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Audrianna's POV

"Test. Test one. Puh-puh-potato pants. Pretty Polly wore purple potato pants to her Purim party in Pittsburgh." my dad spoke into the microphone befote turning to Henry and I "Dria, how does that sound?"

I leaned over to the mic "Painful. Please puh-stop." I smiled innocently which made Henry snigger

"Okay, let's start the podcast." my dad said

"Alright, bro let's cast our pod." Henry smirked

"In five, four, three, two- Hello! And welcome to.." my dad began

"Deep In The Man Caveee." We all said in unison as my dad played a guitar riff

"Yes siree, this is the very first podcast starring your very own Captain Man,"

"Danger Girl." I added

"And Kid Dan-" Henry got cut off by his phone beeping "Hold up, I got a text sorry." he picked up his phone

"Dangit!" my dad unplugged his headphones and threw them on the ground

"Look, this isn't live.. We can start again." I reminded him

"Okay- uh, why don't we just start World War II again? Let's call up Leonardo Da Vinci and say 'Oh hey Leon, did you build the Eiffel Tower again?" my dad spat out

"Okay..?" Henry furrowed his eyebrows

"Pretty sure Leon did not build the Eiffel Tower but sure..?" I added

"Take two." Henry said as my dad sat back down next to me

He gave him another headphone and my dad snatched it swiftly before putting it on.

"In five, four, three, twi- Hello! And welcome to--"

"Deep In The Man Caveeee!" we all sang in unison as a guitar riff played in the background.

"Yes siree, this is the very first podcast, starring your very own Captain Man.."

"Danger Girl." I added

"And Kid Danger."

My dad nodded "That's right. So Henry and Audrianna. Couple days ago I heard you two screaming at each other in Audrianna's room-"

"No- no dude.."

"Dad."

"Your fight involved something about Chick Fil' A which was typical especially because Audrianna's life support is Chick Fil' A--"

"No dad- You called us Henry and Audrianna. AND you talked about our personal lives." I took off my headphones

"Yeah, yeah- what'd you say?" My dad took off his headphones

"You called us Henry and Audrianna." Henry raised his voice a bit higher

"You gotta call us Kid Danger and Danger Girl." I added

My dad aggressively unplugged his headphones and threw them on the ground.

"Okay, that one wasn't our fault." Henry spoke up first

"Can we just do the ding dang podcast!?" my dad yelled

"We're sitting here." I raised my hands in defeat

My dad aggressively sat back down on his chair and Henry handed him a headphone

"In five, four, three, two- Hello! And welcome to-"

"Deep In The Man Ca-"

Charlotte and Kelly walked in "Hey, guys!"

"Oh come on!" my dad took off his headphones

"Please don't--" I tried to stop hin

He got up and threw his headphones on the ground before kicking it away. 

"Okay, that's it. We're out of headphones, so-" I flipped the box of headphones upside down

"We have an emergency." Kelly sighed

Henry groaned "What- What is it?"

"Jasper!" Charlotte exclaimed

The three of us groaned even louder.

"He says there's some crazy man in that school sending a bunch of snakes loose in the hallways." Kelly explained

"Snakes?" I raised an eyebrow

"I guarantee ya, that's not happening." my dad pointed out

"But Jasper sent us a--"

"Oh who cares!?" my dad yelled

"Excuse me?" Kelly scoffed, crossing her arms

"Last week Jasper called in an emergency because he saw a cloud shaped like a dinosaur!" I remarked

"Yeah. Remember the Fourth of July?" Henry got up "When he got all freaked out by the fireworks cause he thought that America was being attacked by Canada?"

"Yeah. I'd like to see Canada try to attack us." my dad scoffed

Charlotte rolled her eyes "Well, before you guys ignore this, you better watch the video Jasper just texted."

"I-it's me, Jasper. I'm in the school hallway- OH MY GOD LOOK A SNAKE!" Jasper turned the camera and we saw a bunch of snakes on the ground "Uh- and- There's more snakes see!? Uhh, uh hurry! I need backup!" The video started glitching and Jasper disappeared

Henry sighed "C'mon, we gotta go check this out."

"Fine." I muttered

"Yeah. Great. Let's ruin our afternoon to go and help Jasper!" my dad spat out as Henry and I popped a gumball in our mouths

"Ooh, somebody's got their manties in a bunch today." Kelly rolled her eyes

"Uh, I don't wear manties. Thank you." My dad rolled his eyes

I scoffed "Yeah you do."

"Ray. Dri." Henry warned

"I wear boys' underwear." my dad added

We blew our bubbles and transformed into our superhero uniforms.

"C'mon." I nudged my dad as I followed Kid Danger to the tubes

I wrapped my arms around Kid Danger's waist as the tubes encased us.

"Up the tube." Kid Danger said

"Stupid Jasper-" Captain Man got cut off as we got shot up

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We entered the school.

"Hey. I'm here." Kid Danger said

"Finally!" Jasper walked up to us "What took you so long?"

"She made us stop and get shaved ice." Kid Danger pointed to me and Captain Man eating our shaved ice

"I liked the watermelon." I mumbled with a wide grin on my face

"She liked the watermelon." Kid Danger sighed

"And he doesn't have the balls to say no to his girlfriend." I added

"Yes I do." Kid Danger argued back

"The shaved ice says otherwise." I smirked

He sighed before changing the topic "Okay- what's up with these snakes?"

"I don't know." Jasper confessed "Look, there's one over there." He pointed behind us

"What, do you mean this fake snake over here?" Captain Man walked up to the snake

"Uh, how do you know it's fake?" Kid Danger asked

"I don't think it's fake." Jasper added

"It looks faker than Kim Kardashian's ass." I muttered, eating more of my shaved ice

"Come on." Captain Man picked up the snake "They sell these things for five bucks a pop at the Swellview County Fair. You seriously thought this thing was re- AHHHH!" He threw the snake on the ground

"It's real! It's real!" Captain Man junped into my arms

"Hey! You're gonna make me drop my shaved ice!" I dropped him back on the floor

"Oh, look there's more snakes over there!" Jasper pointed over to the staircase

Kid Danger screamed before jumping into my arms.

"You big babies!" I dropped him

He cleared his throat "Uh- Well- How'd they- how'd they get there?"

"That freak brought em'!" Jasper walked up to some man who was tied up on the floor "I saw him pulling snakes out of a sack so I hit him with a fire extinguisher and tied him up with extension cords."

I threw my shaved ice in the trash can before the three of us walked up to the man.

Kid Danger took off the man's helmet it was.. Jeff the janitor?

"You." he glared at Jasper

"Jeff the janitor?!" his eyes widened

"I swear, I hate you more than I hate myself!" Jeff spat out

"Okay. Will someone tell us what's going on here." I crossed my arms

"Well I-I saw-" Jasper got cut off by the janitor

"I'll tell you what happened! This school has rats. So I rented this protective suit and helmet and bought 25 snakes so they'd eat the rats." he explained

"See? No emergency." Captain Man smiled sarcastically "I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" he walked past Jasper "Way to go, Jasper!"

"But I-"

"I'm gonna be talking about this in my podcast. You can count on that." Captain Man spat out

"Uh, can I please be untied?" Jeff spoke up

"Ahhh!" we turned around and saw Ms. Shapen crawling on the floor "A snake! A snake bit my elbow!"

"Uh- that's uh, that's our teacher Ms. Shapen." Jasper explained

"Oh yeah. Uh, Kid go handle that." Captain Man nudged Kid Danger

"What- I don't know how to handle a snake bite."

"Just go over there, put her elbow in your mouth and suck out the poison." I instructed

"But- but that's gross." he crossed his arms

"It's the only way to save her life now go over there and suck out the poison." Captain Man pushed Kid Danger over to Ms. Shapen

"Okay!" Kid Danger knelt down in front of Ms. Shapen

Jasper turned to Captain Man and nudged his chest "Hiya."

Captain Man sighed "Okay."

"Dad." I sighed

"For the next 2 months I don't wanna hear about anymore crimes from you. Are we clear?"

"Dad." I scolded

"What if I see a burglary in progress?"

"You shut up."

"What if I witness road rage?"

"You shut up."

"What if I hear a ticking bomb?"

Captain Man placed his arms on Jasper's shoulders "Just chill. Oh and shut. Up. Go untie that self-loathing janitor." he demanded as Jasper started walking away

I walked up to Kid Danger who was sucking Ms. Shapen's elbow "Let's go Kid Danger."

"We got a podcast to do." Captain Man added as we both walked out the school

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

We were back in the Man Cave to do our podcast.

"Okay. Captain Man, Kid Danger, and Danger Girl first podcast take four." My dad spoke into the microphone as he turned to Henry and I

"Hello! And welcome to-"

"Deep In The Man Cave." we all said in a deep voice as a guitar riff played in the background

"Yes siree, this is the very first podcast starring your very own Captain Man and-"

"Kid Da-" he got cut off by the emergency alarn blaring

"Oh! Fudging kumquat!" my dad yelled

"Emergency." I quickly got up and follow Henry

My dad unplugged his headphones before throwing his headphone on the ground and kicking one of the chairs down.

"Ray, pop a gumball. There's something going on in that store Mouth Candy." Henry turned off the monitor

He put his hand on the auto-snacker as I popped a gumball in our mouths

"Give me a roasted chicken." my dad demanded

"Roasted chicken." The machine repeated

"Kay- dad, we don't have time to eat a chicken."

He picked up a plate of chicken "I'm not gonna eat it." he threw the chicken in our direction but Henry and I ducked before we got hit.

"Okay. That chicken did nothing to you." I furrowed my eyebrows

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We arrived at Mouth Candy and we ended up all yelling at each other.

"Alright! Alright!" I yelled out

Mitch Bilskey let out a small bark.

"Now you two wait here while Kid Danger, Danger Girl, and I go interrogate the- suspect." Captain Man instructed

"Yeah. Whatever his name is." Kid Danger added

"They call him the Hot Broth Burglar." Mitch chimed in

"No they don't!" Jasper threw a bunch of candies at Mitch

"Woah, woah!" We yelled as I stepped in front of Jasper

"See that!? You see that? You see his violent nature?" Mitch pointed out

Jasper tried to lunge at Mitch but Captain Man, Kid Danger, and I stopped him.

"Hey, hey, Hey! Put down the jellybeans!" I demanded

"But he-"

"Hey. Put. The jellybeans. Down." I spoke in a softer voice

"Okay.." Jasper gave in

"Alright. Did you really try to steal that candy boot?" Kid Danger whispered

"Of course I didn't, Mitch framed me." Jasper pointed to Mitch

"Ah. Okay. 'Crime' solved," Captain Man did air quotes "now can we go do our podcast?" he tried to leave but I grabbed his arm

"Wait." I glared at him

"What am I gonna do? Mitch is sure gonna want to put me in jail." Jasper whispered

"Okay, relax, you're not going to jail." Kid Danger reassured

"We're just gonna make him think you are." I added

"Alright sir." Captain Man held onto Jasper's arm "Kid Danger, Danger Girl, and I are gonna take this rotten curly-haired misfit to jail."

"That's right." I added

"Hah." Mitch taunted

"Good." The candy store man added

A police officer walked in "Hey Captain Man."

Another officer walked in "Kid Danger and Danger Girl." she greeted

"Uhhhh."

"Officers.."

"Hi."

"Hello."

"We were just walking by, we saw you guys in here." The first police officer said

"Need our help?" the other officer asked

"Uhh. no, no, no, no, no, no-"

"No! We're okay."

"Everything's fine."

"Everything's come to sake."

"Let's go." I dragged Jasper outside

"Wait a minute." The police officer stopped us "I've seen this kid before."

"Oh yeah, didn't he get arrested last year in Swellview park?" The other officer pointed to Jasper

"Right. For using the ladies' bathroom. That's messed up, man."

"No- that was only because my friend's little sister-"

"Hey, didn't you also get arrested last Christmas in the City Hall for wearing more than one hat simultaneously?"

"Well-"

"And today, he tried to steal this." the store owner pointed to the candy boot

"That's right. He did." Mitch added

"No- I didn't, I was just holding it-"

"Well, you know what they say."

"He who holds it, stolds it." the other police officer added

"Okay. Someone get me a dictionary and show me the word 'stolds'!" Jasper yelled as we held him back

"Okay, look- officers. No worries, we got this. We're gonna take him to jail." I reassured

"Yeah." Captain Man added

"C'mon, you, Kid Danger, and Danger Girl- you do so much to help this city." The officer said

"No- it's fine, it's honestly fine-"

"Let us take this one for you." The other officer took Jasper

"No, no, no, no!-"

"It's on the way!"

"Captain Man, Kid Danger, Danger Girl! They're cuffing me!" Jasper yelled

We all talked over each other as the officers dragged Jasper outside.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Kelly and I walked in Henry's home.

"Is Jasper okay!?" Kelly frantically asked

"No, he got arrested.." Henry sighed

"Okay, how are we gonna get Jasper out of jail?" I asked

"I don't know." Charlotte shrugged

"Well it's his third strike. And if they convict him he could get twenty years.." Henry added

"Then we gotta figure out a way to prove that Mitch is the one who tried to steal that stupid candy boot." Charlotte said

My watch started beeping "Oh, it's my dad."

"Yeah, okay." Charlotte shrugged as Kelly was frantically pacing around

Henry walked up to me as I flipped open my watch.

"Muffin, Henry. Good news."

"About Jasper?" I beamed

"Better. Got some new ideas for our podcast."

"Okay- Ray, it's the middle of the night we got school in the morning and one of our best friends is looking at a possible twenty years in jail." Henry sighed

"Y'know, I'm starting to feel like I care about this podcast more than you guys do."

"Oh really?" I smiled sarcastically "Probably because you do." I turned off my watch

"You hear that? All he cares about is recording his dumb podcast." Henry crossed his arms

"Well, I think I got something better for you to record." Kelly chimed in

"What?"

"Mitch."

"You want us to do a podcast on Mitch?" Henry asked

"What- no! I'm saying, you wear a wire." Kelly explained

"Oh, like a microphone. Okay."

"And then at school, you casually start a conversation with Mitch, get him to admit that he's the one who really tried to steal the candy boot then, we take the recording to the cops and boom! My boyfriend's out."

"Okay. Okay that's good!" I beamed "But I mean- how are we gonna get Mitch to admit it?"

"Dude. You guys are like a million times smarter than he is." Charlotte said

"No violence, Audrianna."

"No promises." I smiled to myself

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Henry and I saw Mitch approaching and we immediately hid behind the lockers.

He put on his earpiece "Hey, can you hear me guys okay?"

"Yeah, kid we hear you."

"We're in a van across the street."

"Okay, cool." I said

"Just get us close to Mitch as you can and Audrianna will try to get him to admit that he's the one who stole the fried foot." my dad instructed

"The candy boot." Kelly corrected

"Oh, it matters?" my dad asked sarcastically

"Okay." Henry took a deep breath

"Here we go." I cleared my throat as we approached Mitch

"Uh." I laughed awkwardly "Hey, Mitch." I nudged him

"Yeah, what do you guys want? Manchester and Hart."

"Nothing. Nothing- we just uh, we heard that you saw that jerk Jasper Dunlop get arrested at that uh- that Mouth Candy store." I casually said

"Oh yeah, I did." he laughed."Man, it was hilarious. He didn't even did nothing wrong. I was the one who was trying to steal the candy boot." Mitch whispered before he started laughing

That was quick.

Henry and I laughed along with him.

"That is awesome!" Henry exclaimed

"Alright- we'll see ya!" I yelled as Henry and I slowly backed away

"Alright y'all, take care!" Mitch walked away

"Okay!"

"Guys, we did it- we did it, did you hear us?" I spoke into Henry's microphone

"I just think that Schwoz would be more into music like Arctic Monkeys or some band like that." Kelly shrugged

"Oh no, he was born way before it was cool." my dad replied

"Guys." Henry called out "Did you hear him admit it? Hello can- can you guys hear us?"

"Uh, we were just talking about music, what's going on?" my dad asked

"Wha- what's going on? We just got Mitch to admit that he's the one who stole the candy boot. W-were you guys not recording?" I felt my eye twitch

"Uhhhhhhhmm.. No. Charlotte forgot to hit record, sorry." my dad reasoned

"I forgot!?"

"Come on, guys!" Henry groaned as I rubbed the bridge of my nose

"Uh, just get him to say it again." Kelly chimed in

"Okay, fine. But you press record, you press it right now." I demanded

"Recording."

"Thank you." I rolled my eyes as Henry and I walked up to Mitch again

"Heyyy, Mitch!" I pushed him playfully

"Dude. We're not even friends."

"Nah, we know." Henry chimed in" We know- we just- we're still not clear on exactly what happens at that store Mouth Candy."

Mitch sighed "Alright, I'll tell you one more time. The guy who runs the place went into the back.."

"Yeah?" I raised an eyebrow

"Ahhhhhhh!" we all heard a girl scream

"Got you!" Oliver popped out from out of nowhere

"There- there's a dead bird in my locker.." the girl looked at her locker in horror

"I know, read the note on his leg." Oliver handed her the bird

"Uh, it says 'Do you wanna be my girl?'."

Oliver did finger guns at her.

"No thank you. I have to go now." the girl ran away

"Oh well. Be free." Oliver threw the bird but it just fell on the ground "Ugh, lazy."

"Later." Mitch started to walk away

"Wha- no, no, no, no! Mitch-" Henry and I tried to stop him

"Henry, Audrianna. What's happening?" I heard Kelly ask

"Yeah, this isn't gonna work." I spat out "That's what's happening."

"Hey, kids. You know what will make you feel a lot better?"

"What." Henry and I muttered

"Doin' a podcast."

"Kay, listen Ray. We're not gonna do a podcast with you, or anyone else until Mitch confesses alright?"

"Please." my dad pleaded

"No!" I spat out

"Alright, fine!"

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Captain Man barged in the school "Where's Mitch Bilsky!?"

The students pointed to Mitch who was sitting on the staircase

"Bilsky!" Captain Man walked up to him "Admit that you framed Jasper Dunlop."

"Ah, you can't force me to-" Captain Man grabbed Mitch's collar and slammed him against a locker.

"Admit it, so I don't have to punch you in the face and smash your groin!"

"You wouldn't hurt a kid." Mitch challenged

"Oh please, you look like atleast 26 years old." Captain Man scoffed

"Fair point." Mitch shrugged

"Now, admit that you're the one that tried to steal the candy boot."

"Okay, okay! I did it. I-I framed Jasper. I'm the thief. And I'm a bad person. And Jasper's like a really great guy."

Henry and I walked away smirking "Charlotte, Kelly. You got that?"

"Yup. Got it."

I gave Captain Man a thumbs up and he let go of Mitch Bilsky.

"Now. I've got a podcast to do." he said "And everything I need for that podcast better be there in the next ten minutes." he turned to Henry and I

...

"Don't do drugs." Captain Man pointed to the crowd of kids before walking out

Henry pulled out his phone, pretending to call someone "Uh, wha- mom? Okay, be right there." he dragged me outside

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hola

srry i took a while before uploading

No memes bc i barely got motivation to write this

and im sorry that there isn't much Henrianna fluff going on i'll try to add more but idk how bc smth shitty always happens to them 🙄

Thoughts? Comments? Questions?

If you've made it this far, comment with your fav food emoji 🍩🍪🍺🍱

3567 words
Edited: 01 - 22 - 24