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C H A P T E R      F O U R T Y - S I X
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»The heart of man is very much like the sea,
it has its storms, it has its tides,
and in its depths it has its pearls too.«
— Vincent van Gogh

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In the evening, it seemed as if I had the whole place to myself. Thus I thought I might as well have some fun with it. That's why I wrapped myself in a cozy blanket and decided to watch my favorite drama downstairs in the foyer where a 65" 4K TV was waiting for my date with Korea's most handsome actor. There was no tv in the room I stayed, so chilling in the headquarters', so to say, entry hall was better than nothing

Thirty minutes in, I perked up in surprise when I heard a car in the driveway. A huge disadvantage of chilling out in the foyer: you could hear every step someone took outside. The massive metal entrance door and the high-security password didn't help either, because the noise of a car couldn't be muffled. I neatly wrapped myself out of the cozy blanket and padded down the hallway, looking at the small display which was connected to the security camera next to the door showing the parking lot. At first, I assumed that Mark or Jungwoo had returned, but when I saw Taeyong's white Mustang in the driveway, I instantly felt tremendous pressure on my chest.

Of course he drives the old Mustang.
Mark wrecked his Lambo, remember?

There were far too many memories associated with this car. Memories I didn't need to be reminded of. When Taeyong opened the driver's door, the light in his car automatically went on and I saw... Nalin.

My eyes widened and I clutched my neck, trying to loosen the invincible fingers that had grabbed me there.

So, he had really been out with her. Of course, I could care less, but why did he bring her to the HQ. Our safe place and home.

I stumbled back when he slammed his door shut. With my heart pounding, I dashed back to the couch and took the remote control in my hand on an impulse, trying to prepare myself for the moment of the two coming through the door.

It all happened so quickly, the mental hiccups gave way to anger and I needed an effort to keep my hands from trembling. I didn't know why or where all this anger was coming from, but it was just there.

When I saw Taeyong entering the headquarters, my eyes searched for Nalin, but in vain. I couldn't see her anywhere.

"Finally sober again?" I heard him say. The usual sarcastic undertone could not be heard, instead it had something hard, slightly aggressive about it, which left me puzzled for a brief moment.

I didn't reply, although I would have liked to tell him my opinion. Honestly, I had no idea why all these feelings were boiling up inside me, but they were unstoppable.

"At least you look well rested," he added.

I would have liked to throw a few things at his head and knock him out; also, the question of why was burning so hot on my tongue. Why did he kiss me?

Still... I didn't want him to think I was reading way too much into it – after all, there was a very good chance he'd done it for the sole reason to humiliate me and make me angry.

"Will you step out of the picture, please? I'm watching this drama."

I could feel him looking at me appraisingly.

He moved and used the stairs on the left side, probably going to his room or office, but the next time I heard his voice echoing from the stairwell my self-control crumbled.

"I hope you haven't forgotten my words from last night." He didn't say a single word about the kiss, evidently he was not even ashamed of it; instead, he seemed to want to seriously remind me of the threat – words, yeah, sure – that he'd finish me and Lucas off if he saw us together again.

All the shame and worry about how I should behave after this incident, how I should look him in the eye, evaporated at that moment. The moment he pretended nothing had happened. As if what he'd done last night was nothing, or something he did all the time, routine, irrelevant.

Apart from this: What was he thinking? It was hard to believe, but he actually forbade me to speak to a friend from work.

When I heard him come down the stairs again, I threw back the covers and sat up to confront him. I paused for a moment when I saw him walking towards the hidden closed in the walls of the entry hall. A white button-up shirt was being held in his hands instead of being worn on his torso – bare-chested and hip-dropping black suit pants, while he tried to put on the fresh shirt on the go, before opening the closet doors. I caught myself staring again, the detailed black ink under his skin, on his right upper arm and chest stealing a few seconds from me.

"Could you please explain to me what all this is supposed to mean?" My voice was trembling, not from fear, but from anger. I could hardly control myself.

"What are you talking about?"

He could do whatever he wanted, but why the hell did he think he had any say in my acquaintances? And then even a harmless one. I mean, he was the one who changed the ammunition for his weapon in this second, and inspected the other guns that were hidden in the hidden-closed, including the large rifle. Any other person compared to him had to be harmless by definition – I didn't know how to describe it any other way.

"You're threatening me?"

He turned his back on me and I looked at his broad shoulders, which the thin fabric of his shirt had wrapped like a second skin, the movement of his muscles clearly visible as his hands buttoned his shirt and picked a new black jacket from the closet, after he stored the gun in his black leather shoulder holster that he always wore underneath his jacket whenever he went clubbing. On normal days, he would carry his gun around the sides of his waist inside his pants, he didn't even try much to conceal it.

"I'm warning you."

"What's the difference?"

Taeyong paused for a moment, then turned to me. "There is none."

I swallowed a moment and on an impulse I crossed the distance between us and tore the jacket from his hand.

"That's not funny, Taeyong. I won't dance to your tune."

"Do I look like I was kidding?" Slowly he got going; I could clearly hear a slight tremor in his voice – apparently he was getting angry too.

"I hope so for you. You can't seriously believe that you can decide with whom I meet and with whom not. Do I meddle in your affairs? Am I telling you to stay away from Nalin?"

He raised an eyebrow, his muscles tensed. "You don't have the right to forbid me anything."

"Oh, but you do? What are you? My goddamn boyfriend? Oh, wait, forgive me, you're already someone's husband, my mistake."

It was out of my mouth faster than I could have prevented. And I regretted every damn syllable.

Taeyong paused and I thought I saw lightning in his eyes.

"Is that what this is about? Do you really think I have any claim to you because I'm into you? I don't give a shit who you hang out with; just stay away from my men."

I clenched my fists. "If you don't give a shit, you might as well not care whether I see one of your men or not. Besides that, Lucas is literally my partner in this mission!"

I couldn't believe it. So he hardly cared what I was doing, but why did he keep meddling in my life?

"Look, Carmen, I warned you. What you do with it is your business. I've said everything there is to be said. Stay away from Lucas."

He tore the jacket out of my hand and left me speechless. He didn't even understand what this was about. What I was about. Or else, he just didn't want to understand.

"Why did you kiss me, Taeyong?" At this moment it didn't matter, I had nothing to lose, the anger pushed everything into the background.

He looked surprised; apparently he never expected me to go into it.

"Do you really believe that meant anything?" His voice was calm, but the kind of calm before a storm.

"It doesn't matter what I believe. Just tell me why you did it. What did you want to prove?"

When he started to put on the jacket without giving me an answer, I took it from him again.

"No, you're gonna tell me now what this is about."

Apparently I had crossed a line because all of a sudden he grabbed my shoulders and pushed me against the wall. "What the fuck do you want to hear from me? That I still love you? Have you already raised your hopes about shit like that?"

My face was on fire and I tried to push him away. "Oh yeah. The whole world wants something from you. Yes. Taeyong. I can't live without you. Please, let's run away together and ride off into the sunset on a donkey," I said ironically and so shrilly that I hardly recognized my own voice.

My heart pounded almost painfully against my ribs. It didn't make me angry, no, rather crazy that he could allow himself such things, just kiss me so casually without really having to explain anything. Had the case been the other way around, it would probably have gotten pretty ugly for me.

If I would ever dare to kiss him just because I wanted to tease him, or better – without any reason or explanation, he would probably have knocked me out and firmly believed that I felt something for him.

But he was allowed to, of course. With him, such a thing never had a more profound meaning, with me, however, everything was analyzed under a magnifying glass.

"I don't want to hear your damn voice anymore. Just be quiet."

Now I knew what to do. Exactly what he would have done in my shoes.

"But you don't seem to have any aversion to my lips. Why else would you have kissed me?" I irritated him. Under other circumstances, or a while ago, I would never have dared use something like that against him, but now I've used his tactics, making the moves just like him.

And I didn't care one bit.

"Shut. Up. Carmen." He emphasized every single word with such subliminal aggression that I barely felt his painful grip on my shoulders.

I smiled, but my body was shaking. It was hard to believe what I was saying, nonetheless it felt unearthly good. Everything that had built up in the last few days gushed out of me.

"Do I remind you of someone?"

His gaze went through me, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I wanted to explode, leaving nothing behind but scorched earth.

"Looks like I need to refresh your memory."

When I threw his hands off my shoulders, I only registered marginally that he was letting it happen. With half a step I had crossed the little distance that remained between us and wrapped my arms around his neck.

I did it out of pure intent – my whole body felt like lead, only my heart fluttered wildly in my chest.

My lips pressed painfully against his and we stumbled back; I held on to him, hugged him. His hands were nowhere and yet everywhere as his tongue slipped openly into my mouth.

I panted breathlessly, pushed him back slightly, and bit his lip, hard, it should hurt. Because his kisses always hurt too. I was probably surprised that it got out of hand in such a way and that was also the reason why I broke away from the kiss, trembling, on the verge of fainting.

His eyelids were slightly lowered, his chest rose and fell with the same rhythm as mine; yet there was nothing romantic about the mood. The darkness had swallowed him and I could clearly feel that he wanted to get revenge for what I did. Because he had reacted differently to the kiss than what he had wanted to – he had kissed back.

But I didn't give him the opportunity; the icy darkness of his eyes followed my every move, lurking as I turned my back on him. With every step, no matter how tiny, I expected him to grab me from behind and get back at me in his own way, but he didn't move.

My whole body was shaking and I was afraid I would drop to my knees any minute, but I scraped together all my strength and withstood the pressure, even added one more on top: "You shouldn't leave your wife waiting in the car for so long."

"...we are interrupting our program for an urgent news report."

Ignoring Taeyong, I turned my torso toward the TV as my ears picked up parts of that announcement. While I wasn't a person watching the evening news, there had never been such a volatile break in prime-time evening programming, especially not in the middle of a Lee Minho drama.

"Reports of shootings inside Incheon Air-"

airport? My head snapped to Taeyong, who had grabbed the remote and switched channels. I looked at him irritated.

"...about 8:30 p.m. tonight, there was a report of –"

ZAP

It annoyed me more than it should how he monotonously zapped through the tv channels, ignoring each and every news broadcast. And he looked tense as he did so, not seeming to pay any attention to what was being said on the news. As if the change of channels would prevent him from letting his anger out on me.

"...at least one person with a firearm in Ter-"

ZAP

"... with approximately 300 pa-"

ZAP

"This seems important!" Why else would so many TV channels report the same news at the same time? At the moment of Taeyong's inattention, I yanked the remote control out of his hand and quickly removed the batteries to be on the safe side in case he took the remote back from me and switch the tv channel again – for whatever reason.

"As if the world isn't already depressed enough," he scoffed, grabbing his jacket and turning around to leave for good. I was wondering why he'd switched the news in the first place instead of just picking up his things and leaving.

"Ten and Lucas are at the airport right now," I spoke out loud. I have no idea why I did that. Did I want a small part of his brain to worry the same as I did when I heard the words 'airport' and 'shooting' in one sentence? Or did I just want to say something so that I could keep him here longer? Or, I just lacked human socialization and entertainment, even if the idea was absurd because Taeyong out of everyone was the absolute worst person to talk to.

However, I heard how his steps came to a halt, and I saw him frowning at me when I turned my head to him. All the anger he had shown towards me seemed secondary as he seemed to be aware of the grave situation. He looked at me for a moment as if to say, Their flight departed this morning.

"Postponed," I answered the question that never left his lips but was written on his face instead. Without a word he watched me how I put the batteries back in the remote control and turned up the volume, as the news anchor's voice filled the room again. I heard how Taeyong's phone signaled a new message, which reminded me to take my phone out of my pocket. At the same time, I called Ten's phone – just to be sure – while I listened to the spokesman on the television.

"Several people injured, a police officer has been shot and his apparent attacker stabbed by a third party in what is developing into a major security incident inside the Incheon Airport. These live pictures outside of Incheon Airport where eyewitnesses say a car – in the words of eyewitnesses – mowed down multiple people."

"Hello?"

"Oh, God, Ten I'm happy to hear your voi-"

"Hello?"

"Some reports suggesting as many as 12 people injured after a car hit them."

"Ten?"

"...and then was driven into the railings of Terminal 2 where the attacker left his car and shortly before shootings could be heard inside, apparently near the center hall."

"Speak up, I can't hear you!"

I furrowed my brows. Something seemed off.

"Currently the real number of dead and injured people inside the airport is not confirmed yet but eyewitnesses claim to have seen at least 5 deaths."

„Ten, I –" I heard his quick melodic laugh through my speakers.

"Just kidding. My phone's probably on silent mode or I'm too busy to pick up. Leave a message."

This motherf-

"Many people being treated at the scene as you can see from these pictures outside the airport. Air traffic control issued an immediate ground stop due to the security incident, forcing flights to be canceled and panicked passengers running for safety on the tarmac. Investigations are continuing."

"If you heard the dial tone, his phone's not shut off, so he's not on the plane yet," Taeyong informed me in a calm voice as he now stood next to me, "Same with Lucas," he added, alternating his gaze between his own phone and the television.

"But why aren't they picking up? I hope they made it out of this chaos." I signaled to the television with my hands.

"Confirmation of the last few minutes: back from the UN conference, the president is safe after the assent of several shots. He was seen getting into a silver Jaguar car as the incident was developing inside and police and ambulances rushing to the scene seemed cooled by the airport police 20 minutes to nine Seoul time..."

"Why the hell would anyone attack the departures section if the president just arrived back to the country? Terminal 1 and 2 are on opposite sides of the airport," I exclaimed, criticizing the weak plan of the alleged government opposing terrorists – my immediate theory about this situation – just as Taeyong's phone signaled another incoming message.

"Because the president wasn't the target."

"Huh?"

It was then when he turned his phone's display to me and repeated, "The president wasn't the target."

I opened my mouth to say something, but decided against it because my brain didn't want to put words together that made sense. Ten was in one photo and Lucas in the other. Apparently they were unaware that they had been photographed. The picture was strange, it looked like a CCTV recording with a face recognition tool. It was noticeable that although several faces were recognized, those of Ten and Lucas were outlined in red in contrast to the others, as if they were the target.

Taeyong only gave me a knowing look before his features darkened as he looked past me at the television.

"Just in, reports of a massive explosion in the city center near Gangnam." My hair flew around my face as I turned around abruptly when I heard 'Gangnam'.

"The number of the injured is unknown, but shouts for help can be heard from every corner. Social media users speak of an explosion in a hotel lobby but it's officially not confirmed yet. The 23 injured people found so far have all been sent to the nearest hospital for rescue. The specific cause of the accident and whether there is a connection with the attack on the airport is currently being investigated..."

"Oh my-" My voice failed with the realization. "It's Rose Garden," I exclaimed with big eyes, watching the video footage of the horror scenarios becoming real. Smoke. Screams. Sirens. And fire everywhere. On screen, it was hard to see anything, but everyone in Korea would be able to recognize the big hotel building that was owned by my family which was now caught in flames.

No. No. No.

We've had that before and I wouldn't allow history to repeat itself at this point. Without thinking, I called Jungwoo while inwardly praying that he would not be near the hotel.

Not in a million years,
he literally lives in that building.
Where else should he be at this time?

A night walk in the park. At 7-Eleven buying soju and ramyeon. On a date with the cute new accountant whom I had stalked on Instagram the day Jungwoo had mentioned her. Maybe even in the cinema to watch that new Marvel movie. Somewhere. No matter where. But just not in the burning building that was shown on television.

"The person you have called is temporary not available please call again later."

His phone was shut off. So my cinema theory could be correct after all.

"Come," Taeyong grabbed my hand without warning and pulled me towards the doors, "We have no time!"

No time for what and no time because of what? I was too taken by surprise to ask any questions or react defensively which is why he had an easy time with me following him outside. Although my body let me be guided by him, my thoughts were only with my twin.

There was this strange theory that had fascinated Jungwoo and me since we were little children. We had been maybe ten years old one afternoon when we had tricked our nanny into letting us watch TV instead of having to do our homework. We had told her that watching TV was part of our homework and she had believed us – Jungwoo had been the trustworthy twin, not me; people would believe everything he said simply because he never lied – never, unless I persuaded him.

So, that day, we had been allowed to watch a lot of television. The only stupid thing had been: we had been supervised and had to watch one documentary after another. And gone was the fun, we had thought, but then we had come across a documentary about twins.

In retrospect, it had been real rubbish just filmed for entertainment purposes and without any real scientific proof, but 10-year-old Jungwoo and Cami were intrigued by it. From miles away, some twins had claimed that they could sometimes sense that something's up or that something might be wrong with their other half. The documentary also showed a pair of twins who had realized that they were both pregnant at the same time, even though they lived on two different continents and had not told anyone about it. From that day on, Jungwoo and I kept wondering whether we could also sense each other's feelings.

And it was real. Not that we could communicate through telepathy, or feel the direct pain of each other – I still have scars from our failed lighter experiment – but Jungwoo and I had a connection most people couldn't understand. We could sense when the other's feeling down or euphoric as weird as it sounds. It was a twin thing.

I wanted to believe that I would somehow know if my twin witnessed an explosion at the other end of town. Since I hadn't, the only conclusion I could draw was that he was fine, otherwise I would've sensed at least a tingling or something.

You mean a psychological connection to your twin that allows you to detect danger before and/or when it happens and warns you of it in no time? Sorry to break it to you, but you're not Spider-Man.

Explaining it was weird, but I believed it. I believed that Jungwoo was fine. I couldn't even imagine another possibility. Or rather, I didn't want to imagine it.

Sincerely,
your delusional-procrastinator-of-pain from the neighborhood

Sometimes I hated the cynical tone of my inner voice. Even I, myself, put obstacles in my way as if I didn't have enough problems already–

I was suddenly torn from my thoughts when Taeyong paused in his track as a single firework could be heard from outside. It threw me out so abruptly that I almost walked into him.

Wait, no, that wasn't a firework, it was a gunshot. I looked up to Taeyong with big eyes whose own eyes were focussed on the door leading outside. So my gut feeling had been right. The shooting at the airport, the explosion at the hotel, and now this. This was no coincidence, this was planned, meaning...

They found us.

I flinched when two more gunshots went off.

"Nalin," I heard Taeyong whisper, his voice barely audible, letting go of my hand. Even in this critical nerve-wracking situation, the thing he thought about was the stupid well-being of that monster of a girl.

Chill, she's probably shot to her miserable death outside.

Is it too cruel to hope for it?

And how! Even for me.
Damn, you're psycho, bitch.

"Listen," Taeyong quickly grabbed my face in his hands and looked me straight in the eyes.

Startled by so much physical closeness without threatening contact, I looked for answers in his intense gaze.

"There's almost no time left, they are here." Who?

"Go straight to my room." Why?

"Under the carpet next to my bed, there is a trapdoor leading downstairs to a tunnel." Honestly, I couldn't even focus on what he was saying. I was still pissed at him. Sure, the situation was fucked up, but since when was he allowed to give me any orders? Or since when did he think I would accept them?

"Follow that path." Even when I put my ego and pride aside for a short time, my mind was too confused. I kept thinking of Jungwoo. And then worries about Ten and Lucas came to the fore. They had been highlighted in red by the facial recognition software; they were targets. Maybe Jungwoo also had been a target hence the explosion? And maybe the reason for the gunshots in front of the headquarters was because Taeyong and I were targeted too? But who on earth was skilled enough to find this hidden place?

"You'll have a big head start before they even notice you left, if at all. Understood?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, "Who are they?"

"No time for further explanations."

"No," I protested as he tried to shove me in the direction of the stairs, probably to make me follow the plan he just told, "If you want me to cooperate, you better explain what I need to know."

He made a defeated sigh, "The passwords you found gave us access to a file in which all our names are being targeted. And right now, the witch hunt has begun. Happy?"

Okay. Wow. Now that was unexpected.

"Try to reach Mark on your way, and tell him to follow our plan. I'll meet you all there."

"What plan?" Taeyong looked like he had to pull himself together not to yell at me to stop asking and start moving.

"Notus."

"What!?" The confusion must have been clearly written on my face because Taeyong ran through his hair in a frustrated manner.

"Just tell him that and he'll know."

I nodded and even though I had many more questions on my mind, I took the pistol he held out to me, and tucked it by the waistband on my back.

"And..." I turned around for him to continue what he wanted to say, but the moment I did, he looked like he regretted having started his sentence. His emotions told me he needed more time, more explaining to do, more of a connection, or that I did, though I guess in reality it was both of us.

His head hanging low, he quickly shook his head to himself as if to say 'Nevermind' but then he looked up again and the intensity in his eyes said everything but 'Nevermind'. His eyes were so different in moments like these, more alert but at the same time softer than I knew eyes could be. In his eyes was his humanity, the person he really was, hidden behind the usual coldness. It was hidden when he wore that suit, when he held that gun, when he became the man the world demanded of him.

Him about to storm outside to face god-knows-who and playing Nalin's hero (given she's still alive) and me about to escape through the back exit, made me realize something about him that day. That day in the headquarter, with us two waiting to say our goodbye before departing in different directions, I saw it in his eyes. I saw the fire that once burned there, the sort that went for an eternity, a dancing spirit, just the right amount of warmth – it was there all this time, hidden, secretly. For a short moment, the darkness was gone, and instead it was the eyes of one who... loved deeply.

"Stay alive, Cherry."

And when he said that, right before he turned around, unlocked his gun, and kicked the doors open, I realized, as much as I hated to admit and as twisted as it may sound, it never was and it never would be goodbye with him and I.

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A/N:

The last chapter showed me how much I missed you guys 🥺❤️

I tried to make this cliffhanger as painless as possible lol sadly, it couldn't be avoided since this chapter already has 5k words, so there had to be a cut. Also, the abundance of parenthetical phrases and the hypotactic sentence structure throughout the whole chapter are supposed to illustrate Cami's inner confusion about what is currently going on. I hope this has not negatively affected the flow of reading.

QUESTION: Any guesses what Taeyong's plan is, and what he means by Notus?

Loooove, Lyra