if you want to treat her like Jovan and I and knowingly hide information from her, just like you do with us, you will tell her the whole truth afterwards."

"This works with us because we trust you. We worked together for years and we don't doubt your capacity of judgement, but she doesn't know any of us and if she refuses to come with me, you will be the one escorting her"

Simon distances himself from him and goes back to the other car, waiting.  

Francesco turns his head and glances at me. He's not uncomfortable or frightened. There isn't a shard of apology in his eyes. He looks like he knows what’s going to happen and he is ready to deal with the consequences. 

He enters the car once again and looks at me. "I assume you heard what we said."

I nod but refuse to utter a word.

"He didn't want to do that, he didn't want to-"

"He is the fifth man, Francesco." 

His brows furrow at my statement, at his reaction I recall only I know what that means.

"There are five men that I won’t be able to forget. They were the most ruthless, more evil and selfish.'' I wrap my trembling hands together. My thoughts and memories are easier to endure when they are only in my head. 

"He is the fifth man. Almost no one was as violent as him outside of...two other men on the list.” I utter the last sentence almost in a whisper.

"What I always failed to understand was the reason behind that violence, he didn't actually force himself on me, but he kept physically hurting me with no regard for my body, for my yells of pain, all that while he kept repeating the word sorry" 

"When he said he would make it up for me, I was terrified he would come back. For months I would breathe out sighs of relief whenever the door operand and he wasn't the client waiting to be serviced, at least until worse came and he became slightly less terrifying."

A loud silence filled the car, but it lasted just a few moments because, for how powerless I feel I need answers. I deserve them.

"I think I merit a proper explanation and not vagueness, Francesco. How can you expect me to give you even the slightest bit of trust if I have to constantly wonder about the veracity of your words?"

"So please, tell me the truth," I say firmly while I look at him. Somehow I am able to not cry,

"Do you know what are the procedures required to become a client of that place?" 

"No, I'm not aware of that," I say faintly. 

"First, they run a background check on you, Simon was perfect because he was like a ghost, and still is, no family, the few people he knows are ghosts like him and just two people,  now three know his real name."

“He can easily mold his identity, become someone else and disappear"

"It’s extremely hard to set a foot in there, and I surley wasn’t an ideal candidate, I undrstand that you weren’t awere of the situation Simon was put in, but it was that or rape, and he would never choose the latter.”

“You have every right to feel pissed, angry or scared, I'd never fault you for that, but you should know that Simon was put in this situation, and for how his medoths are not exactly ortodoxs he would never violate a woman or anyone, rape is not something that can be condoned or justified.”

Thoughts roams in my mind as I’m filled with those infmations, I don’t feel flattered nor happy that he didn't rape me but I undrstand and I respect it but  the scar he left in my souls didn't disapperer in this exact moment.

I still feel like my questions aren’t fully answered, that there are many other things that I'm yet to be aware of.

“If you don’t want to go with him we both comprehend it , but I need to tell you that it  from now on ask and you will receive an honest answer, I need you to feel comfortable with me"

I simply nod feeling irritated and look at the black car where Simon is, now I know, now I know why he was crying. 

“The thing is that I'm not comfortable with you Francesco, I'd rather go with him"   I still don’t look in his way, I can't help but still feel anger towards him and my tone is clearly not hiding it well.

“Aden-”

“I will be completely honest with you Francesco, I feel manipulated...like somehow i’m here but this isn't fully my choice, you keep saying that I have the power to do what I want, to choose how I want but it seems that you keep hiding details from me and a decision cannot be done the whole truth."

“I don’t know you, I can't trust you, your promises have no meaning to me, you keep failing to prove to me you are to be trusted and, I still feel betrayed for some reason, your silences are not helpful, this involves me too!”

“I don’t want to go back but I feel like I'll eventually be forced to do so because of you, Simon, He didn’t have a choice but you…yu could have explained me everything,  told me about the whole sit-” my voice trails off, the frustration is so high I can’t utter my thoughts out loud…I am so tired.

“Speaking is pointless, I’ll just go with Simon” I try to get out of the car as fast as I can but I stop myself when his hand wraps around my wrist.

“Adenya I didn't wan-”

“I know. I just don’t have the energy to talk about how this situation is affecting me, because that would require spending more time with you." He leaves my wrist. He seems unfazed by my words but I don't care.

"You see? Saying the truth immediately is not so hard" 

I exit from the  car without giving him a chance to defend himself and enter inside the one where Simon is, he’s in the driving seat but visibly looks surprised  when I enter inside but ignore his expression.

"Francesco explained the whole situation to me, I'm not saying I'm actually thanking you, but I understand and for all that matter I accept your apology, but now I'd like to go"

This is going to be a long trip.