CHAPTER THIRTY

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THEIR LEGS MOVED ON THEIR OWN ACCORD, AS IF ON AUTOPILOT AS THEY CROSSED SNOW CLAD LANDSCAPES. The sky was overcast with clouds, the last of the sunlight barely holding onto the horizon as evening neared Wyoming.

Joel seemed to be doing alright after that morning. There were no signs of him being in any pain, but something had changed and Lucia couldn't quite put her finger on it. The woman blamed it on the exhaustion and the cold, it was making them all a bit hazy.

The backpack on her back felt as if it was getting heavier and heavier by the day even if that wasn't the case. All Lucia wanted was a long night sleep under a thick layer of blankets and a hot half hour shower, but there had been none of that since they'd left Frank and Bill's home. They were filthy, but the smell didn't bother them anymore. It didn't even register their senses.

"How far is it?" grumbled Ellie, eyelids half closed as she stumbled after them through the late winter sun. "I can't feel my legs."

"Dunno, kiddo." sighed Lucia, offering her a single glance. "A little further."

The teen's cheeks had turned a dark shade of red from the cold and snow clung to her eye lashes, even if it had stopped an hour prior. Her socks were wet, all of theirs were and they needed shelter to dry them before anyone got frostbite.

They had stopped twice during the day, changing socks once to refrain from getting blisters and to get in a quick bite for the second stop. The soup they had consumed had filled them pretty well, but it wasn't nearly enough to get them through the entire day.

The hill wasn't as steep as the ones they'd climb before but it was still a challenge with their frozen limbs.

"The river of death." announced Ellie, as she halted atop a hill that overlooked the body of water below. "Scary."

"Don't start." said Joel when the girl shot them a grin. "It's too close to dark. There should be some caves along the river. We'll set up camp there, cross in the mornin'."

"Good," she nodded, turning back toward the river as her stomach grumbled. "i'm starving. Should have stolen more rabbits."

"We can get our own rabbits." stated Joel with a shake of his head.

The Williams girl looked up at him expectantly and asked, "You're gonna teach me how?"

"Just keep movin'." he sighed and Ellie pursed her lips before she turned on her heels and stalked off, rabbits swaying back and forth as they rested over her shoulder. Joel's expression was unreadable as he watched the teenager go down the hill.

"What is it?" wondered Lucia as they began walking.

"Nothin'." he said, glancing down at her with a grimace which in his defence should have been a reassuring smile. "Just tired, s'all."

"You get some rest tonight." she offered, arms brushing against each other with each step they took. Joel furrowed his brows, crease more prominent between his eyes as he refrained himself from taking a hold of her hand. He had no idea why he didn't. It was as if his body wouldn't let him and she continued, "I'll take first watch."

The brunette shot him a glance when he didn't reply and concern flashed over her face. Joel hadn't even heard her and she was walking on his good side. Lucia wrapped her fingers around his gloved wrist and this seemed to pull him from his thoughts, dark eyes meeting her own.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked, coming to a halt.

Joel clenched his jaw, teeth grinding together, but not in anger. He had no idea what to tell her. Lucia wouldn't believe him anyways and he knew that. He moved his head to check on Ellie who wasn't that far away from them and sighed.

"I'm ... concerned." he uttered and Lucia furrowed her brows. "What if we're not going to find Tommy? Or the Fireflies. I dunno, s'just, after all this time -"

"Stop that." Lucia squeezed his hand and took a step closer to regain his attention. He brought his gaze back to her, eyes raking over her face slowly. "We'll find him and then we'll see what happens, okay? One step at a time."

He nodded wordlessly and took in a sharp breath as Ellie called, "You coming or what?"

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THE CRACKLING OF THE SMALL BONFIRE WAS A WELCOMING SOUND, ONE LUCIA HADN'T HEARD IN A WHILE. It was dangerous to make a fire at night, especially when they were so out in the open. It was nice to be huddled so close to a source of warmth now that they were hiding in between caves in the mountains.

The two rabbits had fed them well and Lucia was still trying to get bits of them from between her teeth. The woman had taken off her boots, letting her socks dry near the fire as she rested her legs in front of her while sitting against the rocks.

Beside her, Joel was wrapping tape around the soles of his shoes in attempt to salvage them. They were worse for wear and he didn't know how much longer he could keep them on his feet.

The northern lights were bright in the sky tonight, swirls of green dancing amongst the stars. It was beautiful and Lucia couldn't take her eyes off the sky. She wasn't the only one, Ellie stood atop a boulder a little bit away and Joel whistled once, getting her attention.

"Come down from there, you're gonna break your neck."

The teen rolled her eyes but did as she was told, clambering down the rocks and jumping down the last two feet with a thud. Snow crunched beneath her boots as she made her way toward them. Plopping herself down beside Lucia, legs crossed.

"How does that just appear in the sky?" she wondered, as she settled her gaze on the lights once again.

"They're called Auroras." said Lucia, and Joel flickered his eyes toward her as he took a swig from his flask. "I don't remember exactly but I believe they occur when particles collide with something in the earth's upper atmosphere. Causing tiny flashes of light in the sky, it's billions of them."

"That's so cool." admired Ellie. "I never could find much about them in the QZ. Only books about the universe and spaceships."

"Do you know constellations?" wondered Lucia as she smiled down at the girl. Ellie nodded slowly, thoughtful look on her face. "Alright," Lucia scooted closer to her and pointed up at the sky. "do you see that big star over there, it's brighter than the others?" Ellie followed her finger and nodded. "Just right of it there's Sagittarius."

Lucia drew it out with her forefinger and Ellie watched with interest, nodding along. "Is that your birthday sign? I've read that every month has a different one?"

"It is." chuckled Lucia and asked, "When is your birthday?"

"Eight of June."

"Ah, Gemini." she said, and she scrunched up her nose as she searched the sky for the teen's constellation. It didn't take her long and she pointed toward one on the left. "There."

"Cool," said Ellie, eyes wide as she traced the air with her finger to try and memorise it. "How do you know all that?"

"My grandmother was very into this stuff." she explained, wiggling her toes near the fire to keep them warm. "I guess it stuck with me."

Joel took another large swig of the alcohol they had found a few days ago. It did nothing to keep him warm but he drank it anyway. Lucia watched as the firelight illuminated his face, emphasising the dark circles underneath his eyes.

"Can I have some?" asked Ellie.

"No," he deadpanned.

"What?" she cried. "Just to warm up. C'mon."

Joel raised an eyebrow at her and pursed his lips, not amused. He looked at Lucia who held up her hands, wanting to stay out of it and sighed. He leaned forward reluctantly and handed her the flask.

Ellie grinned, raising it in cheers and took a swig. The teen pulled a face almost immediately and handed it back. "Yep, still gross." she coughed once before recovering. "So, i've been thinking. Let's say we find the Fireflies, it all works, they draw my blood and put it through some of their fancy machines and make a cure."

"Okay?" shrugged Joel.

"Then what? Like, what do we do?"

"It's 'we'?" he inquired.

"Okay, fine." she rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You. You can do anything you want. Where are you going? What are you doing?"

Lucia knew she shouldn't care and that she should definitely ignore the pang she felt when Joel said that. It wasn't like they were together and no matter what would happen or had happened, they'd go their separate ways the moment they handed Ellie over.

That had always been the plan and she didn't think anything was going to change that. Lucia sucked in her cheeks and averted her gaze away from them, remembering why she didn't get attached to people.

"It's never been an option." he confessed and cleared his throat, tugging at a loose string on his glove. "Maybe and old farmhouse, some land, a ranch."

"Cool," mused Ellie. "what kind?"

Joel mulled it over for a moment and decided. "Sheep. I would raise sheep." Ellie tried to hold in her laughter and he continued as he looked at her pointedly, "They're quiet and do what they're told."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." she pursed her lips. "So, just you, Lucia and a buncha sheep? Romantic. Have you even asked is she wants to raise sheep with you?"

The woman kept her mouth shut, pretending she hadn't heard their conversation as she kept her gaze on the stars like she always did. The smuggler didn't say anything for awhile but she felt his eyes on her every now and then, and she thought she had fully zoned out when he opened his mouth.

"What about you? Where are you gonna go?"

Ellie looked up toward the moon and he followed her gaze. "It's probably because I grew up in the QZ. Behind you, there's ocean, and ahead of you, there's a wall. Nowhere else to look but up. I read everything I could in the school library. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin, Jim Lovell. But you know why my favourite is?"

"Sally Ride."

"Sally fuckin' Ride! Best astronaut name ever." Ellie smacked her knees in excitement, before she fell silent. Lucia averted her gaze from above as she could practically feel the glumness radiation off of her. "It'll work, right? The vaccine?"

"It's a little late to start wonderin'."

"I tried, with Sam."

"Tried what?" murmured Lucia.

"I knew he was infected." she confessed, looking down at her lap. "I rubbed some of my blood into his bite. I know, I know. It was stupid. But I ... I wanted to save him."

Ellie sniffed and rubbed at her eyes once and Lucia didn't hesitate the wrap an around around the girl, pulling her into her side. Ellie wasn't the most affectionate person, neither was Lucia but it just felt right as the teen rested her head on her shoulder.

"Well," began Joel. "I reckon it's a lot more complicated than that. Marlene, she's a lotta things, but she's no fool. If she says they can do it, they can do it." Even if he said those words, he wasn't sure that they were true but he kept up hope, if only it was for Ellie. "Now get some sleep. Dream of ... sheep ranches on the moon."

lets pretend you can see those constellations any time during the outbreak. i literally have no idea if you can
Also can joel just ... ya know? not be so joel like all the time (jokes love him to bits and there will be a confession)