I flipped up the collar of my coat against November's frosty evening wind. It was close to midnight when my chauffeur dropped me off in the middle of the city, where it was dark and desolate like the haunting setting of an Algernon Blackwood novel.

No one knew where I was, or where I was going, and even though it was all a little daunting, I wouldn't have wished it any other way.

After dinner, I told the servants that I was extremely tired and bid them all goodnight, but shot my butler Taehyung a wink, giving him the smallest of hints that I would be visiting the Jolly Corner tonight.

I for once finally felt like an adult. Like the world was an open field for me to run through and explore without limit. There was no leash around my neck. No cage in sight.

I hurried through the narrow streets in search of the Jolly Corner's address, which I'd been able to find by making some phone calls, but of course I wouldn't be going there as Park Jimin.

I was wise enough to know that at a place like this, the rich son of a banker wouldn't be welcomed with open arms, so just for tonight, my name was Jimmy, and I was a twenty-year old footman.

I stopped in front of a house near the edge of town, which looked old, forgotten, and scary. The windows were so dark they looked like they'd been painted black, and only if I listened closely, could I hear a faint melody escape through the thin cracks of the structure.

This had to be it.

I knocked against the door, wondering for a moment what my father would do if I ended up dead at a gay club. I pursed my lips, knowing he would probably end up making it his life-goal to exterminate every homosexual in the country.

Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all...

The door opened, and a middle-aged man three times my size looked down on me with furrowed brows. His stomach was gigantic, and my eyes widened with the fear that I had been given the wrong address after all.

"Password?"

I gulped. "P-password?" I hadn't been told anything about a password.

"Max? Is it Hobi and his new boy? Did they come out to play after all?"

The large man I assumed to be Max shook his head. "Nope. It's a new face. A very nice new face."

I tensed up, realizing that the man in front of me could pick me up and snap me in two with one hand if it pleased him so. This was a mistake. A big, big mistake. "Oh, I'm awfully sorry, I think I've got the wrong house," I murmured, turning around on my heels only to be dragged right back by the collar of my coat.

"Not so fast kid," The giant called Max said, and I was caught like a defenseless baby bird with no chance of escaping. "Who are you? I've never seen you around."

"I... I would very much appreciate being let go of, thank you very much," I said, trying my best to pry the stranger's fat fingers from my expensive coat. "I'm new in town. I work at... the Park Manor."

The hefty man's face brightened up with a broad smile. "Park Manor? Well, why didn't you say so, you little sod? All the gays from Park Manor are welcome here."

I was not allowed my freedom back, and the man called Max pulled me into the house before I could even attempt to refuse the invitation. He gave my back a few friendly slaps which nearly swept me off my balance, and went on to drag me with him through the house.

"So is you new there or what?" Max asked, leading me down the hallway and toward a couple of stairs. "Them other blokes from Park Manor never mentioned a youngster like you."

"I... I'm new," I said softly, skeptically shuffling forward. "My name's Jimmy."

Max lead me into the basement of the house, and that's when I found what I always thought I'd been looking for. The nirvana I never actually believed existed.

There where around fifteen to twenty men gathered in the ill-lit basement, talking, laughing and drinking, while an old record-player struggled to sing some tunes in the corner of the room. They were listening to the blues, which I'd never really been a great fan of, but I couldn't be too critical.

It turned out that my servants and I were not the only homosexuals in the world after all...

It was true that I'd known so all along, but only now was I convinced. There were more. There were others.

"This one's new," Max said, announcing my existence to the entire room. "His name is Jimmy and he works at Park's Manor. You're what? Fifteen?"

"Twenty," I said with my most serious expression, making everyone in the room chuckled.

"Right," Max said, giving me a sudden tap on my butt that I had not asked for.

I shrunk a little, and lowered my head when I came to the sad conclusion that I was the youngest person in the room. Everyone was at least past thirty, and they had beards, beer bellies, and families, most likely.

"Come now, don't be shy," Max said, pushing me toward the crowd like I was a lam in front of lions.

The door bell went right after that, and the big hefty man climbed back up the stairs with a sigh as though he was trudging up Mount Everest.

I scratched the back of my head, and the room fell silent in response to my arrival. I began to feel bad, thinking that I'd ruined the party these men had been having by being such an obvious... boy.

"Jimmy, isn't it?" One of the men asked, coming up to me with a smirk and a thousand smile-lines around his eyes. He was blond, red-faced, and extremely freckled, but not all that ugly. I smiled back at him, nodding like I wasn't nervous and scared at all.

"Patrick Butterfield, I own a farm not too far from here. You might've walked past it once. We've got a lot of chickens."

"Oh, that sounds delightful," I said, sounding shy when I really, really didn't mean for it.

"Delightful, aye?" The farmer said, smiling in a way that revealed two rows of slightly crooked teeth. "You got yourself a pretty vocabulary for a youngster."

"Oh, I suppose so," I mumbled, panicking when I realized I'd forgotten to change my way of speaking.

"I bet the Park Manor boys have been keeping you a secret," the blond man said, giving me a quick look up and down. "They been playing with you or somethin'? Keepin' ya busy?"

"Playing with me?" I asked, looking around myself when two other men began to close in on me. "No, I'm not really a fan of boardgames, but I do watch them play cards from time to time."

The farmer wheezed, and I chuckled with him for reasons that were lost to me. "Did ya get bored of them then, is that it? They ain't treating you well enough?"

"Oh no, I wouldn't say that. They've been great company, but I just wanted to explore a bit more, I suppose." I tensed up, growing anxious in the presence of so many intimidating strangers.

"Explore a bit?" The farmer asked, looking directly into my eyes as he gulped down his bottle of beer. "Care to elaborate, doll?"

Doll? I caught my lower lip between my teeth. If only I could elaborate. The truth was that I had no idea what I was doing, and that I had no idea what I was really searching for. Was it a community? Friends? A boyfriend? I suddenly felt like a child thrown into deep waters, unable to stand and blindly whipping my arms around to stay afloat.

"Hey, let's not put the boy on the spot like that," one of the three men said. "It's probably daunting to talk about such things in front of so many people, right?"

I nodded slowly.

"Oh come on, it's okay," Patrick said, placing his hand on my upper arm. "We're all friends here. We can talk about anything."

The farmer began to rub my shoulder, and I swallowed thickly with the feeling that I did not really like it.

After that one of the other men grabbed my hand and began to massage it, smiling at me as though I had asked him to touch me.

"Will we do, Jimmy?" Patrick suddenly asked, and I flinched as his lips were suddenly only inches removed from my ear. "Will the three of us do?"

"We can explore together," another voice coming from behind me said, letting me know that I was entirely caged in by these strange, drunk men who smelled of old coffee mixed with beer.

"Young boys are always eager, I really like that, ya know?" The blonde farmer said, cupping my cheek and stroking it like he knew me at all.

"How about you get on your knees for us, Jimmy?" Farmer Patrick purred into my ear. "We would love to feel what those pretty lips can do."

"I dont-- I dont want to," I said, shaking my head and coming to the horrifying conclusion that I was not safe. "I think I'd like to go home."

"Oh, please," one of the men said, pressing me down by my shoulders. "We all know what brings a young lad like you to a place like this."

All three men began to push me down until I was forced to kneel, and suddenly everything was muffled, fuzzy, and unclear. Why did they make me sit on my knees? I wondered, only for mister Butterfield to unzip his trousers, and answer that question right away. Someone grabbed a fistful of my hair to roughly pull my head back, and my eyes shot full of tears from the pain.

Why did I come here? I kept asking myself. Why did I come here?

It was all quite unexpected, but that chilly evening, on the thirteenth of November, exactly one month after I turned seventeen, was the first time I saw and touched another man's penis.

And at that time, I was sure it was going to be my last.

"I SAID GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKER!"

Max's voice thundered through the house, and everyone simultaneously looked up when a skinny young man suddenly flew down the stairs with a cat-like agility.

"Master!" Taehyung yelled when he saw me, his eyes so wide they looked like they were about to pop from their sockets. "Master!"

"Tae," I said, though my voice came out strained, and I realized that I'd been sobbing like a little girl.

The butler balled his fists and tried to look tough, but he was standing in front of fifteen fully grown men, and it was obvious that he wouldn't be able to take them all down in a fight. A couple of the men quickly restrained Taehyung by kicking him in the shins and forcing him into a kneeling-position, and all I could do was cry like a coward.

"I think I know who this is," mister Butterfield said with a smirk. "This is the foreign lad who works at Park Manor. The one Hobi said he was after for a while."

Taehyung glared up at the blond farmer with a hatred that was almost tangible, but there was nothing he could do when we were both in the lion's den. I wished I could've thanked him right then and there for coming to save me, but I wasn't all there, and nothing felt real.

"He sure is gorgeous," Patrick murmured, smiling with his crooked teeth as he stepped closer to the butler. "Wanna take your friend's place?" He asked, wrapping his fingers around his girth. "Wanna share?"

"No," I heard Taehyung say, the sharpness of his voice cutting through my dazed mind like a shard of glass. "Give me. I'll do it. Not him, only me."

I turned my head to Taehyung almost in slow-motion, the severity of his words not fully reaching me yet. A soft and broken "Tae..." was all that left me, before a loud pang shot through the basement, and everyone in the room flinched in unison.

I had heard the sound of a gunshot many times in my life at that point, but never before did it ring so loud.

"Patrick Butterfield. Step away from the goddamn kids."