Caitlin sat at the kitchen table with a stack of papers and a calculator, her expression intent as she entered number after number into the calculator and flipped through the papers over and over again. There were only a few days left until she would fly back to Ireland and she wanted to make a rough plan of how much money she would need for everything.

Some documents she had to request cost a lot, then she had to re-register, which also cost something. She canceled her rental agreement for the apartment online a few days ago, but sent a written notice of termination by post just to be on the safe side.

Whether she still lived there or not, she would pay rent for the next three monthsᅳ that's what the rental agreement said. So she would probably pay two months for nothing. However, it was worth it if Abel could spend time with his father.

Two days ago, after an interview with the owner of the motel around the corner, she signed the employment contract and would start there in exactly two months.

She was excited, no question. Joy also played a big role. But that didn't change the fact that she was still freaking nervous about this new phase of her life.

As she was engrossed in her work and calculating all the costs, she didn't even notice that Jax was awake by now.

Freshly showered and only wearing gray sweatpants, the blonde entered the kitchen and placed his hands on Caitlin's shoulders, gently massaging his thumbs into her skin after the redhead got startled.

"Jesus, you scared me", she chuckled, her hand resting on her chest as she looked up at him. "I didn't hear you at all."

"Mornin', darlin'", he said with a grin and leaned down a little to capture her lips. "Why are you awake so early? You finally had the chance to sleep in and all you do is spend your time with paperwork."

"Mhmm...I know", she whispered close to his lips, a smile on her own. "But I wanted to use the time to calculate everything again. Just to know whether I need to apply for a loan from the bank or not."

"You don't have to, you know I'll give you the money", Jax reminded her again. They had the conversation last night when they started planning everything for the move. "After all, I want you here, so I'll cover the costs for everything."

"And that's sweet of you", Caitlin said appreciatively, crossing her arms on the back of the chair. "But I don't want anyone to think I'm taking advantage of you."

Jax studied his girlfriend's facial features for a moment. How lucky he was. Even early in the morning without makeup and with her hair in a bun, she looked pretty. She was definitely a natural beauty.

"No one's gonna think that, babe", he assured her before placing a kiss on the top of her head, grabbing a cup of coffee that Caitlin had already made. "Have you talked to Erin again?"

"Maybe I'll take your offer. But I want to pay as much as I can myself." Caitlin put her pen and papers aside and then got up to refill her empty cup with tea.

She silently wiggled the tip of her nose, nodding her head. "I did. It's safe to say she'll stay in Ireland."

"But only for half a year, right?" Jax inquired after taking a sip, putting his cup down next to him.

Sighing, the redhead nodded again as she moved the tea bag around in the cup on the string. "She said so, yes, but I still have my doubts about whether her boss will actually let her go."

"Everything's gonna work out, babe", Jax said confidently, letting his hand slide over the surface until he could cup her hand. "Erin can still just quit. She only stays so that her co-workers don't have to do all the work."

"And I understand that", Caitlin relented understandingly. "It's still annoying. She was finally convinced to move to Charming and now she has to stay in Ireland. What if she changes her mind again and stays for good?"

Her questioning look made him sigh. He didn't have an answer that would probably take away her worries. "Do you really think that? I mean, you guys are so close, I don't think she'll just stay in Ireland. Besides, Ope and Erin spend every free minute together too."

"At least she'd have another reason to come back", Caitlin mumbled. "Still, I'm scared."

"Would you leave Charming again if Erin stayed in Ireland?" Maybe the question wasn't appropriate at the moment, but Jax wanted clarity. He wanted to know what he had to prepare for.

He didn't like the fact that Caitlin hesitated for a moment and filled his worry that she could follow Erin back to Ireland. The blonde had really fallen in love with the redhead and he didn't want to let his son go again. Ultimately, Caitlin shook her head and let her gaze wander to him.

"No. I've made my decision and nothing will change that", she replied firmly before letting go of the string on her tea bag to wrap her arms around Jax' waist. "Abel feels comfortable here, and so do I. I'm not going anywhere, baby. Not even if Erin stays in Ireland."

The blonde nodded appreciatively as he ran the back of his fingers over her cheek. "That's good to know, really. Because I probably wouldn't let you leave again unless it was really what you wanted."

"I want you", her answer came quickly and this time without hesitation, a determined look on her face. "And Abel wants to stay here too, I can tell. He loves it here. And I think he, like me, is ready for a new start."

Jax raised a corner of his mouth. "Perfect. Do you need help with the papers?"

"No, I'm done anyway." She didn't want to talk about bills and papers anymore; she was more interested in how he was doing. "How are you? You seemed tense yesterday when we left Abel with Gemma."

"Well", the blonde let out a deep sigh as he pushed back his hair, which was still falling in all directions. "It's not easy to trust her completely yet. Leaving Abel with her overnight wasn't easy."

"Then why did we do it?", she asked cautiously, casually throwing her tea bag into the sink.

"Because I wanted to have some quality time with you. And because I have to slowly start trusting Gemma again. Abel really likes her." He also reached for his cup and brought it to his lips, taking a sip. "Besides, Clay was at home which would have stopped her from stupid ideas and gave me a bit of peace of mind."

"I understand." Caitlin hummed, nodding as she stood next to him again, warming her hands on her cup. Even though it was warm enough outside, she was used to warming her hands. "I can't say much about Gemma yet, you know your mom better than I do", she paused to take a sip, lowering the cup again. "But I don't think she's planning anything. She's trying really hard to prove that she just wants to be a part of yours and Abel's life."

"You think? I can't really tell at the moment, and that bothers me." Jax studied his girlfriend's side profile as she nodded again before looking back at him.

Caitlin gave him a small smile, setting her cup aside. "Do you think I would have left Abel with her if I had had even the slightest bit of a bad feeling?"

"No, I don't", the blonde answered honestly, knowing that Caitlin was skeptical and cautious anyway, especially when it came to Abel's safety. "What do you think, should we get some breakfast? Or do you wanna spend more time with Erin before she leaves?"

In two days Erin would fly back to Ireland because her boss needed her, Caitlin wouldn't fly until a few days later. With him, of course. He trusted Caitlin and knew she would come back, yet he flew along simply because he wanted to help and support her.

Gemma also came along to look after Abel while he and Caitlin would be busy packing everything and taking care of administrative matters.

"No, we can get breakfast. I'm really hungry", she said with a grin. "Erin is spending her day with Ope, I'll see her again in Ireland anyway."

"Then we should get something to eat", he winked, grinning as well. Without further ado, he took the cup from her hand, took hers and gently dragged her towards the bedroom so they could get dressed.

"Or.." Caitlin grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head before tossing it to the side, revealing her bare chest as she stood in front of him in just her panties. "..we use the time together before we get breakfast."

An immediate grin formed on Jax' face. Tilting his head ever so slightly to the side, he lifted the redhead onto his hip and chuckled as a small squeak escaped her lips. "I definitely like that idea better. We can always have breakfast later."

"Wise decision, handsome", she purred against his lips before crashing her own against them.

ᚔ

As they sat in a small diner on a busy street in the middle of Charming, enjoying breakfast before Jax had to get some club stuff done and she had to pick up Abel, a question that she had suppressed during her time here was swirling around in her head.

Apparently Jax didn't miss the fact that his girlfriend disappeared into her own world for a moment while she poked at her pancakes with her fork but not taking one bite.

"What's goin' on, darlin'?", he asked with slight concern in his tone.

At first he suspected that it had something to do with the fact that Erin wasn't moving to Charming yet. The news had thrown Caitlin quite off balance for a moment and he could understand if she was still struggling with it. But the bold question that came from Caitlin took him back for a second.

"The people who kidnapped Abel? What happened to them?" Curiosity shimmered in Caitlin's green eyes, but also concern. "Are they still walking around? Could they come back for him?"

Propping his elbows on the table, Jax briefly rubbed his eyes with the rounds of his palms. "I'm not sure if you wanna know what happened to them, babe."

This was the moment Jax had been dreading. It was no surprise that Caitlin would ask more questions at some point. Not just about Abel's kidnapping, but about his lifestyle in general. He wasn't used to having to answer a woman's questions. In the short time that Tara was back, she mostly wanted to know as little as possible about club business.

So, was he happy that Caitlin wanted to know more? That she showed interest? Or would that just complicate things? He had to make the decision whether he wanted to tell her nothing or everything.

Slightly irritated, she tilted her head to the side and lowered her fork. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know. Those guys are in prison, right?"

"No, they aren't", Jax sighed quietly, shaking his head. "Those who were involved are dead. Killed by us."

Caitlin was silent for a moment. A thousand thoughts immediately raced through her head that she couldn't even really place. That Jax' wasn't and innocent lamb wasn't news to her. In the meantime she had the chance to get to know his life a little better and had the chance to get some impressions.

Danger seemed to be a present part of his life. It was not for nothing that every Son carried a gun and a knife. She also knew about the illegal business such as the gun trade, but she didn't know any specific detailsᅳ and she didn't need to know any details as long as Jax would come home unharmed at the end of the day.

But hearing that he had already killed a person was another hard thing to digest. It probably hadn't been just one person so far either. Caitlin couldn't help but wonder if all the people who lost their lives by her boyfriend's hands were scumbags who deserved itᅳ she just hoped that Jax hadn't killed anyone who was innocent yet.

"Could you just say something?" His hand slowly approached hers as he lowered his voice. "We don't do things like this every day, I want you to know that."

"But you do them." Caitlin couldn't prevent her voice from shaking, she was too nervous at the moment. "After you found out who it was, why didn't you just call the police?"

Jax didn't judge her for her way of thinking. For someone unfamiliar with club life, this was a completely logical conclusion. "That's not how it works for us, darlin'", he explained with the slightest of smiles.

"The person who kidnapped Abel was killed by someone else. He felt betrayed by us, or rather by Gemma. Someone made it look as if Gemma had killed his son, that was the reason why he kidnapped Abel in the first place", Jax told her calmly, leaning forward slightly so he could speak even quieter. "But there were more people involved in all of this. And those we killed deserved it."

Now all the color disappeared from Caitlin's already pale face, even her freckles were barely recognizable. She silently reached for her glass to moisten her dry throat with the orange juice before she finally found her voice again.

"I'm really trying to understand all of this, Jax", she began, her fingers tightening slightly around his hand after Jax had slipped his fingers between hers. "But I don't really know how to deal with it. I'm not judging you, not at all. It's just...difficult."

"I know, babe." With a look of understanding, he squeezed her hand gently. "It takes time to understand all of this, to come to terms with it. If you want to know less about it or nothing at all, then I need to know."

"No, that's not what I want", she answered quickly and also leaned forward a little. "I want to know everything. I think I need to know everything in order to get used to it. Staying in the dark, having to wonder what you do every day, that's not what I want."

"And you think you can handle the whole truth?", he asked, his blue eyes trying to read her green ones.

The redhead hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded. "I think so. But still give me some time to get used to all this, okay?"

"Sure, that's no problem", he nodded immediately while putting his other hand around hers too, just holding it. "Nothing will happen to you or Abel, babe. I promise. And with a few exceptions and the gun business, we are a normal motorcycle club."

"Normal, huh?" The slightest, teasing grin was back on Caitlin's face.

Fact was that she wanted Jax, with everything that came with it. It wouldn't be easy to understand how someone could take a life and not feel guilty about it. But she wasn't one to judge and the bikers were a bunch of nice guys who immediately welcomed her with open arms and did everything they could to make her feel at home.

And, if she was honest, she felt huge relief knowing Abel's kidnapper and the people who could be a danger for him weren't around anymore.

"As normal as it can be, darlin'", Jax replied with a chuckle before they both finished their plates so they could pick up Abel.

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authors note; I'm sorry that this update took ages! I'm trying to update at least twice a month from now on. 🖤

For my non followers; if you're a Happy Lowman fan, feel free to check out my new Happy fanfic. It's called BRING ME TO LIFE and you can find it on my profile. 🥰