Lila listened to herself breath as she laid in the bed, her hands over her chest as she felt them move each time she'd take a small breath. Her face was coming down from the red flush it had from being so angry. The sudden change of AC helping. Her heart beat fast and she felt like throwing something. Lilas eyes snapped open when the guest bedroom door opened.

"Hey." Rafe mumbled as he shut the door. Lila gave a minor smile as he laid down next to her, both of them looking up at the ceiling, their breathing matched, "Are you gonna stay here?"

"Do you not want me to?" Lila asked, glancing his way before looking up again, "I can go if you want."

"No, you should stay." he agreed with a long exhale, "It's not like I can kick you out. You own our house now."

"My moms aren't just gonna throw you guys onto the street or anything. They love Rose." Lila said back quickly, "If that's what you're worried about."

"It's not." Rafe said back to her, "Sarah left."

"Where'd she go?" Lila asked, glancing at the window and noticing it had been dark outside, "She didn't wanna stay here."

"She doesn't wanna stay with me." Rafe said, sitting up suddenly. Lila followed, scooting back on the bed and crossing her legs. Rafe sat infront of her with sudden breaths, a sad look across his face, "I have to do better."

Lila nodded, waiting for him to go on as she watched with concern.

"It's just me, her, and Wheezie now, you know? Dad wanted us to stay together as a family and she hates me for all the stuff I did." Rafe nodded his head as he looked down, a tear escaping his eye, "You hate me too."

"I don't hate you, Rafe. I could never just hate you." Lila said honestly as she nudged his knee to get him to look at her, "I just wish we could see eye to eye on things, and I wish you wouldn't get so mad at me."

"I know." Rafe mumbled, his thumb running across her knee, "I'm sorry, Lila."

"I know." she nodded, grabbing hold of his hand, "I'm so sorry about your dad, Rafe. I know you guys were just getting closer."

Rafe gave a sad laugh, "He said he'd pick me. If he had to pick between me and Sarah. It would be me. And he always choses Sarah."

Lila saw the look of pride in his eye at his fathers affection, lacing their fingers, "Things are gonna be different now for you. You can do this."

"I gotta get good." he nodded, sniffling slightly, "Gotta get sober, make my dad proud of me."

"He is proud of you." Lila spoke, more for just his benefit rather then actually believing it, "And if you really wanna start over and be better, i'm proud of you too."

Rafe looked up and cracked her a grin, "You mad at your moms?"

"So mad at my moms." Lila explained with a crazy look, "I get that they were scared but to keep that from me? It's messed up. I at least deserved to know he wanted to know me."

"You wanna see him?" Rafe suggested, adjusting his sitting position but keeping his hand in hers.

"No, not really. I mean, it's been almost eighteen years and i've been fine without a dad, I-" Lila began before she stopped, staring at Rafe, "Jesus, no, i'm sorry. You just lost your dad and i'm being so-"

"Just talk about it." Rafe stopped her, nodding at her with a pleading look in his eye, "When was the last time we actually had a normal conversation that didn't involve me going to jail or you trying to talk me out of stuff?"

Lila thought a moment, "I can't remember."

Rafe scooted closer as his knees hit hers, "Keep talking."

Lila exhaled as she slouched, "I just don't know what the point of it will me. Seeing him, getting to know him. He's known this whole time too and hasn't said anything. What if he's just another person thats gonna blame me for Logan dying?"

"He is a cop." Rafe pointed out, "If you want me to, like, be a ass do your moms I can."

Lila snorted, "No, you do that fine on your own as is."

Rafe gave her a smile, gazing over her face before pressing against her palms with his own, "I don't blame you."

"What?" Lila asked with a raise of her eyebrows, that were in a need of a wax horribly.

"For Logan." Rafe spoke her way, "I don't blame you if that means anything."

Lila gave a sad smile, "It means everything."

Rafe blinked, Lila blinked.

"Come with me." Rafe spoke as he held her hand, crawling off the bed as Lila followed. The pair walked down the hallway, making it to Ward and Roses room. It was clean, well kept like the rest of the house was. Lila use to admire the way they had it, especially over the summer. While her bedroom was small and cluttery, the rest of the house was similar back in the village.

"Stay right here." Rafe spoke as he open Wards closet. Lila stood still as she watched him run a hand over each of the blazers, stopping on one and pulling it off the hanger. It was black with gold buttons along it. Rafe turned in the mirror to pull it on, his eyes shutting until it was over his shoulders. Lila watched him exhale, turning to her, "Good choice?"

"Good choice." the blonde nodded her head as he walked out of the closet, "Your collar is messed up though."

Lila walked closer as he ducked slightly, letting her fix the blazers collar and flattening out his shoulders, "All better."

Rafe looked down at her, their closeness unlocking memories they both tried to lock away. Rafe touched her hand, feeling the coldness around her finger. He looked down at his own ring around her thumb, cracking a half smile, "You have it?"

"Knocked a girls nose in pretty well too." Lila nodded as she looked at her hand, "I threw it in the lake once but I went down and got it."

"Surprised you did." Rafe said back as Lila met his eye, "Will you stay with my tonight?"

"In your room?" she asked, earning a nod. The blonde gave a knowing look, "I don't think that's a smart idea."

"Just to sleep there." he pointed out.

"When have we ever just slept when we're in the same room?" Lila asked, making him laugh suddenly at her, "Just to sleep."

"Just to sleep." Rafe nodded his head, slipping the blazer off his shoulder, "Come on now then."

"You gonna go to that bonfire tomorrow night?" Rafe asked, his back to Lila while she laid on her stomach, staring at his back.

"Probably. My friends are probably mad at me and are waiting for a explanation." Lila said back into the darkness, crickets sounding outside of his window as their breathing fell into sync again, "Are you gonna go?"

"It's more of a high school thing." Rafe said back as Lila hummed slightly, "I can drop you off."

Lila nodded, thought he couldn't see her.

"Lila." he spoke just seconds later. She always liked the way he said it, "Do you think we could make it?"

"Your family?" she hummed.

"Me and you." he said back, taking her by surprise suddenly, "Do you think we have absolutely zero chance of ever being like how we were?"

Lila stater silent a moment, "The way we use to be wasn't good either."

"Better, I mean." he corrected himself rather quickly, "We hit rock bottom right there at the end."

Lila had to agree, "A lot has happened since then. I know things now that I didn't a month ago."

She thought of JJ, all the things he told her. How they'd be the ones to be together in the end, how he knew it for a fact. JJ was wrong about a lot of things, but Lila didn't think he had been on that one.

"So no?" Rafe asked her.

"So I don't know. You did better today then you even had before." Lila corrected him, "Is that a okay answer for now?"

Rafe hummed, "A good one."

•

kylie speaks

got a little deju vu
right there now that
they're finally talking
normal. honestly when
ward "died" i truly thought
rafe was changing and he
was doing better but that
didnt last long sadly.

the sad part though is lila
is seeing how he is on yhis
one day and is latching onto
this side and this growth so
much and had so much hope
but if gonna be so heartbroken
and let down AGAIN.