"You don't look fine"

"Then stop looking at me!"

He grumbled, as he shot his head up to glare at me with his dark, red, intensely furious eyes before he looked down again. I gasped leaning back on the couch as my heart dropped because of his sudden outburst.

An irritated huff escaped his mouth, his jaw clenched hard resulting in his neck veins to pop up, he was sweaty all over, trying to keep his breaths calm while I just quietly studied him with my teary, fearful eyes.

Is this it?

Weren't we doing better than ever a few days ago? Weren't we falling in love? Then why did he burst at me when I was just trying to help?

He never behaved like this before...

Let alone glaring like that, he never even raised his tone at me no matter how bad his mood gets, then why...

Why was he breaking my heart like that?

I teared up a little at his unexpected change in character, my heart throbbing loudly against my chest, as I tried to recover from it.

It was past 12 so I can't even call his parents, he does not have a fever so I can't even give him pills and his condition was too bad to be considered just work stress. My mind went blank because of his unpredictable condition and his hurtful words which he used with such carelessness, I couldn't think of anything that I could do to help him right now.

"Taehyung, do you...want me to help you?" I tried to stay stable and focus on helping him calm down first.

"Leave me alone" he mumbled, his breaths heavy and eyes on the floor while his grip on the pillow tightened. "Please leave me alone!" he shouted, tossing away the pillow on the floor.

My heart broke when I watched him walk away from me, was my company that unbearable now? He couldn't talk to me, fine, but now he couldn't even sit next to me while he was having a difficult time?

He opened the guest room door and closed it behind him with a loud thud. A tear rolled down my cheek, I gulped, swallowing my tears, his ignorance hit more than anything else ever could.

I thought we were getting closer...

I wanted to be the first person he comes to when he's worn out or has something to share but his distance made me realise that I have not gained that position in our relationship yet -she was wrong.

I was not that 'special someone' with whom he can share his day and come back to when he wants to rest -she was so wrong.

Still just a stranger to him -wrong again.

It wasn't him who hurt me, it was my own expectations; to expect that he, at some point loved me back, or atleast cared enough to tell me what he was going through; but he didn't. That is why these tears were not stopping.

"It's okay, it's okay..." I wiped my tears, trying to convince myself that none of us were at fault in this. We were just not close enough to share personal stuff with eachother, it's okay...

I got up from the couch, my feet taking me towards the guest room which was right across the hall. I stopped infront of the door, my fist curling to knock but I couldn't dare. My arm just vacantly hung in the air. I wanted to knock hard, make him open the door and talk to me but the thought that he wouldn't even reply filled my heart with pit black emptiness.

I bit my lip nervously, standing infront of the door when I heard the faint sound of muffled sobs. I pressed my ear to the door, the sound was coming from within, my heart almost stopped beating. Was he crying?

I've never seen him cry.

Warm tears swelled in my eyes as I heard him cry for the first time, the urge to knock on the door just increased each second. I cried as well, what was he even going through to cry? It must be so difficult for him and he doesn't even have someone who can give him a shoulder to lie on, what am I gonna do now? I panicked internally.

He isn't allowing me to take care of him, he has locked himself inside a room, and is crying all to himself, what should I do now?!

Between this mess a thought crossed my mind, I cannot help him personally but I can help him from outside though, from right here. How about I play some music? Yes, music.

It can help him calm down, clear his thoughts and help him gain his composure back.

I immediately made my way to the piano in the corner of our big living room, we never used this piano for personal use as it was supposed to be a show piece to maintain the interior of the room. I learned how to play it during my middle school days because music helped me in many ways, but especially because I wanted to learn a tune which can help someone heal from their trauma.

I played the tune on piano, my muscles memory making my fingers glide over the keys professionally, creating a gentle and melancholic melody, while the heavy rain outside seemed to dance with the tunes making it sound more beautiful.

The more I focused on the keys, the more my thoughts were occupied by him, I wondered if he was listening, if the music was affecting him as it was affecting me.

I glanced at the door several times, I couldn't help but worry about him, wondering if he was alright now. I cared for him more than I would ever admit, I wanted to hold him against me, comfort him, but he didn't want any physical touch right now so I really hope this melody was reaching his heart, communicating with his brain, making him realise that I care for him no matter what.

And while wondering about his feelings I couldn't help but organise my own thoughts too..

It was fine, I shouldn't take it to heart, he must be really going through something very difficult, and personal to not involve me. So I too, should not force him. We will get over this phase as well, and someday, maybe, maybe we'll be able to share our thoughts without caring about judgements.

But if only he would've opened up, brought his thoughts out to me, if only he would've said "Please hear me out", have I refused? No, right?

I would've listened, because I care for him, but if he won't tell me then how will I know??

I'm willing to climb up the big walls you've created for everyone, and be the only exception, Taehyung. So please don't push me away.

I really want us to get better than we are now, please.

Perhaps this was a part of falling in love as well, and I thought love was easy.

***

*Next morning*

Last night was the most difficult night for me, for us and especially for him. After playing the piano for a long time, when he didn't come out and the night just got colder, I went back to our bedroom. I don't know for how long I played the music or when I fell asleep but it was the longest night of my life.

As soon as I woke up, I rushed down to the hall, however the locked door of the guest room made me climb back. It was upsetting, this was the coldest he has ever been and that created hollowness in my heart.

My face was pale and eyes heavy because of the lack of sleep when I looked in the mirror, yet all I could think of was his well-being, he was all over my mind. I just wanted to see him, that was it. No questions, no inquiries, no invading of personal space; I just needed to see him.

It was 9am right now, I was dressed up for the library and prepared a cup of green tea for Taehyung as I was going to see him myself now. I couldn't wait anymore, I waited for hours, the longest hours and all I got was silence and it was not my favourite dish even in my own bad times; I hate silent treatment.

And the way I was dying to see him made me realise that I hated it even more if it was coming from him. I was wedded to him, I am literally living with him since the last 7 months and I would be the strangest stranger ever if I just let it go and mind my own business, and pretend like nothing happened. That was not my thing, conversations were important to me, if I don't get them from the people I love then it suffocates me.

I simply knocked on the door with the cup in my hands, it seemed easier to approach now that my head was clear unlike last night, though it still haunted me.

I was about to knock again when-

When the door slowly opened, revealing him. I was caught off guard, my heart dropped as I didn't expect him to open right away, perhaps I was not ready for this, to face him and have a conversation the first thing early in the morning.

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale....

He opened the door and stood idly, looking at me with so much care and tenderness, his eyes filled with apology. His face was pale, his under eyes darker than usual and red from the lack of sleep, messy hair and disheveled white shirt, he looked exhausted and worn out. No energy around him, still, he tried to maintain his usual composure but his facade was failing infront of me.

Taehyung, stop pretending now atleast, you're breaking my heart and my hopes for our future, it feels like the distance between us is increasing when it shouldn't and it's forcing me to take a few steps back; I don't want to.

"Are you...ok now?" I asked softly, worried about his current state.

He hesitated, his lips moving to form words but he didn't speak, boring his eyes at the tiles as if he couldn't dare to look in my eyes and show his vulnerability to me, and I swear, I hated this moment so much.

Why wouldn't you tell me huh?! Just why?!! Am I that unknown to you? Are we really that distant? Are we not husband and wife? Huh?!

These are the words I held back, these were my feelings which I kept all to myself, the questions I couldn't dare to ask him on his face because I knew I shouldn't. This was not the right time and my position yet, it hurt a lot, it suffocated me, felt like a punch in the gut but despite the agony I knew better...

"I'm fine"

That's what he said last night as well, was he fine though? No, not at all. But was he trying to communicate? No, NOT. AT. ALL.

And it hurt so much that it made me angry. He kept up that mask so easily, and I hated his professionalism!

Was the cold in the country not cold enough for him to reply like that?

Weren't we distanced enough for him to just repeat what he said last night too?

I faked a smile, raising the tea cup in my hands, "Tea" I said, feeling neglected for the worry and care I gave him.

I don't even want to talk now, something in me forced me to keep quiet and return back his silent treatment. I know this was childish, I know I just wanted to see his face and check up on him but I couldn't help it, I don't know why, but a part of me yearned to know what was wrong with him.

I should get awarded for my patience and outstanding acting, because only I know how I'm holding all these messed up emotions all at once by myself while acting like a mature, understanding, friend. I scoffed internally, friends, that's all we are, right?

Hell, I wish we were more than just friends!

He handled the cup as I passed it.

The silence was poisoning and I was not a fan of such agonizing bitterness.

Go to hell! I turned to leave.

He grasped my wrist, making me turn my head to face him as he looked into my eyes.

His eyes revealed a storm of emotions-fear, regret, yearning. Despite his attempt to maintain an unfazed front, the silent plea in his eyes was hard to miss, it was as if he was begging for my understanding.

My own rush of feelings hurting me. On one hand I knew I was being childish and on the other hand I had a valid reason for feeling like that -I'm a human!

But my heart ached to see him like that, I wanted to be mad at him, to demand an explanation but the pain and guilt in his eyes was too much to ignore. He was clearly struggling to open up.

"He's had it more difficult, Yn"

"He suffered so much yesterday, all alone by himself"

"Stop being selfish. Just to find answers to aid your pain, you're trying to hurt him"

The voices in my head said and they weren't wrong. If I don't understand him then who else will? If I behave so rash and impatient how will we grow? How will we trust each other? How will we become a real deal?

I'm the only one he can rely on and I should give him space, that's how we grow together.

I took a deep breath, my lips stretching to form a sincere smile through my own guilt and pain as I gently stroked his hand which held my wrist firmly, my thumb traced his knuckles softly, a genuine act of understanding.

"Taehyung, it's ok if you don't want to share anything with me..." I mumbled, assuring that he was not wrong to feel uncomfortable with sharing something he doesn't want to.

"...you don't have to force it if you're uncomfortable. It's totally fine and I respect your feelings" I managed to say with a smile.

I don't know if whatever I said was to comfort him or to knock some maturity inside my head. He just maintained the eye contact, his face unreadable and eyes glistening as if he wanted to cry again.

"I just want to say that...in times like this, you should lean on someone you trust" I took a deep breath, my eyes never leaving his, "you can lean on me" I finally said that, my heart throbbed hard, unsure of what he'd think of me for suggesting this but I didn't care, just like I wanted his laugh, I wanted his tears too.

With that I was about to leave when he pulled me back in a swift motion and embraced me suddenly. His hand wrapped around my waist and his chin rested on my shoulder as he hugged me with need and for support.

"Can we stay like this?" he mumbled, breaking the silence. "...for just 2 minutes" his voice hoarse.

I was taken aback for a second but eventually I hugged him back with a nod, tightly as I never wanted to let him go anywhere from my arms. I caressed his back, his tensed muscles distressing under my touch as my heart pounded with a mix of surprise and compassion. I needed this hug just as much as he did.

The man who seemed so distant and afar was now clinging to me, I was the happiest in this moment. The way he leaned on me like a lost child seeking solace, made my mind whirl with deep emotions and a sense of intimacy.

I wanted this, for him to lean on me without thinking twice. I was yearning to hold him close and give him the safety and understanding he needed in this raw moment of vulnerability. I just tightened my arms around him, to prove that he can come to me whenever he wants and I would always be there, waiting for him.

***

*time skip*

"Y/n..." he called out my name, breaking the long silence, sitting across from me at the dining table as we had our dinner together.

I looked up as my eyes met his, he seemed more present and normal than morning. I hummed in response, so he could go further with whatever he had to speak.

"Am I a bad person...to you?"

His question hung in the air, I didn't expect it, so suddenly at that.

His deep-set eyes held a subtle plea, as if seeking reassurance and validation from me. The question carried both guilt and a quiet admission of his own insecurities, hinting at his desire for reassurance.

Was it because of me, that he felt this way about himself?

He was at home all day while I left for work when I should've stayed in, all because the reality was too much to bear by staying at his side. I prioritize my own pain before his, like a selfish; I just wanted to clear my head.

I shouldn't have left him alone...

I took a deep breath as I beamed radiantly and genuinely at him, I wanted to answer this question honestly.

"You're not" I said, love and appreciation in my eyes as I gwak into his deeper ones.

"You're not a bad person, Taehyung. You just prefer fewer people in your circle, and I'm glad to be one of those few" my smile widened as I assured, expressing my true opinion about him.

"I am, right?" I joked in the end to lift up the mood.

I saw his eyes flicker with a mix of gratitude and relief, his stiff shoulders relaxing slightly. It wasn't a big response, and he wasn't someone to care about someone else's opinion about him, but I saw a moment of softness in his usually cold expressions.

He nodded, a small, barely perceptible gesture, acknowledging my understanding and acceptance of his introverted nature -the admission that he preferred a small circle of people, and I was actually one of them.

"Yes" he agreed, his voice soft and steady as he finally smiled, his eyes warm and full of love.

I nodded with a smile too as I continued eating my food.

"Shall we go out for ice-cream?" he asked, out of blue, his eyes unsure yet requesting as he smiled.

His suggestion caught me by surprise, I didn't expect this sudden late-night date idea from him. He was more straightforward than he usually is.

I chuckled softly and without any hesitation said, "Yes, I'd love to" I was rather excited to embrace this new and sweet moment with him.

This will be the first time in 7 months of our marriage when we will go on a date.

***

I sat outside the street ice cream shop, enjoying the cool night air when Taehyung came with the ice-creams.

"Your mint chocolate" he smiled passing me the flavour I asked for as he sat beside me under the shade.

I smiled taking the cone in my hand, the windy air making me sniff before I began to have my ice-cream.

I love how things, once again, started to fall at place as if nothing happened before, yet the hint of awkwardness and morse was still in the air. Nevertheless, I tried my best to ignore that little scar of a feeling which was trying to get in between my good time with him.

I was no more curious about what happened last night, that didn't seem to be a part of my concern anymore. I was more concerned about connecting with him again, without thinking of yesterday ever again. He will tell me when it's the right time and I should be patient respectfully, but now, how do I start a conversation? How do I lift up his cloudy mood? How do I make him smile?

I could feel him taking small glances at me from time to time but it was too much to give in to this proximity. I was scared to meet his eyes, what if he reads my eyes? What if there's still some disappointment left in them? I don't want him to feel bad after reading something in my eyes which would make him question himself again.

He's a good guy. Just because he don't share much, doesn't mean he's an emotionless monster who doesn't feel anything.

I felt so bad when he asked that at the dining table. I wanted to throw a few punches at myself for making him feel that way, because in another case scenario I would've knocked the day lights out of that person who dared to make my man feel like he's not worthy enough to deserve love. Thankfully, I handled the situation well and I hope he is feeling better than before now because, hell yeah, he deserves all the love that exists in this world.

"You know you would be caramel if you were an ice-cream" he said, his smile grew as he turned his head to see my reaction.

I snapped out of my thoughts and turned my head to meet his gaze as well, I tried to process his statement as I blinked a couple of times in confusion. Why would he compare me to caramel out of blue?

"-Like a warm hug after a stressful day, a person who is sweet, dependable and effortlessly charming. Someone who makes even the simplest moments of life feels special and worthy"

His eyes never left mine, his words kissing my ears like a soft melody. Now why would he confess his love so weirdly?

Is he my lover?

I chuckled softly, a low appreciative chuckle as I felt my heart skip under the influence of his strong, deep words of appreciation for me. Did my hug had that better effect on him? Was it really warm enough to make him feel less burdened? So I'm dependable? Do I make his moments special and worthy? Do I make him so happy that now I am a caramel icecream to him?

Am I his caramel?

He makes me ask so many questions to myself and the cupid angels around us, urging me to keep walking on in this curvy path so I could reach the destination of our togetherness faster and earlier than the universe has planned.

"You would be mint chocolate" I grinned as I showed up my mind choco chip cone.

"-Straightforward yet refreshingly genuine-not afraid to stand out, and your confidence is magnetic. Your charm lies in the contrast between your chill exterior and the subtle sweetness you shows to those who get close, offering both excitement and comfort in a way that's entirely your own"

I hope he knows that I appreciate his presence in my life just as he appreciates mine in his. He is my mint chocolate.

"Really?"

We started to take a walk down the lonely streets which shined bright under the pole lights and bought another pair of ice-cream to keep our company while we roam around the streets which are barely empty.

I guess the universe is helping us reconnect as before or much better than before by leading us to random things.

And now that I think of it, isn't it so cute how Taehyung compared me to his favorite flavor and I compared him to mine? The deeper I think, the sweeter it gets and the more delusional I become. Hundred plus flavours in the world but only caramel has to be his favourite and the same goes for me; isn't this hint too lovely to call a coincidence? And at that, I had to have a personality like caramel and Taehyung had to be the one with mint chocolate persona, why?

Because we're meant to be!

So much differences yet so many reasons to be eachother's special. God I love this so silly billy lily much!

And suddenly, but slowly and gently he held my hand in his. I was caught off guard in a matter of seconds and turned my head almost immediately towards him. What in the cherry on the cake is this now?

He was unfazed.

But I was too flustered so I instantly turned my gaze ahead and tried to act nothing of this situation as well, before he catches me blushing.

Maybe it's normal for him, maybe it's normal for couples; for god's sake Y/n, you both are a couple and are allowed to hold hands! Obviously it's normal.

Still I was too shy. We have never held hands, holding eye contacts itself was such a big deal, I never imagined holding hands with him while we walked down the street like this.

First time in these 7 months of our marriage we held hands, the first time in my whole life I held a guy's hand, his hand —my husband's hand.

Now I was actually really freezing, not because of the cold but because of this proximity. I couldn't take the fact that we were actually holding hands, like hand in hand, my small, freezing hand in his big, warm one as he caressed it's back, making me feel like "Heyy, it's okay, that he is my husband and I'm his wife and we can absolutely hold hands.."

I tried to hide my red cheeks, and tried to act chill about it too as if it wasn't having the most electrifying effect on me and if not for his gentle strokes on my knuckles, I would've fainted.

"So...is this treat a reward because I called you a good person?" I joked, a bit hesitant and shy as I tried to cut off the heat surrounding us and for a while, make us forget that we were showing an act of love to one another.

"Well..." he started, his face unreadable but he was too nonchalant about this whole situation, much more bolder and unaffected than me. "Do I need a reason to take my wife on dates?"

He raised a brow at me, the smirk too sudden to make me choke as he tilted his head to add more to the spark of his teasing. I was caught blushing red handed as I glitched in real time, trying to process a response to his question, however hearing that word "wife" face to face, from him to me, made my head so messed up that all I did was stare at him dumbfounded.

I looked the opposite way to hide my uncontrollable smile and fortunately found a claw machine on the opposite footpath. I painfully but urgently free my hand from his and ran across the street to reach that claw machine to distract us from whatever this whole situation was.

I heard him chuckle behind me as I rushed like a light flash, making it obvious that I was blushing hard.

"Wait for me" I heard him say that and he followed me after.

I thought love was like an autumn fairy tale, sweet and calm but no, it was like a random saturday mood—a roller coaster ride of different emotions.

Full of bliss and excitement, filled with numerous different flavours-sweet, spicy, sour, bitter, simple but too good to care for the consequences of tomorrow.

Just like Saturday's warm beautiful morning, love was hopeful and similar to the day's sad gloomy evening, love was a heart break.

Love is not a single emotion, it's a whole bunch of emotions hanging on these four letters like a lifeline. When one falls, others shatter too, but slowly as you fix it, it's brand new again!

Love surely is not easy, but yes, it's worth every heartbreak!

****

A/n: There are too many questionable scenes in ch. but so many hints too.